Bent over, Bou held his stomach, ignoring the minute changing numbers. His mind was elsewhere. The tip of his school shoes faced each other, his painted face hung low and his fixed hair dropped down the sides of his face but it all didn't matter to him, he did it only for one person, Miku. What would he think? Bou woke up thirty minutes early to fix his hair, face and make sure everything was perfect before venturing off. Now, however, he wished to have never met that boy, he wished to have never bumped into him in that hallway. If he never counted the snowflakes, if he never was late for class, this would have never happened.
Still.
Pushing its way through the regrets, was a question, "Would you have changed a thing?" Suddenly, the blonde found himself answering with a no. Confidence wasn't a hard thing to rid of, especially when it hung on your wall.
DING
He jumped.
DING
He straightened his hair band.
DING
With a sigh, the alarm went silent letting the blonde hear his parents shuffling in their bedroom, Teruki heading out and him breathing heavily. Just standing there, he felt the make up on his face and he hoped his mother hadn't noticed some of her make up gone. His head felt heavier, roots stretching to fit the special head band on top of his head. And his legs shook with obvious fear even when he looked to the hanging confidence, trying to gain more.
"Here goes nothing," he whispered, putting one foot in front of the other.
In the distance, he saw the school; it coming in closer with each step he took. The sun sat happily somewhere over the building, watching Bou in all his pride, making his way and somehow pause, in terror, second thoughts winning over the confidence. He shook, deep breaths becoming even deeper. All he had to do was walk in and grab Miku's attention, show him how cute of a girl he could be. Girls originality nowadays seemed to be just that; cute and preppy. Yet, looking up and down at himself, Bou knew he wasn't a girl and pulling it off would be far from a miracle. However, Miku's words echoed in his head: "Seriously, as long as they have their own style, I don't care. Well, they do have to be cute."
Nose stinging, he shook it off, standing tall with his bag on his shoulder. This was only a stepping stone.
By far, Bou knew it wasn't his imagination at the giggling and paused conversations only to start again, this time, the topic being him. His knuckles whitened on the strap of his bag, lungs feeling heavy as his head felt light. For a moment, he thought about turning around and run . . . Just run. The humiliation wasn't worth it, none of the social torture was worth it. Head bowed to the ground, he walked on, biting his lip until he heard that voice. Looking up, he found the room number to first block and the three guys all sitting around his table. Silently, he crept in, ignoring the giggles from a nearby group of classmates. Bag being dropped off at his desk, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and ran over to Miku, giving him the peace sign.
"Good morning!" Bou squeaked, not breathing.
From beside him, Bou swore he heard a small snicker from Kanon and a gasp from Teruki . . . Or, was it the other way around? But their reactions didn't matter, Miku's did. Bou, standing there with a peace sign, only made Miku briefly seemed shocked followed by a shrug of the shoulder and his head turning back to Teruki, talking about something dealing with sports. Bou's eyes went wide for a second before his shoulders dropped, nose stinging worse than before. Defeated, Bou mumbled another good morning before backing up.
Silently, he crept back into his seat, head bowing to his desk as a hand slowly slipped off the headband. The headband landed in his lap with a thud, tears welling up in the owner's eyes. Leisurely, Bou's thumb stroked the head piece even when a boy came up to his side, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"You… Y-You look . . ." He paused, hand rising off the shoulder, shaking. "Cute." He squeaked, blush becoming obviously noticeable his face.
Bou glanced at Kanon from the corner of his eyes, laying the headband down with a clunk. "Thanks," he sighed, propping his folded arms on the table and laying his head in the middle. Rejection felt worse than the movie and the books, it felt as if someone crushed in your chest with everything they had: Emotion, strength, intelligence, or help. Rejection overpowered all your senses, making you no better than the next person. It made you feel like the dirt on the bottom of the next person's shoe. With a bad taste in the blonde boy's mouth, he never heard Kanon's fading foot steps and he never heard the teacher walk in, starting class. All he heard was Miku's voice . . . Talking, laughing, or reading a passage out of the book.
He couldn't sleep that night. He couldn't lay still. He couldn't shut off the good morning. And he couldn't shut off the nerving way Miku rejected him. He had it planned, he had it all planned. Second thoughts or not, he was more than positive it would happen, that Miku would see how cute he could be, how he could be something other than the shy boy. Alas, the plan failed, Bou failed. Was it a sign to give up, to tell the blonde that he couldn't have Miku? Yet, Bou had a nagging feeling in the back of his head. What he didn't know was what to do about it. Sighing, he turned on a side, eyes opened to a wall.
"I don't know," he whispered to the dark room.
He felt empty. Alone. And, to him, he could do nothing about it, nothing at all. To Bou, all the options were used, all the options were … Unless, he would try again. Sometimes you had to start over, right? "ALWAYS try your best," was one of the rules, wasn't it? Maybe the first try just didn't cut it, maybe the first try was the one stepping stone to the big one, the stage.
"Again," he whispered, turning on his other side, the boy sniffled before closing his eyes to the next day.
