Chapter 9: Unsettling Feelings

"Alex I told you we're only good mates okay?" Rachel said once again as we headed to the Great Hall for dinner 2 nights later..

"I know what you told me, but I know what you want to be..." I said knowingly, sticking my nose in the air just to piss her off.

She rolled her eyes. "You are hopeless. Haven't I told you enough that I'm perfectly happy where I am?"

I groaned. "Yes, but don't you think maybe you should try going to Hogsmeade or something together? Rachel, it's clear as day he fancies you, too. But you two are too stubborn to do anything about it!" I said loudly, sitting across from her at the Gryffindor table.

She seemed to be spending more time with us than sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Partially because we we're practically best friends, and partially because Remus just 'happen' to be a Gryffindor.

She glared at me and looked around. "Would you keep it down? I don't need all of Hogwarts knowing my love-life..." she grumbled.

My eyebrows rose and a devilish grin spread on my face. "Oh, so now you looooove him? Screw fancying, you looove Remus now?" I sang, causing Rachel to go into a frenzied panic.

"Alex Marqcues, will you shut up!" She said angrily, hitting my arm with her hand.

"What about me?"

We both turned our heads at the same time. My smile grew larger, and her eyes looked about the size of a saucer.

Remus looked between the two of us with a suspicious look. "Maybe I should go back to the common room..." he said.

"Oh, no! Don't leave! Rachel and I were just... talking." I said, eyeing her.

"About me?" he asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.. I saw him glance at Rachel, who was the color of my pumpkin juice.

I pursed my lips and looked over to see her giving me a pleading look. Don't-say-anything. That's what her look told me.

"Well... we were only talking about how you and James and Sirius are just really good mates, you know? And how you don't end up fighting each other. Much." I said with a shrug.

He nodded, obviously buying my story, and took a seat across from me and next to Rachel. "Well, we've been through a lot together. Kind of makes fighting pointless." He said, smiling and reaching for some pumpkin juice.

I smiled. "Well, let's hope it stays that way. Could you imagine what would happen if James and Sirius got into a row? They'd tear each other limb-from-limb if they were really angry at each other..." I said smiling, reaching for food. I was starved.

Remus laughed. "It'd be quite a show to watch, I think. Although I'd hate to see my best mates' in pieces." He said.

I laughed and even Rachel smiled. I managed to kick her under the table and glance at Remus. She gave me a look before turning and striking up conversation with him.

Sometimes she was the quietest person I know. But, come on, Remus is a great person! You can't just ignore him... And they get on like they were made for each other.

Not a moment later, Sirius, James, and Lily came in, James and Sirius walking with their usual cocky attitudes. James and Lily sat down by Remus and Rachel, and Sirius sat down on my right. In usual Sirius fashion, he ran his fingers through his shaggy mess of hair and draped his arm around me like I was any other girl.

I was used to it, it happened on a regular basis. I sometimes wondered if he had an issue with sitting upright.

"Hey James, Lily, Sirius." I said, reaching for my goblet.'

James and Sirius were sharing a look as Lily had joined in Remus and Rachel's conversation. I looked back at James and Sirius's faces. It looked as if they were having a mental conversation.

"Um, everything alright?" I asked, feeling kind of awkward and out of the loop.

James finally broke his gaze with Sirius and turned to me, smirking slightly.

"Yes, Alex. Everything's just great." He said with a smug smile.

"Erm... well, alright then..." I eyed James warily, then flicked my gaze to Sirius. He seemed to be mentally telling James to shove it. Um, can you say awkward?

"So!" I said, clapping my hands together. "What about that Charms lesson?" I said, hoping to steer away from all the funny feelings between the two boys/

Sirius laughed and squeezed my shoulder. "Ah, Alex... only you would want to change the subject back to school work..." he said, a slightly glint in his eye as he said so.

"Well, what did you want me to change it to? Make-up and boys?" I asked incredulously, picking the two subjects girls gossip about the most. It probably wasn't my best line, judging from the looks on Sirius and James's faces.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and even moved back just a tiny bit. "What boys would care to talk about, Alex? Fancy someone do you?" he teased, poking my sides and grinning.

I swatted his hand away and rolled my eyes at him, even if my cheeks redden. "No, I don't fancy anyone. But it's not like I don't talk about boys like the rest of the girl population." I said, sticking my tongue out at him and shoving him slightly.

"Well, who do you talk about?"

"What's it to you who I talk about?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"Well, do you talk about you handsome, charming best mate?" he asked with a cocky smile as I rolled my eyes at him.

James piped in. "Ahem, I do believe it's 'mates' Sirius, plural. You can't forget about me, can you Alex?" he asked, grinning.

"Trust me, I've tried..." I muttered. Sirius heard me though, and roared with laughter. He shot James a guilty look and calmed down.

I rolled my eyes at both of them. "You know, you two are so full of yourselves I'm surprised you don't burst."

The boys both gave a hearty laugh at my comment, obviously finding it rather comical. I shook my head forlornly.

"Alright, well, I have an Arithmancy paper I haven't finished. See you all later." I called, standing up. Lily gave me a smile and a wave, Rachel a wide grin, and Remus a polite smile.

Ah Remus, the ever-charming civil one.

Before I stood, Sirius gave my shoulder one final squeeze and then let me go.

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw...

I grabbed my bag and walked out of the Great Hall and up the Grand Staircase. I heard a few of the Portraits talking with each other, Peeves tormenting some 1st years, and the Slytherins cackling about something a floor below me. Everything was just right here at Hogwarts. Well, almost everything.

It was obvious Sirius was up to something, James in on it too, that I couldn't know.

It would only lead to trouble.

I climbed through the porthole and into the common room. There weren't many people out here, only a few doing homework and playing wizard chess in the corner of the room. I took a seat at an empty table and took out my quill and parchment. I then opened my book, sighed unhappily as I eyed the essay, and got to work

I really didn't want to do it, nor did I have to leave dinner for it. But, I just sort of felt as if I needed some time to myself, to collect my thoughts and get my bearings.

There wasn't a lot of sorting to do; actually, everything was almost straight forward. Until Sirius popped up in my head. I set down my quill and put my head in my hands, groaning.

I didn't have a clue what to think about him. For starters, I hadn't seen a swarm of girls around him in days, and he seemed to be spending more time trying to under my skin. But why? I mean, Sirius had always been like the brother I never had, since I was an only child, and I know brothers are supposed to bug you; it was practically their job... So why did this feel different?

Something was different with him something had changed. And it was recent, not like he'd changed in their 3rd year or something. Or maybe something had happened, and he was just now showing it? Or what about if he knows about me kissing Grayson Mersin in the Quidditch stands in their 5th year? No, he didn't know that... I hadn't told anyone that. Except Rachel. But it was one time and just because I had a small crush on him. And then I figured out he was just a hateful person who was obviously unsatisfied with one girl and had to cheat on her for no reason. But that wasn't the point. The point was that that couldn't be the problem. Why would it be? And why had I even considered that an issue anyways? I hadn't thought about that day in almost a year...

He was just screwing up my head now. Making me come up with weird conspiracies. Oh Merlin he's making me crack under pressure.

I sighed and rested my head on the table, thinking maybe if I just cleared my head everything would be just dandy. I closed my eyes for a second, breathing heavily and wanting to relax. To just wave this all off as me being over-dramatic.

xXx

"Shhh! You'll wake her up!"

"But I'm trying to tell you that you can't get up there!"

"Oh please. I can get anywhere."

The next thing I knew, I was being scooped up into someone's strong, familiar arms and carried up a flight of stairs.

It was obviously a boy, or else whoever-it-was wouldn't have told him he couldn't go up. All girls could up to the dorms, but whenever boys tried... well, they got a little surprise as they would slide back down to the bottom.

How he got us up there was a mystery to me. I hadn't opened my eyes it, realizing just how tired I really was, but I had felt being slightly jostled as the boy found his way into the dorm. It dawned on me that I must've fallen asleep after setting my head down on the table to relax. Well, sleep was relaxing.

The boy carefully set me down in my bed, pulling back the covers and then putting them back over me again.

"Thank you..." I muttered sleepily as I curled up in the blankets.

"You're welcome, Alex." The boy said softly, kissing the top of my head.

My heart sped up; my breathing became quick and nervous as the boy left my dorm room. I don't know why I didn't realize it before, maybe it was because he was so close when he spoke this time.

Sirius Black just carried me off to bed. Sirius Black had whispered to me softly as he tucked me in. Sirius Black just kissed the top of my head.

Oh wow...

xXx

My lips were pursed as I stood at the top of the steps of the girls dormitory. My bag was over my shoulder as usual and my robes on my tall frame. My hands were clammy, my breath quick and uneasy. I shuffled my feet and clenched and unclenched my fists. I was nervous.

I don't know how, I don't know why, I can't explain it. But something had completely changed last night. Or, rather, something was realized. Well, maybe it was assumed?

I don't think I'll look at Sirius much the same, not that I think, no, I know, that whatever he and James are hiding, extremely involves me quite a bit. I don't really know how I came to that conclusion from anything last night, but... I was just sort of thinking about they were hiding it from me, not wanting to tell me anything, and the two of them were always sharing looks whenever I was around. And once the thought crossed my mind, I almost knew it had to be true.

I took a deep breath and walked downstairs and into the common room, wondering if it would look odd if I didn't speak to anyone... I was only a few steps from reaching the portrait hole when...

"Alex! Hey, Alex!"

Damn.

I turned around to see Alice, a short-haired girl in our year, calling my name excitedly.

"Hey, Alice..." I said warily. Sirius wasn't around that I could see.

"Alex! So, do you... remember anything from last night?" she asked, fiddling with something I her hands and eyeing me suspiciously.

Thinking back on it, I recognized the girl's voice from last night, it was Alice. No doubt she had her suspicions about Sirius being the one to carry me in. Oh, I was not in the mood.

"Um, not particularly... I remember being carried up by someone, being set down, and going to bed. Not much else..." I lied, hoping my voice didn't crack to show I was lying.

"Well, it was Sirius. Sirius Black. He carried you. Don't know how he got up there though..."

I suppressed a smile. Of course, Sirius would baffle everyone with his ways of getting into the girls dormitory. Also, naturally Sirius just 'happened' to know how to get up there. The thought of him being up there before kind of made my insides churn. I shrugged in response. "Well, he is one of my best mates, you know..." I said, hoping she'd just leave it at that.

I was wrong. She crossed her arms at me. "Well, he was pretty adamant about doing it himself. Not me or James, had to be him." She said knowingly.

I smiled and shrugged again. "Well, it was nice of him. My bed was much more comfortable than that table. See you, Alice." I said, backing out of the portrait hole before she could question me further.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Not at Alice, but just at how odd it was that one tiny thing, like putting someone in bed, could change everything.

My palms were still clammy as I walked into the Great Hall and sat down. Remus was there, reading a book, as were James and Lily deep in conversation, but Sirius was absent from the group.

I finally calmed down and sat next to Remus, picking at my eggs and nibbling on some toast. Remus glanced at me warily, then cracked a smile.

"Sleep well last night Alex?" he asked, not looking at me from his book.

My head snapped over to him. "Um, yea... you know, beds are comfy..." I said, sipping my pumpkin juice. Either way, no matter how much I tried to stop myself, I still turned pink.

"More comfortable than Sirius's arms?" I heard James mumble under his breath as Lily smiled.

I swallowed hard. Then I looked over at him and rose an eyebrow. I crossed my arms as well. "I don't think I'd remember very much James. I was asleep when he carried me." I said, staring hard at him. Maybe he'd crack under pressure?

He looked at me and gave me that 'James-Potter-smirk' and looked down at his breakfast.

Yea, something was definitely going on. Something involving me. And I wish I knew what it was. But sadly enough, I knew he wouldn't come clean easily.

"Alex, have you found your dress for the ball?" Lily asked me suddenly, obviously seeing the awkward situation between James and I.

I groaned. "Sort of. I've seen a few I like. And I've narrowed it down considerably." I said, as Lily rolled her eyes and sighed.

What was she, my mother? "I'll find one, Lily, okay? I'm going, therefore I need a dress. I'll get one. It is what it is, Lily." I gave her a reassuring smile.

She held up her hands in surrender as I scooped up my toast and my bag. For me, I had to start walking to get to class on time. I started walking out of the Great Hall but turned around quickly and looked at James.

"Oh, and James? I have something I need to ask you about in Potions, alright?" I said, turning and walking away without waiting for an answer.

"Hey Alex!"

"Hey Sirius." I said back, without even a second thought.

"Oh, yea, hey." I said again, probably not helping my genius points as I realized it really was Sirius talking to me. Cue the clammy hands.

"Hey...?" he said again, giving me a confused smile.

I smiled at him nicely and tried to ignore those odd feelings in the pit of my stomach as I looked at him. "Oh, uh, thanks for ah, putting me to... bed..." I said awkwardly. How does one phrase that kind of thanks?

He looked down at his shoes a moment, losing his smile for just a second, but just as quick he looked back up at me and smiled. "Any time, Alex. It's what friends are for, eh?" he replied, hitting my arm lightly and walking into the Great Hall.

I smiled and nodded at his words. As much as it was true, about friends helping each other out and all, I couldn't help but think back to when he had hesitated, almost lost his 'cool' you might say. It wasn't like Sirius to drop his cocky attitude and confident smile. It was like he was thinking about something else to say.

Oh, what I'd give to know what he was thinking.


Sorry this took so long, I was having sirius problems with my previous notes. :\

I had to cut the chapter I had planned on into 2 different chapters, this one and the next.

Let me know what you think of this, review if you wish.

Next chapter is called 'Dresses and Ties'. I bet you all know what that means!

~xoDA