Title: For You I'll Die
Author: Maetel
URL: N/A
Rating: M 15
Summary: Begins weeks after the ending of Sanctuary. When Mamoru's been captured, the senshi are left to fend for themselves against their enemies. What happens when Usagi does something that no one expects. (I'm working on the summary :p)
Chapters: 9 of ?
Status: Incomplete
Year Completed: N/A
Author's Note: I usually have to put some sort of thought into the lyrics that go with the chapters, but this one fell into my lap as I was writing courtesy of my phone. Perhaps that's where I got the emotions from for this chapter. Anyways, it's going to be a little while before I return to the girls. They were proceeding to fall apart until Ami's collapse last we saw them. This is to cover the time that passed. I'll check in on them again, though. Don't worry.

Author's Note 2: To those of you wondering where this is headed at the end of this chapter, know that I have the ending in mind and partially written. It's just taking me a little while to get where I feel like the ending isn't completely rushed.


"I try to make it through my life,

In my way, there's you.

I try to make it through these lies,

And that's all I do."

Apocalyptica feat Adam Gontier, "I Don't Care"


The first thing Usagi registered was that she wasn't cold. She'd fallen asleep thinking that she was going to wind up getting hypothermia from the floor. Had she adjusted? Or had her powers unconsciously kicked in? They'd never bothered keeping her warm on cold nights in Tokyo. What—

A soft exhale came from behind her. She turned so that she could see its source, and it finally hit her. Endymion must have woken up long enough to get them both off of the floor. Why he was lying beside her was a mystery she couldn't figure out however. She took a moment to savor the occurrence.

The Dark Kingdom had come up with the surest way to torture her, she was convinced. Instead of having killed Mamoru as she had thought, Beryl had him converted into one of her warriors. Not entirely though. Mamoru was strong enough to retain the part of himself that cared for others. If that would remain once he found out who she really was… The curse of the brooch once again.

She reached out and lightly brushed his sleep mussed hair from his face. His skin was still slightly chilled, though she had to suppose that came from being here so long. His breath wafted against her wrist delicately, sending shivers up and down her arm.

She wanted him to awaken not as Endymion, though she knew without the crystal, that wouldn't happen. If she dared to use it… She had to find it and her brooch, neither of which was in her subspace pocket, first.

She looked around the room for her clothing, but saw none of their remains lying about. She wondered if this wasn't for the best though. So long as she didn't have her brooch, she couldn't access the crystal. So far as she knew anyways. Without the crystal or her transformation, she wasn't as much of a target. She could try to reach Mamoru in another way. Free him in a way that left them both safe. Though, that would have to be after he had taken her out of the Dark Kingdom. Otherwise, she wasn't sure how to get back home.

"Mamo-chan… help me," she whispered softly. "You still have a promise to keep, and I'm not counting this as you returning to me."

Her fingers gently traced his features, down to his lips which she remembered with a rush of warmth to her cheeks. He'd kissed her with those lips. Called her Usako with those lips. Lied to her with those lips…

Her chest tightened as a sob fought its way out of her. Forget saving him with herself. She'd find a way to do it with her crystal, once she found it again. She just couldn't deal with seeing Mamoru's face as an enemy. She couldn't deal with the fact that he wasn't hers anymore.

Her blue eyes clenched tightly shut as she found herself staring at a blur rather than the source of her pain.

She fought back the sobs that rose up in her until she felt his arms pull her against his chest. He held her to him just as Mamoru had and the agony screamed within her at the memories rose.

"You're not him. You're not," she cried softly, slamming a tiny fist into his chest. "He lied, and you're not him."

"I'm sorry," Endymion apologized, his hushed voice just inches above her ear.

They laid there as she poured her heart out into his chest. He held her tightly, feeling an unfamiliar discomfort at the sounds of her sorrow. Anger at himself which he couldn't understand. Guilt for not being the person she wanted.

How was it that this girl was making him feel like this? How was it that he wanted to do nothing more than make her pain disappear?

She eventually pushed him away and sniffed softly, refusing to look at him. Ashamed for her tears, he surmised. Or perhaps he resembled the person she'd mistaken him for more than he thought.

"Is there anywhere that I can clean myself up here?" she asked softly. "I think I might be a little more collected once I am clean."

Of all the things he would have expected, that most certainly didn't. It made sense though. She was human and female. Even the female youma were prone to bouts of vanity which led to them bathing for hours in the few areas where the water was available for days at a time.

"Of course," he told her as he slowly moved to sit. He tested his strength for a moment, determining if his energy had returned enough to go find something for her to wear. He didn't think she'd appreciate having to wear his clothes much more than she had to.

As he stood, she followed him towards what she guessed to be the bathroom. The door was barely perceptible as he opened it, allowing her entrance.

"The water will automatically adjust for you. Be careful. You're still injured," he advised. "I'll try to find something for you to wear while you're in there."

"Might I ask what happened to my clothing? I know you said they'd been damaged during the—"

"The remnants are in there. I have yet to figure out what to do with them since it is not safe for you to be noticed here," he told her.

"Thank you," she replied before stepping into the washroom, closing the door behind her. She turned her head and saw that there were various cloths that were stacked like the towels in her mother's linen closet. Perhaps that's what they were. She ran her hand over the material of the top one and felt a weary smile form on her face at the feeling beneath her fingers. They were soft. Similar to the cloth that her senshi fuku's body suit was made of.

The thought made her smile crumble into a look of disgust. She was sick of being Sailor Moon, she realized. It was bringing her nothing but misery, and she was sick of it. She wondered if she could avoid it all by just staying in the Dark Kingdom. Reveal her location only for a moment before disappearing amongst the inhabitants of this place. She had the disguise pen with her. She could look like a youma, and with her powers, she could fool a couple of people, so long as they didn't notice she wasn't using dark energy.

She considered bringing this up to Endymion, before discarding the idea. She couldn't be here with him without him being Mamoru. As long as he was here, she knew that he would never be Mamoru for long.

"Stupid catch 22s," she muttered before turning her attention outward to the room once again. She looked to her left and saw a large looking tub of water, already full. She walked up to it and saw that it was clean and waiting for its next use. She dipped her fingers and felt the substance warm to a comfortable temperature.

Carefully, Usagi disrobed, finally seeing some of the damage that her body had suffered. There were two new scars amongst the small smattering that marred the otherwise smooth flesh of her abdomen. She wondered if he noticed those or if he just figured them to be from the attack she'd blocked. Her arms were lightly bruised, but the coloration was on the healing end of the spectrum.

Her legs had taken no outward abuse, though they were still tender when she moved. The effects of electric currents, maybe? She didn't know. She would have to ask Ami about that one day.

With a soft sigh, Usagi climbed into the tub and sank into the liquid within. It wasn't water. It soothed her tired form in a way that water couldn't. Something enchanted perhaps?

She remained in the fluid for what felt like hours, her body relaxing in a way she'd not been allowed to truly in months. Her hair flowed around her in the liquid coming cleaner than she'd managed to get it since her life had grown so hectic. It looked lighter than she'd seen it since she'd become Sailor Moon, almost platinum.

No, it wasn't cleaner. The water was forcing her true nature to come out. Any longer in the water, and she would be easily recognizable with long silver hair instead of gold. The odango which Mamoru picked on would no longer be childish but instead regal. She couldn't let that happen.

With a soft sigh, she lifted herself from the liquid letting it drip from her petite frame. She stepped out onto the floor and found another way in which the bath had been different. Whereas she had to normally be careful not to slip while exiting the tub, the floor felt solid beneath her feet.

She was still dripping though. Carefully, she walked over to the shelf holding the cloths and grabbed one, wrapping it carefully around her body. The material was clingy against her damp form, but not uncomfortably so. It really was like her fuku.

She continued to her clothes and saw that he'd been understating by calling them fragments. The back of her shirt and jacket were non-existent and her skirt was scorched. Blood stained the material of everything she had been wearing. She felt fortunate to even be able to find a pocket on her jacket. She reached in and found the smooth metal of her henshin brooch. She pulled it out and deposited it in her subspace pocket instead.

Usagi stuck her head out of the washroom to see Endymion pacing his room. He stopped when he saw her and laughed softly.

He'd been worried that perhaps she'd fallen asleep. She would not have gotten chilled, but the cleaning methods of the Dark Kingdom have been known to become addictive to some youma. He didn't consider what might have happened to a normal human girl.

Assured that she was all right, he finally had a chance to notice the slight differences in her. Her hair. It almost shone around her, emphasizing her fragile beauty.

"Endymion-sama," she called quietly. "Are there any clothes?"

He shook his head, drawn back to the world by her words. "Yes, hanging beside the door. But before you go back in, might I ask you something?"

Don't let it be have I always had the crescent moon on my forehead, she thought as she realized she hadn't considered its reappearance while she was in the bath. But now that he was staring at her, or at least she felt like he was staring at her, she couldn't help but be completely self conscious of her true nature.

"What might I call you?" he asked instead.

She blinked at his question and tilted her head to the side. "Usagi. My name's Usagi."

She felt vulnerable at her admission. To hear Mamoru's voice calling her Usagi once more might break her, she knew. She almost regretted telling him.

"Thank you," he replied before she reached out to take the clothes hanging beside the door.

Slowly, she dressed, taking note that the clothes were fairly modest, but still for a female. A busty female, she noticed, feeling rather inadequate. The top was loose and a deep purple. It almost swallowed her, coming down below the shorts he'd managed to find. They were form fitting and made her glad that she was physically smaller than many of her enemies.

She eventually walked out into Endymion's chambers once again, her arms wrapped around her midsection. He was once more sitting, but this time in a chair she'd not noticed before. Perhaps it hadn't been there before? She drifted over and climbed onto the bed, pulling her legs beneath her.

"Who is he?" Endymion asked. "The one you cry for? This Mamoru."

Usagi felt her heart clench in her chest at his question. She couldn't very well say, "He's you."

Her eyes dropped to the ground, and she took a deep breath. "He… He's… He was my worst enemy and my best friend."

"You cared for him?"

Usagi nodded. "Yeah. Deeply. This past year has been insane, and he's been the one stable point. Keeping my spirit up while everything seemed intent on dragging me down. Even when we fought, there was no real viciousness. Well, none intended anyways. We were just… We were finally moving past all of the arguing when he… When he… he disappeared."

Endymion watched her silently for a moment. "You thought I was he. When the senshi were attacking. That was why you took the brunt of their power." Her head moved in the affirmative. "You cry because you grieve his loss." She didn't respond, allowing him to muse on his thoughts. "If I find him, would—"

"Please, don't finish that sentence. I couldn't take it," she whispered softly. "He's dead. He'd be with me now if he wasn't."

"Surely, you don't believe—"

Usagi looked at him with pleading blue eyes. Eyes that begged him to let the subject drop. "I have to. Mamoru wouldn't lie to me. He'd have come back. He told me he would."

Endymion stood and walked over to her. He lifted a hand to gently brush the tears from her face. His thumb brushed lightly over her cheek bringing even more tears to her eyes. He felt her shaking and felt the air leave his chest at the pain he could feel emanating from the petite blonde sitting on his bed.

Usagi looked up at Endymion, her blue eyes revealing the shattered soul within the small girl. They narrowed ever so slightly as she whispered the words, "I hate you."

There was nothing else she could say. She was so close to telling him that he was the man she cried for, but knew that to do so would be a foolish move. So was uttering those words though, and she knew it. She felt a distinct feeling of loss as his hand dropped from her cheek to hang limply at his side.

She expected him to grow angry at the words. To banish her from his sight and back to Earth. She never expected him to, instead, teleport out of the room and leave her by herself within the cold chamber.

"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan," she murmured softly. "I don't know what else to do anymore."