Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: So… this happened earlier than I originally anticipated. Also, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, following and favoriting. You all make my day and keep me motivated to keep the chapters coming as fast as I can.
Chapter 7: Bella
This morning, Jasper and Emmett decide to head into town to buy bulk supplies of everything that I ever touch. While I'm getting better and better at tempering my strength, I still break walls and furniture the instant I forget to be careful. I also go through an embarrassing amount of clothes - piles of clothes ruined by either my new strength or by a caked in coating of blood. Not even Jasper has been able to explain to me why I am such a messy eater, or why I sometimes am overcome with the urge to intentionally cover myself in my lunch.
So, the boys pile into the truck and headed into town, leaving Rose and I at the house. Together. Just us.
While Rose and I have gotten along fine these days, this is the first time we've ever been alone together. At least that I'm conscious for. So I'm not terribly surprised by the fact that I'm a bit nervous about this.
As soon as the boys leave, I head off into the woods. I'm not hungry, but the fresh, spring air feels nice. IRose runs beside me in companionable silence for hours. I'm surprised sometimes, when I think back on my slightly-hazy human memories, how much I've grown to like Rose. But I realize now she's often just the company I need. Feeling my eyes on her, Rose glances over at me and gives me a small smile and picks up the pace. I match it and soon we are racing neck and neck through the trees.
After a while, my hunger begins to grow again. So I stop racing and start hunting. Once I'm standing over the drained body of a small deer, I look over to the blonde. "You should go hunt. If you want to, that is." While her eyes aren't dark, I can't remember the last time she ate something I hadn't taken a piece out of first. And I understand all too well now how natural the hunt feels.
"You know, I think I will," Rose says with a smile and a flip of her stupidly gorgeous hair. "Stay nearby, I'll be back once I find something that wasn't scared away by the racket you made taking down that deer."
In a flash, Rose has faded away into the shadows of the trees. A few seconds longer and my ears can't pick her up any longer. I shrug, knowing Bella-babysitting duty means she won't stray too far away.
Now what to do with myself…
The silence around me feels like it's closing in and I shiver. The longer I'm capable of coherent thought without my instincts taking over, the more off I feel. And now, with Rosalie hunting and the boys out in town, there is no one to distract me from my own head. Being a newborn has let me put all my issues on hold, but the time is coming soon that I won't have this as an excuse anymore and I'll have to deal with everything that being a vampire means. Charlie, Renee, Edward, Victoria…
I sigh and fall backwards. I land with a loud thunk - I can't get over how doing things like falling flat on my back isn't painful at all. Though, even as a vampire, it's not very comfortable to lie with a bunch of rocks digging into my back.
Eager to avoid my issues some more, I close my eyes and try to just relax. I focus on the feeling of the sun shining down on my face. It doesn't feel warm anymore, but it does feel… like something. Something nice. Nice and mind-numbing. I can figure my brain out some other time. Maybe Jasper can help me make sense of all these mixed feelings I'm having. He'd probably get a kick out of it.
The sun feels nice and lulls me into a mellow puddle of relaxation. Doing my best to keep my head clear, I just lay here and let the sounds of the woods filter into my ears. I hear the birds in the distance, the yelp of a buck - Rose must have found food - the gently swishing of the breeze through the trees, the harsh snap of a twig nearby.
Wait…
My eyes open as I rocket to my feet, spinning to face the sound. Dread builds in the pit of my stomach as I meet an all too familiar red eyed gaze.
Victoria?
"Hey there, Bella. Looking good. A little too scarred for my taste, but immortality suits you," the vampire croons, stepping even closer.
I open my mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. I should run, I should yell. But I can't tear my eyes away from Victoria's. Memories of the pain and the fear of the last time I saw those eyes flash in my mind. My screams. My blood. Burning.
Victoria's oddly civil smile stretches into something more sinister as she takes another step closer to me.
"Cat got your tongue, dear?" She croons. She's within arm's reach now, and reaches out to brush a thin finger along my jaw. "I know I left your tongue in there, so you should be able to speak. You must just be… shy."
I take an unnecessary, shuddering breath as Victoria steps away from me. Our eyes are still locked. My body is still frozen in place. I try to speak again, but all that comes out is a small whimper.
"Oh, don't mind me, Bella. I'm not here to hurt you. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd come appreciate my handiwork. Revenge is no fun if I can't stop by from time to time to see it play out."
My memories of the last time I was alone with Victoria still hold me captive. I remember how teeth ripped into my arms, my legs, my neck.
I remember how laughter rang out as I tried to fight off the monster in front of me.
I remember how mockingly gentle hands wiped at my panicked tears and how a voice crooned in a twisted take on comfort while I bled onto the floor.
As terrifyingly familiar red eyes continue to bore straight into my own, I remember every last detail of that night.
"I watched you for months, you know. You and that murderer," Victoria smirks cruelly. "I almost killed you right away. There were many perfect opportunities - I was the one who killed that tourist by the drug store, you know. The one that made your father leave to go to work in the middle of the night while Edward was away hunting."
Another whimper leaves me. I don't know how she managed to hang around without any of the Cullens noticing, but the fact that she managed it is terrifying. I want to run, I want to surround myself with the others and hide forever, I want to shower and get the revolting feeling of her gaze off my skin. But I still can't get my stupid body to move.
And Victoria, the monster that lives in the shadows of my memories, she knows just how afraid I am. I can see it in the way she pauses and smiles at me before continuing, "As you can see, I didn't kill you."
"W-why didn't you?" My curiosity manages to get the words out before terror clamps down my throat again.
"Edward," Victoria practically spits the name," killed my James. He destroyed me by taking away the love of my life. And I want to do the same to him."
"I'm still-"
A loud burst of laughter stops me mid-sentence.
"Edward doesn't love you, you stupid bint. It was never you he loved. It barely took me any time at all to realize that. What he was in love with, was your humanity. And that is what he lost."
No…
"Now you'll both live forever, and every time he sees you he'll be reminded of the great love that he can never fully have again."
No!
Rage and denial and terror finally build up enough to restore to me the use of my limbs. I let out a wordless cry and launch myself not away from danger, but towards the redheaded menace. All I want is for her to shut up. I feel my fingers tear into something, before the force of Victoria's arms throw me off of her and into a tree.
Grunting in surprise and pain, I drop the handful of red hair in my hands and launch myself at her again. I don't know how to fight. I've never so much as slapped someone before. But my instincts are raging and I claw mindlessly at the nightmare in front of me.
She laughs as I slash her face. Then suddenly I'm thrown away from her again. As I land on the ground, I hear another scream. Glancing up, I see Rose jumping into the clearing, mouth smeared with blood from what I guess was her interrupted meal. Then the blonde barrels into Victoria and the two vampires tumble to the ground in a snarling surge of limbs.
Rage and fear boil under my skin as I see Rose struggling against the threat. Rational thought fades as I run to Rose's side and try to help her fend of Victoria.
Slash. Punch. Scream.
The cold skin of a vampire parts like butter as my teeth dig into a pale shoulder.
Fall. Get up. Scream.
The feel of the bones of my arm knitting together makes me hesitate only for a moment before I'm leaping back into the fray.
Protect. Scream.
When Rosalie falls, I'm on top of her. Victoria's nails dig into my back as I lean over my sister.
Get up. Bite. Grab. Scream.
While Rose gets a firm hold of Victoria's torso, keeping the redhead pinned to the ground, I latch onto the pinned vampire's head.
Pull.
In the end, it's surprisingly easy to rip her head off of the body Rosalie is holding. As the imminent threat of Victoria fades, so does my rage.
Gross…
I look up at Rose, to see what I should do next. She's grimly tearing the rest of the body apart. "Hold onto that head," She commands before stalking to the trees, ripping off some branches, and returning. "I'll build a fire. You just…. hold on to her."
….
It's a beautiful bonfire. Knowing that the terror who attacked me and tormented me is fueling the fire actually makes it even more beautiful. It's an enormous relief it is to see proof that Victoria is dead and gone and will never jump out of the shadows to attack me with her fangs or her words again.
But, even as I bask in her funeral pyre, I can't help but feel a pang of sympathy for her. Despite everything, I know that it's grief that drove her to this. Who knows what I'd be capable of if I lost someone I cared for that much. But as another memory of her sharp fangs plays in my mind, it's easy for me to squish down my sympathy and hide it in a far corner of my mind.
"Bella." I turn to look at Rosalie, as she settles down on the ground beside me and takes one of my hands in her own. "I heard some of what she was saying. About Edward, that is."
"Oh," I wait for Rose to comfort me, to tell me that there's nothing to worry about. I mean, surely that can't be the truth, after all the time Edward and I-
"I don't think she's wrong."
The words ring out in my mind a few more times.
"Rose," I gasp, staring into the girl's eyes, "Edward wouldn't. He's not. I mean, it doesn't… I… He…."
Why can't I say it? 'Edward loves me for me.' Say it, Bella! It should be so easy to say. When was it that I no longer felt sure of the truth of that statement?
I think back on all the time Edward spent taking care of me. Feeding me, making sure I was warm, that I slept. Ever since Phoenix, the bulk of our interactions revolved around him trying to keep me safe. When was the last time we did something fun - something that didn't revolve around Edward trying to take care of my needs?
Shit.
"Rosalie," I try again. To say the words. But instead what comes out is, "I… I'm not sure she's wrong either."
Rose squeezes the hand she is holding, and places her other hand on my wrist. She rubs a hand over a smooth stretch of skin, just above one of the knots of scars left from Victoria when she turned me. Then she bites down. She doesn't hold the arm in her teeth long, and when she lets it go, it's a much cleaner looking mark than any of the ones from Victoria.
Arm wraps around me and pull me closer to her. I breathe in the familiar scent of Rosalie and close my eyes.
"No matter what, whether she's right or wrong, you're family. You don't need a man to belong with us. You're a Cullen just as much as myself, now."
I return the hug with desperate firmness, and let out dry, tearless sobs as Victoria's pyre crackles in the background.
…
I wish I was hungry. I wish I was starving and lost in a haze of instinct - anything to rescue me from the exhausted numbness that's set in since Victoria's visit.
Rose and I return to the house and she helped me wash off the filth from the fight. Then we hear the rumble of the tricker signalling Jasper and Emmett's return and she leaves me to get dressed on my own. I'm glad Rose volunteered to handle that conversation, because I really can't deal with anything else today.
So here I stand in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. As my eyes track the angry-looking scars on my arms and legs and neck, I realize that I haven't really taken a look at myself since the change. Looking past the ugly scarring, I see how pale my skin is, how much more vibrant my hair is. My face looks unfamiliar. It's a bit more… sharp? And my eyes are bright and eerie - halfway between red and golden. And they look sad.
I'm different.
I'm a vampire.
I was attacked, I was taken away from the life I had and I can't go back.
"What?!" The loud yell my brain processes as Emmett cuts through my self pity.
"Emmett, calm down, and let me - Jasper!"
The bathroom door explodes inwards, shards flying all around. Turning my head, I see Jasper standing in the doorway. A thunderous look is plastered on his face and his gaze rakes over me. Then he's right in front of me, pulling me in a protective embrace and tucking my head into the space between his neck and shoulder.
"Bella, darlin," he's saying, as I start to relax into his arms. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I should have been here." The strain in his voice nudges me firmly out of my mind and into the moment. Into the safety of being in his arms, into the guilt and relief and anger I feel but am not feeling.
I realize in an instant the strange overlay of feelings is Jasper projecting - but given the specific emotions, I can't believe that he's doing it on purpose. I pull away slightly, tilting my head to meet Jasper's dark eyes. They're too open right now now - raw and feral.
"Jas-" I whisper, needing to reassure him that I'm safe. That while I'm not okay, it's not because of anything he could have prevented. I don't know how to explain it though, so I instead speak the simplest truth in my mind right now. "Rose is a badass."
Jasper gives a small chuckle at that and I hear a louder laugh from Emmett, somewhere behind Jasper. As the big vampire and Rose both crowd into the bathroom, Jasper pulls me firmly into his arms again. Then Emmett's arms are around us both and Rose is squeezing into the group hug as well. We stand there, together, for a long moment.
The frantic emotions Jasper has been projecting mellow down and fade away. Soon, he and Emmett begin bickering over my head about Emmett stepping on Jasper's foot and Jasper hogging 'the Bella'. And despite everything that happened today, a small smile finds its way onto my face and I relax into the arms of the family that still hasn't let me go.
