A/N: This chapter was actually a ton of fun to write! :D

Hahaha...Chewin' Exams...good one... ^v^

Warning: Language, OOCness, the usual...

Enjoy!


Itachi sat in his assigned seat, a tick on his forehead and fist clenched.

"How did it end up like this!" he angrily shouted to no one in particular, glaring at the smirking blonde and grinning raven sitting on either side of him.


-Up in her cloud fortress, Kami-sama laughed, sipping a glass of sparkling water. "Hahahaha...sucker."-


Itachi sneezed in aggravation.

Deidara tilted his head, blue eye glittering. "What's the matter un?"

Itachi turned to him, a fist raised. "Shut up!"

"Take it easy cousin," Shisui said with his hands raised, "No use popping a blood vessel before the big test."

Itachi lowered his hand, brow twitching uncontrollably. "Shisui…kindly shut your mouth."

His cousin saluted. "Aye-aye captain!"

Then he and Deidara burst into snickers.

Itachi had to try very hard not to activate his Sharingan.


From the back of the classroom, a masked shinobi watched the two Uchiha's and Iwa nin interact. A devious smile spread upon his lips. "I will have my revenge….aha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"Shut up!" a random kunoichi shouted, hitting him with a chair.


Five minutes later the room had finally calmed down and the head prospector walked in, followed by all the lesser prospectors. His tall figure and cool demeanor immediately demanded respect.

"My name is Ibiki M. I refuse to tell you my last name. Now-" he held up a stack of papers. "This is a test. If you are caught cheating even once, I will fail you. No. If you even look away from your own paper, I will fail you. Understand?"

-Insert bobbed heads-

"Good." Ibiki, clad in his swishing cloak, handed the papers to his minions- er, lesser prospectors to hand out. "You have fifty minutes. At the end of them I will give a tenth question for all you morons who can't answer the first nine. And if you get even that wrong, then you don't deserve to be a shinobi." He scanned the class with hard eyes, doing a double-take when he saw Itachi, Shisui, Kakashi, and several others that he was sure had graduated back when they were five. Oh well…guess I can't tell kids what to do these days.

Deidara sniffed as his test was given to him. "I hate this hmm…" he muttered.

Itachi glanced at him. "Don't stress. It's only a small test."

"That's not the problem," Deidara hissed. "I can't keep my attention span on one paper for this long un."

Itachi opened his mouth to respond when Ibiki cut him off.

"No talking! The test begins now!"

Deidara looked down at the paper, immediately cocking a brow at the first question.

Question 1: A silver-haired shinobi who scares you greatly breaks into your house. You run in only to find you've forgotten to pick up any weapons for self-defense along the way. What do you use instead?

Deidara put a finger to his chin as he thought of the answer. Hmm… Got it! He hastily scribbled down his answer and moved onto the next question.

Itachi didn't need to look to know that Deidara was flying through the test. He himself had already finished, and Shisui was simply writing down whatever came to mind since he knew how the main part of the written test worked anyway. It was only the tenth question they had to look out for in the end. And even if Deidara didn't know that- oh well. He was doing fine right now.

The second hand on the clock ticked by agonizingly slow over the next forty-nine minutes.

Shisui was humming under his breath and Itachi was drawing a perfect circle in the corner of his test paper. Only Deidara, who had such a short attention span, was ripping tiny pieces of his paper up to throw paper balls at the back of people's heads. And every time a ball would hit, the shinobi in front of them would snap their neck around to glare to see who had been pestering them for the last thirty minutes.

Ibiki took care of the rest, repeatedly shouting, "Failed! Failed! FAILED!"

Needless to say, the front row was soon empty.

Itachi rolled his eyes. Deidara is such an idiot.

After some more spitballs and distractions, Ibiki suddenly shouted, "Time's up!" He gazed over the room. Good. There's not many left. He acquired a professional pose. "And now for the tenth question. But before that- know that if you answer this wrong, you and your entire team will fail. Not only that, but you'll lose the chance to retake the test for the rest of your life!"

The entire class gasped.

Minus the ones who had already taken the exam before. Except for Shisui. He gasped just for the heck of it.

"So," Ibiki said. "Who wants to quit? You're free to take the exam again next year."

No one moved.

Itachi relaxed in his seat, knowing neither he or Shisui would back out. We'll be fine so long as Deidara- His eyes popped out of his head. Why is Deidara's hand raised? he inwardly screamed.

All eyes were focused on the blonde bomber who was now impatiently tapping his foot and waving his arm around.

Ibiki eyed him. "You would like to quit?"

Deidara blinked. "What the hell un? I just have to use the bathroom really bad!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well hold it in," Ibiki grouched.

"I've been holding it in for the last hour hmm!"

"Suck it up," Ibiki growled, looking away in annoyance. He scanned the classroom again, pointedly avoiding staring at a certain blonde. "No one wants to quit? Anyone?"

Silence.

"Any-"

Deidara sighed in exasperation. "For Kami's sake un! If you're waiting for some blonde kid with whiskers to speak out and inspire everyone here to work hard and 'Believe it!', then you've at least five more years to wait-"

Itachi slammed the blonde's head onto his desk. "Just. Shut. Up."

Ibiki stared at them with rage burning in his eyes. "What was that? You want to fail this test?"

Itachi politely shook his head. "No thanks Ibiki-sama. Sorry about the interruption."

Ibiki grunted. "Well good. Just keep your friend quiet."

"I'll keep you quiet," Deidara's muffled voice said.

Ibiki's eyes shot holes through his head. "One more wise-crack and your whole team will fail."

"One more wise-crack and I'll blah blah blah blah blah," Deidara quietly mimicked, earning him several snickers and a glare from the head prospector. The blonde lightly coughed. "Sorry hmm. There was something in my throat, but it won't happen again hmm," he said, only because Itachi was pinching his thigh in a pincer-like grip.

Ibiki opened his mouth to say something when the ceiling caved in, dust and debris flying up in the air in a giant plume. Ibiki's brow twitched. "Why does this seem to happen every year…?" he muttered.

A spiky-haired youth tumbled out the hole in the ceiling a second later, two dango sticks in between her fingers and a hand on her hips.

One of the shinobi in front of Itachi murmured, "Wow…she's hot."

A dango stick stabbed him in the head.

"Ow!"

Ibiki growled and smacked a hand to his face. "Anko! Don't injure the competitors!"

Anko scowled. "Fine, fine. Why're there so many maggots left anyway?" she shouted.

Itachi's eye quirked. Maggot?

"There's only twenty," Ibiki said while plugging his ears.

"Too much!" Anko declared and then faced the class. "The name's Mitarashi Anko you pathetic worms- and I'll be supervising the next test!"

"Aren't you just a kid?" the shinobi from before uttered, dango stick still in his head.

Another one soon joined.

"Shut up pipsqueak!"

"Ahh! My eye!"

Deidara was in awe. "Awesome hmm. She's so cool!"

Anko flashed him a thumbs up. "Nice choice of words brat!"

Deidara grinned. "Thanks!"

Ibiki and Itachi rolled their eyes.

"Now!" Anko pumped a fist into the air. "All of you get outta my sight until tomorrow where we'll meet in the Forest of Death!"

"Forest of Death?" a shinobi from Wave Country asked. "Where is that?"

"Up your ass filthy pig!" Anko kindly screamed. "Now leave! Dismissed!"


Deidara strode out of the classroom, stretching his sore back in the process. "Those chairs really hurt hmm!"

Itachi kicked him in the shin. "You almost got us disqualified."

"Itai!" Deidara scowled. "We still made it to the second part un."

"Just barely," Itachi scoffed. "You don't even know where the second part is."

"I'll just follow the giant arrows that point to the Forest," Deidara said with a huff.

"We don't have giant arrows!"

"Then I'll make some hmm!"

Shisui stepped in between the glaring teens. "Easy kiddies."

The two harrumphed before crossing their arms and looking away.

"Annoying little brat."

"Stupid big-ass ego Uchiha."

Shisui smacked a palm to his head.

"Well look who it is," a nonchalant voice called out to them.

All three looked over their shoulders in slight surprise, Deidara and Itachi immediately leaping back in horror.

Shisui on the other hand, merely smiled in greeting. "Kakashi. What are you doing here?"

Kakashi smirked beneath his mask. "Oh nothing. Just thought I'd take the exam for fun this year," he said, all the while boring holes into a certain blonde's head.

"Ah- I see." Shisui peered behind Kakashi's shoulder. "Who are they?" he asked.

Kakashi motioned towards the two teens behind him, one a raven with goggles and the Uchiha crest, and the other a short-haired brunette. "These are my teammates, Obito and Rin."

Rin waved somewhat bashfully. "Hello."

Obito grinned. "Hiya."

Itachi just gave them all strange looks in return.

Deidara, however, leaned to the side in a contemplating manner. "Hmm…Obito huh? Say- didn't I see your name on a tombstone?"

Itachi whacked him over the head. "Well great to see you have a completely illegal team Kakashi-san. Looks like we'll be seeing you for part two of the exam," he quickly said, dragging the blonde away from the group of baffled teens.

Kakashi gaped. "My team is not illegal!"

Shisui placed a hand on his hip. "I just can't seem to understand the two of them. Oh well!" he chirped, cheerfully waving goodbye to Kakashi and his team. "Guess we'll see you tomorrow then!"

Kakashi mischievously rubbed his hands together. "Oh you will. Just you wait. I shall have my revenge….in the Forest of Death! Aha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

Anko slammed over the classroom door, throwing a desk at him. "Shut up already you stupid maggot!"

"Agh!"

Rin and Obito sighed, and then went to help their mentally unstable friend.


Later that afternoon Ibiki went to collect the answer sheets of all the contenders, basking in the evening sun glow like all the other exams over the years. He stopped when he picked up a paper with a neatly scrawled 'Uchiha Itachi' at the top, shaking his head at all the correct answers. Well Uchihas were smart.

I wish I had an Uchiha baby, he wistfully thought.

Ibiki then picked up the paper beside Itachi's, raising a brow. "What in the world…?"

All the answers in order:

Bombs.

Clay Bombs.

Bombing Bombs.

The Bomb of my Life.

Hit 'em with an explosion!

Hit this guy with an explosion too! Then he can't attack you!

Um…plant some mines in his backyard.

Stealthily sneak behind them and THEN hit them with a bomb.

Itachi is a loser hmm.

Followed by some more graffiti of Uchiha Itachi and crudely drawn pictures.

Ibiki shook his head again, this time in amazement. "What kind of shinobi are we raising here?"

The Hokage swung outside the window on a rope, pounding on his chest and dressed in leaves. "I. Am. TARZAN!" he yelled in a hoarse voice.

Ibiki stared. "That would explain a lot of things."


-At Ichiraku Ramen-

Deidara had the strong urge to sneeze but resisted, instead scrunching his nose.

Itachi glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

"I have no idea hmm." Deidara cast him an odd look. "Ever get the feeling you're being talked about behind your back?" he asked as two steaming bowls of ramen were set down in front of them.

Itachi hummed in the back of his throat. "You have no idea."


A/N: End of chapter :) Hope it wasn't too bad for ya!

^v^