A/N: And the darkfic-ishness expands... I can't seem to stay away from them at all.
EDIT: Yeah, the entire point is that they aren't likeable and that it's wrong. That's literally the entire premise of a darkfic. I'm not making people you can relate to or like, I'm making ones that you shake your head at. None of this is justifiable and I never said it was. Jesus Christmas, if you don't like it you can click the back button on your browser and read something else.
Warnings: Mild lemon.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.
-MalRev
My Own Being
9: Surviving
Chi-Chi called a few hours later to invite me over to see Gohan. Her voice was unsteady, like she had recently been crying, but she sounded happy enough. I figured I'd given her enough time alone with Goku and her son so I agreed. After all, I really did want to see the kid. I'd grown attached to him on Namek and it broke my heart to think of him in pain. Seeing his smiling face would make everything better and I'd be able to put my night with Goku behind me.
While I was upstairs getting ready, Vegeta leaned sulkily against my wall and glared at me. I busily pulled my hair into a ponytail and turned a few times to make sure my outfit was appropriate for the get-together. If I looked too good, Chi-Chi would wonder. Right? Or did she have no idea?
Vegeta snorted disdainfully. "Going to see Kakarot and his brood?"
I puckered my lips, still turning in circles. No, Chi-Chi had no idea. It had only been a night ago but Goku probably cleaned up to make sure everything looked normal. Maybe she expected him to do something. She'd left him when she found out how sick Gohan was so were they even back together? Were a few hours enough to repair what Chi-Chi had willingly ended?
"I'm going to see Gohan," I said. "You can come if you want." I swiped my jacket off my bed, casting Vegeta a cold look. "If you say anything insensitive I'll make sure you regret it."
"Don't tell me what to do. I will not stand here and by mocked by a human woman."
"You know, this is making your proposal seem so much more enticing. I'd really like to marry a guy who attacks me in the shower and repeatedly calls me "woman" with his arms crossed. Are you coming or would you rather stay here and mope around like a small child?"
The Saiyan curled his lip. It was similar to the face he made the night we slept together. "Fine."
We left after I let my mother know where I was going. Vegeta wanted to fly but I shoved him into my car and we drove up to Mt. Paozu, making my heart beat faster with fear. It had only been a day ago that I went to check on Goku and wound up making a huge mistake. I only hoped we could hide it from everyone, especially Vegeta and Chi-Chi. The thought of facing both of them down was horrifying.
"Have you told your unbearable mother yet?"
I glanced at Vegeta, annoyed. "No. I'm not telling anyone for as long as possible. What's it to you?"
No response. When I looked in his direction again, Vegeta was staring out the window with a foreign expression that wasn't irritated or haughty. I blinked and it was gone. But what had it been? If I thought really hard, I could have sworn he looked sad. No. It had to be a mistake. My head was going crazy.
When we arrived at the small house I could hardly contain my terror and it was starting to show. Vegeta narrowed his eyes at me as I fixed my hair in the rearview mirror and he looked around like he was paranoid about something. I took a deep breath and patted his thigh before getting out of the car to face what I had done. Coming clean was starting to feel more and more appropriate.
Chi-Chi came outside with a wide smile on her face. The first thing I noticed was that her hair was askew, tossed in all different directions instead of being carefully contained under a headband. My smile began to fade as my eyes roamed down her clothes, settling on some moderate blood stains staining her white apron. I stopped and Vegeta even paused beside me, growling under his breath.
The trees above the house were dousing it in shadow instead of allowing the sun rays to bathe the building like they normally did. Chi-Chi walked down the stairs, teetering slightly, and opened her arms while she headed toward Vegeta and I. It was my instinct to take a step back and Vegeta put an arm in front of me protectively, scowling deeply and unwavering from his stance.
Thankfully, there was a ray of light in the darkness.
Goku appeared in the doorway and rushed outside to grab Chi-Chi before she could come any closer. He wasn't frowning or smiling. His face was blank. I had never seen him look quite as bare and borderline fearful as he did while he pulled his wife back into the house. They were gone for several moments and I heard Chi-Chi screaming something before a door shut from deep within, silencing her.
My friend returned a few moments after, running a hand through his thick black hair. He gestured for us to come inside and I had to force Vegeta out of the way to continue. He followed close behind, muttering about Goku and Chi-Chi. I hurried inside to ask Goku what the hell was going on. His wife didn't look good. Why was there blood all over her?
I'd expected to see Gohan in his bedroom but he was downstairs on the couch, covered from head to toe in thick blankets. His black eyes were inflamed and roaming the room tiredly while his mouth hung open limply because he didn't seem to have the strength to close it. I backed into Vegeta when I saw a trickle of blood running down the side of Gohan's mouth onto a paper towel under his chin. If it wasn't for his flickering eyes I would've thought he was dead.
The sound of Chi-Chi shrieking echoed through the house. Goku walked around the back of the couch to brace himself on it, gently brushing Gohan's hair away from his forehead. The half-Saiyan was glistening with sweat. He whimpered pitifully and Goku wiped some of the blood away from his mouth.
"He doesn't look better to me," Vegeta said.
I viciously elbowed him in the ribs.
Goku's facial expression didn't change in the least. He kept staring at Gohan. "He isn't better. Chi-Chi was very upset and brought him here in the middle of the night. The Ox King said he's improving but if he keeps getting moved around he'll get bad again." He sank down to his knees, gazing at his son. "He coughs blood. Chi-Chi got upset again and I had to… move her."
Then Gohan noticed me and I struggled to hold back tears as he raised a trembling, skinny arm from the covers, reaching for me. Vegeta made a disgusted noise but I knelt beside him and took his small hand in mine and offered him an encouraging smile. He looked like a porcelain doll.
"Hey," I said softly. "When you're feeling better, we're going on a trip through space. Just me and you, no parents and no worries."
A smile touched his lips. "Will… will I ever feel better?"
The door opened and slammed shut and I turned quickly to see Vegeta had left. The sound of him flying off came a few moments later and I furiously cursed at him in my head. But I didn't show my frustration to Gohan. I gave him a smile once again and nodded rapidly, trying to keep him positive.
We talked for a little while before I got up to take Goku aside away from his son's curious ears. I led him into the kitchen and crossed my arms, peering around the corner at Gohan when he started coughing miserably. Goku sagged against the counter and riveted his eyes on the floor. I couldn't let their family fall apart. I would never… I couldn't… I didn't want to come between him and Chi-Chi.
You saw her, whispered the tempting voice in my head. She's crazy now. What if she hurts Gohan? What if she hurts Goku? There's no way she can come back now.
"Do you want me to watch him so you can get some air?" I asked. "I don't mind. Maybe you can find Vegeta and spar for a little while before you come back, too. I'll make sure he's comfortable. Do you need me to call a doctor?" I twiddled my thumbs, trying to figure out what I could do to help. I hated feeling useless. "I'll talk to Chi-Chi and try to get her to calm down or call a therapist or… or…"
"She wants me to leave. She said I make him more stressed. But I want to stay with him and make sure he pulls through." Goku looked up at me, still vacant. "I'm sorry, Bulma. You have enough to worry about. How have you been feeling?"
"Seriously, my brat is the least of your concerns right now. Gohan is going to be fine. He's a strong kid and I'm sure with enough relaxation he'll be on his feet in a week. Chi-Chi is just scared and… I guess you should probably try to talk to her again. She could probably use the support."
When Goku looked away from me I worried I had overstepped my boundary. They'd been married for a long time so it wasn't really any of my business. I wrung my hands nervously and took a hesitant step toward him to apologize and a moment later I was pinned between him and the counter. His mouth was on mine before I could protest and we were kissing passionately, flooding me with the emotions I had wrestled the night before.
The sound of Chi-Chi sobbing softly didn't deter Goku. He held my face and deepened the kiss, far more aggressive than he had been the night before. I was far from innocent in our encounter and eagerly knitted my fingers in his hair as he began to slowly grind against me. His lips were hovering above my neck; I could feel his warm breath on my skin and hear his restrained groaning.
I wanted him and Gohan to stay with me at Capsule Corp. I'd make sure the best doctors in the city tended to Gohan and Goku could do whatever he needed to in order to relax. It would be the perfect environment. We'd have nothing to worry about and it would all fall into place.
But I knew what was growing between us was wrong just as well as Goku did. He was married with a presently very ill son and I was pregnant with Vegeta's offspring. There was no way we could make anything work: it would have to operate in the shadows, behind the smiling faces and wedding rings. It was tempting. I desperately wanted him to be a bigger part of my life.
I'd never imagined Goku would be the one to push our destructive relationship. It made sense: at that point he was hurting far worse than I ever had. It was obvious he had harbored feelings for me for a long time like I had for him but I never could have predicted their depth and intensity.
"I wish it was you."
His words were so quiet I wondered if I had even heard them. My eyes rolled back when his lips moved to my neck and I managed a "hmm?" expecting him to correct what I thought I heard.
Lips touched my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. He was slowly rolling his hips into mine, holding me firmly against him. "I wish… I wish I made him with you instead."
"Goku, please don't—"
"I need you." Goku rested his forehead against mine, eyes hazy but penetrating. "Now."
I need you, too.
The lines were blurred. It was the most morally reprehensible thing I had done.
My jeans shimmied off and of course Goku was wearing his training pants. It wasn't what I had planned but the mutual desire was too strong to ignore. In his arms I was light as a feather and he held me close, burying his face in my chest when he slowly slid inside of me. It stung a bit and I writhed, biting my lip hard to keep quiet, but he shushed me with a deep rumble and sat down so I was straddling his lap.
We were both agonizing careful, measuring each movement to keep the noises from leaving the kitchen. I kissed the graceful line of his jaw and felt his powerful chest under my fingers that rose and fell with every thrust. Our arms were wrapped around one another, trying to keep us as close as possible.
But it was too risky to last long. We quietly reached our peak together and as I watched Goku with hungry eyes he bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed. His big hands stayed on my hips while he pulsed within me and still kept shifting and gripping afterwards like he was absorbing every moment. I closed my eyes and panted into his neck, my only solace during our restrained lovemaking.
Goku grabbed the back of my head and pushed forward to give me a bruising kiss. I held him in return and pretended for a moment that everything was perfectly fine. A small cough from the living room reminded me that it wasn't.
I quickly rose and pulled my jeans back on and Goku retied his ash before casually swinging into the living room, calling Gohan's name softly. It didn't upset me in the least. I peered around the corner to watch Goku sit beside Gohan and brush his hair from his face. No, I didn't envy them at all.
