Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just can't resist spending obsessive amounts of time in her world.

AN: Thank you for reading and especially for your reviews which do shape the way I tell the story, even though most of the plot developments are already set.

8: These wounds won't seem to heal

Alec led us across the castle to another one of its turrets. We stopped in a windowless room on the ground level. It was circular and approximately the same diameter as the throne room, but that was where the similarities ended. Whereas the throne room was sparsely furnished with only five carved chairs, this room was elaborately decorated. Tapestries and huge oil paintings in gilded frames adorned the wall, almost completely obscuring the stone. A thick rug comprised of dark swirling patterns looked as if it had been weaved with the dimensions of the room in mind. A wrought iron spiral staircase led up to the floor above. There was dark stained oak furniture dotted around, but only minimal seating, instead there was plenty of space to stand. It was a communal living area, designed with the needs of vampires in mind.

"This is our guest wing. Carlisle is familiar with it," Alec told us. "You can decide amongst yourselves which private rooms will best suit your coven, all of them are vacant at the moment. I'd advise you keep to these quarters until you hear otherwise. I will leave you to get settled."

As Alec exited the room I turned to face the accusatory stares of my family and miserably waited for them to start vocalising the recriminations they were formulating in their minds.

Alice was the first to break the ominous silence. "How could you?" She demanded, vibrating with anger. "How could you say those things to her? You must have seen how much you were hurting her, and yet you still continued. You left Bella to die in a forest. What on earth possessed you?"

"Son, you told us that you were going to explain the truth to Bella about why you felt it was best for us all to leave her. We would never have left without speaking to her if we had any idea what you were actually planning to say." The weight of Carlisle's disapproval weighed heavily on me, as usually no matter what I had done I could rely on his support and understanding.

"I never planned to say those things, so I had no time to contemplate the repercussions." I defended myself instinctively, although I knew my actions were indefensible. "I intended to tell her the truth but I could see she wasn't going to accept it. She would never have moved on. She would've spent her life chasing me. I wanted her to live her human life." I tried to explain myself, but even to me the words fell flat. How could I have so thoroughly underestimated the consequences of my decisions?

"She wasn't going to be able to move on from you when she was carrying your baby, was she?" Emmett waded in.

"Obviously I never imagined that was a possibility," I snapped at him.

"You gave no indication you had even moved your relationship to that level," Carlisle said grimly. "You were so adamant that would never be possible because she was human. You claimed you lacked the self control."

"He clearly did lack the self control Carlisle," Emmett laughed humourlessly, unsuccessfully attempting to diffuse the tension. "The parents are always the last to know when a son finally..." I prevented him from finishing the vulgar analogy that I had seen in his mind, by cutting him off with a growl. Even when I was drowning in despair, Emmett still had the capacity to make me burn with rage.

"Don't growl at me Edward," I saw that Emmett had been trying to keep a lid on his own fury. Emmett always understood the gravity of a situation, but took it upon himself to maintain a light hearted facade to reduce the stress of his constantly intense siblings. I had finally pushed him too far and broken through his carefully constructed barriers. "How could you treat my little sister that way and yet still pretend that you loved her," he snarled, his words burning with intensity.

I couldn't allow any of my family to insinuate I didn't love Bella. My rage overcame me. As I made to spring at Emmett, Jasper grabbed hold of me and held me back.

"Don't take this out on Emmett," Jasper said harshly. "I felt how much you loved Bella and even I'm questioning it. If I hadn't just witnessed it for myself, I would never have believed it were possible that you could hurt her so badly and then walk away."

"It was because I loved her so much that I was able to do it," I retorted.

"Every single one of your choices that week was ridiculous and I was too consumed with my own self loathing to see the situation logically at the time." Yet again Jasper was furious with both himself and with me. "On top of everything else, you didn't even tell her about the rules of secrecy."

"I didn't think..."

"You didn't think?" He hissed. "At any point she could have confided in someone without understanding the risk, not just to her but to our whole family. As it is, we are still in considerable danger. I've no idea how Bella has managed to protect us from the Volturi for so long but it was still not enough. You were beyond idiotic."

"As much as I agree that Edward made some very poor choices, we all need to accept some of the responsibility for this. Especially me," Carlisle reasoned. "It's true that I wish I'd known that Edward hadn't explained things honestly to Bella before we left. If I'd been aware of that, then when Bella called me for help, I would have chosen the words I said to her much more carefully. However it was me, not Edward, that said those things to her, me that refused to hear her out and me that implied she meant nothing to us. I led Bella to believe I didn't care about her and I've never felt more wretched. It's only in retrospect I realise how many mistakes we all made concerning Bella. We truly underestimated her," Carlisle was completely as miserable as he'd ever been in my presence.

"Do you think she'll ever be able to forgive us?" Alice asked in a tiny voice.

We all sank into our own private reveries, remembering images of Bella's past that we'd seen today. We were contemplating how it was possible that I had a daughter when we'd never even imagined it was possible for a human to conceive a vampire's child. All of us already felt a strong connection to Renesmee, she was a part of me and therefore we already considered her a part of our family. But in view of the way our first meeting had gone, we were wondering whether we would ever get the chance to know her.

It was difficult to decide who would go mad first, me or Jasper. Jasper was struggling under the torrent of emotions and I was tormented by the kaleidoscope of images my family were supplying of Bella in both emotional and physical pain.

Esme was the worst. She had remained silent through everything, but she was the most devastated of all. She was so disappointed in my actions and although she would never say so, she thought I was the one to blame for hurting Bella, for us missing out on Renesmee's life and for the danger our family was now in. I couldn't bear to listen to what she thought of me. I had to get away.

But I had nowhere to go. Alec had made it clear the rest of the castle was off limits. The only way was up. I darted up the spiral staircase to the next level. It was split into two private guest suites, separated by a wide corridor running the diameter of the turret. It was not far enough to escape the tormenting minds of my family, so I continued up several more floors, past decadent rooms, suites and communal areas until I finally reached the roof. I took a deep breath of warm Tuscan air and concentrated on blocking their thoughts from my mind.

The trapdoor that accessed the roof was shaded by a huge conical thick canvas canopy. Its purpose was obviously to prevent exiting vampires from sparkling in the sun, flashing like the beacon of a lighthouse for all of Volterra to see. The shadow it threw led to a stone hide. I secured myself inside and was rewarded with the most amazing view of Italy, laid out for miles before me. I barely glanced at it, instead sinking to ground and into the personal hell that was my mind. The sun ebbed across the sky. It took both seconds and forever for the darkness of night to creep up on me. Only when it was late into the night did I finally gather the strength to move, steeling myself with the realisation that this was not just about me, but also about my family, my daughter and my Bella. I deserved anything they could throw my way. As I silently made my way back to the trapdoor, still concealed from the outside world by the shadows of the canopy, movement from the castle courtyard below caught my attention.

I moved to the shadow of the high stone battlements and peered out between the crenulations that allowed me a clear view down without being seen from below. Aro was pacing anxiously, completely alone. I wondered if anyone else had ever seen him looking so vulnerable. It distracted me from my own misery and I found myself mesmerised by him. He froze as a concealed gate opened. Bella and Sulpicia emerged, arm in arm.

Aro rushed to meet them. "Sally," he said, his voice infused with relief. "I've missed you. I can barely function without you close by. The thought that something may happen to you has been torturing me all day." He stroked his hands over her face gently, as if checking it against his memory.

She smiled warmly at him. "Aro," she said patiently. "You know no harm could ever come to me in the company of Fred and Bella. I'm possibly more protected by their presence than I am in the castle."

"I know you speak the truth, but the further away you are, the less rational I am," he said with a rueful smile.

He turned to Bella, "Thank you for bringing her safely back to me," he said with genuine gratitude.

"Of course Aro, did you expect anything less?" She replied kindly.

"Well, your own problems are complex, and I'm partly to blame for them. I'm so sorry Bella. I deeply regret the hurt I have caused you today," he said remorsefully.

"You are not to blame, Aro. I kept things from you and I should have trusted you. But when I first arrived in Volterra it was too painful to think about, let alone talk about and I didn't know if I could trust any of you then. The more time that passed, the more difficult it was to see the best way to tell you without hurting Renesmee and then Fred. My only excuse is that I was hindered by my inability to consider the options with Renesmee and her gift constantly close by."

"How is Renesmee?" Aro asked gravely.

"She's gone hunting with Demetri. He's the only one of us she can bear to be around at the moment." This obviously saddened Bella.

"What has Fred done?" Aro asked curiously. "She's always felt able to confide him before."

"He failed to muster enough anger with me to satisfy her. He tried to say what she needed to hear, but her own anger has robbed her of her manners. She looked into his mind and saw that he doesn't blame me for hiding the truth from them and he understands and accepts my decisions."

"And Demetri is angry with you?" Aro asked surprised.

"Not as such. But he is irritated that I didn't confide in him when I was a newborn. He'd thought it was because my human memories had blurred during the transition and I couldn't tell him rather than because I wouldn't tell. Also, because Demetri and I were never romantically involved, Renesmee doesn't think he needs to be as angry as she thinks Fred should be."

"You seem almost amused," Aro said admiringly. "Your strength astounds me."

"Talking with Sally is soothing for the soul. She has helped me to regain my perspective." Both Bella and Aro smiled lovingly at Sulpicia.

"I honestly believed dealing with the matter swiftly was for the best," Aro explained. "I shared your desire to protect Renesmee from this. I'd hoped for the matter to be dusted before her return home."

"We were both foolish," Bella responded. "Hiding things from Ness is impossible and we both should've known better. I suspect she'll forgive you quicker than she'll forgive me though."

"What precipitated her early arrival?" Aro wondered.

"Daisy called her. She was worried when me and Fred returned home unexpectedly and then rushed to prepare for the council. We had no time to explain anything to her and she picked up on our anxiety. Jaden was upset so Daisy phoned Ness for advice. Ness knows that even if she is away, we always inform her before a council and give her the option to attend, so she knew something was wrong. She called Daniel and he brought her home."

"Ahh...I see." Aro nodded in understanding. "That makes sense." But it didn't make sense to me. I wished I knew of the vampires to whom they were referring. They were obviously well known to Bella and my daughter, but I had never heard of any of them before. I wondered about their relationships. I grieved that I knew almost nothing of their life here with the Volturi.

"Renesmee rushed to the castle, very worried as to the nature of the council," Bella continued to explain. "She reached out to my mind for reassurance, unfortunately almost exactly as you accessed my memories. She saw everything." Despair was creeping back into Bella's voice. "She never should have had to see some of those things. I was so involved in our exchange Aro, that I didn't realise her proximity until it was far too late."

"It will be okay Bella," Aro reassured her. "You are the most selfless person I've ever come across. I thought I knew that before I read your mind, but I had no idea. Your consciousness is filled with light, no one else's mind has come close to comparing...except maybe Carlisle's when he first stayed with us, but much has changed since then. Renesmee can read you more easily than I can. It will be literally impossible for her not to forgive you."

"I hope you're right Aro," Bella sighed.

"Of course he is," said Sulpicia, enveloping Bella in a tight hug. "Let Demetri work his magic, give Ness a chance to cool down and then talk it through. When she sees how pure your intentions were, she'll understand your actions. Now Aro, you will have to excuse us. Bella wishes to talk to the Cullens and I've promised to accompany her."

xxx

As I rejoined my family I was alternating between thrumming with anticipation of Bella's arrival and quaking with dread at her possible reactions to us. Jasper shot me a curious look.

"Bella's coming," I explained to him, grabbing the full attention of the rest of my family who had been deep in discussion about the nature of Renesmee's gift.

As Bella and Sulpicia entered, my family shifted to face them. Guilt was rolling off us in waves. We had no idea what to expect and were all hoping nothing could make matters worse...that surely had to be impossible. We waited for Bella to speak but she stood, unmoving. It was Sulpicia who addressed us.

"My daughter has an amazing inability to hold a grudge and she wants a chance to speak to you. Before she does I would like you to know that the rest of my family are more than capable of holding it for her. We will not forget the way you have treated her and if I were you I would tread very carefully in our home. However, you are currently guests of the Volturi, so you are free to move around the castle and the city. Also you may leave to hunt, of course. All that said, you will be staying with us until your fate has been decided." She stepped back and gestured gently to Bella, encouraging her to speak.

"I need to know your intentions regarding Renesmee," Bella began hesitantly. "I realise even the possibility of her existence was a shock for you, but now you are aware of each other I'm concerned, I want to minimise the amount she'll be hurt."

"It's your fault she's hurt," snapped Rosalie, before anyone else had a chance to respond. "You should never have kept her from her family and you will not keep her from us any longer."

Bella bristled at this, drew herself up straight and turned to face Rose. "You should consider it paramount to your survival that you do not approach Renesmee. You will wait for her to initiate any contact; the consequences for doing otherwise would be irreversible," Bella's voice was steely and her eyes ice cold. Even Rose was not immune to the implicit threat, or the authority with which Bella delivered it.

"Bella," Esme implored, "we'd never want to do anything that might hurt Renesmee. She is Edward's daughter and we consider her family."

Hurt flashed across Bella's face, but she was able to compose herself quickly. Even so, Esme realised the double meaning of her words and that Bella had misconstrued them, thinking that we'd been able to hurt her because we did not consider her family.

"Bella...I didn't mean...of course we never meant...we always loved you," Esme stammered, appalled at herself for hurting Bella further.

Bella obviously did not accept that. "It doesn't matter either way," Bella said, sadly. "I'm only concerned about Renesmee."

Esme wished she knew what to say, but couldn't find the words to explain how much she loved Bella and that she would never want to hurt her either. She looked to Carlisle for support.

"We're so very sorry for the way we treated you Bella, we always cared and we acted with the best of intentions. It's only now that we realise how very wrong we were." Carlisle said sincerely.

Bella shook her head angrily. "Please don't insult me by trying to use me to get closer to Renesmee. The actions of each and every one of you prove how unconcerned you were about me. You don't need to try and appease me. I will not stand in the way of any relationship between Renesmee and your family, but I will insist on it being on her terms. At the moment she is very angry and with her gift any contact could be detrimental to you all."

"What exactly is her gift?" Carlisle asked, unable to contain his curiosity.

"She's a sending and receiving telepath," Bella told us. "She has good control under normal circumstances. She is able to selectively read only the minds that she chooses to and usually only projects thoughts when she wants to. However, it can be hard for her to block emotional or intense thoughts. Also, when she is distressed she often reaches into someone's mind without thinking, either to read or to project and I don't want her to be further adversely affected by what she might see or hear."

"What happened in the throne room earlier?" Emmett wondered, having never experiencing anything like it before and hoping that what we had seen was exaggerated in some way and that we hadn't hurt Bella as badly as he now feared.

"I don't know exactly what she showed you, she told me I had relived those memories enough already," Bella told us, troubled. "She has the ability to take a memory she has seen in another's mind and project it into yours so that you feel as if you are experiencing their past from their perspective." Emmett's hopes were dashed. Everything we had seen was exactly what Bella had gone though because of us.

"Amazing," said Carlisle, awed by the scope of Renesmee's gift.

"Yes she is," Bella agreed, some of her anger dissipating, "but her gift is only a small part of that."

"Bella," Alice began timidly. "Carlisle and Esme were speaking the truth. We know that we have behaved appallingly, but despite what you might believe, we have always loved you. Is there anything we can say to convince you of that?"

Bella shook her head again, sadly this time. "No, I know your abilities to deceive are unparalleled. Even if there was any truth to that at all, I doubt I could accept it; when I was changed I believed that I meant nothing to you."

Alice and Esme gasped as the implications of that statement set in. When our human bodies died and we spent three days burning to become a vampire, our human personalities and characteristics were frozen as they were at the moment of our death and remained unchanged for the rest of our immortal days. Shifts in our beliefs were rare and monumental, usually only occurring when we found our mates. This was the reason Carlisle had been able to resist human blood despite his relentless thirst. This was the reason Jasper had recovered from his years with Maria, his core personality of a soldier eager to protect the innocent had survived despite the atrocities he had been forced to be a part of. If Bella had died believing we did not care about her, or worse if she had hated us, almost nothing would be able to change the way she felt.

Jasper let out a small grunt and sunk to his knees, his face a mask of pain, unable to cope with the feelings Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and I were emitting in addition to his own. Bella seemed momentarily confused but then gasped in understanding. Suddenly Jasper's mind was silent to me and the emotions he had been unable to contain, stopped projecting. He stared incredulously at Bella, then moved slowly towards her and pulled her into a fierce hug.

"Thank you," he whispered to her. "You have no idea how peaceful that is. How long will it last?"

"I can keep it up the entire time you're in Volterra Jasper, but would you want me to?" Bella asked. "Isn't it like having one of your senses cut off?"

"I've been driven to almost complete emotional burn out from the intensity and complexity of what my family have been going though these last few days," Jasper explained. "It's such a relief to know what I am feeling at this moment belongs to me. The weight of my own guilt for the incident on your birthday and how we ignored you afterwards is a big enough burden alone, without the additional feelings of my family added to it."

"I never once blamed you for that Jasper, even before I understood how intense bloodlust is for myself," Bella told him honestly.

Jasper pulled away from Bella, holding her at arm's length and gazing at her with wide eyes.

"Bella..." he began, awed, but Bella cut him off with a brisk shake of her head.

"Please don't say anything about that now Jasper, it will be too much for me to cope with at the moment," she told him. "I will keep you shielded until you ask me to stop." She freed herself from Jasper and returned to Sulpicia's side, before addressing my whole family. "Do not seek out Renesmee," Bella instructed, her voice once again ringing with authority, "I will let her know that you are anxious to see her, but that I've told you that you must wait for her to come looking for you."

"Bella..." Alice tried again.

"Please Alice, there's nothing more to say," Bella's tone was final.

xxx

Almost as soon as Bella left, I escaped back to my new sanctuary on the turret roof. I'd been without my family almost exclusively for the last twenty years, with the exception of a few rare visits. I felt much more comfortable in solitude, especially considering how angry my family was with me at the moment.

I kept a close vigil on the courtyard this time, hoping for a glimpse of Bella. I had felt unworthy to even speak in her presence, such was the shame I felt for my how my actions had hurt her. But I was like an addict when it came to her, even without the lure of her blood she was still my own personal brand of heroin. Despite everything that I'd been forced to realise since Bella had saved us from Maria's army, my proximity to her meant that I felt better than I had since the day I left her in Forks.

It was hours before my impatience was rewarded. Bella started across the courtyard, but came to a sudden halt when the first rays of sunrise darted over the horizon, signalling dawn.

"Crap," Bella muttered.

"Tsk, tsk, Isabella," Felix leered, emerging from the shadows of the courtyard directly below me. "You just came very close to breaking the secrecy law and being caught out in the sun. What a shame it would be to tear up such a magnificent body as yours." He stopped only when he was right in front of her, blocking her way and towering over her.

"Don't get excited Felix," she said icily, "I'll simply have to take the underground exit, that's all."

"There is always a risk to travelling during daylight," he told her. "I could think of many better things you and I could be doing and none of them involve you exposing yourself to anyone but me."

"Don't push your luck with me today, Felix," she replied scornfully. "You are by no means irreplaceable and I'm more than capable of ensuring you are expelled from the Volturi through the fire exit."

Felix glowered with rage at her threat, but she merely raised her eyebrow at him, unconcerned. Felix looked like he was about to lose control of his temper and appeared to pose a real danger to Bella. I wondered if her lack of survival instinct had followed her from her human life and if it had, how had she survived for so long? The need to protect her at all costs surged through me. I prepared to drop from the battlement to the courtyard, but before I jumped, Felix suddenly flew across the courtyard backwards, as if pushed powerfully by an invisible force. He landed hard on his back, sprawling on the ground, distinctly lacking any vampiric grace. Fred appeared from nowhere, looming over Felix, feral growling ripping from deep in his chest.

"Never threaten Bella again or I will bury your head in concrete, fifteen metres away from your body," Fred told him, in a low voice.

"Actually, Bella was threatening me," Felix said clambering to his feet and dusting himself off, clearly trying to hold on to a scrap of dignity. "Are you challenging me Fred?" He asked gruffly.

"No, I was stating the facts. Fortunately for you, I have more pressing things to do today than claim another victory from you. However, if you want to challenge me, you know I'd never refuse."

"Another time then," Felix grumbled, skulking away.

Fred returned to Bella, all signs of aggression slipping away. "I realised you had probably left it too late to come home the pleasant way and I thought you might appreciate an invisible escort to save you a trip though the sewers," he said pleasantly.

"Thank you," Bella said warmly, taking his hands. "You do know that I can take care of myself, don't you?"

"Of course," Fred replied, easily. "But you can be way too nice and considerate. You lack the open aggression needed to get through to someone like Felix and I enjoy looking out for you. I can stop if you'd prefer. I know you are a force to be reckoned with."

"No, I love it when you do that and as long as you know you don't need to, feel free to intervene whenever you want to." She pulled him close and kissed him briefly on the lips. "Is there any news?" She asked more anxiously.

"Ness called," Fred told her. "She wants to speak to both of us together. She asked for us to meet her at the Acropolis at ten."

"The Acropolis? At ten? On a sunny day?" Bella asked, incredulously. "We'll have to say under the influence of your gift at all times and we won't be able to speak out loud in case we are overheard by a curious tourist."

"I think that may be the point, my love," Fred smiled. "She wants to establish exactly what we are thinking and what better way to guarantee that than ensuring the conversation can only be held in our minds."

"Are you sure you want to do this Fred?" Bella was concerned. "It will be an incredible surrender of our privacy."

"I know you will go to meet her exactly as she asks, no matter what the personal cost to you. Like I told you on the plane, we will deal with whatever happens together. We have several hours to talk and ensure no unpleasant surprises will come our way. Remember, I will always love you and I'll stand by your side, no matter what." Fred sounded absolutely sincere. "Besides, the view from there is amazing and we've never seen it in the sunshine, I bet we'll be able to see for miles," he added with a wink.

They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment, before sharing a gentle but intense kiss that would rival one of Jasper and Alice's for depth and love. They disappeared into thin air in the blink of an eye as the pieces of my heart crumbled. My Bella was lost to me forever, but I couldn't end my suffering by forcing the Volturi to punish me, as I'd always planned to do if I was ever deprived of her permanently. It was not only about Bella and me anymore. I had a daughter. Renesmee mattered just as much and I could never intentionally hurt her. I had to make her understand that I would always love her and I was truly sorry that my actions had kept me absent from her life for so long. However, this would probably prove difficult, as she currently hated me and Bella had forbidden me from going anywhere near her on pain of death. My only hope was that Renesmee would seek me out, but considering her reaction to me and my family in the throne room, that seemed very unlikely.

AN: Thanks for reading.