Author's Note: And here we are! I debated splitting this chapter into two parts since it's so long but ultimately decided against it. Consider it a little gift for the holidays—my thanks to you for keeping with me thus far! Do enjoy
Donna grinned, almost ready to consider this a small victory, when the door opened. "Donna, I need to ask—whoa."
Donna whipped around, her eyes wide. Jackie was gonna kill her. Then she noticed what Hyde was looking at and she suddenly felt very exposed. "Shit. Hyde! Look away!" she exclaimed as she ran for cover.
"It's not my fault, man! You just gonna leave your door unlocked when you're dressed like—"
"Steven," Jackie said softly from her place on the bed, her form rigid and her eyes wide in fear.
Hyde's gaze whipped over to her, his heart suddenly pounding very hard. "Jackie."
February 13, 1979
7:10 p.m.
Jackie's chest rose and fell rapidly in quick, terrified breaths as she fought to control her racing heartbeat. Distantly she was aware of Donna scrambling to find clothes to cover her nearly-nude body, but all she could focus on was the man in front her who still held her heart within his clutches. She half-expected him to finally look away with a sneer but he kept staring, and a multitude of emotions crossed his face—each one more fascinating and terrifying than the last.
There was no contempt, no anger, no passivity. Nothing in his gaze mirrored the past five months of hell she'd been living through. Instead, she saw shock, fear, and a hint of a smile in those clear blue eyes of his. For the first time in too long, he was smiling. At her.
And it scared the shit out of her. Jackie almost hated being right: he wanted her back. The image that had been swimming in her head for the past few days of having to turn him down suddenly became too painful to bear. Her eyes filled with tears and she got up.
"I can't do this," she said hurriedly as she ran from the room, a sob escaping her when she was finally down the hall and out of earshot. She was both relieved and heartbroken that he made no move to come after her.
o-o-o
Hyde remembered reading somewhere that a spike in adrenaline, like the one he was experiencing right now, was why people could see moments of their lives flashing before their eyes before they thought they were gonna die. Because it made the person speed up and everything else just slowed down in comparison.
He did not feel that way now. His reaction time rivaled that of a sloth. By the time he thought to shout at Jackie to wait or to try and stop her, she was already out the door and down the hallway. He thought about going after her but Donna's voice popped in his head: "If she wants to talk to you, she'll come to you."
"Damn it," he said, low and under his breath.
"Well," Donna said, tying her robe around her nice and snug. "At least you didn't get to screw it up."
"I never even got to say anything."
"Yeah." She nodded. "And maybe that was for the best." She walked towards the phone at the side of her bed.
"Aren't you going to go after her?"
"No." Donna picked up the phone and dialed, speaking a moment later. "Fez. Good. You're home. It happened … Yeah … No … Yeah, she did." She sighed. "Probably … I know … Yeah, I will … Okay. Bye."
When she hung up and turned back around, she found Hyde sitting at her desk with his head in his hand. "Hyde, it's not that bad."
He looked up, incredulous. "Not that bad? She just ran away from me," he said, his voice clear as he explained it to her. "She's only ever done that when I've hurt her. I didn't even get to fucking say anything and she ran. Do you know what that means?"
Donna turned her body towards him, giving him her full attention.
"It means she's in a lot of fucking pain and I have no idea—no memory—of how she got there. What the hell did I do to her that I don't even have to fucking say anything and she runs away from me?"
"I…" Donna sighed and scrubbed her face with her hands. "You need to talk about that with Jackie. Even though I know it's gonna tear her apart, she needs to be the one to tell you everything. You'll only get bits and pieces from us."
Donna left Hyde to his thoughts and went to her case of vinyls, flipping through them idly. They never told the rest of the group but she and Eric used to hang out a lot in her room, smoking and listening to records. Some of her favorite memories of him happened during those lazy, giggly hours, set to the sounds of Zeppelin or the Stones or Jethro Tull.
Donna smiled as she selected one, setting the needle gently on track 10 of Surrealistic Pillow. The soulful, crooning voice of Grace Slick filled the air and just as Donna sat back down on the bed, Hyde finally spoke up.
"Should I even be doing this?"
Donna shut her eyes, suppressing a groan. "You can't be serious."
He lifted his head and looked at her in confusion.
"Giving up? Really?"
Hyde didn't suppress his groan.
"It's been three fucking days, Hyde."
"I know that, all right?" he snapped. "I know how long it's fucking been since I woke up to this shithole. And for three days I've been thinking that whatever mess Jackie and I got into, we could work through it. Like we always do."
"And what? You see her once and get scared?"
"No," he said slowly, his voice deep and gravelly in frustration. "I see Jackie…" He shut his eyes, remembering the pain that radiated from hers. "…and finally get that maybe we won't be able to work through it. That maybe I fucked up so damn badly that there's nothing left to repair. Why torture her further?"
Donna sat there and almost began to feel bad for Hyde until she remembered he didn't need a soft hand or sympathy. He needed to be kicked in the right direction, and kicked hard. Or else he'd never get it through his thick skull.
"Okay, first of all, you're a moron," she said, accepting his glare. "Secondly, you don't get to decide, single-handedly, whether or not you have a future with her. That is a joint decision and you need to let her have her say."
"And if she doesn't want me?"
Donna sighed. "If after you've actually given it all you've got and then some, and she still doesn't want anything to do with you, then you move on. But don't you dare cast her aside again before you actually reach that point. Which brings me to number three."
Hyde's eyebrow hiked up. "And that is?"
"I was with her when we got news of your accident," she said, her voice and demeanor softening. "We were at her apartment and in the middle of an argument about which ABBA song is better—I'll never understand how she roped me into that, by the way—when Fez called. The look of fear in her eyes, Hyde…it's not something I ever want to see again." She took a deep breath, forcing the memory away of Jackie huddled on the couch, crying hysterically. "She knew you wouldn't want her at the hospital when you woke up, so she stayed by that phone the whole time. When someone reacts like that to you being hurt, you don't just give up on them."
Hyde looked away, nodding.
"Just give her a little space. You both need to cool off."
"You gonna go over there?"
Donna nodded. "Yeah. I just have something to do first."
Hyde smirked. "And does this have something to do with the scrawny neighbor boy?"
Donna glared. "Don't you have to go drop off your wife at the train station?"
Hyde rolled his eyes as he stood. "Get bent, Pinciotti. And tell Forman I said hi."
o-o-o
35 Minutes Later
Dear Eric,
I'll admit that when I read your letter, I was angry. Furious. I wanted to hop on the plane to Africa just to kick your ass and make you feel as bad as I did. And then I read it ten more times and talked it over with a friend and realized something—that letter was you showing me how you love me. It's like when you took off before our wedding.
You should see Hyde. He's so angry about what he's woken up to. And I can't blame him. I only wish I knew sooner how unhappy he really was. He can be pretty convincing, you know? But he's determined to do the right thing now. He's set on getting Jackie back and fixing everything. But here's the thing: he's still Hyde. He still jumps to conclusions and makes decisions without talking it over with the one person he needs to talk it over with: Jackie.
Sound familiar? I'm gonna say the same thing to you that I just told him. You don't get to just decide that we're done, Eric. Even if it's temporary while you're in Africa or whatever. We are not done. I still have a say in this relationship and I'm not ready for it to be finished.
So, I took these for you. I actually tried to do something similar for you a few weeks ago but that ended up a disaster…and in Fez's hands. I know. These are different from the others—I burned those. Hopefully they'll remind you what you're missing and what you have to come back to. Because you will come back, Eric. And I'll be here.
I love you.
Donna
P.S. You let anybody see these, and I will actually hop on that plane to kick your ass.
o-o-o
February 13, 1979
8:22 p.m.
"Jackie, please don't cry," Fez said softly as he held Jackie tightly. Her distraught sobs tore him to pieces. He knew from Donna's phone call that Jackie would be sad from her first run-in with Hyde, but this was more than he'd bargained for.
"I can't do this, Fez," Jackie said, her voice shaking. "I thought I could. I know I said I wanted to leave, but I thought…maybe…I could stay and be civil and it won't hurt so much."
"Then why can't you? He's not gonna do the same thing as before. He's not gonna be mean anymore."
"No," she said, more tears streaming down her face. "Not while he's like this. Not while he doesn't remember anything."
"Jackie…"
"I know him, Fez. I know him better than anyone. I know he's angry about everything and he doesn't understand what's going on. I know he wants to fix it. I could see the hope in his eyes when he looked at me."
"Then what's the problem?" Fez asked, stroking Jackie's hair as she clung to him.
"Eventually…soon…he's gonna turn that anger towards me. Like he did before. I know he will. He'll try and fix it now but then he'll realize I'm not worth it and give up because I won't fall into his arms like I would have last year."
"No, I really think he…"
"And then he'll remember everything. He'll remember Chicago and how I forced that ultimatum on him. He'll remember seeing me with Michael. He'll remember how fun the gross slut was. He'll remember how good it felt to put me down. He'll realize he was right in giving up on me and it'll start all over again. I can't be here for that."
Jackie and Fez looked up when Donna walked in. The blonde smiled softly at the both of them, set her bag on the table, and sat down on the other side of Jackie.
"Jackie, look," Fez said, thankful for the interruption. "Donna and I have been talking to him and I really don't think he'll do that again."
Jackie shook her head as she stood and walked towards the kitchen. "He will. But you guys are right though. I need to talk to him. I need to see him and say goodbye."
o-o-o
February 13, 1979
9:38 p.m.
Hyde paced the length of his room in the basement, trying to formulate a new plan that didn't end in Jackie fleeing the room in tears, but nothing came to mind. Everything he thought up left her angry and him miserable.
He could write her a letter and have Donna make sure she read it, but he was never that good with words. He could buy her flowers and candy and crap, but for some reason he didn't think that would work. An image popped up in his head of her throwing all that stuff back at him, and he figured reality wouldn't be far off.
He could follow her everywhere and make sure she listened to what he had to say, but he didn't think that would work either. Besides, how much rejection was he supposed to take? Another idea floated to the forefront of his mind, but he questioned how wise that approach would be…
He paused, hearing the door to the basement open and close and then heels on the cement floor.
She was here.
Hyde decided to throw caution to the wind and give it his best shot, no matter how stupid the idea seemed.
o-o-o
Jackie walked into the basement, fully intent on saying her piece and then leaving—hopefully without crying off all her mascara again—but stopped when she realized it was empty. She looked towards Hyde's bedroom and sighed in frustration.
His light was off. There was nobody here. And she was rapidly losing her resolve as exhaustion caught up with her. It was just like him to not be here when she finally—
Suddenly, two strong arms folded around her and Jackie knew her worst fears were realized. His effect on her hadn't lessened since last September. She might not be strong enough to fight him.
"Jackie," he said quietly, his voice low. "I don't know what hell this is that I've woken up to, but even my messed up brain knows it isn't right." His arms slowly curled around her, holding her snug against his body, and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning at the sensation.
He nudged his nose into her hairline, brushing the whorl of her ear. "You belong with me, doll. You can't deny this. Us. She isn't real, but you are."
This was the Steven she'd always known was lurking beneath the calm, cool, hurtful exterior she'd encountered recently. He was still there.
But she knew now what he was capable of…the level of hurt he could inflict if he wanted to—if he was in the right state of mind. And that knowledge tore her to pieces as she carefully unfolded his arms from around her.
"No, Steven, I can't deny it," she said quietly as she turned and looked him in the eye. "I can't deny that you belong with me." She paused. "But you did. You did many, many times. So, maybe I can learn how to too." She reached up and held his cheek softly in her hand. "Maybe one day I can look at you with the indifference you looked at me with just last week. And it won't hurt anymore."
Jackie walked away slowly, tears streaming down her face.
"You know how I feel."
She paused at his words, her hand on the doorknob. "I know. But you also knew how I felt and still did such hateful, cruel things. How can I trust you now, knowing you can do that to me at a drop of a hat?" She twisted the doorknob and walked out, leaving behind a defeated man in her wake.
Author's Note: I really, really, really hope you liked this chapter. That last scene is actually what inspired me to write this story. The first chapter's been sitting on my hard drive for a few years, but one day, recently, this last scene popped up in my head and I knew I had to write the story for it.
Please let me know what you thought—I appreciate all comments. Thank you, and happy holidays!
