[A/N: Is this thing on? Is there anyone out there? Hello?

Just checking, folks. If you're still with me, make some noise and drop a review, even if it's just a "Meh. On to the next."

Also, edited to include a short line of dialog that got chopped accidently. Argh.]


SHEPPARD SPENT MOST OF THE NIGHT awake. He knew he should try for sleep, but he was too keyed up. The knowledge that Mahread'zhu might simply pop in on him kept him tense and alert. He was far too much the soldier, despite his lackadaisical attitude, to relax when expecting a visitor. He didn't expect to drift off, but he must have, because when he snapped back to his senses, he knew Mahread'zhu was there.

He sent the mental command for lights, sighing softly. "Mahread'zhu," he said with resignation, looking up to where she was standing by the foot of his bed.


She seemed more content tonight, and looked more luminous for it. He felt himself responding just as quickly as last time, but with a stronger desire. Face aflame, he sat up, pulling his knees up to hide his reaction.

"Sheppard." She moved over to the corner of his bed and sat down fluidly. Her face lit up in a slow smile.

"You seem happy," he commented. All through the long, confusing day he'd been trying to figure out what he'd do if the night visit repeated itself. There were the things he thought he'd do, the things he felt he should do, and the things he wished he could bring himself to do. The latter was running through his head as he stared into her radiant face. He took a deep breath. "Do me a favor. Call me John."

Puzzlement dampened her features for a moment. "But you said to call you Sheppard."

He reflected. Every moment of their first conversation was burned into him, and she was only partially right. "I said most people call me Sheppard. But," he added, wincing internally as he trotted out a very old line, "you aren't most people." Maybe the reasons why old lines were sill around was because of their track record. He was both rewarded and tormented by her smile, and he could feel the blood singing in his veins.

"All right," she said, softy. "John." For a moment that felt suspended out of time, their eyes locked. John felt strangely like he was traveling through the Stargate, in that disjointed, out of body exhilaration that came from both being and not being, seeing stars rush by and imagining he could feel the wind of his passage. Yet he was constantly aware of the pounding in his veins, the deep need for release that threatened to overwhelm him. It wasn't love he felt for the woman before him, but just the same, John felt a connection. He reached over to her, hesitant, not sure if he could touch what McKay termed 'astral projection.' But she'd touched him, hadn't she?

With confidence he didn't feel, he made contact, pulling her to him and kissing her with urgency. At first she didn't react, frozen. But a heartbeat later she was leaning into the kiss, returning it with a fever that burned him.

A split second after that, she pulled away from him. Blood humming, he leaned towards her again.

And fell straight through her, into the wall. "Ouch," he said, ruefully. When the pain subsided, he opened his eyes to see Mahread'zhu's darkened face. All trace of the earlier happiness was gone.

"Why?" she asked, simply.

He shook his head. "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

"Why would you think that?" Her face pained him to look at. John turned away.

"Why else are you here, Mahread'zhu?" he asked, quietly. "What the hell good am I doing you as ani'ame otherwise?"

"I wished you to assist me in finding the solace my spirit needed, not accost me with your passions!"

"Accost you?" John was aghast. How can she not feel it, too? he wondered. Hard on the heels of that, …but she had to feel something. Nobody can kiss like that and not feel something.

He took a deep breath. "Mahread'zhu." She wasn't looking at him. He reached out to her, pausing just before he attempted to touch her. To his relief, his hand didn't pass right through her again. He turned her head gently to face him. "I've tried to explain; we have nothing like this on my world. I'm as lost and alone in this as you are. But if we're supposed to be together for the Joining—"

"What?" He backed away at her tone. Her face was an almost comic mixture of disbelief and shock. Her mouth worked, but no sound came out. After a moment to collect herself, she spoke.

"Never did I intend you to think that you were to be my partner for the Joining."

John turned to face her, disbelieving and angry. "Truly," he said, voice dripping sarcasm.

"Truly," she agreed, voice too sincere to allow much doubt to creep in.

But creep in it did. "Truly," he asserted again, still full of disbelief but with a lot less heat.

"Truly," she replied, with puzzlement flavoring the word.

"Truly?" he asked again, astonishment and honest inquiry in his voice. She tilted her head, regarding him, and nodded.

He sighed and shook his head. "Mahread'zhu, I'm at a loss. I don't know what I'm doing here, and while usually I can fake my way through it, I don't think that's gonna work here."

She moved beside him and took his hand. "I...see your meaning. When first I came to you tonight, I thought my path was clear. Now I see confusion." She broke his gaze and looked away. He lowered his head and frowned. The gentle touch of her fingers to his was a constant reminder of other wants which were rapidly becoming needs.

"Mahread'zhu." He turned to look her directly in the eye. "I wish to help you, I do." He ground his teeth together. "But I think these visits have to stop. If you're going to come into my quarters, you should probably use the door from here on out."

There was an endless moment spent locked in her gaze. John could sense the wordless communication between the two of them, but the harder he grasped at the meaning, the faster it eluded him. He gave up trying to understand it and just let himself experience it. A sense of disappointment and loss hit him fleetingly, just before she nodded. He tried for a smile but it came out mostly a grimace. He looked down and away and then tried it again. It came out better that time.

He had time to squeeze her hand before she disappeared.