Chapter 9 – dying inside
Three days, it has been three days and it feels like I am dying inside, like something is eating me alive….
Noah starred straight forward, he didn't know how long he had sat there, if he had slept at all or eating. Not that any that mattered to him right know, the only thing that did was his daughter lying in bed, unconscious…
Of course the Snyder's had tried to support him, but he did not want them there, only Lucinda… It was for the best, these people hadn't been around him for almost 17 years, they could not expect him to open up his heart to them again, not right know, not when all he wanted was to turn it off, to drown…
It almost broke Luke's heart to see Noah the way he had been these couple of days, and he wished noting more that he could take away Noah's pain.
Deep inside Luke was a worry for Bella, even if he hadn't really met her, but somehow he feel for her and Noah. Maybe it was because she meant so much for Noah, that Luke carried but it might be more then that, at least he hoped so…
Luke's thoughts kept wandering back to when they had been in the basement, they had said too much to each other, and yet so little.
It had felt good to have Noah in his arms again; it had felt so right, and almost but only almost like nothing had changed between them, but in Noah's eyes was the proof, They were filled whit pain, sorrow and he looked so tired…
He knew that Noah didn't want any of them there, except from his grandma, he understood why, but that didn't stop him from seeing Noah every day, just to see that he hadn't collapsed or anything…
There he was, Noah sitting in the same position as Luke had left him in, looking distant.
"Noah" Luke said softly, trying to get some kind respond, to break in from his thoughts that were hunting him down.
He could see Noah move a little, but that was it, not reaction at all. Luke sighed a little but tried again, this time he touched Noah's shoulder… Still nothing, nada…
I could try one thing tough…. Something that used to work before…
Luke heisted for a bit, but this was for Noah's best, at least that was what he tried to convince himself off.
Slowly, he leaned forward towards Noah, brushing his lips against Noah's, enough to cause the electricity that used to be between them…
First he thought that Noah wouldn't respond, but all of a sudden he felt how he as pulled closer to Noah.
They just sat there, not saying a word, not doing anything… Luke was sitting in Noah's lap, with Noah hugging him tightly…
Finally Noah spoke ´"Thank you Luke" and he meant it with all his heart…
He was so use to being alone and deal whit all of this alone with Bella being sick, but it had never been this worse, and he didn't had a chance to appreciate help when it came, he never had anyone whit him, so he didn't know how to deal with it when people came.
"Noah, come on, get up! We need to make sure that you get some sleep, food and a shower before you collapse" Luke said.
"No, I am not going anywhere, I am not leaving my daughters side, not know, not ever." Noah said and shook his head.
Luke saw the determination in Noah's eyes. "Do you really think Isabella want to see you like this, destructive? Don't you think that when she wakes up, she want to see a healthy Noah, instead of this?
Noah looked up at Luke, who had his arms crossed to his chest, looking even more determined then Noah.
"I can't leave her, what if she wakes up and I am not there? What if something happened while I am gone? "
"Noah, she had been stabile for 24 hours, the doctors think that she will wake up, but nothing will happen to her, she is in good hand here.
If it makes you feel better I can call someone from the family to watch over her while we take care of you, okay?"
"Okay, but call Lucinda, she is the only one who know about Bella's sickness, and I want to keep it that way…"
Luke nodded and after ten minutes of more convincing he managed to get Noah out of the hospital and back to the cottage.
Both Noah's and Bella's bags were standing on the floor, unpacked and when Noah saw it, tears started to come down his face, and no matter how hard he tried they wouldn't stop running down.
"I can't lose Bella…" he whispered more to himself then Luke.
"You won't lose here, I promise" Luke said and once again he found himself wrap his arms around Noah, hugging him, and soothing him. They soon fell asleep on the couch, exhausted to the end but still holding etch other…
Noah slowly woke up, he could feel Luke's body pressed again him, but he did not open his eye, only snuggling closer to Luke, pretending to sleep, to save the feeling and the moment, to pretend that everything was okay…
Unfortunately it didn't last that long, they were interrupted by Noah's phone.
"Noah" He said in a sleepy voice, not ready to wake up yet.
"Thank god that I was able to reach you Darling" Lucinda said "You need to come to the hospital as soon as possible, something terribly wrong has happened"
Noah sat straight up, as if someone has pulled him out of his dream, and now he was no longer in a sleepy state, more of a battle state, preparing himself for the worst.
It didn't take them long to get back to the hospital, but what Noah saw there, made him angrier than ever. Right in front of him stood Casey, talking to Bella's doctor.
"What is he doing here?" Noah said, clenching his fist, looking at Casey with hate in his eyes.
Casey smiled and took a step towards Noah.
"You want to read this" he said and gave Noah a piece of paper.
Noah took the paper and began to read it through, word after word; he wanted to kill Casey even more.
What the hell? Why would he do this, why now?
"No..No…NO" Yelled Noah loud and suddenly griped Casey. "You can't do this, it is not right! YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 17 YEARS, AND KNOW YOU DO THIS!? YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME, NOT WHITOUT GOING TO COURT FIRST!
"Yes I can, and I did, now could you be so kind to leave, I don't want you near my daughter" Casey said calm.
It was the break point of no return for Noah, he completely lost in and he started to hit Casey whit all he had while screaming "She is not your daughter"
Noah had no idea for how long he had hit Casey but someone, a security guard maybe, he wasn't sure, pulled him away.
"Get him out of this hospital, I don't want to see him here ever again" Casey said in a dark voice.
The guard started to pull him towards the door, and Noah kept fighting, screaming at Casey, telling him that he wouldn't do this, not without going to court first, that Bella was not his daughter.
Noah didn't know for how long he sat on the ground, or maybe he was lying down, he wasn't sure anymore, and he didn't care either.
The most important person had been taking away from him, and he found himself wanting no more with this life to do.
The tears kept coming, the rain started to come to, but he didn't care… Nothing matter anymore… He didn't even notice when Holden lifted him up from the ground and pulled him towards the car. He didn't notice the concern looks that were surrounding him; he didn't hear the voices…
He did not notice, for right this moment, was the moment when he, Noah Mayer died inside….
