Chapter 8

Yellow Ambiguity

Trini didn't know how she felt. She was nervous, but there was something else, a small bit of resolve driving her forward. Maybe it was fueled by her experience as a ranger. Maybe she just wanted to get it over with.

Her mom was in the kitchen, preparing meat for enchiladas, her dad was at the dining room table, reading the paper. They were a living cliche.

"Morning sweetie," Trini's dad said, not looking up from the paper. There was a mostly empty plate in front of him. He had just finished eating breakfast.

"Hello Trini," her mother greeted, looking at her intently waiting for Trini's response.

Trini knew exactly what her mom wanted. She wanted her daughter to be a bright ball of sunshine, happy and optimistic all the time. Trini couldn't bring herself to say anything. It was all so fake. Trini's parents expected her to recite her lines like her life was one of the tv shows they watched instead of communicating with each other, fake drama and everything.

Even if she had said 'hello,' it wouldn't give them any new information. They would just move on to their next line, 'how are you?' And she would be expected to reply 'fine.' Of course, this reply wouldn't be enough for them. They would complain that something more must be going on with her and tell her she needed to communicate more.

There were two aliens on the loose and they could attack at any moment. She was keeping so many secrets, she was having a hard time keeping it all straight. Even she didn't know how she felt. How was she supposed to feel? All she knew for sure was that she was a Power Ranger and that her friends were the most important thing in her life. Those two facts kept her grounded. Everything else didn't have to be simple.

It's not like they actually cared how she was feeling anyway. Sure, they cared enough to hear about it, but not enough to do more than give her the old platitude about how everything would be just fine eventually.

Trini's parents didn't even really want to hear about any of her problems despite their complaining. They wanted everything to be normal all the time. They needed her to be "fine" all the time. Nothing special going on, nothing ever changing.

Hell, they needed Trini to refuse to say anything. Arguing with each other about how she "doesn't communicate" had become the only reason they ever talked to each other anymore.

Trini's mom kept up her intense stare, visibly frustrated.

Even though she spoke perfect English, Trini's mom was culturally Mexican and very Catholic. She had tried to teach Trini Spanish when she was younger, but Trini could only understand it, she never learned to speak it. Her mom was a second-generation American and constantly complained that she was losing her heritage.

Trini's dad still had not looked up from his newspaper. He grew up in Egypt in a Coptic Christian family. They immigrated to the US when he was a child. Even though he had become fairly Americanized himself, he still held on to a lot of outdated ideas.

Trini's parents dragged her to mass every Sunday morning at Angel Grove's only Catholic Church. Her father complained it was too liberal, but he thought that about all of California. He talked a lot about "family values", which was strange because he hadn't actually spent any time with his family in the last few years. Apparently, "family values" meant working all the time and ignoring your wife and kids.

Trini's mom was the opposite. "Overly attentive" was an understatement. She constantly doted on her sons and, at least once a week, whined that they were growing up too fast. She wanted them to stay children forever. It drove Trini nuts.

For almost a week, Tommy's smirk dominated her thoughts. That crooked smile finally settled something about herself, Trini liked girls. Tommy was so hot, there was no doubt about that. Now that she wasn't acting to get Jason alone, she swaggered around the school in black combat boots like she owned the place. She had a badass punk look that told everyone she didn't care.

Tommy was out and proud. She hated to admit it, but she was what Trini wanted to be. Trini needed to live authentically. She ached to be who she was, and not care what anyone thought. And it had to be now.

She looked at one parent, then the other. "Mom, dad. I have something to tell you." She was just going to come out and say it. Neither of her parents actually stopped what they were doing to listen. "I'm not..." she couldn't say the word. It wasn't that she hated herself or her preferences, it was the label.

Tommy's smile flashed through her mind. Tommy would have just told them and let them deal. Trini wished she had that strength too. Fuck the labels. Fuck everything.

"I'm gay." Trini felt a weight lift off her shoulders. If only she could do the same with being a ranger.

Her relief was cut short. "No you're not," Trini's father stated harshly. He had finally put his paper down and was leaning toward Trini on the table. There was an anger in his eyes that he only saved for people he hated. "No one in this house is gay."

"That is not a funny joke to make, Trini," her mom said.

"It's true. I like girls, not boys."

"Homosexuality is an abomination! Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13."

"The Bible has more verses than that about how you shouldn't eat pork," Trini pointed to the unfinished bacon on the plate in front of her father.

His face turned bright red. "Don't you change the subject, sinner!" He yelled as he stood up. "When you die you are going to be judged by God!" He walked right up to Trini and pointed his finger in her face. "What are you going to say when you stand before Him!?"

Trini refused to say anything. There was nothing to say, nothing he would accept.

"Answer me!"

He looked like he was going to hit her. Trini had never seen her father become violent, she didn't even know if he was capable of that. A big mistake if he did, but that was his problem.

"You are not gay! Do you understand!?"

"I have a girlfriend," Trini lied. She wanted to hurt him, hurt him like he was hurting her. "We make out in my room while you're at work."

"Are you hearing this, Maria!?" he asked, as if he was actually listening to anyone but himself. "How could you do this to me!? I have done everything I can to raise you properly!"

Trini held her ground, looking up into his eyes. He hated her and she wanted to destroy him. "Can my girlfriend come to dinner tonight?"

"No! In fact, you cannot live here," Trini's dad said. "I won't have anyone thinking I condone what you do." He turned his back on his daughter.

"Fine, I'll be out today." Trini turned and stomped up the stairs, passing the pictures of family on the wall without looking. She opened the door to her room, trying to not think about her situation. Where would she live? How would she eat? What would she do?

At least she could answer one of those questions. She could easily live in the ship. It had a room for her. She had already moved in some of her clothes so she wouldn't have to train while wet all the time.

She opened her backpack and packed her laptop around her schoolwork. She grabbed her phone charger and some extra clothes and stuffed those in too.

Trini's mom appeared in the doorway. She was trying not to be intrusive. It wasn't working.

"Sweetie," Trini's mom cooed. "Could you just... Not be gay?... For your father." She hadn't talked to Trini in that soft, motherly tone in years. It was annoying.

"I didn't choose to be a lesbian," Trini stated flatly. Her mom visibly bristled at the word 'lesbian.' Trini still hated the label, but it evoked the desired effect.

Trini's mom still kept her distance. "You don't dress gay. Your hair is long..."

"Ugh," Her mother was obviously acting, putting on some kind of show to make everything better. She was, finally, trying to be a mother. But only now, at this moment? Trini wasn't going to fall for it. Where the fuck was she when dad was yelling at her? It's not like she ever had a problem dealing with him before.

"When did this happen?" Trini's mom asked.

That's a stupid question. Trini refused to answer.

"How did it happen?"

Another stupid question. Trini stopped packing to look her mom right in the eye. She thought about explaining how genetic components, exposure to testosterone before birth, and how a myriad of environmental factors could all play a role, but none of it mattered. Her parents believed what they believed, and they were never going to change. They lived in a house with a white-picket fence and their 2.5 kids, and they were willing to destroy their relationship with their daughter to keep it.

To them, everything had to be categorized. Far from letting in a single sliver of uncertainty, everyone needed a label. Everyone had to be put in a box and never let out, never allowed to grow, never allowed to change. They thought it made them good people.

"You wouldn't get it," Trini said. Not that her mom would get why she couldn't get it.

Trini went back to packing. She started throwing random items into her backpack. She didn't know what she would need, and at that moment, stopped caring.

She slung her backback over her shoulder and stomped out of the house. Trini couldn't bring herself to look in the dining room. She did not want to see him. He probably just wanted to get one more sanctimonious remark in anyway. Trini nearly tore the front door off its hinges when she opened it, and didn't bother closing it when she passed through the threshold.

Sunlight burned her eyes, so she covered her eyes and looked down, but she kept moving forward. She trudged down the porch, across the grass, and came to the sidewalk. She stopped. She had to take one last look. With a clenched fist, she craned her neck.

Someone had closed the door. They really weren't going to come after her. That was why her mom didn't stand up to her dad. She agreed with him. Trini had to go.

Trini made her way down the street and found a secluded place in the park. She plopped herself down, trying to hold as still as possible, struggling with keeping herself from shaking. She needed... Well she didn't really know what she needed, but she wanted to be with her friends.

The world moved while she was planted to the ground. Time became irrelevant. People lived their short little lives and died before she could finish a breath. Civilizations rose and fell, yet Trini remained. The entire world shifted all around her and brought her to Jason's house.

Teleportation. It wasn't at all like Jason or Kim had described. She was sure she wasn't the one who moved, it was the rest of the world that went around her.

She found herself across the street from Jason's truck. He and Zack were working on it. Trini could hear them arguing with each other about some stupid thing. Jason's arms were outstretched. His hands were black with engine grease. Zack gave Jason that attitude he always carried around.

Billy sat nearby, completely focused on his laptop. Every few seconds he would stop, look up into the air or off in the distance mouthing something to himself, then go right back to the screen. The guy had gotten used to Zack and Jason fighting like an old married couple.

Kim wasn't with them, but Trini didn't want to talk to her right then. She wanted to talk to someone who knew what she was going through. She walked up to the guys, they actually stopped arguing to greet her before she could say anything.

"Hey, Trini."

"What's up, crazy girl?"

Billy looked up from his laptop. "Trini!"

They were all happy to see her. They wanted her around. "Hey. Zack, can I talk to you?"

"Everything okay?" Jason asked.

Trini didn't answer for a moment, she didn't know what to say. Eventually, she just turned and walked away kicking herself. Jason was like a brother. It shouldn't have been that hard to talk to him.

She got back across the street before footsteps announced Zack's arrival. Trini stopped and turned her body toward him, but kept her gaze across the street, down the block, anywhere but at him.

"What's wrong, Trini?" Zack asked.

Trini felt a tear growing in her eye, but pulled it back. "I told my parents I like girls."

She looked up at him. He was dressed like a 1950's grease monkey, blue jeans and a white shirt. As befitting his color, there was a splash of old motor oil on his chest.

"They uh..." Trini continued. Zack waited patiently for her to finish, he was always cool like that. "They didn't take it well... kicked me out..."

"Fuck 'em," Zack stated. He didn't even consider his words when he spoke. Nothing ever rattled him and he never quite grasped the gravity of the situation.

Trini didn't like what he said but she knew he was right. "I know, I know. But they're still out there... It's not like they're... dead..."

Zack tilted his head confused.

"You know. They're still there, in my old house. But..."

A look of acknowledgement passed across his face. "Yeah..." He looked away and his head twitched. Trini probably brought up something he didn't want to have to deal with, but at least he understood.

"How do you-" Trini started.

"Help me fix Jason's truck for him," Zack interrupted with his signature smirk. He tilted his head toward Jason working on his truck. Jason looked like he was doing just fine without them.

"Yeah, but-"

"The guy is hopeless without us," Zack interrupted again.

What was wrong with him? He really didn't want to talk about it. Why didn't he want to talk?

It didn't really matter. The more Trini thought about it, the more she realized she didn't want to talk about it either. "Okay..."

They walked back to Jason's garage. Trini set her backpack down next to Billy and grabbed a socket wrench. She didn't know how to fix a truck, but she wanted to help anyway.


Green Apathy

Tommy lay in bed well past 0700. She hadn't been sleeping. her alarm had gone off at 0530 like it usually did. She just refused to get up. That constant pulse of pain behind her eyeballs and the fact that it was always too fucking cold kept her from getting an ounce of sleep. She had already missed her morning workout and needed to get ready for school. She just didn't care.

Her phone buzzed for something like the twentieth time. She didn't bother to look at it. It was probably her trainer anyway.

The only thing Tommy wanted to do was make herself a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. If only the house was empty. The mere thought of having to talk with anyone left Tommy annoyed. She was hungry though...

Tommy finally rolled out of bed. Sitting in an upright position multiplied the pain in her skull. After squeezing the pain down into her head, she stared at the pile of clothes that completely hid the carpet. Her dad wouldn't approve of that, as if he was going to check.

With a groan Tommy slapped on the closest sports bra, t-shirt, and jeans. She pulled out a green flannel to round out her fabulous ensemble and stepped into her combat boots without tying the laces.

The bathroom mirror confirmed she looked like crap. Well, even crappier than usual. It wasn't like it mattered though, she didn't have anyone to impress. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times and she was ready for school.

She trudged downstairs. The tv was on, her mom was watching with rapt attention. A reporter droned on about some disaster somewhere, usual news stuff.

"Tommy!" Tommy's mom practically leapt off the couch and attached herself to Tommy's side.

"I'm fine mom," Tommy said, trying to pry her mom off of her. She knew exactly what this was about.

"I am so angry at your father. An attack happens right outside our house when I'm out of town with your brother. He left you all alone and all he can say is 'we're investigating'? We never had to deal with this when we lived on a base."

Tommy's mom finally let go. "I'm so glad you spent the night at your new friend's house. What did you say her name was?"

"Kim." Bile began welling in Tommy's gut. The burning in her stomach took her mind off of her headache.

She took three aspirin pills and debated taking a fourth, when a burst of movement forced her to look at the tv. It played through grainy video of Zedd that someone had taken with their phone. The rangers in their multicolored suits jumped around, flailing uselessly at him. Tommy's house was in the background. She rolled her eyes. Clearly, she hadn't missed much.

A fresh duty roster adorned the fridge door. Tommy's orders were to clean the bathroom, by which he meant 'spotless'. Tommy's dad must have come home during the night and left again before the sun came up. That must have been the first time he was home in five days. His priorities were pretty clear, fill out the duty rosters.

Tommy was sick of a father she never saw. He controlled her entire life, every minute. She was expected to exercise perfect discipline, she couldn't make a single mistake. There was always his career to think about. Any trouble she got into would reflect badly on him. As if his life was more important.

He had acted like the world had ended when she got into that fight in the cafeteria. He ordered her to do push-ups, berated her while she did them, and got mad when it wasn't difficult. That's what comes from forcing your daughter to do push ups whenever you see her, Tommy could do over one hundred in one set. He was so angry when she showed him fifty was no big deal. Come to think of it, that was the last time she had actually seen him.

The only break from him she ever got was training. He didn't like the fact that she had other priorities than the army, but he allowed her to have a career nonetheless. It got her away from him and his ego, but also took away all of what he called her 'bullshiting around time'.

"Something needs to be done..." Tommy's mom murmured while two talking heads squawked on the tv. Oh no! More evidence of alien activity. So what?

Suddenly, Tommy wasn't hungry anymore. And screw her duties, what was her dad going to do, come home to check? She grabbed her backpack before leaving the house without a word.

Outside, there were no less than five news vans parked on the sidewalk. Almost a week and they hadn't found another disaster to distract them. Tommy kept walking.

Some reporter charged at her, thrusting a microphone in her face. "Miss? Were you witness to the attack that occurred here six nights ago?" Tommy rolled her eyes and continued walking.

She actually knew a lot of extremely classified material. She knew her father was on a special assignment to investigate the Zeo Crystal. That was why he was transferred to Angel Grove in the first place, and why he was never home.

Tommy could recite the names and functions of each individual involved. Maybe she should have told the reporter everything. It's not like any of it mattered to her.

School wasn't that far, which was good because she'd have to walk. No job, no car. Just one more complication, one more thing to move twice a year.

There were a bunch of people hanging out outside the school when Tommy arrived. The halls were filled with kids. She didn't know any of them.

Tommy's locker was a few down from Zack's, he was just closing his when she got there. "Hey, Tommy." He walked by, the only guy in school without a backpack. Tommy nodded her head as he passed.

The day was the usual Monday. Tommy should have been trying to figure out whether she was behind in her classes. That was a constant task every time her family moved. Most of the time she was fine, but every once in a while she would have to catch up.

Fourth period ended for lunch. Tommy grabbed the easiest thing, a burger, fries, and a soda. Usually she'd have to watch what she ate, but her headache promised to go away if she ate all of it.

The kids congregated in their clumps, doing whatever civilian kids did. Not that she cared. Tommy never had any friends, so she sat wherever. Fuck the social order.

The breakfast club sat together nearby. Princess Kim glared at her the moment she entered the cafeteria, the stuck-up bitch. Like she didn't have anything better to do.

They talked back and forth, not that Tommy was close enough to hear what they were saying. They were together so much, why didn't they run out of things to talk about? They had to eventually, right?

No, they just kept talking. In fact, they started laughing at something Billy said. They kept smiling at each other. It was weird.

Fifth period was more of the same, Tommy fell asleep. She had a weird dream about a robot riding a tiger. It didn't matter and faded with the rest of the day almost immediately.

By the time sixth period started, Tommy needed a break. She ditched class and snuck into an empty spot behind a bunch of heating units. It was a small space, and the air was still fucking cold, but it would do. Every school Tommy had been to had a secluded place like it, usually decorated with drawings of dicks in permanent marker.

Tommy studied a particularly detailed dick while she lit a cigarette and took a drag. Tommy had no idea why anyone liked dicks, they were ugly, and stupid, and usually tiny. She did everyone a favor drew a nice big pair of tits, something everyone could enjoy.

She was halfway done with her cigarette when she heard someone approaching. Their feet didn't sound like an adult. Probably just some other kid coming for a smoke.

Trini glared at her when they came face to face. Her hand rubbed her no longer hurt leg.

Tommy have her a smirk and a wink. "Hey."

"What are you doing back here?"

"Having a smoke and admiring the artwork."

Trini looked at the wall, then at Tommy. She leaned on one of the heating units opposite her and looked away. Trini wasn't going to smoke, she wanted to get away for a second and be alone.

With nothing else to do, Tommy took another drag. They didn't talk, usually people talked during smoke breaks. But they weren't friends.

"Took your lame ass advice," Trini said, cutting the silence.

"Oh yeah, what was that?"

"Don't hide who I am. I told my parents I'm into girls."

Tommy could already tell it didn't go well. "How'd they take it?"

Trini looked right into Tommy's eyes. "My dad kicked me out."

Tommy winced. "Asshole." Even her own dad wasn't that cruel. And he didn't give a shit about her. Maybe that was the issue. Trini's parents cared too much. "That really sucks."

"Yeah... It really sucks." Trini's voice shook. She was just barely holding back tears. "Fuck the haters..." she repeated Tommy's line.

Tommy actually felt sorry for her. She dropped her cigarette butt and stepped on it. "Sorry your dad's a piece of shit."

Trini looked away again and went back to not saying anything, but Tommy could tell she wanted to talk. She glared at the sky and popped a stick of gum into her mouth.

Tommy slid her hands in her pockets. She didn't really have anything to say. What could she even say? She thought about lighting up another cigarette, the ache in her bones might go away if she did, but she decided against it.

She took a step to walk away when Trini's hand extended, offering her a stick of gum. "Thanks," Tommy said, before popping it into her mouth. It was watermelon flavored.

They both chewed for a bit, standing closer than they had been.

"So, how's the ranger thing going?"

Trini huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She obviously didn't want to talk about that. So they stood there as enemies, Trini occupying Tommy's space and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

Trini's mouth curled just a little bit, like she wanted to say something. Her hair spun around her neck and down her back. She didn't flick it over her shoulder, it was wild and free, like a lion's mane. Studying eyes, relaxed fingers. Tommy noticed how big and inviting her lips were.

Tommy was suddenly embarrassed that she looked like shit. Her hair wasn't done, she was wearing weird clothes, Trini must have thought she was a freak. Tommy wanted to leave, but didn't want to go.

"So, I... uh..." Tommy didn't get to complete the thought before the bell rang, signaling the end of school.

Trini nodded her head as a goodbye and walked away.

The air was cold again without her there. A strange emptiness built in Tommy's chest, but she pushed it down, squeezing the gum between her teeth.

Her phone buzzed again. Tommy forgot she was avoiding looking at it and opened it for the first time all day. She had thirteen messages. All were from her trainer. The latest one said [You better be at the gym in five minutes.]

The vise on Tommy's head tightened. Who the hell did this asshole think he was? She was Tommy Fucking Oliver. She could kick that out of shape has-been's ass.

Tommy typed out a response. [Fuck you] This guy was riding her coat tails anyway, using her to win trophies and further his own career. She wasn't about to be his mule.

She had only ever started fighting to get away from her dad and now he was gone. Tommy finally had more freedom than she had ever had in her life. She was done. [I quit]

[You can't quit]

[Yes I can]

[You'd be throwing away your career] That sounded perfect.

[Blocking your number]

With two clicks, he was gone. Tommy took a breath of fresh air. MMA was gone, she had nothing to do for the entire afternoon. What did people even do with their free time?

That emptiness came back in full force. Who was she? What was she supposed to be doing?

All her life, Tommy's dad had given her orders. Sometimes she didn't follow them, and he would yell, then go right back to his own thing, like she didn't even matter. Her entire life belonged to him and he didn't even care.

Tommy looked around the school. All the kids walked like they had somewhere to be, something to do, friends to see. But Tommy never had any friends.

Her mind went back to the fight she had started in the cafeteria, the one that had gotten her detention. Her fist tightened and her nose flared. Tommy really wanted to punch someone.