*waves slowly* hehe, um hi…so yeah it's been forever. PLZ DON'T BE MAD. School had been crazy, with studying for exams and everything but now that's all over! Yay! So I can get on with my goal of updating twice a week! I have not given up on this fic, I have some great ideas! So…ya know the drill…here it is! Enjoy!
Ending of Chapter Eight….
And as I run through the black streets a terrible thought eats away at my pulsing brain. I wasn't totally out of it when I was raped. I was partially conscious. And I remember it.
Chapter Nine
Paige's P.O.V
This is not working. I open my eyes, frustrated. It's 3am and I have been lying awake for the past five hours. I know Pheebs went to see Cole and stuff, but you'd think she'd be back by now. If she disappears again…Prue…frig. I can't afford to think like that.
I sigh, getting out of bed, pining to leave the room as quickly as I can. It's scary without my sister's soft snores in the bed beside mine. I tippy-toe into the hallway and pause at the table with the pictures on it to the right of the bathroom. The moon's just bright enough to make out the faces and figures in the faded pictures. I press my thumb against one in particular. Mum. She has her arms around Grams and they are both smiling big. Victor's in the background with his arms over the two women, a twinkle in his eye that makes me smile sadly. I miss him.
"Where are you?" I whisper into the moonlight. That last time we saw him was six months ago, at Grams' funeral. I still remember how he hastily left, with hardly a goodbye and an unsaid promise of seeing us sometime again soon.
The service is finally over and I'm lingering in the coat room, waiting for Phoebe to tie up her damn combat boots so we can scoot to the house before everyone arrives. I hear the occasional sniffle from the old ladies crowded around the front of the church, hovering over Grams' coffin as if she's on display.
I just want to get out of here. I am about to find Prue or Piper and beg to please leave, when I hear my oldest sister's strong voice ricochet off the walls of the church. "Victor, you can't be serious!"
"Prue, they are my daughters too! They are still underage, they need an adult. This is a difficult time for them."
"What the hell do I look like? I'm not a teenager anymore you know, I have a job, I have a career! That's a hella of a lot more than what you could say at my age!"
"Prue, you are 21, you should be finishing collage, not working full-time at an office. And taking care of your two youngest sisters, it's too much for you."
"Don't you dare tell me what I can handle!" Prue screeches.
"Shit, Prue," I hear Phoebe mutter under her breath as she comes to stand beside me. She places a hand on my shoulder, pushing me to the door and we both peek out. On the steps of the church Prue is confronting Victor, her hands on her hips, her back to us. Victor looks tired and his broad shoulders droop.
"What are they talking about?" I ask Phoebe. She leans in closer, so her mouth is right beside my ear. Her voice wavers as she speaks.
"I think they are deciding who we're gonna live with now."
I turn to her, horrified. "Wha-,"
"Shh!" Phoebe interrupts, holding a finger up to my lips and spins me back around.
"Victor-," Prue is saying.
"I'm 'Dad' Prue, dammit!" Victor yells, his hands flying in the air.
"Not to me you aren't," Prue seethes, her words harsh.
"Damnit Prue's pissed," Phoebe breathes beside me. I nod in agreement.
"I'm taking them home. They are living with ME!" Prue states, firm.
"You won't be able to raise them Prue," Victor's voice is quiet. "You aren't strong enough."
Prue explodes, she pushes Victor down the steps and he stumbles, looking surprised. "If you want them, you'll have to go through the law. Grams put me in charge of them in her will."
Victor pauses, brushes himself off and sighs. "See you in court, Prue." And with that, my father is gone, leaving a steaming, red-eared Prue on the steps.
I sigh, letting my breath out slowly, trying to calm myself down at the memory. Victor never showed up for court, and Prue won full custody of Pheebs and I. Good in some ways, but I just wish he'd at least send a letter. Unshed tears glisten in my eyes and it takes all I have not to let them fall. I can't though, I can't be a baby.
I need to get away from the familiarity of this house; there are too many memories of Grams. But I don't want to leave. The attic. It's perfect, it's away from the rest of the house, but if Prue wakes up hollering, I won't be far.
I grab my bathrobe from the bathroom and make my way to the stairs. I'm scared a bit, so I open the flashlight app on my IPhone, illuminating the old wooden and knarled stairs. My hand's hovering over the gleaming golden knob when a flash of a memory wobbles in front of me.
Don't go into the attic, dear.
Grams? I swear she said that, at some point. But why? Well, I tell myself. Grams isn't here. I push the door, it slides open easily. Was it always this easy? A faint memory comes to mind, of a little Phoebe and I trying to get upstairs and the door not budging. Huh. Weird.
I step into the attic, the musty smell covering my nostrils. I cough at the thick, dusty air and stumble over to the boxes stacked against the wall. I set my phone down and kneel, looking at the labels. Books. Photographs. I pull out the latter and open the books, dust rising as I wrench open the stiff cardboard. An old photo album lays inside. I pick it up, dust it off and open it, my hands gently stroking the pictures under the plastic seal on the page. It shows Mum and Victor, Victor with Prue, Phoebe and Piper, Victor even with Grams, but then there are no pictures of my Mum and it's just my sisters, me finally, and Grams.
I wonder why there aren't any baby pictures of me with Victor. There is one on the day each of my sisters were born, with both my parents smiling at the camera, a baby in-between the happy couple. Come to think of it, as I flip through there are hardly any pictures of me at my birth, or even in my first year of being alive. After Mum died there seem to be more of me, but none with my dad.
Did he even love me?
I'm about to flip open another album when my phone buzzes. I grab it, and open up a new message. My heart hammers when I realize it's from Phoebe. I tap it and quickly read it. My heart drops to the floor.
I can't take it anymore.
I quickly stand up, my fingers flying over the keyboard.
Where r u? what do u mean? Pheebs, plz…txt back now!
I hold my breath, clutching the phone in my trembling hands, staring at my sister's last text. What the hell happened? What the hell does she mean? When she doesn't text me I make a split decision.
Pheebs please. I can't lose you too.
If she doesn't text me back within the next ten seconds, I'm getting Prue. No matter how pissed she'll be. I'm about to make a dash for Prue's room when my phone buzzes and a new message from my sister pops up at the bottom of the screen.
Meet me in the park?
I text back quickly.
Okay. Be there in 5. Don't do anything stupid.
I breathe a sigh of relief and fly down the attic stairs, slamming the door accidently on my way down. I cringe at the loud echo, praying to god Prue's sleeping deeply. When nothing responds, I run to my room, pull on a hoodie and pajama pants, pull on my sneakers, grab my purse and run down the stairs. I run into the kitchen and scribble a note, just in case.
Went to meet Pheebs. She was out and needed me. I have my cell. Be back soon. Please don't be mad.
Love,
Paige xxx
Slapping the note to the front door with tape I open it, slip into the cold September night and shut it tightly behind me before taking off into the dark streets of San Francisco in search of my sister.
Phoebe's P.O.V
I pace back and forth in the park, my hands clasped tightly behind my back. My face is red, my eyes are swollen and I'm shaken, trying to get the memory of dirty fingernails digging into my wrists, hot breath on my ear and shattering screams out of my head. It's pure torture, the sense of a memory I can't quite grasp.
I don't know everything that's happened, but there's definitely something there, hiding behind the curtain and just waiting to reel it's ugly head. I need Paige here. Now. Fuck, where is she?
"Phoebe!" I hear a harsh and frantic call and whip my head around. A small figure is stumbling forward in the dark.
"Paige?" I call out nervously.
"Pheebs?"
I can see her now, her scared face, tear-stained and streaked red. She looks odd, a sweater over her PJ pants and sneakers on her feet.
She runs into me full speed and clutches at me, burying her face in my shoulder. I hold onto her, pressing her against me. "Shhhhh," I say, on the verge of tears myself. "Paigey, I'm right here."
"I thought you we…wer…were goi…going to…" She trails off, pulls back from me and I wipe away her tears with my finger.
I shush her. "Nononono," I say, even though I'm not so sure. I pull her back, crush her against me and breathe in her scent.
"Don't lie to me," Paige whispers breathless.
"I don't know what I was going to do," I mumble, pulling away and looking down. Paige stands in front of me and I can sense her fear. I can't look her in the eye.
"Pheebs, if you left me, if you even think about doing it…I…I don't know what I would d…do wi..without…" she's crying again, burying her face in her hands as if she is ashamed to show her tears.
"I know that," I say, my voice cracking and I cup her chin in my fingers and make her look at me. "I just forgot."
"What's going-,"
"Paigey," I interrupt. Paige stops talking, she grabs my shoulders and shakes me, not too gently either.
"Phoebe. What is wrong? What happened. Tell me, please. Please don't shut me out, please." Paige's bright eyes are pleading with me now and my heart hurts thinking about the pain I've been causing her.
"I'm sorry I'm not the big sister you thought I was…since…since Grams died," I say through another batch of tears. Damn it, stop crying you fucking baby.
"We've all had a hard time since Grams died, okay?" Paige says sternly. "But I know that's not it. What happened tonight Pheebs, with Cole?"
"I…we…we did it…"
Paige lets out a squeal, the seriousness of the moment forgotten. "You freaking got laid?"
"Yeah…well…no…Paige, it wasn't like that."
"Talk."
"It was different. I didn't want to… No!" I quickly say, when I see Paige's face. "I mean, we both agreed to. He didn't force me, but I just wasn't feeling it. At first I was…and it was…amazing." My mind slows down when I focus on the memory of his hands, his gentle arcs above me, the feeling in my stomach…better than butterflies. Paige grins, she's happy for me. "Then I…then I remembered something an…and I got scared so I…I pushed him off of me and left."
"And then you texted me, right?" Paige asks, waving her phone.
"Yeah, I ran here. I don't know what's wrong with me Paige. I mean, one moment I was so…into it and the next…I saw…I sa…"
"What did you see?" Paige whispers, looking at me with concern faded into her eyes.
I suck in a deep breath. He licks his lips, spit flying.
"Pheebs!" Paige snaps me out of my trance. "You with me?"
"Yeah." My voice breaks off at the end. Damn it. Please let Paige not notice, please.
"Phoebe." Paige sounds hurt, she knows I'm hiding something and I know I'm going to have to tell her.
"I don't…" I start and then I'm gone. It's too much, tonight with Cole, that night, Prue, Paige's face. God. Why the hell did this happen? Why is it such a big deal? Why can't I forget it?
I slump to my knees and bury my face into my jeans, the denim already soaked with salt and snot. Paige kneels beside me, places a small hand on my knee and waits for me to catch my breath.
"Phoebe, I know you won't tell Prue or Piper, but please tell me. Please."
"That day, when I didn't come home from school?" I look at Paige and she settles in on the ground beside me, pulls me to her and I rest my head on her shoulder. She strokes my hair softly.
"Yeah?" She's waiting.
I take a deep breath. "Yeah, well I didn't come home because I skipped to cut."
"Phoebe," Paige interrupt, gasping. "You promised you wouldn't." She sounds hurt.
"Jus…just let me continue, okay?"
I feel her head move back and forth and I stare out into the trees and continue on. "So I did, and I fell asleep. Honest, I thought it would only be for an hour or so…but then I woke up…an…and it…"
"It what?" Paige prompts gently.
"It was dark."
"You…you fell asleep all day?" Paige's voice is funny. She knows something's not right.
"I didn't know when I woke up, I thought I was blind. Then I looked at my phone and realized it was eleven pm and Prue had called…I was so scared. I had no clue what had happened and then…then I looked down and sa…saw…" I catch my breath on a sob that pushes from the back of my throat. A whimper escapes my lips when I remember the next chain of events. Paige's hold on me tightens. She's trying to make me feel safe. She doesn't say anything, just waits for me to start speaking again.
"My clothes were torn and bloody…I…I didn't have my shoes. Had I been attacked, or robbed? Then…then I felt pain…down there and I knew."
Paige stops stroking my hair. "Knew what?" She whispers so quietly, I just catch the flutter of her words.
"Paigey," I start to tremble. "I was…r…raped."
A sob escaped Paige's throat and that sets me off too. "Oh Pheebs," she says. She's at a loss for words, so am I. I know and she knows words won't make it better. But what will? I start to tremble, shaking all over.
"I didn't want…didn't want Prue or Piper to know…they'd make a big deal…an…and I jus…just wanna forget…but I ca…can't. And at Cole's I rem…remembered a bit…and…"
"Shhhh," Paige whispers, trying to be brave. She pulls my head to her shoulder and clutches me tight, rocking the both of us. My trembling slows a bit, but I can't stop the tears. They fall off my face and onto the cold and hard ground below.
I'm broken, broken and I don't know how to find the pieces, let alone glue them back together. And I know that my sisters can't protect me this time, it already happened and they are still out there. I'm alone on this one, and if he comes back…for me…for Paige…
"I got you," Paige coos into my hair. She pulls me closer.
"It's okay, I got you."
Not my longest chapter, I know. *sighs* But I hope you still enjoyed! What's going to happen now? Hmmm, leave me your thoughts, they mean so much to me and hopefully see you again, I shall be back in a few days bearing a new chapter! (and if I could; cookies)
-Gracey xxx
