Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.


9. Absolution

Strange how Leah's suggestion of a change of setting led me to Volterra.

I remember the uncertainty, the enthrallment that Bella felt when she came here to save me from my loathsome self.

She was my goddess. I saw her as a beam of light, too heavenly to remain in this human world. Perhaps it was the reason for her going?

I hit my head against a brick wall close by. Fortunately, no one was around. Everything was dim, and there was the smell of rotting trash.

I would never learn, would I? This situation reminded me of the last time I was apart from Bella. I'd been useless, barely hunting. Even my pathetic trial of tracking only distanced me from Bella's danger. Then again, I was her hazard. I was her death.

So shouldn't it be fair that I be her life too?

I'll try everything I can to find her. I'll scour through the universes for my Bella. I already had forever, so what else could I lose?

Groaning, I slumped down the dirty floor. I was aware of what I could lose. If—when—I found her, she might not forgive me. Merciful as she could be, what I was to embark on is considered unforgivable.

Was I doing the right thing? Surely Bella could not be happy with Jacob Black as an eternal partner. She has to realize—I'm the only one for her. I would love her twenty thousand times greater than he would.

But Bella left me. I didn't ask her to—she did it on her own will. Why couldn't I get it straight: Bella does not want to be with me!

I would never call her a liar. Even though all those times of her adoration for me seem down the drain, I believe she did not mean to have a change of feelings.

But what to do now? I was going in circles, and my thinking process is tangled with my emotion.

I sighed. "No going back now. Bella, please forgive me." Though she had no reason to do so.

Walking out the shaded street, I put my hood up. It was twilight, so I would be safe, but I wanted the least amount of humans to see me. I have not hunted for the past month, and they might not appreciate my all too black eyes. I had not looked in a mirror in a while. Hadn't it been three weeks since Leah Clearwater left?

With the thought of leaving, I proceeded to my destination.

Reaching the guarded portal, I nodded to one of them, all dressed in black, and they led me in.

Wonder what this one's up to? This guard was a new born. He had a slight frame, but his muscles indicated his strength. His blond hair reminded me of Jasper.

Hey, I remember this guy. Another guard, I vaguely remembered him from my last visit. He'd been one of the group that surrounded me while I was preparing to expose our secret.

They directed me to the wooden doors, and I saw more familiar faces. They all had similar thoughts regarding me: I was up to no good. I just ignored them.

Upon opening the big doors, I heard them—Aro, Cauis, Marcus. Not surprisingly, none had changed.

Marcus, who was facing me, nodded in my direction. Aro stood and was pleasantly surprised to see me. Cauis remained seated in his armchair. He never was a social one.

Ah, Edward Cullen. I remember last time as if it happened yesterday. What trouble could he be in now? He was smiling at me like a wolf does before devouring its lamb. I dismissed it; I had more pressing matters.

"Aro," I greeted coldly. He only smiled at my tone.

Still angry, I see. How long will you stay?

"Not long," I admitted. I held my hand, not wanting to explain in words. I wanted this to be done quickly.

Cauis, hearing silence, looked at our exchange, and was curious to know what it held. Marcus had a strange expression. He was feeling… piteous?

Aro sighed. "Very well." I wonder what he wants this time. He took my hand, my palm flat against his.

What he saw made his eyebrows go up. He saw everything—Bella's suicide, Leah's company, and my wishes.

"Not again," his face was taut, finding my thoughts difficult to absorb. Edward, you could do so much better… This is a waste! You can't—I can see nothing shall change your mind. Such a waste…

"When will you do it?" I specified for Aro to kill me; he had a reputation to keep things as clean as possible.

Won't you change your mind? He was still holding my hand, and he was now searching for anything that would prevent me from staying unyielding. He saw nothing.

"Not even Carlisle can stop me," I said, my voice rigid.

Aro let go of my hand and stepped back. Still facing me, he ordered: "Everyone. Out."

A few minutes later, I was seated beside Aro on a bench. We'd only been sitting, though I listened to his thoughts. He was lecturing me, persuading even, to not die: Who was this human girl to take away my life? Bella was special, but she was not worth dying for! Even I knew the answer: Bella didn't want me near her anymore.

When his mind became calmer, I sighed. Aro held his palm out, and we had a conversation in our minds, to keep it as private as possible.

Remember last time, Edward. You almost fulfilled your task, but you found reason not to proceed with it.

My mind went a little berserk at the memory of Bella's visit to Volterra. It was from the excitement, I was sure.

Aro, I have to do this. There's nothing for me here.

At least give it some thought, Aro said, though he knew I wouldn't change my mind.

When he saw my stubborn refusal to his proposition, he stood up.

Better get this over with. He walked to the wooden doors and made his way at the end of the corridor. I was behind him, thinking the distance endless. We passed by the guards, all looking at me, then at Aro, then getting back to their guarding. I didn't see Cauis and Marcus.

Finally, we entered the chamber. It smelled of smoke, and there was a block of stone—I assumed it was where the victims lay.

Such a waste… One of the best powers that can exist. Edward, I'm telling you: you will regret this. His blood red eyes were filled with invidious envy.

"Just do it." I sat on the rock. "And be quick."

Aro sighed, lifting a pale hand in surrender.

He wasn't quick.

For human eyes, Aro's striking would have been seen all in a fraction of a second. But in mine, it seemed he was prolonging my suicide. He tore my arm first; I felt nothing. He bit my shoulder, producing a cracking sound; it felt like fire.

But in those few seconds, I was still aware of everything. Aro was still angry… The guards were listening, and I heard their voices arguing with each other… Somewhere Alice was probably getting the better view…

He wasn't quick.

Then darkness fell on my eyes.

Bella.

What's happening?