Mal De Amores
Chapter 9: A Step into Darkness
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Kikyo screamed at the top of her lungs, livid tears falling down her cheeks in burning rage. Her hands uncontrollably clutched her hair and fiercely yanked chunks of long black locks onto her bedroom floor. Kikyo felt no pain in this deed, there was only one emotion in her heart. A passion fueled by heart-break and loss…hatred. Nothing in the world mattered any longer. She despised everything, everyone.
Kikyo forced her screams louder, her tone full of the last bit of hurt she would ever feel again. She buckled to her knees as her body began to tremble. All the feelings that Kikyo had strained herself to hide were bursting out and there was no way for her to clutch them back.
In one thought, Kikyo crawled to the end of her bed and shoved her hand underneath it. She felt around until her hand hit something hard and metal. Pulling out the object Kikyo stood to her feet.
For a moment she admired the silver baseball bat she was holding, it was bitter and heavy in her still shaking hands. The bat was strikingly similar to how Kikyo felt inside.
In an angry shriek Kikyo swung the bat. It struck hard against the wall with a crack and she watched as pieces of the divider fell to the floorboards. She wielded the bat again, and again, and again picturing a new face each time she swung. First Kagome, then InuYasha, Koga and Sango.
"InuYasha—I—hate—you—I—hate—you!" Kikyo spat between blows. She paused for a moment to examine her work. The wall was completely caved in and a rather large whole was now in its place. Somehow beating the wall didn't help. Kikyo could still feel rage, she needed a new target, something that would beg for mercy and grovel at her feet.
Maybe not something…better yet someone?
Kikyo put down the bat and fell onto her bed. "Why did you do this to me?" she whispered out loud. "I loved you…you were my heart InuYasha. I just wanted us to be together. For us start a family…but then…" She wanted to cry but there was nothing left. Every tear that Kikyo had was gone, along with all the emotions and happiness there had ever been inside her, "And then she came."
An image of Kagome and InuYasha together flashed in Kikyo's mind. She felt her stomach turn in disgust. What was happening? The world seemed smaller and everything Kikyo had held near to her was slipping away. She was alone, humiliated, and no one could hear her cries for help, let alone see them. No one cared.
Kikyo winced as a small throb distressed the side of her tummy. The baby was kicking.
"And you…" She sighed. She placed a gentle hand on her unborn child. Her baby was growing and Kikyo's stomach had become somewhat larger. Something told her that she should be happy the baby was kicking or smiling at least, but the only thing Kikyo could do was scowl. "I failed both of our lives. I can't let you be born with no father. I didn't have one and look what happened to me."
Kikyo gazed around her room hopelessly. She was about to finish taking out her frustration with the bat when a small bottle of aspirin lying on her bedside table caught her eye, "I can't…I don't know how to take care of a child and it would be unfair to raise you here with everyone telling you how much of a slut your mother is."
At that moment Kikyo made a resolution.
She sat up from her single bed and reached gradually for the bottle of aspirin. Somehow it was calling her, telling her to open it, alluring her to test vindictive fate.
Kikyo unscrewed the top of the bottle and poured out its contents in front of her. There were 13 white gel capsules left. She stared hard at the pills. Trying to consider something that would foil her from doing what she was about to perform.
InuYasha? No, the last thing he wanted in his life was Kikyo so why bother with him anymore?
The baby? No, she was doing it a favor. Saving it from the worst childhood imaginable.
Her parents? At the thought of her parents, Kikyo managed a chuckle. Like they would even notice?
Revenge…?
The idea of revenge played around in her mind. Kikyo could take out her rage on the people who ruined her life and a chance at love. Hurt them like they had done to her. Slaughter the entity they held nearest to their hearts and slash away any pleasure that would ever enter their pitiful diminutive lives.
Make them suffer…make them pay.
Kikyo took a deep breath and dry swallowed one of the aspirins. It struggled to slip down her throat and caused her to gag a little but the effort only lasted a couple seconds.
"One down…" Kikyo breathed, her hand reaching for another tablet "Twelve more to go…"
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Kagome stared blankly up at the sky, her mind was all over the place and the more she tried to shape it out the more hectic it became. InuYasha…Kagura…Sango…even Kikyo had her attention.
It was a warm afternoon, the type of day that made you want to relax and take a breather. Enjoy life for a moment if at all. Kagome couldn't do any of those things. Even the calm swaying of her hammock couldn't soothe the tension in her body.
Somehow things had begun to settle down in her life. She had InuYasha back, which was a good thing. And she was sure nothing else would ever come between their relationship again. Sango had foiled Kikyo's plan to trick InuYasha, which was a great thing! And Kagura was back to being her big sister again, which was the best thing. But there was a voice in the back of Kagome's mind nagging her, making her think.
Something wasn't right.
Kagome let out a lengthy sigh and closed her eyes. Something was wrong, but what? She had everything; life was back to normal, what was missing?
"Are you okay?"
Kagome's eyes opened again slowly as she twisted to face the voice that had disturbed her train of thought.
"Koga…what are you doing here?" She had to admit, she was surprised to see him. The last time the two had seen each other seemed like ages ago.
Koga's thin lips parted into a smile, "You never called me back after you canceled our date. I was beginning to get worried about you."
"That's very sweet of you."
"So what happened?"
Kagome looked away from him, "I don't know. I just had to do something that I thought was right."
Koga gave Kagome a confused look, "I don't get it."
"My boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
Kagome hesitated as Koga stared at her. She had forgot to tell him that she and InuYasha were together again, "We kind of sorted things out between us. I-I took him back."
Koga was silent for a while. He was trying to hold back a rush of emotion. Kagome was his woman. Who would dare try to seize her away? Numbness fell over his body in an enormous wave as Koga tried to verbalize again. He wanted to bellow at the girl before him, forbid her to be with anyone but him. He wanted to execute whoever captured her heart but now was not the time to be foolish. He had to remain sensible.
"Koga please say something…" Kagome whispered sympathetically.
Her tone seemed to pull him out of his trance, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about our kiss Kagome. My mentality replays that moment we shared over and over. I can't help but feel the need to be with you."
"Koga…" Kagome swallowed firm. She remembered the exact passion she felt when InuYasha had lied to her and nearly wrecked her heart. She had been distraught. And now Kagome knew she was breaking Koga's compassion. Damn you InuYasha.
"What can I do to convince you? I don't know what else to do to prove how in love with you I am." Koga replied. He felt gusty in his eyes but he shook the sensation away.
"You're not in love with me." Kagome told him. She placed her hand on top of his "I'm not the person you want to be with, I don't deserve you and you can do so much better then me."
"You don't get it!" Koga huffed, his voice rising slightly "I don't desire perfection. I showed you a part of me that no one has ever seen before. I did that to explain how I feel about you. And our kiss—"
"Was nothing," Kagome finished. She fought back tears because she knew she was lying.
To herself and to Koga.
The night they kissed Kagome had felt more then just nothing. She felt security, warmth, compassion, and being in Koga's arms had made her weak to her knees. Despite of everything her heart was begging her to do, Kagome had no choice but to convince Koga there had been nothing between them. She was with InuYasha now, and they were working through their problems together. She had to be strong for the sake of their relationship, "I was confused, hurt, I need someone to be there for me and you were here. I didn't mean to lead you on—"
"You lying," Koga said coldly "I can smell the stress in your scent."
"I am not."
"Be real with me Kagome. Tell me honestly that you felt nothing and I will leave."
Kagome bit her bottom lip. She needed to lie to Koga but he could see right through her effort, "I felt nothing."
Koga shook his head, "I don't believe you."
"What more can I—"
Before Kagome could finish what she wanted to say, Koga had pulled her into his arms. Kagome closed her eyes as Koga's lips met hers. His mouth caressed her own imploring for entry, she tried to resist as his tongue fondled against hers but the depth of their kiss made Kagome weak.
Koga broke away from Kagome and seductively bit at her bottom edge. His lips slowly trailed down her neck, sucking tenderly at her skin. Kagome moaned as she closed her eyes tighter. Everything inside her was blaring at her to draw away but she couldn't.
"Koga…stop…please." Kagome managed between short breaths.
"Not until you tell me the truth." Koga said firmly as he went back to sucking on her neck.
"I can't…I'm with…" Kagome shoved Koga's chest with the palm of her hand a little but the effort only challenged him. Part of her wanted him to stop but part of her wanted him to keep going.
"Tell me you're not feeling anything right now." Koga mused.
"Alright…alright!"
Kagome was nearly to the point of tears. She knew what they were doing was wrong. InuYasha didn't deserve anymore heart break and neither did she, "I lied okay? Yes, when we kissed the first time I felt something. Something I wasn't sure I was ready for. I didn't tell you but I couldn't. I'm sorry!"
"Then be with me," Koga could see the sadness in Kagome's eyes. Maybe he had been to forward with her but it would've driven him mad if he hadn't taken the chance.
"I CAN'T!"
"Yes you can!"
"NO I CAN'T!" Kagome held her emotions back and stared Koga dead in the eyes "I'm in love with InuYasha. He doesn't deserve this. I'm committed to him and only him."
Koga let out a frustrated growl, "He cheats on you, you take him back. He lies to you, you take him back. He harbors feelings for his ex girlfriend and you stand by his side? Why?!"
"Because I'm in love with him! How many times do I have to tell you?" Kagome yelled. She could feel her cheeks flushing with irritation.
"You're not in love with that mutt! You keep telling yourself that you are but I know deep down inside you just want to keep him away from Kikyo!"
Kagome gasped at Koga's words. She wanted to smack him across the face as hard as she could but her hands wouldn't budge. Somehow Koga had confronted her with a truth. He had been wide of the mark, she did love InuYasha. He was her only love and her true love.
But Kikyo?
The image of InuYasha holding Kikyo at the park flashed in her mind. She remembered being enraged with her boyfriend, hurt that he would deceive her. But there had been a different reaction…jealously.
Kikyo and InuYasha had a past together but Kagome was confident it was a past she could help him forget. Seeing the two of them at the park made her resentful. She had wished it was her own body clinging to InuYasha in desperate cries. She had wished it was her who he was holding. Reality reared its repulsive face at Kagome that day and she had to get even. Not with InuYasha but with Kikyo…and being with InuYasha seemed to be the only way to do so.
"Maybe you have a point…Kikyo made me desire InuYasha more than I would've if she hadn't been there. But what I didn't intend on was falling harder for him then anyone I've ever been with before in the process. InuYasha and I were a couple before…but now—now we're soul mates…and there are some things I need to go take care of."
Kagome pushed Koga from off of her body and reluctantly he didn't try to refuse. There was a mixture of shock and resentment on his face as Kagome swung her legs over the hammock and made her way towards her house, "You can let yourself out."
Kagome didn't pause to hear Koga's response. She needed to do something she should've done a long time ago. Something she knew she'd regret later.
The sun was setting steadily as Kagome took her first steps onto the sidewalk. The sky was a pinkish blue and the world around her seemed completely still. Kagome took a deep breath as she dialed Sango's number on her cell phone. The phone rang twice before Sango's melodic voice answered on the other end, "Hello?"
"Hey girl, it's me." Kagome greeted her best friend.
"Hey Kag's what's up?" Sango beamed.
"Nothing much, just taking a walk…I needed to ask you a question."
"Sure anything,"
Kagome felt the air in her lungs deplete. She couldn't believe what she was saying, "Do you remember which way it is to Kikyo's house?"
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It took twenty minutes for Sango to meet Kagome at the corner of 5th and 19th street. Kagome watched as her best friend approached her, question and annoyance filled Sango's eyes.
"Kagome, do I even want to know why you're doing this?" Sango asked as the two began to walk. The street Kikyo lived on was dark and gloomy. The houses were all grey and most of them only had one or two windows in front of it. Kikyo's flat was 2807, just a couple lawns away.
"You didn't have to come." Kagome replied looking down at her feet.
"Yeah, like I would let you go to our arch enemy's house by yourself." Sango growled. She was annoyed at Kagome for making such a decision but there was no way she was going to let her best friend bare this burden alone.
"I have to talk to her Sango. She needs to know I'm not backing down from InuYasha and I love him. Either she deals with it or not but I'm not fighting anymore."
"And what made you come to this conclusion?"
"I have no idea."
Sango eyed her best friend more closely, she noticed a small bluish purple bruise on the side of Kagome's neck "Kags…do you have a hickey on your neck?"
Kagome rolled her eyes. Damn Wolf. She wasn't in the mood to lie to Sango, or try to twist a version of the truth, "Probably."
"What do you mean probably?"
"I mean yes, there's probably a hickey on my neck."
"From InuYasha?"
Kagome didn't respond. She didn't need to. Her body language had said it all.
"You didn't…" Sango gasped.
"It's not what you think."
"Oh I think a lot right now."
"I'll explain it to you later okay? Can I just get this over with?"
Sango nodded doubtfully, "You have loads of explaining to do."
"I know."
Kagome stopped walking. She turned her head and gazed up dreadfully at the house before her.
2807.
"You sure you want to?" Sango asked one more time. Kagome began walking up the wooden stairs of Kikyo's house as her answer.
Upon reaching the door Kagome noticed it was already open. Someone had forgotten to close it when they came in…or maybe someone wasn't supposed to be in the house.
"I don't like the looks of this." Kagome breathed. She tapped the door with her foot and it opened wider with a slow rickety creek. Inside the flat was pitch black. The girls could see the outlines of a couch to their left. Other miscellaneous furniture was spread across what was assumed to be the living room and a flight of stairs escaladed to their right.
"Kags maybe we should come back later." Sango whined. Her voice cracked a little as she stared back into the house.
"Check that out." Kagome pointed to a light at the top of the stairs, "It looks like a bedroom. Maybe she's sleeping."
"We're not going to go wake her up are we?"
"You can stay here."
"Fine,"
Kagome gave Sango a smirk, "You're really chickening out on me?"
"I watch too much Life Time to be walking up in scary dark houses unarmed and unprotected so yes I am staying right here." Sango whispered hastily.
"You're such a baby."
"Yeah whatever,"
Kagome shot another glare towards Sango then proceeded into the house. The temperature inside was colder then outside had been, and the flat gave off a very gloomy atmosphere. A loud creek bellowed out from underneath the stairs as Kagome climbed her way to the top of them. She almost wished she had listened to Sango and stayed behind but there was no use in turning back now.
Strangely there was no door to the room where the light was coming from. Kagome poked her head inside the door frame, "Hello?"
When no one answered, Kagome inched her way further into the room. Clumps of hair were scattered all over the floor boards and a large gaping hole was bashed into the far wall, "Kikyo?"
She tip toed around a couple fallen objects and made her way towards what looked to be the bed. Someone was lying face down, their hair was in a tangled mess over their eyes. Kagome pulled the hair back gently. A gasping Kikyo stared up at her.
"Oh my god! Kikyo what happened?!"
Kagome frantically pulled Kikyo's limp body closer to hers and placed a hand on her forehead. It was cold to her touch, "Kikyo can you hear me?!"
Kikyo was making frail movements with her mouth but no words were coming out, "Kikyo please don't die! Just hang in a little longer!"
"Kagome, what's wrong? I heard you scream—"
Kagome turned to see a breathless Sango panting in the doorway. Sango's eyes trailed to Kikyo's body lying in her best friends lap.
"Oh my god what happened?!"
"Call 9-1-1!"
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babiswag: alright so I think I should clear a few things up. Kikyo had a massive temper tantrum in the beginning of this chapter. She was struggling with the fact that InuYasha didn't want her and contemplating what to do about her life. Kagome and Koga had a "scene" and I'm sorry for making it seem like Kagome was cheating on InuYasha but I promise it had significance! Anyway I'll leave it here. PLEASE REVIEW, THEY'RE MUCH APPRECIATED!
Till next time:
ashley
