Way.
To.
Go.
Lance.
Keith was curled up on the floor in an impossibly small ball that made Lance's joints and back ache in sympathy. How in space did he curl up that small? He had to be triple jointed. Must be a Space Cat thing.
The boy was no longer screaming in panic, but his shallow gasps still filled Lance's ears deafeningly.
Lance had officially screwed up. Royally. He'd just been trying to help Keith with the stupid yoga position. He hadn't meant to break his teammate or send him into a hysterical downward spiral. How was he supposed to know that Keith was scared to death of physical touch now? Keith had always been kind of weird about personal space, but he'd never panicked over it before. Not before he'd went away to the Blade.
Quiznack, Kolivan! What did you let happen to Keith?!
If the Blade leader had been present, Lance knew he'd be staging an impressive interrogation, respecting your elders be damned. Exactly three questions screamed out at Lance, none of which he had any good answers for. Irritatingly enough, he doubted Kolivan had the answers either.
Question One: Who knocked up Keith?
Question Two: Kolivan, why didn't you stop said 'knocking-up?' Seriously what kind of leader are you if you can't keep your underlings from going at it like rabbits whenever you're not around? Seriously. Did blade members not get condoms? Birth control? The birds-and-the-bees talk? (assuming there were birds and bees in space)
Question Three: Who the quiznack hurt Keith!?
"Hey, listen, you're alright? I'm not going to touch you again. No one's going to touch you again if you don't want them to, 'kay?"
Keith remained in his tight ball. He didn't seem to hear a word Lance was saying. Lance frowned in concern at the noticeable trembling racking Keith's body.
"Seriously, you need to calm down. You're going to hurt yourself. Listen to my breathing. In... Out. We're going to breath slow and long, 'kay? There's nothing to be scared of here."
Lance sat cross-legged from Keith as close as he dared but kept his hands carefully within sight and away from Keith. A warning voice at the back of his head niggled him to call for Shiro or Ulaz, but the suggestion felt wrong. Keith needed to calm down, not get a shower of over-protective lectures from Shiro or Ulaz in full-on "helicopter mode." They'd been hovering noticeable the past week since the Big News came out. It hadn't exactly been helpful for Keith. If anything, Keith seemed to resent their mothering more and more.
No, Lance decided. He's got this. He's the third-oldest of five siblings and uncle to three. He knows how to handle irrational panic. He's had plenty of practice soothing screaming babies and over-stimulated toddlers. His youngest nephew was diagnosed with autism three years ago. He knows stimming and he knows panic attacks.
He knows Keith.
"We're gonna keep breathing until we slow down. There's plenty of air. We're okay. We're safe. There's no danger. You're safe. We're in the Castle of Lions. Red is just down the hallway in her hangar. Maybe we can go visit her as soon as you start breathing okay again. Sound good? That's right. Nice and slow. In... Out."
Keith's trembling gradually stilled. His shoulders stop jerking as his gasping slowed. The tiny ball he'd contorted his body into relaxed millimeter by millimeter until he finally managed to look up at Lance. His large fuzzy kittybat ears were still flat against his skull and his eyes glassy and dilated. Lance stared back silently. His gut churned and he was stuck hard by just how hauntingly similar his teammate looked to the frightened, abused dog he'd once found cowering in an alley behind his house. The dog had bitten him savagely, drawing blood when he'd tried to reach out and free his bleeding neck from the wire that had been strangling it.
No, he wasn't going to touch Keith again.
"You're okay, Keith. It's just us. No one's gonna hurt you. I won't let them. I swear."
"Shut up." Keith's voice wasn't so much a whisper as a hoarse croak. He rose shakily to his hands and knees, one hand cupping his stomach protectively.
"Are you okay?" Lance pressed.
Keith remained silent.
"I need to know if you're okay. Give me something to work with or I'll keep freaking out and do something stupid like call Shiro and Ulaz." He shot him a meaningful look.
"N-no... don't call them. M'fine."
"Could've fooled me," Lance muttered. "You just had a panic attack. That's not fine."
"Leave me alone!"
No doubt Keith had meant to shout the words, but they came out as nothing more than a weak croak. He simply didn't have the energy to be mad.
"No, I'm not going to leave you alone. Not until I know what's wrong."
Lance felt his face soften as his voice gave a tell-tale hitch.
"You're hurting, Keith. Someone hurt you. I can see it."
Keith tried to stagger upright, but faltered and sank back down onto his yoga mat. He sat hunched, eyes flickering up at Lance wearily. He closed them and sat completely still save his fingers. Lance silently watched Keith systematically pick at his fingers, tiny ribbons of skin peeling up. Every single one had already been picked pink and raw.
"My sister was raped," Lance heard himself blurt out.
He huffed through clenched teeth and shook his head.
"Her volleyball coach used his position to string her along for months. He finally... did it when the whole team was away at a championship game out of state. She never told anyone until she found out she was pregnant. She spent two months puking her guts up in her college dorm trying to figure out a way to tell our parents."
Lance swallowed hard. Dark memories flickered in his mind-memories of loud crying and screaming throughout their house as his parents and Ilsa fought and struggled to decide what to do. He didn't allow himself to stare into that void. He couldn't delve too deep. Not now.
"I'm not saying all this to make anyone feel sorry for my sister or my family. She kept her baby and she's still healing. The coach is rotting in a jail cell for the next forty years. Ilsa's doing okay now. I-I just want you to know that I understand how people can use their authority to hurt others."
Lance winced at the loud crack in his voice but pressed on.
"I know they can get away with so much just because they make you feel so scared of telling the truth. It's like they make you think that if you keep it all stuffed inside it'll just go away or stop hurting. It's sick and crazy, but they actually make you feel like you're the bad guy for what happened—like you're the one to blame for what they did." Lance watched Keith's shoulders start trembling again, his head bowed. Something wet splattered to the mat beneath him.
"It only gets better and starts to heal when you tell the truth—get everything out in the light. Those are Ilsa's words not mine."
"D-Does your sister like being a mom?"
Lance blinked. Of all the questions and responses he'd expected, that wasn't one of them.
"Yes, she loves her son more than anything. She told me once that he saved her life."
Keith finally looked up, his red-rimmed eyes were burning with unspoken questions.
"She told me that if she hadn't been pregnant she would have killed herself after what her coach did to her. Knowing that she had another life inside of her... that's what made her keep living. She couldn't stomach the idea of taking another life with her own."
"Her baby... how old are they now?"
"Six and three-quarters. I made Pidge make me an earth calendar equivalent with our space time. I have every family member's birthday written down including his. This December Jose' will be turning the big seven."
Keith's gave something close to a weak smile.
"If we ever get back... wish him happy birthday for me."
Lance smiled back and nodded.
"You can meet him in person if you like. He'd like to meet your little munchkins too. Jose's always looking for new partners-in-crime."
Keith's smile faded.
"Not sure anyone will want to meet three purple half-aliens."
"Have you not seen ET? Lilo and Stitch? Everyone loves a cute alien. You'd be surprised how accepting people can be if you give them a chance."
"Not in my experience."
Keith rose stiffly to his feet, but hesitated as if not sure where to go. Lance jumped up and took a half step forward. Keith was trying to end this-pretend the whole hysterical mess hadn't happened. No! Lance decided. He wasn't going to let this go!
"Keith, there's no easy way to ask this. I probably shouldn't, but I can't stand by and watch you keep nose-diving. Did a Blade member force himself on you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"The hell it doesn't! If one of them did then Kolivan's got some trash that needs taking out."
"It was my fault. I could've stopped it. I... I let it happen."
"Bull."
"Lance, I'm done. I don't want to talk about this!"
"What are you so afraid of us finding out? You have nothing to be ashamed of. This isn't your fault!"
"You have no idea what happened!"
"So frickin' tell me, quiznack!"
Lance stood almost nose-to-nose with Keith. He met his eyes and mentally begged with every fiber in his being that Keith would just relent. What was so hard about accepting help? How could he not see how much they were worried about him?
"Keith, Kolivan is waiting to speak with you?"
The pair turned at the new voice cutting through the tension. Allura stood in the doorway, her eyes carefully blank of any emotion. She didn't wait for Keith's response. She'd already turned on her heel and strode off silently. Keith quickly headed after her, eyes downcast and void.
"Keith, at least tell Shiro. For all his annoying helicopter-parenting... you know he really cares for you. You're his family."
"That's why I'm not telling him."
Keith stared up at the comm screen, but pointedly avoided meeting Kolivan's eyes. For his part, the Blade leader seemed just as intent on avoiding eye contact.
"How are you fairing, Kit?"
"Fine."
"Ulaz has given me several reports. He says you are not progressing as well as you should. You aren't gaining weight."
"Eating's hard... I still feel nauseous a lot. Food doesn't sound good."
"You must eat, though! Your kitlings-"
"I know!" Keith burst out. "Believe me, that's all I think about—how horrible I am at this."
"I apologize. It was not my intention to upset you."
Keith blew a sigh and stared at the floor. He suddenly realized he was cupping his stomach again. He left his hand there and stared at it. The unconscious gesture seemed to be occurring more and more.
"I wished to check on you and ensure you are comfortable. Do you need anything at all?"
"M'fine. Ulaz made me a nest." Kolivan smiled wanly and gave an approving nod. "Have all your teammates contributed? They're scents will calm you."
"Yeah... I have something from all of them. It's... it's actually really nice."
Kolivan nodded again, but visibly hesitated. He looked reluctant to speak. Keith inhaled and held the breath, steeling himself for the anvil that was about to fall.
"I feel it would be wise to bring you back to Marmora headquarters. I'll ensure you receive safe transport to the Colony. It will be the best place for the duration of your carrying. You'll receive the best care possible and the proper assistance for the birth."
Keith froze, mind fizzling. "Colony? What colony?"
"Where do you think we kept our mates and young?"
"What mates and young?"
Kolivan simply stared, brow furrowed in confusion.
"Kit, many in our number have mates and young. We simply refuse to ever speak openly of them even among ourselves. The threat of enemy infiltration is too great. Should Zarkon discover our secret, our mates and kits would be targeted first—used as hostages should they ever be discovered. The Colony is located within the outer limits of Zarkon's scourge in a section of space too remote and barren to be of interest to him even if he did attempt to search there. It's one of the few pieces of space that have escaped war. You'll be safe there."
"I-I can't just leave. I just got back... the Team needs me." It was such a banal lie Keith couldn't even hide his wince. The Team didn't need him. Since his return he'd caused nothing but drama and chaos. "I want to be a part of Voltron again. I'm the Red Paladin."
"You cannot seriously consider piloting the Red Lion in your condition! Fighting battles while carrying your young?" The stark transformation of visible panic taking over Kolivan's normally barren poker face would have almost been funny if not for the caustic argument brewing in the not-so-distant horizon.
"I can still do this. I'll be careful, but I need to keep helping."
"In Galra customs, it is unthinkable for a dam to continue working. Even soldiers are expected to abandon duties if they're with kits."
"On earth, mothers can work right up until the day they have their baby. They don't just quit everything when they find out they're pregnant!"
Kolivan arched an eyebrow and shot him a pointed look. Keith resisted the urge to squirm. He was well away of just how ludicrous his comparison had been. He wasn't a normal human mother. He wasn't a normal human period. Kolivan could have also pointed out that normal human mothers weren't impregnated with alien fetuses.
"Why can't I just stay here. Ulaz is helping me. He's been figuring it all out."
"I need Ulaz to return to base. Healers of his skill are notoriously few. I cannot risk being without a physician with so many Blades in harm's way."
Keith resumed his finger-picking, relishing the dull scratching pain. He was done with this conversation.
"I'm staying. Just send Ulaz back when I'm in labor. That's all I ask."
Keith silently turned and marched out the door without another word.
He kept walking, no real destination in mind. In all honesty, he didn't care where he was going. He just needed to walk. To march off the toxic steam brewing inside of him from Kolivan's words. A part of him knew Kolivan wasn't trying to be unreasonable. A larger, more vocal part of his brain kept screaming how unfair and humiliating this whole mess was. Keith wasn't used to being fussed over. Between Shiro, Ulaz, Kolivan, and now Lance, he was up to his ears in mother-henning. If it was this bad so early in his pregnancy what kind of hell would his life become closer to the kits' arrival?
He shuddered at the possibilities. He stopped walking and heaved a sigh. His panic from early had finally caught up to him. The exhaustion had settled into his bones like the heaviest of dead weights.
An odd rumbling gently filled his mind. He glanced up and found Red staring down at him with her usual regal air. Golden eyes glowed brightly. He gave a wobbly smile and the purrs grew louder, more insistent. Red rarely used literal words when communicating, but even if she did, Keith wouldn't have needed them to feel the concern and love radiating from her. Concern mixed with fair serving of frustration. It was a common enough mixture for her given the kind of antics Keith pulled.
"Hey, girl... been a while hasn't it? I'm a jerk for avoiding you."
Keith sank down and pressed his back up against one of her giant paws. For metal it seemed oddly warm and comforting. He curled closer, tucking his knees up to his chest.
"Sorry, it's just... been crazy. And stupid."
A question prodded against Keith's consciousness. He winced at the inference.
"Yeah... I'm having babies. Three."
Red went utterly quiet for split second before her purrs grew practically thundering. Keith shot her a crooked smile.
"Yeah, I'll make sure you get to see them when they get here."
