Sorry, been busy and really depressed lately.

So sorry bout the late update..

this chapter took a bit longer.

Read review and enjoy.

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The moment I started running I regretted it.

Because I realized that the only place I had to run to was home...if you could even call it that. After I was far enough so that I could no longer hear Shizu-chans voice calling after me I cast a longing glance over my shoulder, wishing it wasn't to late to turn back.

Why did I run?

I knew Shizu-chan only wanted to help me and I so desperately wanted to let him, dear lord did I want him to just take me in his arms and hold me there forever, but I knew I couldn't.

I just couldn't do that to myself.

I was afraid more than anything, afraid that if I put all my trust in him, afraid that if I trusted him with my heart and life, that he would steal it and crush it, leaving me an even more broken mess than I was now.

Despite the burning in my lungs I run the next few blocks and up the stairs to the nasty apartment I lived in, but I stopped in front of the door and cast another longing glance at the sky that's now turning a pretty orange color, the orange bleeding in with the left over dark blue color from the fading sky.

I always loved sunsets.

Taking in a deep breathe I rub the burning skin of my forearm and quietly push open the door, my heart racing as I realize my father is home.

I close my eyes for a moment and walk in, my eyes fixed on the ground.

The smell of smoke and alcohol almost knocks me over and the loud blaring of the cheap television set fills my ears.

My face scrunches up in a glare that I cant contain when I see my father sitting on the couch...well more like slouched.

His shoulders were hunched over lazily, a cigarette that I bet isn't legal nicotine in his hand, a bottle of something alcoholic in his other. He throws his head back and takes a swig from the bottle, his eyes red and blurry.

Despite his dying health, he's still skinny as hell.

His black and brown hair that's almost identical to mine is sticking out in all directions, he hasn't even noticed me come in yet.

I'm glad to say that the only traits I share with him are my hair, and how skinny I am, but part of it is just that I forget to eat a lot.

Eating isn't really one of my main concerns lately, so sometimes I just don't bother.

"You need to eat something Izaya..." Shizu-chan always tells me at school when he sees me with nothing but a small bottle of water in my hand.

I always shake my head at him despite the furious growling in my stomach, "Nah, ate a big breakfast."

My "father" finally sees me in his drunken haze, and his dark brown bloodshot eyes slowly make there way to my face, and he glares.

"Why are you so late Izaya-kun?" he says.

I flinch, I hate it when he calls me that.

I drop my own glare and shrug my shoulders as casually as I can, "Sorry, I just took a little walk is all." I say. He glares at me some more, he's usually not so angry, he's usually trying to rape me.

And I mean that literally.

But when he's this drunk, he's angry and he lets a bit of his real emotions show through, all the anger that I guess has made him this way is taken out on me.

I make sure that its me, Mairu and Kururi are to young to go through this.

And I don't want them to grow up like I did.

They don't deserve it, not one bit. But I know I do.

He gets up from his seat on the couch slowly and staggers over to me, I tense up and look away.

I guess he has enough strength when he's drunk to punch me in the face rather hard. I feel my eyes stinging with tears as I hit the ground, the taste of blood filling my mouth.

I don't feel any pain yet.

I look up with tears blurring my vision to see him towering over me, his bottle still clenched in his hand, he reaches down quickly and grabs me by my hair and yanks me up hard so that I'm looking him in the face, he breathes puffs of smoke into my face and the smell of alcohol burns in my nose.

"Tell me why you were really late Izaya-kun~" he slurs, his warm breathe is on my neck and he's to close to me, I flinch and shiver, wishing I could just push him away and run.

I hope to god that Mairu and Kururi are upstairs asleep so that they don't have to watch this, they always get so scared and ask me questions that im to shaken up to answer.

I'm silent, I can't really talk because the pain is starting to build up in my jaw, this is the first time he's punched me in such a visible place in awhile.

I frown, now how am I going to hide this from Shizu-chan?

"Answer me you little whore!" he yells and yanks me by my hair again.

Whore?

I believe it was you who was shoving your nasty cock down my throat when I was just a little boy.

If anything your the whore, and a pedophile at that.

That's what I want to tell him, but I don't want to risk getting hurt even further and possibly getting killed.

Someones gotta protect the poor little girls upstairs.

I just whimper in response, the pain is really starting to kick in, but I know I deserve it. I hear him tsk and then he lets go of my hair and shoves me down onto the ground, my head hitting the wall with a thud.

"Your useless." he spits sending me another glare.

Yeah, I know, you don't have to remind me.

I'm trembling as I struggle to get back up from the ground, my shaking limbs making it hard for me to get back up on my feet. I'm almost able to prop myself up on my elbows when I hit the ground again, my fathers foot coming down hard on my back and knocking the breathe out of me.

"Don't even bother to get up." he says, his words slurred.

A tear runs down my face slowly and I try to get back up again, but his hand stops me. He grabs me by my wrist and yanks me upwards and my body hits the wall before I can get my balance, my head aches from the impact and I can barely make out what he says next.

He staggers away and makes his way upstairs and only turns to glare at me again, "Just go kill yourself." he mutters. I slide down the wall and curl my knees up to my chest when he's gone, the tears coming freely now, my body wracking with silent sobs, my arms burning for the touch of a razor.

"Just go kill yourself."

Thanks, I might just do that.

Drowning in my thoughts I force myself to get up and I trudge upstairs, my body trembling violently. I reach for the razor in my back pocket and head to the bathroom, clutching the metal object that was my sick addiction.

I rip my school jacket off and dig the razor into my skin as quickly as I can, relishing the feeling of its burning pain that runs through my whole body and smile to myself.

I'm insane.

I feel the blood warming the rest of my cold body and I look at my reflection in the mirror, pale skin, wide empty red eyes, and a smile that belongs on a patient in a mental hospital.

I quickly frown again as the phone in my back pocket vibrates. I wipe the blood from my arm and reach in my pocket, the screen flashing with the name Shizu-chan, I hold it in my hand for a moment, the vibrations mixing in with the trembling of my hand. I stare down at it with a frown before I answer it.

"...Hello?"

"IZAYA!"

I flinch at his loud voice and hold the phone away from my ear, "Shhh, not so loud Shizu-chan, I'm tired."

He's silent for a moment, "Oh...I'm sorry were you asleep?"

For some reason I don't feel like lying, "No." he sighs on the other line, "I'm coming over." he says in a demanding tone. My eyes widen, "N-no! You cant!" I say, trying to keep my voice down.

I can almost see his glare, "Why not?"

"U-um...because..."

"...?"

"Because I..." I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want him to see my father, I don't want him to see any of this.

Shizu-chan groans, "OK fine, then you at least have to come over to my house." he demands.

I blush slightly, "B-but its so late..." I say, not really minding the idea of staying with him.

"You can just spend the night." he says. I blush even more, "Um, what about your parents?" I ask.

"Not home, they went on a business trip."

"Kasuka?"

"Acting camp for the weekend."

Damn, I'm out of excuses, and there'ss no stopping Shizuo Heiwajima when he's in a demanding mood. I sigh, "OK, I'll be over soon."

He chuckles lightly on the other line, "OK, see you soon I-"

"Hm?"

"...never mind." and then he hangs up.

I smile to myself, Oh Shizu-chan...I love you too.

~Shizuo's POV~

I hang up the phone with a blush on my face, did I really just...?

Yeah, I really did.

I almost said "I love you."

I sighed and ran a hand through my bleach blonde hair, the blush refusing to fade from my cheeks.

Izaya was coming here, tonight, to spend the night, and no one else here but us. I was actually really excited, we rarely ever had any alone time, so this should be nice.

I wanted to talk to him anyway, about that bruise. I wanted to know more about his life, more about...those cuts, I wanted to know why he did that.

And I wanted to stop him, I wanted to make him smile.

I decided that was my goal for the night, to comfort him and make him smile.

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Sorry to end it there, but guess what im giving you in the next chapter

LEMONY ACTION`!~!~!~!~!~! :D

teehee :3

reviews make me feel inspired~!

Love to all~!

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