Note: Don't own HP or any of his buddies. Nuts! I'd very much like to marry George Weasley, but sadly, I don't own him. Thank you for all the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks very much again!!!!
PS- I no shippy the slashy. So yeah, anyone who thinks any affection between the Marauders is Remus/Sirius, or Sirius/James, or whatever, it's not. I don't begrudge other people their OTPs, but it isn't my cup of tea.
- - - - - -
December 27, 1995
The house at 12 Grimmauld Place seemed mysteriously frozen as Sirius Black made his way from his dimly lit bedroom to the front door. No person, not even Molly, stopped him as he bolted away into the night. His path lay unburdened and silent, as though fate had seen him and given him the help he needed.
Outside, it was very cold, but Sirius barely felt it. He jogged unsteadily after the vision with red hair, and with every step he took the wind whistled in his ears and his blood boiled. He wanted to see Lily again. James and Lily and Sirius himself had separated them before, governed by the rules of righteousness and honor and loyalty. Tonight, Sirius did not care about any of those rules.He just cared about Lily, her hair in his face, her body in his arms. Gryffindor be damned! Tonight he would be a Slytherin.
He chased her, quietly, into the park. She stood by the pond, throwing frozen rocks at the ice and giggling. When he approached she seemed to sense him coming, and turned genially to face him.
"Oh, hello." said Lily shakily, hiccuping happily. "Fancy meeting you here."
He said nothing, but stood before her panting, his shaking vision drinking in the sight of her long red hair and bright green eyes.
She frowned at him. "You're not wearing a coat!" She said, pulling at the buttons of her own thick wool cover as if to emphasize his dilemma. "It's very cold and you're not wearing one."
She was talking too much, giggling too much, and it puzzled Sirius. On the occasion he was able to focus clearly on her, which was infrequent in his state, Lily seemed different. She was larger than she'd ever been, more plump, and she was not the right height. Her face was more comical than he remembered it, and he cocked his head to the side, feeling confused.
"You're giving me that look again." She said, still frowning. "I don't really like that look. Feeling quiet again, are we?"
Somewhere in the base of him, Sirius remembered a smoking house, rubble, tears that he could not keep at bay. He remembered a cold October night, Muggles shrieking in terror, Lily, still and cold...
"But you're here now, Lily." He said, moving closer to her. "You're not dead because you're here."
Lily laughed shakily again. "My name isn't-" But she never finished. His mouth was on hers then, kissing her clumsily and tenderly, doing what he'd only done once but what he'd thought about for years. Their teeth scraped a little, their lips not fitting quite as right as they had before. He tasted alcohol in her mouth, but it could have been from his. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. He pulled back, his face still close to hers, and he could see her eyes were clouded and unfocused and bright, bright, beautiful green.
"Come with me." She said, taking his hand and leading him toward the exit of the park. The silence in Sirius' mind was deafening, the stillness of a night so long ago vivid in his mind. He followed.
- - - - -
January 27, 1979
Sirius Black was celebrating a birthday with his friends for the first time in over a year.
He had been 20 for a few months already, but the Marauders and what few friends they had remaining had not had the opportunity to gather for his birthday. It was only when the McKinnons had fallen so violently that James had proposed they have a birthday party for Sirius; they all knew, in reality, it was an excuse to see each other alive and whole, to drink in the sight of their friends faces, and pretend for a day that there was no possibility it would be the last time they had the opportunity.
Sirius had grinned for the first time in months, throwing his arms around James the moment he came to the door, letting go reluctantly and only to hug Remus with similar fervor. Seeing Remus' haggard face he realized sadly he had no idea whether the full moon was coming or going, or if it was just a product of the war that weighed so heavily on all of them. He gave him an affectionate peck on the cheek at the thought, and Remus smiled a little more warmly at him with a little more truth in his face.
The party had been more subdued than previous affairs. They'd laughed more gently and talked more quietly, not hesitating to hold a friend's hand for a moment or touch a face they adored. Fear hovered silently above them, clinging to their robes with the same power death held. No one ate uproariously or drank anything other than water for fear an attack would happen suddenly and without warning, and they would be too sluggish or drunk to defend themselves.
After opening his small pile of thoughtful presents, Sirius began to clear the few dishes that had been put to use into the kitchen. His friends had argued, giving him a fight and trying to pry the dishes from his hands, insisting it was his birthday, but Sirius had smiled and headed into the kitchen. He had come to enjoy such menial work as washing dishes or cleaning house in a way he had never before; it helped clear his mind and the ease of such tasks put him at ease.
He was on his third or fourth dish when Lily came into the room. His back was turned to her as he faced the sink, but he knew it was Lily without having to look; her presence cast an aura different from anyone else's. She stood in the doorway for a moment before crossing the threshold completely and standing at Sirius' side, picking up a dish and a cloth and beginning to meticulously dry what he'd washed.
"Hello, Lil." He said quietly, his heart straining to stay in control. "How are you lately?"
"Fine, Sirius." She said, busying herself with her drying. "And you? Are you alright? Have a nice birthday?"
"The best." he said truthfully. What he'd wanted more than anything was to be with his friends, and against all better reason, they had made this happen for him.
"I'm glad to hear it." She said, setting down her first dish and picking up a second. They worked in silence until the pile was complete and all the dishes were dry. She wiped her hands on her cloth and handed it to him; he did the same before handing it back. Their eyes met for a moment, but neither said or did anything, save stare at one another, bright gray meeting bright green.
"Well, I'm going to go back to the party." He said finally, turning toward the door. But before he could leave, she caught his arm and spun him toward her.
"Wait." She said, sounding almost frantic.
"What is it, Lily?" He wanted her to say she loved him, that she wanted him, that they could find a way to make James understand and they could live happily ever after.
"I'm going to have a baby." She said, her voice trembling. "James and I, we're going to have a baby."
Most people might have thought that it was impossible to feel both completely inflated and completely collapsed all at once. But Sirius had attended James and Lily's wedding, and had felt this once before, and he knew better now.
"That's great, Lily," he said, forcing himself to sound enthusiastic. "Really great, I'm so happy for you both. Really, I am."
Lily bit her lip. "I haven't told James yet, though," she said nervously. "I'm afraid..."
"Of what?" Sirius said.
"That he won't be happy." She said, looking away. "That he'll think the time's all wrong and he'll be angry about it."
"Lily, he won't be angry."
"But a baby!" She said, and try as she might to hide it, he could see tears dripping off her chin. "At a time like this! Bringing a baby into the world when such evil exists."
He cupped a hand on her face and made her look him in the eye. "I promise you, Lily, that he will be the happiest man alive." Sirius said brokenly. "He will be thrilled beyond all reason, no matter the time."
She smiled a little, the corner of her lips twitching in gratitude as she dropped the cloth to throw her arms around him. "Thank you, Sirius." she said breathlessly.
He did not reply as he rubbed a hand on her back in what he hoped was a comforting way. Instead, he watched the cloth flutter downward, and imagined it joining the pieces of his heavy heart in a heap on the floor.
- - - - - -
March 27, 2009
Ginny Potter watched her two sons play happily in the early afternoon sunshine in the backyard of her their pretty home. It was still a little cold and winter clung to the edges of the grass in the form of thin frost, but spring was in the air and the boys had begged and begged, so she had bundled up five year old James, nearly four year old Albus, and tiny Lily and marched the lot of them into the sun. James was skimming the grass with his feet, zooming merrily along on a toy broomstick Teddy and Andromeda had given him for his fifth birthday as Ginny threw rubber balls, the size of her fist and painted gold, for his catching benefit. Albus had preferred to play quietly on the deck, sitting at the small table with parchment and crayons, drawing pictures and following his brother's giant, fake snitches with his eyes.
"I'm going to be a seeker for Gryffindor, just like Dad, Mum!" James said after catching his third ball in a row. "In my first year, too, just like Dad!"
"Don't do everything like your father." Ginny said wryly, patting a sniffling Lily on the back and wondering where his father was.
"I agree," said a voice, and Ginny turned to see Harry, standing sheepishly at the corner of the yard. "Or else you're going to make some poor girl in the future very, very angry."
"Dad!" said James, tumbling off his broomstick and leaping at his father. Albus, too, had run from the table, scattering parchment and crayon alike to hurl himself into his father's embrace. Even Lily was gurgling excitedly, waving fat fingers at Harry.
The boys climbed all over Harry, shooting hundreds of questions at him as they wrestled him to the ground.
"James, Albus," she said exasperatedly, not taking her eyes off Harry. "You'll get all wet, come on now."
"It's alright, Gin." Harry said. "We'll all go clean up after, and then we'll make dinner for you, won't we boys?"
"Let's have chocolate frogs and cauldron cakes!" James shrieked enthusiastically.
"Or soup." added Albus, eyeing his mother and father and clearly trying to sound helpful. "I like soup, too."
"What do you say, Mum?" Harry said eagerly to Ginny. "Sound like a plan?"
She didn't answer immediately, but continued to stare at him, unsure.
I'm sorry, he mouthed, his eyes pleading. Forgive me.
She smiled slowly. "Alright, I'm going to put Lily down for a nap, and you boys can play out here and make me dinner while I read." she said carefully. "But no chocolate frogs." She walked to Harry and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Next time," she whispered so that her children could not hear. "You will most certainly not be so lucky."
Harry smiled gratefully and she turned to retreat into the house, a still-gurgling Lily clutched in her arms.
James frowned for a moment in his mother's direction, but his frown was easily replaced by a grin as he climbed on his father all over again. "She didn't say no to the cauldron cakes, Dad! Did you hear that! She didn't say no to them!"
- - - -
December 28, 1995
Sirius Black had been having a dream about Lily again, but this dream was different than every one he'd ever had. In this dream, Lily had been his, and James had been his best man, but every moment Sirius opened his mouth to give his vows, a choking sound had come out. Still, Lily had patiently held his hands, and James had grinned at him over her shoulder, both of them waiting for vows that never came.
He woke groggily, trying to press the image of Lily's encouraging smile in a blood red wedding gown out of his mind. There seemed to be more light in his bedroom today than there had been before; the room was flooded. And then, suddenly, all the memories of the night before came rushing to him and he sat up with a start, his body just barely covered with Tawny Weller's fluffy pink sheets.
"Hello," said Tawny Weller, who was sitting in a chair across the room. She was reading a book with a cup of coffee in her hand, and she sounded sleepy but cheerful. "We meet again! Would you like a cup of coffee, stranger?"
Sirius stared at her for a moment, and then burst into laughter. Here he was, completely naked in a stranger's apartment, not knowing where his clothes were or what, exactly, they had done the night before, and she was offering him coffee as though he'd stopped in for breakfast with an old friend.
If Tawny Weller was disturbed by his laughter, her face didn't show it. She turned the page in her novel, stuck a bookmark in it, and left the room. When she returned with a fresh cup of coffee and a second mug for Sirius, he was clutching his sides, panting with the last of his laughter and wiping tears of humor away from his face.
"Yes, it is a bit funny, isn't it?" Tawny said, handing him the cup. "But altogether you managed nicely and so did I, as far as I can remember, and a good time was had by all. I only put a bit of sugar and a bit of milk in it for you, I hope that's alright."
Sirius, still gasping, nodded and took the cup. "My clothes?" he asked, sipping at the hot drink.
"On the floor," she said, curling up in her chair again and fixing her eyes on him. "I could turn around if you like."
Sirius nodded, wincing at the fact that she'd seen all she was shading her eyes from only hours before. She was being so kind to him, his laughter evaporated in a cloud of guilt.
"I'm sorry," he said when he was dressed. "I feel as though I've taken advantage of you, and you've been so good about it-"
"Took advantage of me?" She scoffed. "I believe we were both good and sloshed, so we both had it coming."
He shook his head, but she went on. "Besides, it's not as though I hadn't wanted it before. Maybe I took advantage of you! Anyway," She continued in a matter-of-fact voice. "I think you needed it, and I wasn't at all sorry to help. I do wish you'd tell me your name, though."
For a moment he didn't say anything, but just looked at the muggle girl who he'd spent months talking to, who was being so good to him now, who didn't even know his name. He felt so burdened, so heavy, and he knew what he wanted suddenly, as though it had been what he'd wanted all along.
"My name is Sirius Black." he said, his voice steady. "And the girl I loved, her name was Lily Potter, and she was my best friend's wife, and I loved her anyway. And she died, a long time ago, and I think part of me died with her. She had red hair, and green eyes, and last night I thought you were her and that's why I went with you."
He expected Tawny to be revolted at him for his sins, but she only looked at him curiously. "Go on," she said quietly, "I'm listening."
For a moment, he was uncertain. If he told her his story, she would have to know everything; he would be breaking the most cardinal rule of wizardry by telling a Muggle the truth of magic. He thought about Harry at Grimmauld Place, who he wanted to see desperately, and about what it would do to Harry if he ever knew the truth of Sirius. But the burden in him was so great, he could not resist the opportunity to relieve himself of it.
"If I tell you the truth," he said hoarsely. "You can't speak to anyone about it. No one. You have to swear. Nobody in the world, no matter how far in the future, not even my name, not even if they ask."
She did not hesitate, but nodded quietly. "I'll never tell a soul."
