Hello everybody, my name is Marrrkiplier and welcome back to another episode of SURGEON SIMULATOR! Just kidding, I'm not as cool as Mark. Anywho, here we are in the NINTH INNING - *gets slapped by Phantom J. w/ a rubber chicken* - NINTH CHAPTER of PARANORMAL INVESTIGATIONS! So sorry for the wait, but my gnome-obsessed geometry teacher was dead-set on making sure we had enough distance formulas to do. (You Raiders know what I'm talking about.) So, without further ado, ON TO THE CHAPTER!

Chapter Nine

Tallest

Sam knew she was in trouble the moment that adorable little robot told her that her favorite book was "under the fake store". She'd followed the thing all the way to the back, passing every bookshelf on the way. The goth started to back away, only to step on something metal that triggered large mechanical arms to wrap around her. She managed to let out a third of a scream before her mouth was blocked by duct tape and she was dragged down a tunnel. The last she saw of the bookstore - no, trap - was the little automaton welding the loose piece of flooring back into place just as three sets of pounding footsteps approached. As they descended into darkness, Sam could barely make out Danny's growling, furious tones. It would seem, she thought, that whoever just kidnapped me...

oOo

"... is about to get their sorry butt kicked into the next dimension," Tucker concluded, wheezing slightly from all the dreadful running they were doing. Dib nodded, making a mental note never to get on the bad side of the rage-filled teen in front of them. Danny didn't even seem out of breath, and was leading the trio of boys after Dib had rattled off directions. Finally, they arrived at Zim's base. Danny stormed up to the front gate and was about to enter the yard before Dib stopped him.

"Wait!" the smaller boy tugged back on Danny's arm. "Zim has attack gnomes!" He tossed a small rock onto the lawn, but before it could hit the ground, every gnome in the yard turned and shot it with evil red laser eyes. The little stone floated to its final resting place as dust.

Tuck whistled slowly. "Nice. But I bet it can't withstand the awesome power of good 'ol hand-made-in-Japan tech like…" He paused for effect, index finger twirling over a virtual button on his PDA. He pressed it. "This." The gnomes suddenly linked hands and skipped away, singing like Smurfs. The other two boys applauded as Tucker took a bow, then together they ran to the door. Without missing a step, Danny kicked the entrance down, frightening nerd and geek. The house seemed empty, but Dib scampered over the damaged door and over to a trash can in the kitchen, which oddly enough also had a toilet in it. Dib showed no hesitation in opening the lid and putting a foot on the edge, then looking back at the confused Amity Parkers. He grinned sheepishly. "It's an entrance to his base," the boy explained. "The other one is the toilet."

Danny shrugged. "One man's trash is another man's base, I guess." And with that, the trio leapt into the belly of the beast.

Well, Danny and Dib leapt. Tucker lowered himself cautiously before his arms gave out and he fell the rest of the way.

oOo

Sam was growing increasingly annoyed with the green kid. She was now duct taped quite securely to a wooden chair under a single lightbulb in the middle of some high-tech alien base. It was a bit cliché for her, but she was confident in the fact that if Tucker were here, he would have died and gone to techno-geek heaven. She looked over to where Zim stood, pressing buttons and turning dials and pulling levers, busy with some kind of work. "The gnomes," he muttered. "How did they get past the gnomes…"

Suddenly, there was a rustling, banging sound coming from a port hole in the ceiling. Zim paled - well, it was more like turning a lighter shade of green - and he dove behind a bank of computers. The noise drew nearer and Dib fell out of the opening, landing and stumbling forward a bit, followed by Danny, who absorbed the shock with bent knees and used the potential energy for a shoulder roll, landing in a crouch. There was fire and brimstone in his eyes until they landed on her.

"Sam!" he cried happily, running forward as Tucker dropped out of the hole, crashing in a face-first belly-flop. Danny, after confirming that there wasn't a scratch on Sam, went around to the back of the chair to assess the, well, sticky situation. He looked over the goth's shoulder, confirming that Dib was focused on helping Tucker up, and shot a small ecto-ray at the tape with a pointer finger. The ghost boy was only halfway down the silver binding when something big, solid, and metallic hit him from the side, sending him into a wall covered in cables. It was Zim at the helm of a huge Irken war-bot, his malevolent grin beaming through its glass dome. Danny picked himself up and nearly morphed, catching himself in time as he noticed the glint of glasses to the side.

The alien laughed. "Go ahead, ghost-filth," he smirked. "The Dib-weasel will be more than happy to have a look at your innards on an autopsy table."

Our protagonist winced. "Who writes your dialogue?" he said, launching a brave kick at the mech. Its pilot, however, had other plans. Zim grabbed Danny by the leg and slammed him into the floor. As the halfa struggled to rise, his otherworldly adversary planted a metal foot on his torso, stopping him. Danny gripped the "toes" of the bot on either side of his shoulders, trying in vain to lift the circular foot.

"Say goodbye to your fffffffilthy ball of dirt, human!" Zim cackled, aiming a crackling energy beam at Danny's head.

WEEEEEE'VE COME TO FAAAAAAR, TO GIVE UUUUUUUUP WHO WE AAAAAAAAAARE! *coughs* You were done early. *looks up at chapter* I guess it was pretty short. Not much room to stop your momentum before that cliffhanger. Anywho, I'll see YOU… in the next video. BUH-BYYE!

*all Mark quotes belong to Mark, DP and IZ belong to Mr. Hartman and Mr. Vasquez respectively.*