Four Years, 3 months, 6 hours, 8 minutes, and 34 seconds later (September 21st 1:00 p.m.) :
Dear Diary,
I officially say it:
I will never see Zach again.
I have never seen him since the day we said goodbye. I mean see you soon. Thing is I don't think 4 years is soon. He promised we would see each he promised. Zach never breaks his promises. Never.
If you love something let it go; if it comes back it was meant to be for forever, if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to happen.
I hate that saying. I didn't want to let Zach go. I hated when I wasn't with him 24/7. I hated it so much. I loved him.
I love him. I still do.
People say love never fails, but what if it does? What if I lost him for good? For good?
I goggled love quotes; yes I am finally realizing that Zach and I are never going to see each other again. I just wish I could see him one last time. I need someone to lean on, to tell my feelings to. Tiffany was that person. She was an amazing spy. The best in her class. It was in her blood. She must have used that anger to pass P&E. What anger? You might ask. The loss of both her parents. Yes, both. Aunt Alex died that year; someone put poison in her I.V. That someone was the COC. We later found out in my freshman year that Uncle Connor was killed on propose, he was a secret agent for the MI6. Aunt Alex and Tiffany did not know that. Aunt Alex never knew that. Tiffany did. She was the only person who cracked the MI6 data base to find her dad's name there. That year was like living hell. Tiffany graduated last year, valedictorian of course. She skipped a grade because it was so easy for her. She went on a mission last summer, and hasn't come back. She has been gone for about 3 months, and is about to be declared MIA. It kills me to think of it, my Tiffany in the field. I still have hope for her though; that she won't come back scarred. That will never fail. I promise you that.
I need to tell someone my feelings, so I am relying on a diary. People say it helps to write it down, hopefully it will.
Only fools' fall in love, I guess I am just one of them. ~ Someone
That is extremely true. I am going to put at least one quote down in each entry.
If I did see Zach again, what would he think of me? I have changed so much. I am not that slightly fat (no matter what Macey, Bex, Liz, Tiffany, My doctor, and my mom say, I think I was fat), just 5 feet, little girl any more. My dirty blonde hair has changed to a light brown and in the summer gets a little blonde. I am finally a normal weight, 5' 7" and 155 lbs. I actually have boobs, and curves. I no longer have any innocence; I am a rock, which has been broken, outside, and inside so many times. The thing is I still never give up, and have some freaking hope. Josh, and Zach broke my inside, COC broke my outside.
Zach wrote me one letter in the past four years. I still have it. I will copy it for you.
Dear Cammie, 7th grade
I am so sorry Cam, but I cannot communicate with you. Blackthorne has school all year, we have the weekends of, and winter break (2 weeks) and summer break (2 weeks) that's it. I am so sorry. I can't write to you, I am probably going to have to do extra drills tonight for it. I just want to say I love you, and love never fails. I promise I will find a way to see you.
Love,
Zach
I cried when I read that letter. When I felt someone looking at me I thought it was him. His green eyes looking at me like it cannot be true. He actually came to see me, but that never happened. It never will. Some stupid reason though, I still have hope. I have some freaking hope. That's what makes me go on.
My dad went MIA in my 7th grade year, that mission he went one yeah he never came back. Joe, my real dad is teaching her so he can spend some time with me. Turns out he wanted to come to the party, but he had to go on the mission with my dad, he came back. I forgave him.
My last quote in this diary entry:
True love never dies. It grows stronger with time.
Much Love,
Cammie
I shut my diary, and put it under my pillow. I snapped my fingers, and the lights went off. I feel asleep, with my three best friends. I snuggled Zach's blanket, when he slept over before 7th grade he brought a blanket all fuzzy black, and had written on it in white: I love you to the moon and back. He left it for my on propose because it was on my bed. It still smells like him, his axe cologne. I have slept it with my every night since I found it. To remind me that he really, truly does love me. My eyes close, and I fall into a deep sleep.
