Double Booked
Eric Cartman sat at the counter of the convenient store where he worked. He sighed. He wished he could be Stan and Kyle right about now. This town was boring as all fuck, and he really wanted some adventure. He was destined to stay in South Park forever, it seemed. He sighed. There was one good thing about this. Kenny was still here. He had a girlfriend, but she was nice enough. Kenny would never leave him.
The next day, he awoke to his mom blowing a party horn in his ear. "Wake up, poopsy!" she shouted as she clapped her hands. "It's a very special day today, and we don't want to waste it, now, do we?"
Cartman sighed as he rubbed his eyes. His twenty-first birthday. He smiled at his mom as she pulled back the blankets.
"I have pancake surprise in the kitchen." She said smiling. "Ready to come down?"
"I'll be right there." He said.
He was really excited. He really wanted nothing more than to enjoy the day with his mom, and Kenny. Kenny probably had something really amazing planned for him. He smiled at the mirror as he got dressed. He wanted to make sure he wasn't wearing his favorite jeans. If he stained them with the breakfast mom was making, goodbye pants.
He didn't pig out, but he ate a really good meal. His mom was going to work, but said she'd be back by five forty-five so they could do something together. She said he could even call Kenny and ask him if he'd like to go.
When mom left, Cartman decided to go to Kenny's house. He was really looking forward to it, and he wanted to tell Kenny in person. Maybe Kenny had something really big planned for him.
Kenny sat in the kitchen that morning with Kevin and Karen. Mom and dad were both still asleep. Mom had gotten a job, but didn't start work until at least eleven in the morning. She was working with LuKim at City Wok. The door quietly opened and Kelly came walking in. She smiled at the family sitting around the kitchen, as she walked in , and grabbed a pop tart from the plate in front of Kevin.
"Do you knock anymore?" Karen asked with a smile as she went and gave Kelly a hug.
"Nice to see you too, Karen." Kelly said laughing as she pigged out on the pastry. "Foe?" she asked with a mouthful. "Whuh aw we doinb foe aw amavussy?" she asked looking at Kenny hopefully.
"I really want to take you on a boat ride." He said smiling. "Unless you hate boats. Then, I suppose we can go watch a movie. But it would be short notice and a change of plans from what I—"
"Kenny!" Kelly shouted as she put a hand to his mouth across the table. "Boat ride sounds wonderful." She said smiling. "I can't wait to see how beautiful it turns out!" she said as she went pink. "I love boat rides. They're so romantic." She sighed.
"Come with me. I'll show you what I'm wearing for the special occasion." He said in a low voice as he and Kelly walked off.
"Gross." Karen said under her breath.
"No." Kevin said bitterly. "The gross part is that someday…, that'll be you. Now…, that's gross." He said as he pretended to throw up.
"Yeah." Karen said bitterly. "But in the meantime, so not me!" she said as she grabbed a glass of milk. "I am a free spirit. Going wherever the wind takes me."
"Like, to school in forty-five minutes." Kevin reminded. "I'll give you a ride if you want, CareBear." He said as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.
The door opened for the second time that day. Kevin moaned.
"I'll have to remember to lock the door next time." Karen said as she spotted Cartman walking in. "Riffraff can't just come barging in whenever it wants."
"Be nice to me, girlie." Cartman said smiling. "I get the crown today! It's mah birfday, and I am officially twenty-one." He said as he grabbed a box and opened it. He took a cookie out of the box and ate it greedily.
"Well, sport." Kevin said grinning. "Happy birthday. What're you up to today?" he asked smiling.
"I don't know. Do you?" Cartman asked grinning excitedly. "Does Kenny have a special surprise you'd both like to tell me about? I have a few expressions lined up to pretend that I'm still surprised even after I've made you loons spill the beans." He said as he sat down next to Kevin.
Karen and Kevin both gave each other serious glances. Hadn't they just heard tell from Kenny and Kelly that it was their one year anniversary? Hadn't they just been there for the revelation that Kenny was to take Kelly on a boat ride? This didn't look too good for Cartman. Kevin jumped in at the last second.
"We can't tell you. Kenny made us swear to secrecy. So, our lips are sealed." He said as he turned his back on the pair of them and started cleaning the counter. He was nervous. When Kevin got nervous, he did stuff like this.
Just then, Kenny and Kelly came walking down stairs. Cartman stood up and ran to Kenny knocking Kelly aside. He gave him a big hug, and smiled. He was really happy to see him.
"Be careful, Teddy." Kenny said laughing. He liked to call Cartman Teddy, because Cartman was heavy set and looked like a bear when he walked fast. He was capable of knocking people over if he ran fast enough.
"So, what's up for today, Kenndoll?" he asked as he let go of his friend. "A raid? Pizza? Movies?"
"I've got to decide." Kenny said smiling.
"I'll say." Karen said smartly. "And don't choose wrong." She said pointedly staring at Kelly.
"Text me the info." Cartman said as he looked at the clock. "I gotta go do some stuff for my mom, before I head to work. They gave me the right to an early shift, so I can do whatever I want after five!" he said excitedly.
"I wouldn't waste time hanging out with Kenny's sorry ass." Kevin said throwing in another smart remark.
"I'll see you guys later." Cartman said as he ran out of the house beaming.
"What's with him?" Kenny asked as he sat back down next to Kelly.
"Well, I'd be happy too, if it was my twenty first birthday." Kevin said grinning.
The look on Kenny's face said it all. He had forgotten. He looked whiter than a ghost. He didn't know quite what to say or do.
His girlfriend was the most special thing in the world. Cartman was his best friend. Kelly and Kenny had known each other in grade school for a brief period of time, and had finally reunited a year ago. But Cartman had been there all his life. Kenny didn't know what to say. He didn't know how the hell to react to the situation at hand. Kelly saw the problem.
"I totally blanked on his birthday." She muttered sadly.
"That's the thing, kitten." Kevin said guiltily. "Everyone these days seems to blank out on Cartman, period." He said looking expectantly at Kenny. "He left here under the impression that you were planning something big for him. Fix it, Kenny." Kevin warned.
"Oh fiddle sticks." Kenny muttered as he tried to figure out a solution without killing himself. "Oh, my god. Help me Jesus. I need you."
"Well, it's been nice knowing you." Karen said as she got up.
"Maybe we can throw him a surprise birthday party!" Kelly said happily. "With only his closest friends." She added looking at Kevin and Karen.
"Please, you guys!" Kenny begged. "Will you be there for me today?"
"Kenny, I have to go to Reds sister's house to work on a project for school." Karen said bitterly.
"And I have to make sure Karen gets there safe." Kevin said lamely.
"You guys are both a sack of sorry liars." Kenny moaned. "Today is Pizza party Wednesday according to mom. You won't miss it for the world." He moaned. "Please, you guys. Will you be there for me to throw Cartman the best party he's ever had?" he asked bitterly.
"Fine, Kenny." Kevin and Karen said at the same time.
"But don't expect to pull it off without him finding out. This is a pretty rotten thing you're doing." Said a voice as Kenny's mom came in the kitchen. "I would just tell eem the truth if you really wanna be his true friend." She said in her Southern drawl.
"I don't want a true friend, mom." Kenny alerted her gently. "I want a happy friend." He added grimly.
"Lies don't make good roofs during the rain, Ken." Kevin said as he and Karen stood up.
"You know you're late for school when your mom wakes up and you're still here." Karen said as she waved goodbye to her mom and the other two, and Kevin and Karen left for real this time.
"What have I gotten myself into this time?" Kenny moaned as he sat there with his head in his arm. "We have to make the party short, too. The boat ride starts at eight." He muttered.
"I just wanna let you know," Kevin said as they all got ready for the party. "You are a liar and will burn in hell." He muttered.
"Here, I brought pizza." Kenny's mom said as she set some boxes down on the table.
The door opened and Cartman came walking in. "Surprise!" they all shouted as the youth sat down next to Kenny in between him and Kelly.
"I am so happy!" he shouted as he looked around. "Is anyone else coming?" he asked as he hugged Kenny.
"No. No one really could. People are all working, you know." Kenny said hugging him back.
"Butters should be on his way." Kevin said winking at Kenny who grinned and gave him a thumbs up. He would have to thank him later.
The doorbell rang and Cartman ran to open it. He hugged Butters, and they both walked back in after closing the door. Kenny was so nervous. It was six thirty, and the boat ride was an hour and a half away by car.
"This is amazing!" Cartman said as he took a gift and unwrapped it. Kelly gasped. It had been the present that she was going to give Kenny.
She and the rest of the crowd watched as he opened it. He laughed. "I like chocolate." He said as he dug into the box and pulled out a chocolate covered cherry. He took the card attached to the box and read. "I love you, buttercup. You make my world feel so amazing. XO. Okay, you guys, who's the dirt clod that gave me this?" he asked going red in the face.
"I g-gave you that, Cartman." Kenny said trying not to laugh. "We've been friends for so long, thought I'd make you blush. And look, it worked!" he said laughing as he watched Cartman going redder.
"Fag." Cartman muttered as he opened another gift. It was a box of shaving supplies and a gift card for ITunes. He hugged Butters and thanked him smiling.
"Pretty good party, huh kid?" Kenny's dad asked grinning. "Even cooler to know he pulled it off at the last minute."
The whole room went silent, and Cartman looked around at the familiar faces. A rage started in his belly, and he felt like he wanted to just melt away.
"So, you mean to tell me, that all these people are here out of pity? You forgot my birthday, and were never going to tell me?" he asked softly. "You know, even for me, I wouldn't do that to a friend. That's low, Kenneth. You poor piece of shit." He said as he stood up. "Thanks for being there, you guys. I really appreciate it. Mrs. McCormick, I loved the pizza. Thanks for the one true gift, Butters." He said as he grabbed Butters's gift and left.
Kenny felt horrible. He didn't know what to do. He looked around at the silent people and sighed.
"I feel like a shit head." He muttered.
"You are." Kevin said as he put down a pizza slice. He had no appetite at the moment.
"Dad, you screwed up a really good thing." Kenny muttered.
"No, Ken. He didn't." Butters said softly. "You should've came clean. You should've told the two of them that the two events clashed on the same day. They would've been kind and compromising. They love you. You really fucked up." He said softly. "Sorry, ma'am. He said after uttering the curse word.
"You should go talk to him, Butters." Kenny demanded tensely.
"No, I shouldn't." Butters muttered. "You fucked it up, you go mend it. He's been your friend for a long time, Don't you think he deserves that?" he asked bitterly.
Kenny got up and sighed. It was seven fifteen. He had fifteen minutes to get all this sorted out. That wasn't much because it would take ten of those minutes to get to Cartman's house! Oh shit!
He ran off, and out the front door. Cartman was sitting on his stoop, and Kenny almost tripped over him as he ran down it.
"What are you doing here?" he asked surprised.
"I told my mom you were throwing me a party. I don't really want to show up early and have to tell her you fucked me over." Cartman muttered. He had been crying. Kenny could tell that much.
"Eric?" he whispered at the look of pain in his friend's eyes. "I am—"
"I don't wanna hear it, Kinny." He said bitterly. "I know I've been a douche to you, bro, but this is low. This is the most important day of my life, and I've been here longer than that bitch, Kelly." He muttered.
"Is that what this is about?" Kenny asked sitting next to him and wrapping his arms around him. "Eric, do you think Kelly's been taking over?" he asked softly.
"It's just that, First Cal left, and the tradition of going over to Stan's house every Wednesday still stuck. Then, Stan left. Now we go over to each other's houses every Wednesday, but you always have Kelly there. It's not guy time anymore. It's Kenny and his girlfriend, and I'm the third god damned fuckin' wheel. I really, really, thought, that since it was my twenty-first birthday, you would be a good friend and do some shit for me. But oh well. You lied to me, Ken. You not only lied, you fuckin' forgot my birthday, bitch. I hate you. You humiliated me in front of all those people, none of whom really liked me in the first place. So, it's fine. Just go do whatever it is you were going to do with Kelly, and I'll see you later. I'll just drive around for a little while longer. Mom won't even ask, I'm sure."
He tried to push his friend away, and Kenny held him tight. "Look, Eric, I'm really sorry." He muttered. "I got into a dilemma, and I should've told you. I really hate myself for not telling you what happened. I wish there was a way to take it all back. But, there just isn't. I really want you to forgive me. I really don't want you to think I hate you in anyway. Besides, all those people in there, really like you. I'm sure they want to make it a special day for you, too. And, as far as Kelly, I can still take her home after the party and give her my love as a gift. She'll understand. After all, you and I have been friends for our whole lives. Kelly and I have been going out for just a year."
"Why don't you bring your fat ass back to the party? I'm sure you'd really like it." Kenny said as they both stood there quietly for a whole five minutes.
"Y'think there's still pizza left?" Cartman asked grinning as he wiped a tear from his eye.
"I'm sure there is." Kenny said as he gave his friend a grin. "C'mon, Teddy. Let's go."
