Confusion
"I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."
-Jack Keroac
_
Rogue could already imagine Logan's pissed-off look as she and Remy stumbled to the metal bay doors of the Danger Room.
They were each still coughing some as smoke dissipated from the room. Remy ushered her ahead of him with a hand on her back and, sure enough, Logan was already down there when the doors slid open.
And he did not look happy to have ended their simulation early.
"What the hell were you thinkin', Gumbo?" he started-in swiftly.
Remy stepped forward with a sigh, ready to take Logan's wrath for nearly doing some damage to the precious training center.
"Just cool it, Claws"
"Do not defend what you just did in there. What were you thinking? Show a little control instead of brainlessness..."
"Oh please," Remy scoffed. "You're overreacting."
"Overre- you could've actually damaged the room with that shit or hurt her," Logan gesticulated in Rogue's direction. "The Room won't hurt you, but you can still hurt each other with your powers, ass-hat."
"Logan -"
"Stop, kid - don't stick up for him on this one. He's not one of the little ones who can't control his powers. He's a grown ass man who got careless."
"Oh, ya wound me," Remy rolled his eyes.
"Don't laugh it off, you could've both went up in flames. That how you treat your partner now?"
Remy narrowed his eyes at Logan and gave him a small shove to let him know to back off, which made Logan bristle angrily.
"Logan-"
"Stay out of it," Logan snarled again, puffing up his chest.
Rogue didn't understand how guys did things like this. They were more or less fine one moment and then about to get in a fight the next. Men could be incredibly stupid, really.
"Logan!" Rogue persisted despite his rebuffing of her input. "It wasn't Remy. It was me."
That did cause him to pause and he turned to her with a curious expression. Before he could scoff at her claim, Rogue continued.
"It must've been John, I guess," she shrugged.
"John?" Remy frowned.
"I absorbed him that time at Bobby's house, remember?" she reminded Logan, mostly ignoring Remy's inquiry. "I've never tried to use his power before...I guess it just kind of came out," she sighed.
"Just came out," Logan eyed her. "That happen a lot?"
"No...like I said, I've never had control over fire that way. Remy's card just exploded and it...happened. I didn't know how to get it to stop," she muttered ruefully.
"...we'll work on that," Logan nodded after he looked her up and down a moment. "Go clean up; you're both a mess."
And, with that, he stomped off to go get the next simulation going for the next duo. There was no apology to Remy or anything, and Remy did not look like he was offended or surprised.
"...you were just going to let him yell at you for that?" Rogue cocked her head at Remy.
"I'm not scared of de big, bad Wolverine," Remy waved her off.
"But you knew you didn't do it," she continued.
"Didn't know if ya wanted to talk about it...know how ya are sometimes bout discussing yo' powers," he finished carefully.
"Well...that was nice, but I hope you knew I wasn't going to just let you have the blame for what happened..."
The fact that she'd borrowed John's fire-controlling power before was pretty common knowledge, especially to Logan since he'd been there. Even if it hadn't been, she would've owned up to having been the one who couldn't control the burst of power. It had been a pretty big mistake to set a whole wall on fire, and she wouldn't let Remy go down for it. Remy was one of the most in-control members of the team...control of his body, his mind, and his impressive powers. She, on the other hand, had gotten a little spastic there for a second.
"Non, not really...but I wasn't going t' up and throw you under de bus, either. Hope you know dat..." he impressed upon her.
"Right," Rogue nodded.
So maybe some vindictive, crazy part of her would've really liked to sit back and watch Logan berate Remy up and down.
But not for something she'd done.
Feeling moody, she trudged away from Remy without much of a goodbye and roughly grabbed a towel in the locker room so she could take a shower and wash away sweat and soot. She twisted the nozzle so steam and hot water surrounded her, and she scrubbed at her skin with a sort of vigor that was probably unnecessary.
It would be so nice if she could just go ahead and avoid Remy. Rogue felt cheated, and she just wanted the freedom to wallow in that feeling for a little bit.
It had been a week or so since she had found Remy and that blonde in a compromising situation, but she'd replayed the moment since then more times than she ought to have. Admittedly, it still stung.
"Ugh," she groaned, thinking about it again.
She stopped scrubbing and leaned against the shower wall under the spray.
If she could get away from him for a while that would just be great. But he lived at the mansion, helped with the kids (when Storm could talk him into it), and was her partner. And he was a good work partner, which was thoroughly irritating....damn him.
It was truly unfortunate that she still felt that Remy really was a good guy. He had this hard, dark exterior but he was a good person if you gave him the chance to be. Not everybody did - Scott and Bobby were evidence of that - but part of Rogue was having a hard time of writing him off completely, even after finding him with Morrow.
It was just that Storm was right; Remy was a lot of things, but he was someone who could be counted on when it mattered.
But gawd she didn't want to trust him or like him or look at him...
She didn't know why he'd done that with Marrow and, truthfully, she wasn't interested in an explanation from him. She couldn't imagine a story that wouldn't just anger her.
Either he was someone who cheated because he never thought he'd get found out, or he sincerely hadn't cared whether Rogue caught him. Although, he had looked sorry...
Rogue cursed herself for mentally giving him the benefit of the doubt and started to quickly clean herself again.
Why did she have fond memories of him? Why had she gone ahead and genuinely liked him? She'd fallen for his charm, despite that it was clearly a natural state of being for him. She'd thought it was endearing, just his way to be polite and raise a laugh. But maybe, when it came down to it, that was just who he was, charming and seducing whoever he could...and Marrow, clearly, was easier to talk into bed.
Maybe...maybe Remy had thought Rogue exotic- no longer a challenge for not being able to touch, but an exciting prospect because she finally could touch. Maybe he'd been trying to take advantage...conquer something that required a little finesse, perhaps. Then, when that was taking to long, he got bored and moved onto the next thing. Yeah, maybe that was it...
"Stop thinking about, girl," Rogue muttered to herself and finally twisted the water off.
Quickly, she changed and dried her hair so she could go curl up in bed.
This had been a very intense week for her so far, and the week wasn't even over. She hadn't been sleeping well, so hitting the sack early tonight might be beneficial.
"...guess it's too much t' hope for dat I'll get an apology?" Remy asked blandly.
He didn't look over at Logan, just lifted his beer off the bar and took a long pull from it.
"Probably," Logan confirmed just as casually.
Remy nodded and just let it go. Logan was someone you pick your battles with, and this one wasn't worth it to him.
"...somethin' happened with you and Rogue, huh?" Logan surprised Remy by stating
Much to Logan's pleasure, he hadn't smelled the Cajun on Rogue lately, so he'd caved and invited Remy along to the bar with him earlier in the week, and then again tonight. It wasn't because he particularly liked the young man, but he was, admittedly, a good drinking partner. He could hold his alcohol, like a good hole-in-the-wall, and, perhaps most importantly, knew when to shut up and just drink.
Typically, they did not talk much. Most certainly, they did not talk about anything like this.
"...are we gonna bond an' hold hands now?" Remy looked Logan over, for this was not typical Wolverine.
"Yer beatin' around the bush," Logan didn't rise to the jibe.
"...what do y' care? Ain' like you liked it," Remy stated knowingly.
"Course I didn't- you were always just going to hurt her."
"Y' don' know me," Remy scowled.
"I know enough," Logan smirked. "Besides, I have it on good authority that girls only flirt with the dangerous guy- they don't pick him in the end. It was never worth it."
Remy frowned anew. He didn't get this guy- he seemed to be coming from multiple angles. Was he disparaging Remy and trying to warn him from going back to Rogue, or was he trying to relate to Remy? Perhaps Logan was even more complex than Remy gave him credit for...
"Someone break yo' cold heart, homme?"
Logan snorted because he definitely wasn't going to have that conversation with the kid. Instead, he allowed them to lapse back into silence. He'd said his peace, and the Cajun obviously wasn't going to tell him what had happened with him and Rogue- he didn't think he'd really expected the thief to do so. Rogue was tight-lipped on the topic, as well...she was secretive about a lot these days...
Rogue jerked awake in her bed in the dark hours of the morning, and she was breathing heavily. The nightmare she had experienced had been indistinct, mostly sounds and thoughts rather than actual, concrete happenings or memories. Still, she was shaken up so she got out of bed and shuffled blindly to the bathroom. The light stung her eyes harshly when she turned it on, but that did serve to jolt away some of her bleary confusion.
She found that waking up a little more fully tended to be the best way to make sure she didn't have a nightmare all over again, so she splashed her face with cool water and used the toilet before going back to bed.
She turned on her lamp so she could get the sheets and comforter straightened back out, but she just sat on the edge of her bed rather than crawl back in under the covers. Her disoriented feeling had faded some, but it lingered in her mind still. It always did.
How long would this go on?
Forever?
Was this how Logan had felt for decades since his own run-ins with Stryker Labs?
Groaning, she slipped under the straightened covers. It did feel like a fresh attempt at sleep, as she felt clean and the covers were untangled. Hopefully she'd get a few good hours in, at the very least.
xXx
The cement under Rogue's feet is cool, but she's used to it by now.
Unfortunately, she's also used to the sounds of the guards bringing mutants back to the holding cells. There's always more of them during transport; when they're doing routine checks, there's only a pair at a time.
There is more of a commotion than usual at the moment, though, which gets her attention. She walks the short distance to the door of her cell and leans against the thick fencing to get a look. Her neighbor - the loudmouthed man - does the same.
"The sedatives wearing off...get her in there!" a deep voice shouts.
"Good for her," Rogue's neighbor chuckles, and Rogue agrees.
Finally the several guards come into sight, and they're dragging with them a blonde woman Rogue has never seen before. Perhaps that explained the commotion - the woman hasn't undergone testing yet and therefore isn't too injured.
She does look quite a mess, though. Her hair is tangled and her clothes somewhat ripped, so she'd obviously put up a big fight.
She is fighting now, too. In shock - pleased shock - Rogue watches the woman land a kick to a guard's chest that sends him shooting into the bar of one of the metal cages. He does not get back up.
Again, Rogue's neighbor is laughing.
The commotion has gotten the attention of other prisoners as well, and they are all murmuring.
"Get a gun!"
The woman is able to wrench her arms away from the guards dragging her and she stumbles but quickly straightens. With a great heave, she yanks her arms apart and the handcuffs around her wrists break apart.
"Jeeze..."
And then the tall blonde seizes a metal gated door and pulls it off his hinges to throw at the guards - all but one manages to duck it.
Other prisoners begin to cheer, if they're able, and Rogue and her neighbor are among them.
"Run!" Someone shouts.
"Get my door, too!" A few voices urge her.
She takes the former advice and shoots off down the row of cells, but a couple other guards have shown up with the guns to take aim at her. A long, thin dart sinks into her back as she reaches Rogue's cell, but she keeps running anyway. Two more sank into her shoulders, and the blonde falls to the floor a few feet after that.
"Damn," Rogue shakes her head.
The guards that come to take hold of the woman again are cursing, too, but not with an impressed tone. They are pissed, so the other prisoners quiet down. The possible coup is over, now, so no one wants to be the object of the guard's wrath.
"They're gonna have to keep her drugged up real nice..."
Rogue turns her head to meet her neighbor's eyes and nods.
"No kidding"
"I like her," he announces, which pulls a small but unamused smile from her.
They watch, then, with less interest as the guards throw the blonde into her cell and lock it. They do, indeed, discuss high, constant levels of sedative and muscle relaxants as they moodily clean up the mess the lady had made with strength born of her mutation and added adrenaline.
It was an impressive feat, that was for sure.
.
Rogue was not impressed when she jolted awake from this dream, too. Well, it was more of a memory than a straight dream.
There is light white light coming around the curtains of her room, so at least she did get some sleep. Unimpressed, Rogue rolled out of bed and shuffled around her room to change. Without conscious decision, she changed into some jogging capris and a light top, and she grabbed her tennis shoes. By the time she realized she was going for a run, she decided that would be nice. A real run, not on a treadmill downstairs.
She did grab a piece of toast in the kitchen, where only a few people were up and functioning.
"Want some company, kid?" Logan spotted her when he entered.
"Nah, I'm just going to run into town...maybe grab a coffee.
"...yeah, I'll come with. Hold on," he decided, less because he wanted a run of a coffee and more because it would grand him some uninterrupted time with her.
Rogue considered mutinously going on without him, but it wasn't like he wouldn't be able to follow her. Instead, she headed out front and stretched a little until he showed up.
Logan, by habit, was not much a jogger. He did, however, own a pair of tennis shoes for when he helped out in a gym class, and he could do pretty much whatever he wanted to do with his body, so neither of them were worried about him keeping up with Rogue, who liked a good run now and again.
"You're up early," he commented hardly a few minutes into the jaunt.
"Yeah"
"...any reason?"
"Not really..."
"... ...you're killin' me here, kid," Logan sighed.
Rogue came to a rather abrupt stop, and Logan had to throw on the breaks and turn to look back at her where she stood on the side of the road.
"Logan, look, I came out here so I could just clear my head- if all you want to do is talk, can you just...go back home?" she muttered, for she didn't often try to distance herself from his company.
"...another way of clearing your head is talkin' about what's in there," he tapped his own skull. "Give it up."
Logan was not typically this needy. He, too, liked to keep things to himself, but when it came to Rogue...he just wanted her life to be easy. He could never satisfactorily put into words why, but he just didn't want her to have to worry about shit...not this kind of shit, anyway. He didn't want her dealing with his memories, Magneto's past, and her own experiences with Stryker's legacy. It was too much.
"I'll figure it out..."
"... ...Rogue, I might be taking off again, soon. I might have a contact out in Nevada that knows a thing or two," he sighed. "I don't want to leave you in whatever funk you're in."
He decided to just throw it out there even though he never liked telling her he was taking off. Even though she understood this was for work that involved her, he knew she stewed over it when he left. It was why he often didn't tell her until he was already on his way out- it seemed crass, but it worked for them.
But Logan was asking her to be honest, after all, so he probably should be too.
Predictably, Rogue's shoulders slumped some. She might not be taking advantage of or solace in his presence lately, but she did like to know he was around. She should give him something.
"...let's go," she muttered and set the pace of their run again.
Her head swirled. She didn't think she currently had anything to tell him that would make him stop worrying- everything she currently felt was weird and hard to explain.
She considered telling him about Remy and Morrow, but then she thought this would just make him mad and he'd go make a scene. She did not want that- this embarrassment was better kept private. Besides, she didn't know what was going on with those two lately.
Logan had gotten in Remy's face the previous evening over what had happened in the Danger Room and they still never seemed too hip on each other, but Rogue had seen them come home late one night a few days ago, both smelling like smoke- like a bar. Had they gone out drinking together? Could they possibly be...some sort of friends?
She didn't know so she didn't want to go there. Besides, she'd had a hard enough time describing the scene of Remy and that blonde to Jubes, so she doubted it would be easier with Logan.
Rogue considered all of this as they made their way into town and to a small coffee shop.
Logan did not do specialty coffees with foam designs made by baristas with hippy hair-dos, so he declined going inside and sat at one of the little square tables outside. He slouched in his seat, glowering a bit. He was glad not many people were there- it was too early to deal with large groups-maybe he should've stayed at the mansion...it wasn't like this venture had been fruitful.
"...can I tell you something?" Rogue asked after she sat down.
Logan shifted forward, thinking maybe he'd gotten resentful too soon.
"Kindda question is that?"
Rogue rolled her eyes.
"...you know how I said I escaped with another mutant? That guy?"
Logan nodded and straightened some, for he hadn't expected direct referral to any of this.
"...I saw him this week."
"What? Where?"
"I was in town and I saw him...and I think he saw me, but then he just kind of disappeared," Rogue confessed.
Beyond her confused feelings about Remy, this sighting had really thrown her for a loop this week.
At first she thought she'd made it up, by why would she? She hadn't specifically been thinking about him. She had never even really considered looking for him- she was grateful to him that they'd helped each other out, so the level of respect from their time together was enough that she wasn't going to invade his privacy and try to hunt him down.
So she was convinced he'd been there, across the street. Tall, thicker than she remembered him, but as sure looking as ever. She didn't know why he left after a few seconds and she hadn't seen him again...yet? Rogue thought the sighting had a lot to do with the renewed nightmares of the past few nights, and she even wondered if it had anything to do the dormant, stolen mutations making themselves known despite of lack of intention.
"Any ideas on why that might be?"
Rogue shook her head.
"...you scared of him?" Logan narrowed his eyes.
"...no," Rogue shook her head after a moment of consideration. "I feel like...he wants something," she sighed. "But I could just be making that up."
"If he wants something, why hang back? Why not come out with it?" Logan picked her brain.
"Well, he was pretty skeptical about the whole school thing. He didn't like the sounds of 'Professor' and 'Doctor' or 'lab'," she reminded him. "Maybe he's feeling-out the whole thing..."
"Rogue, are you trying to tell me you think he's around the school?" Logan asked her seriously.
"Huh?"
"...I know you respect this guy, okay? And you trust him-I get that. You guys have this thing together, and I get that you wanna honor that, so don't get angry," he approached her with as much tact as he could explain. "...but if you think he's scoping out the situation, do you think he's trying to sneak around the school- at the mansion? Maybe he's well-intentioned about it, but we can't have that," he explained.
"Right..."
"...and if we're honest, you don't actually know much about him," he added fairly.
That earned him a glare from Rogue, but she couldn't actually argue that she knew the man inside and out.
"He wouldn't do anything, Logan- he owes me, too."
Logan rolled that over but knew he wouldn't get full details, so he didn't question it.
"He might not see it that way. Like I said, I get it if you wanna respect him, but you don't know if he has that same moral compass," Logan shrugged.
"He could've dumped me off," Rogue felt compelled to defend him. "I was in a bad way- he could've ditched me, but he didn't. He brought me back here, and he didn't have to."
"So maybe he thinks he paid his debt."
Rogue didn't like what she was hearing. Rationally, she knew Logan was making sense, but she didn't believe any of it. She couldn't. She didn't doubt that Logan understood the camaraderie something so important- no matter how brief- could forge, but he didn't seem to want to side with her.
"I don't think he's snooping around the school," she finally said. "He didn't have any interest in it..I think he's just seeing what I'm up to or something..."
"...that's a lot of guess work, kid," Logan sighed and leaned back.
"Yeah, well..."
She didn't know what else, so she just sipped her coffee.
"...you don't wanna give me a name? I could look into it- I won't tell Scott and I won't even dell Chuck if you don't want."
"No, Logan, I don't want to do that," she heaved her own sigh.
"Alright, alright... ...whattcha gonna do if you see him again?" he helped her attempt to brainstorm.
"...approach him if I have the chance," she answered honestly, and she saw Logan try to hide his grimace. "Logan!"
"I'm just wonderin' if you're giving him the benefit of the doubt a little too much- sorry," he lifted his hands in innocence.
Rogue was, perhaps, regretting bringing this up. Undoubtedly, though, it was kind of nice to get it off her shoulders. She wasn't scared of him, but seeing him brought up a lot of things she liked to ignore. She wasn't sure if she wanted to spot him again...
They sat quietly for a while after that, and just about the time Logan was really, really hating being there at the cafe, Rogue got up, tossed her cup, and inclined her head to indicate they could head back.
They walked this reverse trip and even cut through the woods to shorten the trip and emerge behind the mansion.
"...you want me to put off Nevada for a while?" Logan asked as they approached the back door.
"...no, that's important," Rogue shook her head.
Logan nodded, taking her at her word on that. He wished he could also take her word on this mystery mutant, but he couldn't give that kind of confidence to a stranger no matter what she said. He wouldn't spread the word, but he'd up his own patrols of the mansion and surrounding grounds. Even if the guy didn't mean any harm, Logan was one of the people in charge of the safety of these kids and he wouldn't have someone sneaking about...
He had asked her to divulge something- anything- but this was bigger than he thought he'd get, going on her recent track record of secrets.
It had sort of been cheap to guilt her with his potential up-coming departure, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it.
