"I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone/I recommend walking around naked in your living room/Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)/It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)/Wait until the dust settles/You live, you learn/You love, you learn/You cry, you learn/You lose, you learn/You bleed, you learn/You scream, you learn…"

— "You Learn"
Alanis Morissette


Chapter Nine
You Learn

Mimi had to smile as she watched her husband and her daughter. Now that a month had passed since Roger had switched medications, he was feeling much better, and was back to his old self. He was even more enamored with playing with Lauren. As of late, their baby girl was continually amazing them—she'd started to take her first, faltering steps; could speak in her own little gibberish; even loved to hear the music Roger played or Mimi danced to. Mimi was delighted that Lauren was also beginning to dance.

Roger picked up his daughter and tickled her gently, his smile growing as Lauren laughed. "She's as beautiful as you are," he sighed, leaning down to kiss the top of Mimi's head.

"Of course," Mimi joked, with a laugh, "and she's just as amazing as her papi. God, I can't even wait for Trai and Mark to have this. Rachel will be walking soon, too," she added, remembering that there were only three months or so between Lauren and Rachel.

"I don't doubt Mark and Trai will be great. They love Lauren and Rachel already, and they're so damn excited about the baby."

"Ba-ba!" Lauren interjected delightedly. Roger just smiled and shook his head, sitting down on the couch next to his wife.

"Did Mark tell you about Brad and Collins?"

"Yeah. I think it's great. Collins needed someone," Roger sighed, remembering Angel. "Brad's a good guy. I think they'll work out."

"He's a sweetheart," Mimi nodded. "I like him a lot. I think Angel would've, too." As much as she missed her good friend, Mimi also wanted Collins to be happy again, something she was sure Angel would have wanted. Brad seemed like the perfect person to take care of that wish.

As they talked, they watched Lauren, who was absolutely the most precious thing in the world to them. Roger was glad their daughter had been spared the disease, and Mimi was as well. Even better was that Lauren was getting on just fine.

Mimi softly stroked Lauren's soft blond hair as Roger held her. She started to hand Lauren her teddy bear—a gift from Trai and Mark shortly after the birth—when Lauren clapped her hands and exclaimed, with a slight mispronunciation, "Bwear!"

Mimi looked at Roger. "Did she just—?"

"Bear? I think so," Roger grinned, taking the teddy bear and placing it in Lauren's hands, kissing her tiny forehead. "God, I can't even… this is just… amazing…"

"I know," Mimi said softly, stroking Lauren's cheek gently, thinking of how Trai and Mark would be going through this all next year. "I know."


The end of May was getting to be stiflingly hot, and there was no denying it. Trai and Mark were relaxing that afternoon, waiting for Roger, Mimi, and Lauren to join them for lunch.

Fanning herself with a magazine, Trai sat on the couch next to Mark, stretching out her legs a little and wincing. He took her legs and pulled them into his lap, gently massaging them for her—she'd been getting legs cramps recently, from both being on her feet so much and what Dr. Montgomery had assured them was all a normal part of pregnancy.

"Mmm, thank you," Trai sighed, leaning her head back against the couch and closing her eyes. "You know, in a couple months, I won't be able to see my feet. It kind of sucks."

"But you're putting up with it, which is what counts."

"True. My legs are still killing me, but it's not so bad when you massage." She stretched out so that she was lying down and rested her hands on her stomach.

"Have you asked Michelle at all if she can keep you off your feet?"

"She's been starting to bug me about it. I think I can keep going for another few weeks."

"Trai, really, bring it down a notch, please."

"I will! In a month or two," Trai promised.

"You're almost six months pregnant, Trai. You need to take a break sooner than that."

"And I'm sure that if you keep on me about it, I will. Just let me keep going for a bit more. I have too much damned energy not to." Trai opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "And if you mention the words 'bed rest,' I swear I will kill you."

"Then I won't mention those words. What I will mention is that you are going to take a break from working even if it kills you."

"You don't want to kill me; I am carrying your child," Trai reminded him. She sat up and kissed him on the lips. "Your lips still taste like chocolate." She'd been teaching him how to make brownies earlier that morning, having promised to teach him how to cook one day.

Mark smiled and deepened the kiss. "I guess that's a good thing, huh?"

"Mm-hmm." Trai wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. The embrace was a little awkward due to her stomach, but Mark didn't mind—it was being close to her that mattered.

After a few more moments, Trai broke the kiss and laid her head on his shoulder. "Good news, Morrie called. He's sending the advances of Darcy my way."

"That's great! How'd the high-and-mightys like it?"

"A lot, surprisingly. Hopefully the critics feel the same way. Maybe it's an idealistic view of married life, but it's not like you and I fight much, so I didn't have much to go on."

"I guess I'm glad." Mark kissed her again. "I think you're better than you give yourself credit for."

"You're my fiancé. I think the rules say you have to say that," Trai remarked.

"It's not that," Mark insisted. "I thought you were great even before I fell in love with you."

"If you say so." She pulled his arm towards her and checked his watch. "It's almost twelve-thirty. Aren't they supposed to be here already?"

"'Supposed to' being the operative word, my love. Roger's concept of time isn't the grea—"

"I can read a clock, Cohen," Roger informed him as he came into the loft, Lauren held in his arms, Mimi close behind. "We're on time!"

"For once," Trai quipped, laughing. She got up and hugged Roger and Mimi, smiling at Lauren. "And how's the little princess?"

"Your niece just said her first word," Mimi announced proudly.

"Really?" Mark asked, astonished but grinning widely as he came to stand behind his fiancée. Trai squealed, "Oh my God!" As if knowing the attention was on her, Lauren giggled.

"Yes she did. It was 'bear,' thanks to that teddy bear you got here last year," Mimi smiled.

"That's amazing, guys," Mark laughed softly, still in disbelief, as he wrapped his arm around Trai's waist.

"God, she's growing up too fast," Trai sighed, shaking her head. "Let's move into the kitchen, okay? I need to start cooking. Grilled cheese okay to you all?"

Roger and Mimi laughingly agreed, and as they went into the kitchen Mark told her, "Nothing fancy, and you've been on your feet all morning. I am taking over, as there is no conceivable way I can botch grilled cheese."

"Fine." Trai surrendered her right to the stove, as she knew her protests were useless. She took a seat by Roger and Mimi, watching Lauren with a look of love for her niece and anticipation for her own baby. "She's the sweetest thing, you guys. And following in her mama's footsteps, from what I hear?"

"That she is," Roger smiled. "What about you guys? You think you want the baby to be a writer or a filmmaker?"

"We go back and forth on the idea of our little Austen or Spielberg," Trai laughed.

"I don't want my son or daughter to struggle like I do," Mark shrugged, shutting the refrigerator door with his hip.

"And I don't think I want to give the phone calls my mom gave me when I started writing erotica. So, at the moment, that's a no."

They hadn't had a chance to get together and talk in a while, and it was something they all needed. It gave Trai the opportunity to play with Lauren, something she loved to do. After they finished eating, she went into the living room with Mimi, settling onto the floor and smiling, making Lauren laugh as she laughed, too.

Mark leaned against the doorjamb of the kitchen, watching her with a smile on his face. He'd noticed from the first time she'd held Lauren, that day in the hospital, that Trai was great with kids, and while he'd been a little uncertain on the issue himself, he couldn't deny that now, he was the happiest he could possibly be—and so was she.

Roger knew just what his friend was thinking. "She'll be great, man. You will, too."

"Almost three more months," Mark sighed contentedly, sipping at the glass of water he held in his hand. "Can you believe the time's gone by so fast?"

"No," Roger laughed. "Not a damn bit."


Some nights, the kicking of the baby made it hard for Trai to sleep. She had other things on her mind, as well—worries, fears, concerns. For her to be up late at night was definitely nothing new.

Her refuge during her sleepless nights was the fire escape. It gave her a place to think, to watch the few stars visible in the City, in addition to the sunrise, something she found beautiful. It gave her a chance to breathe. Restless, she decided she wanted to do that now.

She pulled a sweatshirt on over her pajamas and gently kissed Mark's forehead, though he was still asleep, as she left the bedroom. She noticed as she got to the window that Roger was sitting a level below.

Hearing a window open, Roger looked up and immediately rushed up to her level to help her out. "You know you could hurt yourself, right?"

"Not as long as Mark keeps pregnant-woman-proofing everything. I'm fine," Trai insisted, easing down onto the landing and sitting with her knees up. Roger closed the window behind her and sat beside her. "Hasn't been just us in a while, huh?"

"Yeah. My fault," Trai apologized. "Brad moved out, and I had to talk out a couple things with Mark… emotional baggage. We're good now, though."

"I've noticed. I think this is the happiest I've seen you in a long time."

"Definitely," Trai nodded, leaning back against the window and looking over at him. "What about you? Are you happy?"

"For the first time… yeah. I really think I am. Lauren's okay, she's walking and talking… Mimi's doing great… I'm not sick anymore… you and Mark are happy… I feel… well, great, actually. Like things're coming together, for once."

"Feels that way. To be honest with you, Rog, for a month or two last year, I really doubted Mark and I could make it. In the beginning, I didn't think I could possibly trust him, and after the miscarriage, it just felt like we'd never get back to normal."

"Things tend to get rough for us in one way or another every year. Three years ago, it was for me and Mimi; the year after that, Collins took off on sabbatical; last year, you and Mark went through… everything you did."

Trai paused, thinking things over. "In a way… I wonder sometimes if it would've worked out with Grace. I think it would've been too soon for us. Much as we love each other, I doubt it would've worked."

It was strange to think of the fact that she and Mark could have had a newborn right around now. Yet again, not for the first time since Grace's would-have-been due date had come and passed, Trai shook back the thoughts of that future.

"You know we would have helped," Roger reminded her. "We would've helped you guys with anything. Trai, I don't know if I've ever told you how good I think you were—and still are—for Mark. None of us ever thought he'd get into a serious relationship again after Maureen. Commitment just freaked him out. But I knew… as soon as I saw the way he looked at you in the alley that day, I knew that you and him would work somehow. He loved you too damn much for it not to."

Trai sighed, remembering that day—her old situation. She hated thinking of all the times she'd fought Danny, Micah, Holly—all of them trying to help. Even from rehab, Danny had tried all he could, turning to Micah and Holly when his pleas with her to let him help went in vain. "I'm so glad I have him," she murmured. "I used to think, if I ever broke up with Jason, would I just keep ending up with the same scum?"

Roger squeezed her shoulder gently. "My mom had that problem. Still does. My dad was a deadbeat. But you won't end up like that again, Trai, I promise you. Trust me, I'll gladly kick the ass of anyone who tries to hurt you like that again—even Mark, if it comes to that."

Trai smiled, weakly, but her mind was elsewhere. "Jason'll be out in a couple years," she sighed. "Four at the most…"

"Hey, look here." Roger put his arm around her and watched her steadily as he swore, "Trai, he will never hurt you again, not as long as I'm around."

Trai nodded, reassured. "Danny would've said the same," she said with a small laugh. "He was always so damn overprotective… and I know I've told you that you remind me of him. Trust me, that's a compliment."

"I can tell." Roger ruffled her hair gently, a comforting gesture. "You should probably be sleeping."

"You're right." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'll stop by more often, okay?"

"No problem. Sleep well."

"I will. 'Night, Rog."

"'Night, Trai."


Trai had Friday mornings off, which allowed for her coffee with Angie. Recently, with Brad in the City, he'd been coming along, too. This week, Angie had asked them if they wouldn't mind her bringing Nick.

Trai was delighted. Two of her closest friends, neither of whom had ever had much luck with men, were finally getting what they deserved. Brad was still tentative about his relationship with Tom, but having been there before herself, Trai knew that feeling would disappear very soon.

Wearing a light jacket, happy the cold weather was over and done with, Trai walked down to Café Insomnia. Brad was already there, sitting in their usual spot. Once inside, she crept over and lightly tapped his shoulder. "Can I ask why such a fine gentleman is sitting alone?"

"Merely because I was waiting for a lovely lady such as yourself." Brad smiled and shut the GQ he'd been perusing. Standing, he pulled her into a hug. "Seems like you and the baby are getting on fine without me, dear," he said, with a glance at her stomach, which was keeping them from embracing fully.

"Indeed we are, but I'm lost without your makeup skills," Trai laughed. "I need to call you before I go out in public." Settling into a comfortable position, she added, "Mark and I miss you. And the baby is doing well—very well."

"I still say it's weird to hear you talking about a family, considering you made Ethan swear off all thoughts of children on the second date."

"Ethan and I having children would never have worked out. He was a sweetheart, really, but it still never would've worked. I actually really didn't want kids until I met Mark. Roger and Mimi were having Lauren, Maureen and Joanne were adopting… just kinda struck me that I was 27 and not getting any younger. Thus, here we are." She smiled. "And it's not a bad place to be, really. How're you and Tom doing, honey?"

Brad gave a small smile. "We're doing… pretty well, actually. Nothing's happened yet, because the whole thing with Justin kind of ruined any ability I had to trust, but… I think that soon we'll start… taking it further."

Trai, Brad, and Angie had each entered their relationships tentatively—and yet, they'd worked. Trai was engaged and pregnant. Angie was finally happy again. Trai felt better knowing that Brad, who'd suffered a betrayal worse than the abuse she'd gone through, would be taken care of by Tom, someone who knew what it was like. She liked Tom, and wanted to get to know him better. She felt, in her heart, that Brad would be just fine with him.

She covered Brad's hands with hers and squeezed them. "I'm happy for you, honey. Tom, too."

"You maybe wanna meet for dinner soon? You and Mark, Tom and me?"

"Sounds perfect. I'll let Mark know."

As they were catching up, Angie entered, her fingers twined with Nick's and a bright smile on her face. She hugged her friends tightly, then pulled away and motioned to Nick. "Guys, Nick Fannon, my boyfriend. Nick, you already know Tracy Buscemi, Danny's sister, and you haven't met Bradley Calloway, my good friend from Dartmouth."

"Call me Brad, please. Dearest Angela seems to forget that around company." Brad laughed. The use of her full name earned him a whack upside the head from Angie.

"Really nice to meet you, Brad." Nick returned Brad's handshake, looking at Trai next. "And it's so good to see you again, Trai. Holding up all right?"

"Extraordinarily well, actually, given the whole getting-married-and-having-a-baby-at-the-same-time thing. How have you been? It's been ages."

"It has," Nick remarked as he and Angie sat across from them. "I was working at an ad agency back in Boston, but I got transferred here. You?"

"Moved out here with Angie after college, then moved in with my boyfriend at the time, Jason. My book was published when I was 23; I've been working at it ever since. I got another published last year; third one will be out soon."

"We expect Trai to be a regular Danielle Steel someday," Brad teased lightly.

After Betsy came and took their order, Trai glanced over at Angie. "What've you been trying out for lately?"

"A couple plays. Some sitcom my agent found—something about six friends. From what I've read, it feels like they live in the damn coffeehouse."

"As do we, my dear," Trai laughed. "Kind of sad when you think about how long we've been coming here. Mark thinks I'll die of a caffeine overdose. Haven't drank coffee since I found out I was pregnant, but it's entirely plausible."

"What does Mark do, again?" Nick asked.

"He's a filmmaker; works as a tech advisor at NYU as well. You'll probably meet him soon—Ang, been meaning to ask you over for dinner. We need to get started on the bridesmaid stuff, too; Brad, could you help with that?"

"My pleasure," Brad smiled. "And duty as the token gay."

"I remember," Nick mused, after a few moments of silence, looking at Trai and Angie, "the first time the two of you came to Harvard. Didn't you get lost somewhere along the way?"

"Yes, because for some bizarre reason Angie thought my sense of direction was reliable."

"Not my fault you can't read a map, dear."

"Married couple, I'm telling you," Brad joked to Nick, who agreed.

"Y'know, Brad, keep this up and you'll get on my bad side," Angie said, with a shake of her head.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop!" Brad held his hands up in surrender.

For the next few minutes, Trai stayed quiet as she sipped at the water Betsy had brought her. She wanted to just watch for a couple seconds. It was very obvious that her friends were okay—and something about that put her heart at ease. Everything felt right.

"Did you and Mark decide on the honeymoon yet?" Angie asked Trai, who smiled.

"We're not totally sure yet, but I've been pulling for Hawaii…"


"I'm really sorry about this, guys," Julia said quietly to Maureen and Joanne as she led them out of the subway station that night, holding Rachel's carrier. "My parents know about you and all; they just… want to see Rachel's being taken care of." She turned. "I know you guys are great to her—I do. Davey does, too. But my parents, his parents…"

"We understand," Joanne assured her, "it's fine." Both her and Maureen had come from upper-class families, and while they did indeed understand, it did not make it any easier. They'd both dressed their nicest, in an effort to help the approval along. Despite all forewarnings from Julia and Davey, it was doubtful the whole "lesbian couple" deal would go over well.

"How're the others doing? Mark and Trai, Roger and Mimi? Collins?" Julia tried to make conversation on the walk to the brownstone.

"Mark and Trai are doing fine, but I can guarantee you Mark's probably still freaking out," Maureen laughed. "He needed someone like her, though. Roger and Mimi are excited; Lauren's just started walking and talking. And Collins is doing great, actually—he's started dating that friend of Trai's from college. Brad, I think his name was."

Julia smiled. "That's really great," she said softly, slowing down as they came to the building. Davey was outside by the stoop, pacing nervously; Julia could hear him reciting French verb conjugations. "It's how he calms down," she explained quietly, handing the bassinet to Maureen and going over to Davey, tapping his shoulder, which made him jump. "Jules! You scared me…"

"Sorry," Julia apologized quietly. Motioning to the door, she lowered her voice. "How bad is it?"

"Bad. Brian's already got a few drinks in him; Lynn's still in denial that Rachel's even mine. Sorry," he added, squeezing her shoulder gently—he felt terrible about the aspersions cast on Julia. Brian and Lynn were his own parents; he called them by their first names in an effort to distance himself from them.

Davey nervously shoved his hands into the pockets of his navy blazer. "Should we go inside?"

"Now or never," Julia said quietly, standing on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss. He put his arm around her waist and led Julia into the battlefield that was her own home. Slowly, Maureen and Joanne followed.

Martha, Julia's mother, was in the kitchen setting the table. Jacob, her father, was with Brian, drinking slowly from a wineglass.

"Mom? Mrs. Adair?" Julia called into the kitchen. "Mom, they're here."

Martha came out and wiped her hands on her apron. "Hello, Misses—Johnson and Jefferson, is it?"

"Maureen and Joanne, please." Joanne offered her hand. "Joanne Jefferson. It's a pleasure."

Martha shook her hand, with a smile that actually seemed mostly genuine. "It's nice to meet you. And you're Maureen?"

"I am." Maureen gently handed the bassinet to Julia, who set it on the floor and picked up Rachel, holding her against her hip and bouncing her lightly. Following Joanne's lead, she offered her hand as well. "You have a lovely home."

"Thank you. This is my husband, Jacob."

Jacob set down his wineglass and stood. Like Martha, he actually seemed fairly welcoming, which was encouraging. "It's nice to meet you ladies, finally."

They were introduced to Brian and Lynn in a similar manner, by Davey, but unlike Mr. and Mrs. Keaning, Mr. and Mrs. Adair did not seem in the least happy to know them. Julia watched nervously, her palms sweating as she held Rachel to her. Davey stood beside her, his hand on her shoulder, protectively.

To say the least, the small talk was slightly awkward. Mr. and Mrs. Keaning were more than willing to contribute to the conversation, hoping to put Maureen and Joanne at ease, once they saw how hard they were trying. Mr. and Mrs. Adair, however, were somewhat stiff, Mrs. Adair especially.

When Martha finally announced dinner, it was a relief. She'd made chicken cutlets, something simple and not too formal. Julia tried to smile for Maureen and Joanne. It was going better than she'd thought, save for Davey's parents.

About halfway through the dinner, Brian stood. "Forgive me, Martha, Jacob. Brian and I should be getting home; Brian has a business call he's been waiting on."

"Oh. Well, that's perfectly fine. David, dear, you're welcome to stay if you like," Martha said kindly.

Davey was about to answer when Brian cut in, "David will be coming with us, thank you."

Davey tried to protest as he followed his parents into the hall to get their coats, but Mrs. Adair wouldn't hear of it. As they went outside, Davey shut the door behind them and demanded, "What the hell was that about? What business call?"

"You're no longer allowed to associate with those people, David."

"What people? Maureen and Joanne are great people! So are their friends!"

"You're seventeen, David," Mr. Adair cut in. "You're seventeen and you're not associating with these—artist types. You're going into the firm when you're older, and that settles it."

"What about what I want?"

"If you want to hang around with lesbian types and a girlfriend who may as well be standing at a street corner—"

Davey froze in his tracks, suddenly furious. "Don't you dare say that about Julia," he said in a low voice, quite ready to hit his father.

"That child is not yours, David!"

"Rachel's as much mine as I am yours, as much as I'd rather have anyone else in the world for parents!" Davey snapped. "Julia and I love each other! We made one mistake and we did all we could to make the best of it—to make other people happy! Rachel has a good life, a better one than you ever gave me!"

"How do you suppose that?" Mrs. Adair demanded.

"She won't grow up pressured to do every fucking thing perfectly! She won't grow up forced to do something she doesn't want to do! She won't grow up listening to her parents fucking throwing plates at each other every damn night!" he yelled. It was well known that his parents' marriage was on the rocks, though it wasn't something he was supposed to know about.

"Never speak to your mother that way!"

"Fine, I won't. I'm not coming home tonight," Davey snapped, going back into the Keanings' and shutting the door behind him, his face flushed and angry.

Julia had left the kitchen, sitting in the living room in order to feed Rachel her bottle. She looked up as he came back in, getting up. "Davey?"

"I'm staying here tonight; that all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, Mom won't mind… Davey, what happened out there?" she asked quietly, having heard the shouting.

"Nothing," Davey said tiredly, sinking down on the couch. "I'm tired of taking their crap. I'm not doing it anymore, Jules…"

Julia sat down next to him, balancing Rachel in one arm and rubbing Davey's shoulder. "I'm sorry, honey," she said quietly. "I know it sucks."

"I love you… you know that, right? No matter what they say to me, I love you? And Rachel?"

"I know. She does, too," Julia said gently, setting Rachel in his arms and leaning over, kissing him. "I love you, too."


Brad's take-it-slow approach didn't bother Collins in the slightest. Neither of them was in a huge rush to start dating again, but lately Brad was very slowly starting to embrace the "no time like the present" mentality of the whole crew.

He'd worked up the nerve to tell his parents, who, though somewhat conservative, had always been very tolerant of his sexuality. Though they were saddened and shocked, they'd told him that they'd always support him, with his father Richard promising to cover any medical expenses, and his mother Vera just holding him and making him promise to come home more often.

He'd called his sister Cathy, who lived in Florida with her husband. Cathy had always felt terrible for falling out of touch with her kid brother ever since her marriage and his going off to college, and felt even guiltier after the call. They'd stayed on the phone for hours, and she'd promised to fly up soon with her husband and kids so they could get better acquainted.

He'd found a job with a dance studio that was in need of instructors. Like he'd told Mark, he was running again. He'd become friendly with his neighbors, and his relationship with Collins had been deepening.

His life was slowly coming together again, something he'd thought impossible after the diagnosis. He had Trai and Angie again, couldn't be happier for either of them. He had a new relationship, a new place, new friends.

Life was good.

The day after his coffee with Trai, Angie, and Nick, Collins came to his apartment for lunch, and with the ulterior motive of finally convincing Brad to come to Life Support.

"Settling in?" he questioned, looking around at the nearly-fully-unpacked apartment. Sunlight streamed through the windows, and the hardwood floor gleamed with polish—clearly Brad had been busy since moving in.

Brad nodded as he set down the plate with the sandwiches. "Angie and Trai've been helping. I'd rather Trai didn't, what with the baby and all, but she's stubborn."

"Which is why she's a great match for Mark," Collins laughed. "She's really been great for him, though. Boy was pathetic after Maureen dumped him."

"He's been really great for her, too. I was there when she broke up with her boyfriend in Dartmouth, and she was so convinced there was no one for her. I told her I'd be right," he smirked, biting into his sandwich.

They talked as they ate, until Collins finally said, "You remember that support group I mentioned?"

Having a feeling he knew where this was going, Brad nodded. "I do."

"There's a meeting tonight," Collins suggested. "You should come."

Brad bit his lip. He was coming to terms with the diagnosis, but he didn't exactly want to get up in front of other people and put it out there. It wasn't something he felt comfortable with. "I… really don't know…"

"Trai already told me she'd come. Mark, too."

It was a bit of a ploy (though a truthful one), but Brad was encouraged by the thought that it wouldn't be total strangers. He finally agreed to go, a silent victory for Collins and a small step for Brad.

And so it was that Brad found himself, later that evening, sitting in the Ryder Community Center with a group of about seven other people. Shortly after they arrived, the door opened again and Trai and Mark entered, hand in hand. Trai sat down next to Brad and kissed his cheek in greeting. "I'm proud of you," she said softly.

Introductions and updates commenced. Trai and Mark had been there a few times during the early days of their engagement and Trai's first trimester, and it was obvious to all that they'd been doing wonderfully since then. Collins gave a brief update of his own, and suddenly Brad found himself in the spotlight. Performer though he was, he felt suddenly nervous. Remembering the feeling from their own first days at Life Support, all were patient, sympathetic.

Finally he ventured, "I'm… my name's Bradley Calloway. Only my mother calls me that, so don't even." This earned a small chuckle from the group, which made Brad ease up some. "I was… diagnosed with HIV about two months ago. It's been difficult to accept, but… I'm getting there, I think."

"It gets easier, I assure you," Paul told him. "Does anyone have a topic for today?"

After a brief silence, Zack, a piercing-adorned youth of 19, volunteered, "Fear."

"Good suggestion, Zack. We'll start with that. Doubtless all of you have experienced fear and doubts of some kind in the past year. A new diagnosis or a health scare can be terrifying. So can a new relationship—or an engagement. Not being a woman myself, I can't know how terrifying childbirth mush seem or actually be. Tracy?"

"Be content with not knowing," Trai laughed.

"As I figured. The best way to deal with fear is to get it out there—talk about it. Anyone want to start?"

Glancing at Brad, Trai cleared her throat. "I agree with what you said about new relationships. Most of you don't know, but… I had a bad past. For a few years at least I was caught in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. It was just getting worse. It took my brother dying—and almost dying myself—for me to realize that things had to change.

"I found Mark, and even though it scared me, I went for it. And yeah, we went through a lot, but we went through it all together. Things've changed for me. Am I still scared something will happen? All the damn time. But I know to talk now. I can trust again. And I value that—and Mark—more than anything," she finished softly. Mark gently squeezed her hand.

The others volunteered their own stories. Melissa, a tiny, quiet college girl, had tried to kill herself over her fear that she wasn't perfect. Zack had been struggling with prescription drug addiction. Paul told about when he'd been diagnosed. Mark related his fear of being alone, of not remembering the past.

With all the talking, and especially Trai's words about how loving Mark had turned things around for her, Brad started to come around. Delaying things, he realized, was just taking time he didn't have much of, anymore.

He was going to stop being afraid.

He was going to go for it.

Collins told him he'd walk home with him, and noticed while they did that Brad looked pensive. "Wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, it was… eye-opening. It was good." Brad paused for a long while, before saying, tentatively, "Tom?"

"Yes?"

Brad stopped walking, and so did Collins. Slowly, Brad said, "I'm… not used to this. I was with Justin for four years and out of nowhere I find out he basically betrayed me. Beyond that, the most relationship experience I have is flings when I was a teenager and a couple one-night stands.

"I'm a morning person. I run more than is probably healthy. The coffee I make can remove grease stains. But I really like you and I think I want to—"

Before he could say another word, Collins stepped closer and kissed him.

When they broke apart, he asked, "You were saying?"

"I… I think I want to start something with you," Brad finished, heat coursing through every inch of his body.

Collins smiled, slowly. "I do, too."


A/N- My lovelies, I am so sorry!! It's been months! Eeek

When I updated last, I was attempting to procrastinate from studying for my ACTs, among other things. Before I knew it everything piled on-ACTs, Physics, holidays, my seventeenth birthday. Weekends became so busy that my typing time became nonexistent, and I had extreme difficulty with the part of this chapter with Julia and Davey's parents.

Please forgive me-I will try to make my updates much sooner!!

Tina101- Well, I hope you liked the Brad/Collins in this chapter-finally figured it was time for them to take a step forward.

Srgirl6889- I'm quite flattered! Sorry about the long wait! And the part about Trai and Mark shopping was actually written when I was extremely tired, so I'm glad you like it, haha.

Diva Actress- Sorry about the wait! I didn't have time to type at all

Scififreakmi- Glad you liked it!

Birdhearted- Glad you liked it, and sorry for the slow wait!

Blueroses311- Thanks so much! I love to hear that! I take it you've read Love For Rent? I appreciate the compliments on Trai a lot; I've worked really hard to make her real.

Midnightpopcorn- Thank you!

Kai-24601- Thank you! And I love the Les Mis reference in your pen name!

For those of you asking me about Twilight, no, I never had a chance to get around to it, but a close friend of mine just inhaled all three and told me they were amazing, so I will try to soon!

Thank you all for being so patient! Next update fairly soon!!

- Sally.