Can I just say one thing before we start to all my beautiful readers? A saying for motivation?

"I don't care, You're worth it."

Rendition of episode 4x09 – What I Lost

I don't own Rookie Blue.


"So why did you go to the park?" Sam questioned while writing down Andy's statement.

"What do you mean?" Andy asked. She's still processing her morning and now she's sitting in an office with someone… who she'd rather not have to answer to about her mistake. She's still crushed that Christian got kidnapped while under her care. Fighting back tears in her eyes in front of Sam right now isn't something she wants to be doing, but she knows how her statement will help him find Christian.

"Did you plan to go or did you just end up there?" Sam asked casually again.

Andy kept her eyes on his hand writing in his notebook and after he stopped and she still had no response he looked up at her.

"McNally just give it to me straight. Did you and Collins plan to go or did it just… happen?"

Andy swallowed before she answered to his intense look. "Chris called this morning after he got in and asked me to watch Christian while he got settled… I agreed, of course… then we went to the park."

Andy watched him write this down.

"Alright… and Nick?" Sam asked not meeting her eyes.

"What about him?" Andy asked after Sam looked up to her for the answer.

"He was there with you when Christian went missing." Sam stated.

Andy answered trying not to raise her voice. "Yes, what-"

Sam doesn't have to go back and forth with her he cuts her off. "McNally, I-"

"-Sam." She cuts him off.

"-McNally I need to know if whoever took Christian had this planned or just followed you!" Sam tried to match her loud tone.

Nick looked up from his seat out in the hall at the shouting. Sam and Andy's shouting.

"They followed us." Andy told him trying to lower her tone.

Sam shook his head down as he continued to write more.

"What are-" Andy took a deep breath before she spoke next in a soft tone. "Why are you making this personal?" She tried to keep her voice from cracking.

Sam finished writing and looked up at her. "I'm doing my job McNally." He took a breath.

"Your job?" Andy breathed out. "You're taking that out on me?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked confused.

"What do I mean? You're pulling the job line on me right now Sam." Andy couldn't believe how he would ever pull the job line out on her again, especially when he's the one trying to be personal. "How do you think I feel? I lost him."

"Go suit up and answer the calls."

"What? No, I should be out there looking for him, not answering tip lines. Sam-"

"McNally."

"Sam." Andy said his name not letting Nick's presence stop their conversation. "Why do you want to stop me from doing my job?"

"Collins." Sam yelled out for Nick to come in, dismissing Andy. "Right now, your only job is to answer the tips calls."

Nick hovered in the door way, not entering war zone.

"Sam." Andy tried again.

"Andy, I don't want you to fight me on this. I made up my mind."

Andy stood up. "You made up your mind?" She asked angrily. "It's up to you what I get to do?"

Sam sensed what she's thinking that she isn't going to listen to him and go out looking for him. "Don't."

She walked out and risked a teary look up at Nick realizing what he witnessed.

"Hey." He caught her arm. "The guy from the park is going to be okay, his wife has your phone… but we'll get it later."

Andy nodded in thanks.

He held onto her arm. "Hey… this isn't your fault."

Andy nodded at him again and caught Sam glancing in their direction.

"I have to go get my uniform on." She slid out of his grasp gently and walked away.

Nick walked over to Sam at his desk.

"She feels bad enough without you making it worse." Nick told him in confidence.

Sam turned around to face Nick standing in front of him. "I don't think I made it worse."

"Well you didn't make it better. Isn't that something detectives are supposed to do, make the situation better?"

"You're not telling me how to do my job Collins." Sam informed him.

"If you're angry over two officers you trained losing a kid, you should know not to take it out on her. Take it out on me."

Sam turned back to his notebook. "Take a seat."


Nick assured Andy that answering the tip lines could bring Christian home, that it's an important job. She needed the reassurance. Together they sat at a desk answering every single call in hopes one of them will lead them one step closer to finding Chris's son.

After Swarek and Cruz followed up on a lead on Tom Ford only to find it not to be the guy who took Christian, Andy decided to take a breather and go give Chris a coffee, knowing he got amped up by the news only to be let down.

"Hey." Andy said with a smile to Chris, sitting alone in the D's office, holding out a cup of coffee to him. "It's your favorite…" She said in a smile.

"Coffee's not going to help Andy." He said in a flat tone standing up from the chair to look out the window.

"Nick and I are answering all the tip lines and-"

"Nick." Chris stated, remembering how mad he got once he found out that he was with Andy, jumping to the conclusion that she somehow must've been distracted with him and lost track of Christian. "Why are you even with him?"

"Chris." Andy set down the coffee cup and walked up to him by the window.

"What was he even doing there?" Chris looked at her.

"It's not his fault." Andy stated.

He pushed away and started pacing back and forth. "Are you really taking the blame for Collins?"

"What are you talking about? It's my fault." Andy wanted to get his attention. "Chris." He didn't stop so Andy tried to hold him in one place.

"Don't." Chris told her.

Twice now she's been told don't.

"We're doing everything we can to find Christian-"

Chris's anger flooded over him. Talking with Andy, the girl who lost him. Hearing his son's name. Listening to everyone say they're doing everything they can to find him, to relax. He grabbed the chair from the desk and flung it out the window shattering the glass to the ground.

The whole division stood in a standstill, looking up at the cause of the scene. Seeing Andy strongly holding in tears and Chris's anger fading away at realizing what he had done.

Andy kept her eyes on Chris, ignoring the glances and broken glass. Everyone goes back to their business. Chris's soft side is starting to come back after he lost it because he walks through the open window now to grab the chair and place it back where it was.

"Chris." Andy tried but got caught off by the sight of Oliver walking in.

"Really? While I'm in charge?" Oliver said in a funny tone as he surveyed the glass. "I am so blaming this on-"

Oliver didn't get to finish because Chris stormed out of the room to go find Denise.

"McNally?" Oliver asked.

Nick walked in then from behind Andy as Sam walked in from behind Oliver after hearing the loud noise. Andy turned away from Oliver, grabbing Nick's arm to trail him with her back to the phones.


Soon enough Andy got a tip with a description similar to Christians.

"Alright, thank you." Andy said, hung up, and turned to face Nick hanging up as well.

"We're getting an email of a picture of someone who thinks they saw Christian."

"Alright you tell Tracie. I'll go tell Shaw and Swarek in interview." Nick told her as he stood up.

Andy walked up to the D's office and told Tracie to open up her email, ignoring the caution tape being put up on the broke window.

"What's going?" Chris asked as he walked over to Tracie and Andy at the desk.

"Surveillance photo." Andy looked up to him in hopeful eyes. "The description matched Christian's."

"It's downloading." Tracie said as Denise walked up.

The picture finished uploading.

"That's Christian." Andy said and looked up to see Chris fueling with anger. She looked back at the photo. "Do you know this guy carrying him?"

"That's… his soccer coach... from Timmons."


"Where's Chris?" Dov asked Denise in a serious tone as he approached her in the lounge.

"Getting us some water, what's wrong?" She asked as she put her phone down.

Dov slapped a folder onto his desk.

"What's this?" She asked him in an innocent tone.

"DNA analysis from Jean… and from Christian." Dov said sternly, upset that this girl literally took Chris from him because of a lie.

"Oh god…" Denise got lost in her train of thought.

Dov didn't have time for it anymore. "You have to tell Chris he's not the father!"

"Dov?" Chris asked appearing in the door way. "What'd you say?"

Dov turned to face his brother. "You're not the father."

Denise threw her face into her hands.

"How could you… I'm not…" Chris walked up to stand in front of her. "I don't believe…"

"Chris I'm-"

"No. You're not sorry. Don't tell me you are sorry." Chris yelled at her.

Andy walked in with a paper in her hand. "Here's the number for… Jean."

Chris took the phone number out of her hands and dialed it on Denise's phone.

"What are you-"

"You're calling him and asking to meet with him."

"Chris I-"

"Shh." Andy shushed her as the phone began to dial.

"Hello?" The heard the line pick up.

Denise choked back a few tears before she was able to speak. "Jean. I know you have Christian. We can clear this up, no one needs to know."

"He's my son! You can't let another man take him from me! He isn't his father! I am, I'm his father!" Jean yelled.

"I'll come meet you and we can talk. I won't tell Chris… He doesn't have to know… If you love Christian… If you love your son you will tell me where you are."

"Say it again, say he's my son." Jean demanded of her in a serious tone.

Denise answered in a flat tone looking away from Chris's eyes. "He's your son Jean."

After a moment Jean answered in a calm tone. "We're at the Play Palace."

The line went dead.


Chris rode with Dov to the Play Palace, when they got there everyone searched the building. Andy and Chris were walking around together when they spotted Christian and Jean at the same time.

"Jean Mackenzie." Andy said to get his attention.

Jean looked up to see a police officer and Chris. Chris tried to run forward and take his son but Andy put an arm across his stomach to hold him back.

"Where's Denise?" Jean asked.

"She's not coming." Andy told him as she took a step forward.

"He's my son. He needs to be with his father!" Jean yelled, scaring Christian in the process.

Chris kneeled down as Christian ran into his arms. "Come here Christian." He wrapped his arms around Chris's neck as Chris stood up and Andy walked over to cuff Jean.

Jean tried to wiggle a bit right before Nick stepped up next to Andy to hold him down as she cuffed him. After she did she looked up to Nick with a small smile, happy they found Christian.

Oliver walked over to grab Jean and take him to the squad car outside. "Come here. We're taking you in and you're going to talk to a detective…" He continued on as he and Dov walked out.

Andy looked up to see Chris and he looked over to see her and Nick standing next to each other. She gave him a smile.

"Thank you." Chris told them sincerely.


"Tough day?" Sam asked Oliver after Nash took over for interviewing Jean.

Oliver took a snap of the window Chris smashed earlier.

"Hm." Oliver fought a laugh. "You should see the other guy."

Sam leaned up on a desk facing his brother. "So what happened?"

"Oh, I think you know." Oliver said knowing Sam heard the gossip trail around like fire that Chris threw a chair into the window while talking with Andy.

"Is she okay?" Sam murmured almost silently, trying to ask it casually as he flipped through some papers next to him.

"What, what was that?" Oliver turned around to look at his brother.

"Hm?" Sam said not looking up.

"Ah." Oliver responded putting his phone in his chest pocket. That was all he was going to get from Sam about her today.

Sam finally looked up. "How are you?"

Oliver turned his head in confusion.

"Oliver, look, about today."

"Hm?" Oliver said repeated Sam's words. "Look, brother we don't have to do this."

"I trained them. And hearing that report… hearing that a kid got kidnapped while they were watching him. After I had trained them I just… took the blame."

"Sammy, I trained them too."

"Yeah but-" Sam stopped himself from saying that because it was Andy he took the blame.

"Hm." Oliver said patting his chest.

Sam looked up to him.

"Just don't step on my toes when I'm around them."

Sam nodded. "You're going to look great in a white shirt one day."

Oliver laughed and turns to point at the mess. "That's what happens when I'm in charge."

Sam laughed. "Diaz getting angry because McNally was being an emotional sponge?"

Oliver nodded his head. "Yep."

"Then I don't think I should ever be in charge." Sam said with a grin.

"You got that right brother." Oliver patted him on the shoulder. "Like ever."

"You did good though. Everyone was exactly where they needed to be in order to get the job done. That's what happens when you're in charge."

Oliver nodded in agreement.

"See you tomorrow." Sam told him.

"See you brother." Oliver passed him and left Sam alone to look at the evidence of Andy's emotions getting someone out of hand.

Oliver still didn't answer his question. And after a day like today seeing how everything played out, he knows he was hard on her earlier. He knows it would be too much to go and see her so he satisfies for calling her. He sits on top of his desk as he waits for her to pick up.


Andy answered her door on the first knock.

"How did I know you would come?" Andy said with a short smile.

"I just wanted to check in on you, make sure you were alright." Nick said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I've had better days… so have you." Andy told him. "You wanna come in for a drink or something?" She asked taking a short step back wanting his company.

Nick stayed in the doorway. "I also wanted to tell you that I think you're right."

"About what?" Andy asked knowing what he could be talking about.

"About…" Nick looked her in the eyes. "Us."

"Hm." She stepped back to where she was before.

"You're right about all the problems." Nick said. "I did just break up with Gail, we work together, we're friends. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that."

Andy looked down as he listed all their reasons not to be together, when she would rather have him listing off the opposite. She gave a soft nod of her head, keeping it down, but looking up at him as she spoke. "Nope…"

He looked down. "All that's true, but the thing is…" He sensed Andy's intense look and met her eyes as he spoke. "I don't care, You're worth it. You're the most…" He got lost in her eyes for a moment. "…amazing person I've ever met and the fact that you've thought this through means I've got a fighting chance."

Andy slowly raised her eyebrows at his words, he just listed his reason for them to be together. She looks down wanting to keep down her smile, not knowing if she's ready yet.

When Nick finishes though, she looks back up to him in a little bit of awe. "So I'll wait… however long that takes." Nick turned then turned away and Andy couldn't keep herself from stepping forward to look after the guy who's told her how he felt and is still waiting on her, waiting for her… however long it takes.

"Oh." Nick stopped at the end of the hall. "Uh… also…" Nick grabbed into his jeans pocket, to pick up the phone that just vibrated. "I forgot to give you this." He walked forward to hand it to her.

Andy smiled at him being such a goofball like he always was even after he told her how he feels.

"I uh picked it up at the hospital for you…" He told her as he stood in front of her, dangerously close as she watched him. "I probably should've started with that because now it's…" He took a breath. "Super awkward."

Andy glanced at his lips as he spoke and let out a laugh as she moved herself forward to kiss him.

They're clumsy and passionate and comfortable and happy as they make their way completely inside and close the door, kissing each other with smiles all along the way.


*Hides behind hands*

So sorry this is later than usual. I sat down a good three times to write this and nothing. Then I got amped and totally excited for tomorrow's episode it just happened! And yes tomorrow's going to be so good, who else is excited?! There's only so many left and it makes me sad because I have developed a strong passion for this show and its characters and it makes be happy and good to have new episodes for it every Thursday. I just cringe at the thought of it coming to it's end.

But let's not think about that right now, I want to know if I had any of you guys going for a second that it was Sam at her door... Maybe? Not at all?

I also know some of you will either be extremely happy or extremely sad about the end of 4x09. To be honest I was smiling so much, like I still am. AND YES I SHIP MCSWAREK TOO! But guys, Andy's had it hard... if she's happy, let's just let her be happy, okay? No more fighting because either way I know we're all going to come together for that final episode right?! Please tell me we are! I love my Rookie Blue family so let's please stick together through this!

And if any of you guys are wondering about strike three, I'm trying alright?! Don't sweat too much... you'll see a great update soon that's worth the wait! Review!

And can I say one more thing before you carry on with your lives?

"I miss her man... I wish I didn't, but I do."