Hey everyone! Thanks again for the amazing feedback! All of the commentary, ideas, and honest opinions really push me to make each new chapter as good as it can be, and I cannot thank you guys enough for that. Newgirl78 gets a special thank you, too, because she's really helped shape these next few chapters.

Next update probably won't be until next week. I've got a weekend full of studying ahead of me...


Chapter 8

"Is Nick mad because he's my dad?"

Blue eyes stared back at blue, the first words spoken in what had otherwise been an exclusively teary night. Jess knelt down by Aly's bed, the toddler's voice lingering, wiping away the tears still streaming down her face. Jess's breathing was coming in shaky intervals as she tried to keep calm. She'd done such a good job over the years of not letting her struggles affect her daughter, but Nick was making things like that so much harder.

The innocence in her question was quite astonishing. Aside from being scared from the bickering that she had witnessed, Aly seemed surprisingly accepting about Nick. Not that Jess had ever doubted that. Aly had really started to look up to him.

"No, no," Jess took her hand and squeezed it. She wished she could tell Aly what a downright ass that Nick was being, and then fill her head with promises to never let that happen again, but that would be counter-productive to what she came to LA to do. Aly had just been cursed with parents that just couldn't get along. "He was just upset. Grown ups just..." She sighed. "We say bad things when we're upset."

Jess took the opportunity to grab a tissue and wipe Aly's nose.

As soon as she was done, her daughter was quick to resume the conversation. "Why was he upset? Was it because I cried?"

Because Nick Miller has absolutely no idea how to speak in front of you. Because your mother doesn't want to lose you. Because your parents jumped into a relationship entirely too fast.

Because old feelings are hard to get over.

"It wasn't that at all, Aly," she assured.

Jess sighed. As much as she wanted to say it was because that was Nick and he would just never change, she knew better. Aly had a way of bringing out the truth sometimes, no matter how much it hurt.

Aly blinked back a few more tears, patiently waiting for a better answer.

"It was because Momma made a mess of things," Jess finally whispered, the first time she'd said it out loud. She almost could feel the pressure on her heart lessen at Aly's gaze, if only temporarily. "And it hurt a lot of people along the way."

There. That was it. She leaned against the bed, trying to keep herself from losing it in front of her daughter.

"Is that why he wants to marry Julia?"

To Jess's surprise, there weren't tears in her daughter's eyes. Instead, there was a hint of honest curiosity.

Because I pushed him away, was the first answer that came to her mind.

"He's marrying Julia because he loves her," Jess replied instead, her voice gentle.

Aly briefly considered this, then looked at her mother again. "But doesn't he love us, too?"

There were a lot of implications that could be drawn from that question, something Jess had learned to pick up from raising an amazing perceptive child. Jess knew all to well the appeal a two-parent kind of household could have to a child, and it hurt her more than she had ever expected knowing that it was something Aly may never get.

"He loves you," Jess put a hand on Aly's forehead, "and that's all that matters."

With this, Aly smiled a little, settled back and closed her eyes. Jess hummed a few melodies familiar to her, but didn't bother with the words. Her mind was stirred up with the secrets that she had bottled up for so long. She'd really managed to turn a lot of lives upside down, so how was it possible for her to blame Nick for his reaction to something she had caused?

When she was finally convinced that Aly was asleep, she tiptoed out of the room.

Nick Miller might act like he knew more about Aly than she did, but she couldn't help but feel a little pride for averting this crisis completely on her own. She even allowed herself a little time to be bitter. Outside of Aly's presence, it seemed a little easier to be like that.

Stupid Nick.

She had been able to resist one of his most beloved tactics earlier – the kiss-and-she'll-forget kind – albeit it was a struggle. He'd made it easy, though, when he reminded her that he was, in fact, still bitter about their break-up and decided to say (rather loudly) that he was there, whether he likes it or not.

His words had been the exact opposite of what she would've classified her life with Aly up to that point, and maybe that is what had made her so mad.

Life, although difficult at times, had been a crazy strange mix of wonderful and nerve-wracking chaos that, at the end of the day, let her sing to a little girl who looked at her like she could do no wrong. If only Aly knew the kind of mistakes Jess had made along the way. She had holed up and hidden her old self, all to protect her daughter from the life that had so screwed her up. But with Aly, she could be herself. She could be silly and happy and naïve when it was just the two of them.

She entered her room and left the door cracked – Aly would surely be joining her later, once she realized that her mother wasn't singing her to sleep anymore – and settled into her own bed. She curled into her favorite pillow and took in a deep breath.

Only then did she let her resolve break, because, unfortunately, being a full-time parent also meant that she had a better grasp on the difference between right and wrong, and what she still needed to do, despite Nick's obvious chagrin.

She tried to shake the image from earlier of his tensed form, spitting hurtful words while standing directly between her and Aly, out of her head. A few stray tears squeezed their way out. Before she could dry her eyes, Jess felt the weight shift just slightly at the end of the bed.

Aly slowly crawled in beside her, wriggling herself into Jess's arms. She tried to pull herself together in enough time to keep Aly out of her personal struggles, as if Aly needed anything else to worry about, but her sniffles were a dead giveaway.

"Don't cry, Momma," Aly replied through a yawn. "I won't cry next time, I promise."

Jess smiled weakly into her hair and kissed the top of her head. 'Next time' would come another day. There were a lot of things that she still needed to do, but while she still had Aly close, she closed her eyes and desperately tried to not think about tomorrow.


Still lying face-down on the couch in the back of the bar, Nick let out a groan when he felt two hands pull up on his shoulders. There was no way he was getting up - he'd only been allowed to wallow in his self-pity for twenty minutes. He wasn't even close to being done.

The absurdly clean smell of aftershave filled his senses as he resisted the movement even more.

"Go away, Schmidt."

He could almost feel the eye-roll that came after that, despite the fact that he was still staring straight at the worn pattern of the couch. For as skinny as Schmidt was, he still managed to fight Nick into a sitting position, and his efforts caused Nick's frown to deepen.

"Why are you here?" Nick asked, pulling another bottle of strong-smelling liquid to his lips.

"To keep you from doing something stupid," Schmidt replied as he flopped onto the other side of the sofa. "And making bad decisions."

"I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself," Nick huffed, crossing his hands over his chest.

This was rewarded with another eye-roll. "Obviously," Schmidt drawled, motioning his hand at the sight before him.

Nick quickly put the bottle down, taking in his surroundings. The situation didn't look that bad, aside from the two empty beer bottles on the floor and the liquor off to his side. Schmidt should know by now that it took a lot more than that to get him into doing stupid things. He really couldn't help the bad decisions part, though. He could barely manage that sober.

"I'm serious, Schmidt," he complained, "Just let me be pissed off at myself for a little while."

Schmidt shrugged. "Fine. Be mad at yourself. Doesn't affect me."

Still, he didn't move.

"How'd you know I was here?" Nick asked, disregarding the fact that he owned the place.

"I didn't," Schmidt replied easily. "I made a good first guess. Your girlfriend thought you were out gallivanting and making questionable choices with me. Which, I'm quite offended by, given my remarkable streak of - "

"Julia called you?" Nick interrupted.

Schmidt glared at him.

"No, Nicholas, she told me telepathically," his voice was dripping sarcasm. "Of course she called me. So, are you going to tell me what happened or not?"

Nick sighed. "What's there to say? My life is messed up. If Julia isn't mad at me, Jess is. I can't even keep my own kid happy for longer than a few weeks."

Schmidt didn't miss a beat.

"Julia's jealous, Jess is scared, and Aly is three," he retorted, sticking up a finger for each reason. "It's not that surprising. I'd hardly consider that grounds to make your life 'messed up.'"

Nick winced, a part of him seeing the reasoning behind what Schmidt was saying. For all of the garbage that they had given Schmidt over the years, he was always the guy Nick went to in order to get advice (aside from Tran). He'd even let Schmidt dress him for his first sort-of date with Jess. There was a deep respect there, and the past few years had probably been harder on Schmidt than any of them, yet here he was, taking care of Nick once again. Nick shook his head as he leaned into the couch cushions.

"How can you just have life figured out like that, Schmidt?"

Schmidt looked back at him then, and Nick was surprised to see a split second of uncertainty cross his features. There weren't a lot of things that would break Schmidt's confident facade, so Nick had a pretty good idea over what he was so shaken over.

"Who said I had it all figured out?" Schmidt replied, surprisingly bitter.

"You're married. You decided you wanted kids. You're so sure you want all of this."

"A lot of opinions change when you're told that you can't have something," Schmidt answered. Then, quieter, "Even if you never really knew you wanted it."

Nick knew he wasn't just talking about the baby thing anymore, though that was still a large part of it. He thought all the way back to what Schmidt had said the day that they had celebrated ten years of living together - to the day that Shivrang had proposed to Cece.

It just sucks when things don't work out the way you planned.

Nick understood that entirely too well.

Schmidt looked sadly at Nick in their silence, taking in a breath as he continued, "I just don't want you to miss out on an amazing experience because you don't know what it's like to really want it."

"I do want it," Nick argued. "I know I don't... you know... act like it."

"Well, that's convincing," Schmidt countered. Then, he raised his eyebrows, beckoning Nick to try again. Nick took in another gulp of air. He still wasn't very good at the emotional garbage, even when he had every reason to be.

"Aly's one of the most important things in my life. She's... she's the best thing that I never knew I wanted."

Schmidt laughed. "Slightly more acceptable. We'll work on that."

Nick laughed with him, probably the first time he'd done so since before Jess had arrived home that night. He may not have felt it deep down, the kind of laugh that left him with ethereal lightness in his head, but he could live with this.

Happy with their mutual understanding, Schmidt looked down to check his watch. He sighed, and with a shake of his head, stood up.

"Look, it's late, and I have work in the morning. The youths are out in full force tonight, I'm certain."

Nick smiled weakly.

"See ya, Schmidt," he waved, starting to toss the empty bottles around him into the trash

"Call your girlfriend," Schmidt added on his way to the door, "so she stops calling me."

"She only called you once!" Nick commented back, and Schmidt dismissed this with a dramatic wave of his hand as he walked out of the office area.

Nick barely made out the "That's one more than I wanted!" from the hallway. The employee door whooshed as Schmidt returned to the bar area, leaving Nick alone once more.

As he grabbed the last bottle of liquor, his hand hesitated above the shelf where it belonged. He knew that admitting that his daughter was changing his world for the better was a good start, but shouldn't that have been obvious? Had he really done that bad of a job relaying that to Jess? To Aly?

He didn't know if it was his annoying ability to over think the situation, or if it the uneasiness settling in was just the alcohol talking. He didn't want to go home... Not yet. That would mean he'd have to stomach, and eventually accept, the reality that both Julia and Jess expected a lot out of him. He'd have to face his daughter, too. He couldn't even figure out what order he would rank those in - they equally terrified him.

The image of Aly's body huddled into Jess was enough to make the bottle of liquor look even more enticing. It wasn't like he'd be good to drive home for awhile, anyway.

He shrugged, and fell onto the couch once more.

Just one night. That's all he needed.


Julia was, surprisingly, not pissed off when Nick walked through the door the next afternoon.

After spending the night on the couch, and nursing a wicked hangover while he drove home to change, he'd arrived home shortly after Julia had left for work that morning.

He'd had the entire drive back to the bar to think about what he must have looked like the night before. It had been a long time since he'd let himself drink like that. Even though he barely remembered anything after the bar had closed, he knew that Bob had heard more than he had signed up for.

Damn him being such a whiny drunk.

It was during the silent cursing session that Nick opened the front door, bracing for Julia's interrogation. Oddly enough, upon first inspection of the living room, he almost didn't recognize her thin figure curled up on the couch. She was wearing the one pair of running shorts she owned, along with one of his shirts.

She smiled softly at him, motioning to a cup of tea sitting on the nearby side table.

"I heard you had a rough night," she began as he took a seat next to her, "so I thought this would help."

Nick took a few small sips, ignoring the fact that it was spring in California and he was drinking hot tea. Julia sure knew how to mend one of his day-after breakdowns. Her current choice of clothing was pretty easy on the eyes as well.

"Thanks," he finally added, pulling her close to him. "And who called you?"

"Bob," she replied matter-of-factly. Nick chuckled.

"Gotta give that guy a raise or something," he mused darkly, "with the amount of babysitting he's done for me."

Julia looked up at him with just the smallest hint of pity, and Nick was suddenly extremely suspicious.

She hated when he came home hungover.

"What's wrong?" He prodded, placing the now-empty mug on the floor. She shook her head, trying to cast the question off, but Nick wouldn't have it. "Seriously, Julia, what is it?"

She paused and took his hand, leaning back onto the arm of the couch so she could face him. Was that concern in her eyes?

"Jess came into the office today."

Nick furrowed his eyebrows. "To come see you?"

"No," Julia shook her head, the words coming harder to manage, "she didn't know I was there."

If she wasn't there to see Julia, then why…

Nick felt the color drain from his face.

"What…" he swallowed, "…who… I – I don't understand."

"I only caught part of her conversation," Julia reasoned, squeezing Nick's hand a little tighter, "but she was talking about visitation and arrangements to one of our new guys. He's taking on some new cases."

He let his head fall against the back cushion of the couch, his mind racing at why Jess would do that to him. Jess was the one that acted like they didn't need lawyers and courtrooms. He had so adamantly denied it when Julia had brought it up… and now that's exactly what she was doing.

Aly is too young for this.

Did she not care what it would do to Aly? He ran a hand through his hair, trying to resist the urge to call Jess and leave ten more voicemails on her phone – to do whatever it took to get her to pick up the phone. He wasn't going to lose Aly that easily. He couldn't lose her like that.

"I don't know what to say," he breathed, the tea doing little to calm him down.

"You've got me," Julia reasoned, treading carefully. "I'll make sure you get to see her more than twice a year."

Her words weren't nearly as reassuring as Nick wanted them to be. "Do you want her in your life?"

"Of course!" She replied, a little too cheerfully. Nick narrowed his eyes, and she shook her head. "Nick, kids are hard for me to get used to, okay? But before I saw Jess today, I was going to ask you if you wanted to maybe consider letting her be the flower girl?"

"The flower girl?" Nick asked, confused.

"For the wedding?" She responded flatly.

Nick could've kicked himself.

"Oh, yeah, uh… that."

He somehow doubted that would go over well with Jess under good circumstances, let alone the one they were currently facing. Exasperated, Julia got up to leave, and Nick followed her to their room, determined not to get another person angry with him in twenty-four hours.

"Julia, wait!" He grabbed her hand pulling her in. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Like what, Nick?" She pulled away. He held on tighter.

"Like… you know…"

She waited.

Nick sighed.

"Like I'm not serious about it. Because I, uh, am."

"Convincing," Julia rolled her eyes, a stark reminder of the conversation he'd had with Schmidt the night before. He was spreading himself thin, for sure, but surely he wasn't that bad at showing the people he loved exactly how much he cared about them. It was too late in the day to fix one of those things... But maybe he could right something with Julia before he went back to face Jess.

Nick sucked in another breath, trying to swallow back all of the doubt he had let build since they'd decided to do this, and twirled the ring on her finger.

"Then why don't we talk about it now?" He replied. "We can look at dates… food… Maybe a magazine or something?"

Julia smiled weakly, the resolve in her face fading. "I'd really like that."

Nick still wasn't sure if he'd just launched himself further into adulthood, or right back to being a cowardly child, but one thing was for sure – he was going to commit to something this time.


I'm slowly but surely getting caught up on review replies. If I don't get around to you, just know that I HAVE read every review and appreciate every bit of commentary. And for those of you with guest posts - if I could reply, I would!

Until next time!