Chapter Title : Musings of A Chimera. 9

Grey sat on his bed once more with a laptop after dinner- or third meal,
Grey always found himself thinking of it as 'dinner'. He was typing
laboriously, the slow clicks of the keys grating on Wryan's nerves as he
tried to play his vidgame once more. He was bandaged up after the fiery
episode but otherwise he wasn't that hurt. Beside Grey was the book he'd
been reading and was now looking back and fourth from the book to the
laptop he'd requested from Jiras.

Wryan gritted his teeth together, glancing towards Grey without turning
his head. "What the hell are you typing anyway?!" Wryan demanded
finally, pressing pause on his game and levering himself up on one elbow
to peer at his roommate. Grey didn't respond, too absorbed in typing to
answer. "Hey! Don't ignore me!"

"I heard you," Grey answered finally, lifting his head and arms,
stretching them then rubbing his neck with his hands.

Wryan sighed, "Well then what're you typing?"

"A translation of the book I'm reading," Grey replied with a sigh,
looking at Wryan, "So that more enlightened people can read about their
past then just those who know how to read my language." Grey had no
problem with calling it his language. Technically he was dead and so was
the language he spoke, therefor he was the only one who spoke it
fluently.

"Are you implying that I'm not SMART enough to be interested in things
like that?" Wryan asked, swinging his feet to the floor and stalking
over toward the Chimera. Grey smirked slightly, as if to say, 'would I
do that?'. The redhead folded his arms on his chest and leaned his
weight on one hip. "You send it to my console and I'll read it," Wryan
sniffed.

"I'm not sure, that might be too much trouble. I already have to send it
to Jiras," Grey mused, putting a finger to his bottom lip, though he was
obviously amused.

Wryan glared at him and stomped out of the room, leaving Grey to his
work once more. The Chimera looked down at the laptop and clicked the
save button before setting it aside and getting up to take a stretch
before returning to typing. He saved his original document and pulled up
a new one, titling it as the date and time.

~*~
I am Zelgadis Graywords, and yet I am Grey Wyrs. Perhaps I should let
Zelgadis go? Write down his memories and let him rest and become Grey
Wyrs completely, or should I continue as Zelgadis?

I remember so many different things and it breaks my heart to know that
Amelia died supposedly of suicide... and she gave birth. The book I am
reading implies that the child wasn't legitimate, that she'd cheated on
her husband. It doesn't say what happened to the child she gave birth to
but Philionel had to remarry and his son Kerel became the king. Though,
the book did say that a stranger came and tried to take the kingdom, a
kind of one-man army. He ended up being killed by Xelloss.

I need to know more. I want to go back and fix what happened because I
feel guilty for it. I should have known that it would happen! How could
I have not foreseen that it would happen.

I well knew that she was about to get married when I went back to the
palace after the last 'Adventure' we had with Lina. I knew. And why did
I do it? Because I wanted a moment's happiness. I wanted to know
happiness for at least a little while. I wanted to be with the one who
loved me where I could not even accept myself as I was. I wanted to be
with the one I loved. Funny how I can realize that now, long after she's
dead. Was I scared? Scared that if I chose her I would be stuck a
Chimera for the rest of my life, that I would never be human again? Or
was it because she would have been the next ruler? I don't mind leading,
but a whole kingdom? Would they have accepted me?

That bastard she had to marry probably killed her. Amelia wouldn't have
committed suicide, she loved life too much. But then again, I was dead
by then too. It may have been too much for her.

Stupid fool that I was... if I hadn't chased the queen of diamonds I'd
be with the queen of hearts still.

This is my parting gift to Amelia, my beloved, I don't care about being
a Chimera anymore. It was the cause of so much frustration and
unhappiness that I missed the only chance at happiness I could have had
as Zelgadis. I leave that quest to the past. Besides, I don't think
there are any possible ways to cure myself anymore in this time.
~*~

Saving and closing the document, Grey set the laptop aside and got up,
realizing that Wryan had left, having gotten annoyed with the slow
pecking at the keys. Grey was simply incapable of typing correctly,
having never done it before. He grabbed up a new pair of pants and
headed into the bathroom for a shower, taking advantage of Wryan's
absence.
*******