Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm thrilled with the number of view's I've gotten in such a short period of time! I've been going through and making minor edits and whatnot in grammar and fixing where I use third person rather than first. Most of those changes are so minor, though, that I probably will not re-upload the chapters. While I typically have 1-2 chapters written ahead, I am open to input on where you would like to see this story go, and how you want certain things approached. :) Thank you for reading!
Chapter 9
"Where's Rory?" Mom demanded running into the apartment. I was awake but didn't feel like dealing with anything, so I pretended I was still asleep.
Jess moved from the bed and into the main area. "She's asleep," I heard him say.
"What's going on? What's wrong with my baby?"
"Lorelai, maybe it would be best if you got some sleep. We can deal with this in a few hours." Luke suggested. "You can take my bed, I will sleep on the couch.
"No. I need to know what's going on." My mom's voice got closer, and I felt her sit on the bed next to me. She rested her hand on my shoulder. "Sweets? Are you awake?"
I rolled over and looked up at her. I tried to smile, but instead I was crying again.
"Oh, baby, what happened?" Mom pulled me up to where I was sitting and she was hugging me.
"I'm sorry, Mommy…" I said.
"Rory, you have to tell mommy what's going on."
"Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?" In all honesty, I wanted to put it off longer than a few hours… I knew she deserved the truth, though. Her eyes showed the pain and disappointment that I wouldn't open up to her.
"Do you want to go home?"
"I just want to stay here. Please?" It took restraint to not admit that I needed Jess.
Mom nodded, standing up. She left Jess's space and sat down at the table. I didn't want to see her cry, so I went into the bathroom. I faintly heard Luke trying to talk to her, and Jess had started tapping on the door.
"Ror? Can I come in?" he asked.
For some reason, I became angry. "I am capable of being alone for two fucking minutes!" I yelled through the door.
"I'm sorry," Jess said, guiltily. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
I felt horrible for yelling at Jess. He had been nothing but supportive, but I was feeling trapped. Emerging from the bathroom, I slipped my shoes on as I moved across the room. "I'm going for a walk," I announced, walking out the door. I hurried down the stairs, hearing Luke instruct Jess to watch Lorelai, and say that he would try to talk to me. The last thing I wanted was to talk. I was so tired of talking.
Before Luke got through the curtain, I had been able to get out of the diner and out of sight. I needed space and time alone. While I felt guilty for evading him, I knew that I needed to have time to think about what I was going to tell my mom.
Luke had started wandering around, calling my name, but eventually gave up and went back into the diner. When he did, I went the long way around town to get to the bridge. I sat down, picked up one of the autumn leaves that had fallen, and started tearing it apart. I was angry with Jess for telling Luke as much as he had, and for not letting me be alone for two seconds. I was angry with Luke. I was angry with myself for being angry at the two people who wanted to help and protect me. I was angry with Dean for putting me in that situation.
"Ror, what're you doing here?" Jess asked, sitting next to me.
"I'm a big girl, Jess. I needed to think."
"I know you are a big girl."
"Let me make my own decisions."
Jess sighed. "That makes me nervous, after last night and earlier today. I'm scared you'll get hurt, if not by yourself, then by Dean."
"You never cared before," I snapped. "So why bother now?"
Jess gave me an incredulous look. "I have cared since we became friends, Rory. Why else would I buy you that stupid book? I wanted to help you."
Looking down, I realized that he was right. "I'm sorry." I said softly.
"Let's just go back, okay?"
"I'll meet you back there. I need some time."
"Ror, it's almost four in the morning… The diner opens at five-thirty." Jess sighed.
I looked over at Jess. "You know that I need to talk to Dean at some point, right?"
"You're fucking kidding! Why?" Anger was evident in his voice.
"He's my boyfriend," I answered, shrugging my shoulders.
"What the fuck, Rory?" Jess glared at me. "What the fuck are you thinking?"
"It isn't as straightforward as you'd think."
Jess stood up, and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Fine. Whatever." With that, he walked away. He was rightfully frustrated, but he needed to understand that Dean was my boyfriend. Even though he made mistakes, he and I were in a relationship. And now, he had my virginity. That wasn't something I was going to let go of lightly. I sighed and laid back. There was a lot I needed to decide; I knew my mom, Luke, and especially Jess would want me to leave Dean, but it wasn't that simple. When I was young, I decided that I would do whatever it took to stay in a relationship with the man I lost my virginity to. While these circumstances were far from what I had expected, I knew Dean loved me. And if I am incapable of withstanding his love, I always have the option to escape the world, so to speak.
I must have fallen asleep while thinking, because the next thing I knew, the sun was shining brightly. If I went back to the diner, Luke and mom would be angry, and Jess would probably barely acknowledge me. Why did I have to say all those stupid things to him? Why did he have to find out about Dean? Jess's presence made the situation Friday night so much worse than it would have been otherwise. If it wasn't for Jess, I would have been able to go through with my suicide plan, and I wouldn't have any troubles. It no longer mattered that Jess had only been trying to help… All of my anger was turning towards him.
