So this is the last chapter everyone. Thanks so much for reading; even though this wasn't one of my more popular fics, I had to finish it because I really did enjoy writing this one. Of course all of your reviews and encouragement helped motivate me to really work on this one. And this ended up being the longest chapter I have typed for a fic yet.
Crapshak50: xP Well let me know if you're correct after all.
Guest: Ask and you shall receive. It's always great to hear that you guys enjoy my take on Azula. Especially since this one is pretty different from my other portrayals of her.
Azula is motionless and rigid, her gaze fixed on her child. The sand aggravates the raw scrapes on her knees, but somehow she doesn't feel it. Her mind is numb to grief and rage. She hears the taunting roar of the relentless sea. The rain crashes brutally on her skin and she wonders if it has turned to hail. She clutches her boy's hand with a crushing force. She can't hold him to this Earth any more than she could Tamzu. She wants to go to the water's edge and kick it, slap it, toss heavy things into it, anything that resembled violating it. The sea has taken so much from her and she wants to deal it some damage in return.
She feels Zuko's hands on her shoulders as she watches Katara pull the sea back out of her boy, not expecting the waterbender to make any real progress. "That's all of it." She hears Katara. The pool of water sponging into the sand is a disconcerting amount. Azula watches it seep into the earth. Nothing happens, everything is quiet save for the torrent of rain. The last thing Azula wants is more water. Mentally, she hasn't the strength to keep herself upright anymore, and so she more or less flops to the sand on her side. The discomforts of wet sand plastering to her skin and hair are lost on her. She stares straight ahead at nothing until the sound of a few strangled coughs meet her ears. She drags herself up right and looks at her boy. He is also sitting up, trying to expel any remnants of ocean. Broken from her depressive haze, she hustles over to him and tugs him close reveling in the sound and feeling of his breathing against her ear. He sobs into her shoulder apologizing over and over again, for not heeding her words and getting too close to the water. She can't bring herself to say anything and settles for rubbing his back.
Zuko watches the display with butterflies in his stomach. It is unusual to see his sister looking so hopeless and then so tragically grateful…so visibly emotional. He can feel the tension leave her body all the same and he knows that her actions in the past few months have come from the selflessness of the heart she had found. He resents that it took her son almost drowning for him to see it. He feels the tension and unresolved issues leave himself too, claimed by the thrashing sea.
"I just wanted to help." He catches the child admit. "I saw the spider and I tried to get it."
Azula sighs, a sense of fatigue befalling her. "I told you to let me get it." She rests her head in the crook of his neck, her hair tickling his skin. She is neither angry nor sad. She isn't anything and so the statement doesn't particularly mean anything. It's just another thing of the past to be let go.
"Now we're never going to find one." Her boy adds.
"That's not true, there was one over there." She looks at the place she once stood. Her discarded jar lies there, smashed and useless. Some shards are picked up by the wind and hurled into the thickets. She bites her lip, hoping the spare jar hasn't also been shattered when she tossed it to the side. She sees no sign of the crabspider. "We'll find another one."
Though the clouds remain as gloomy and wrathful as they had been seconds ago. And though the rain still beats them with a vengeance, the storm is over.
.oOo.
Azula's mouth is dry. Even after giving it her everything, the boy seems like a lost cause. His body gives a small shudder in Kurlok's arms before going completely immobile. His father falls to his knees as a man who has just lost everything. The look and feeling ebbing off of him resonates deeply with Azula.
Azula moves with a purpose from her chair to Kurlok's side. Without asking, she tears Kho-Nhm from his arms and begins pressing down on his chest as she had seen it done before on other dead men and women. With luck, skill, and persistency, some of them came back.
But Kho-Nhm wasn't one of them. His death runs deeper than just a stopped heart.
But she isn't ready to surrender just yet. Not after making such bold promises. Not with the knowledge that so many people had faith in her abilities. Especially not knowing how highly Kurlok had grown to regard her—even more so than he had in the beginning.
She has never tired what she was about to try.
But the boy has nothing else to lose.
She hurries over to the pendant in her hand and rustles through her pack until she finds a sharp fox deer bone with natural swirls of blue running the length of it. She also gathers a few sticks of spiritual incense, a clump of sage, lavender powder and a few sleek blue-purple stones. All of which she had found in the same place as her warding charm.
But this time, a small crowd—the ones who the rumors of Kurlok's woes have reached, and a few who have merely intended to seek healing services—has gathered around the tent. She ignores the watchful eyes, she hasn't the time to worry about what they'd do if they see her fail. She places one stone on each of the boy's chakara points and sprinkles a circle of lavender around he and herself. At the north most corner of the lavender, she sets and incense stick. Followed by one for the south, east, and the west. She lights each in order. At the center, she ties the sage from the ceiling so that it hovers directly above the stone on Kho-Nhm's heart. Gripping her pendant like never before, she lights each of the sticks and the sage.
Azula admits inwardly that she is nervous, nearly downright fearful. She has never tried this before. The spirit world and its healing energies is meant only for the avatar. But Kho-Nhm and the village folk need it and she can't imagine that the jungle would have taught her to access it if it wasn't meant for her to know.
So she proceeds.
She sits next to Kho-Nhm, cross-legged, and closes her eyes. She inhales the smoke, letting it pleasantly scorch her nose and lungs. Breathing it in and out until she feels her body growing weightless and then away from her completely. And she knows that she is gone—severed from her mortal form.
When she opens her eyes, the world before her is vast and mystical. Mist wraps around her arms and seems to follow her wherever she moves.
Azula hasn't the faintest idea as to what she is supposed to do here.
.oOo.
Still feeling drained from fearing so intensely, it is a task for Azula to drag herself through the jungle. Their search of the beach has left them empty handed and forced to seek the spider out in the jungle again—she is thankful that the rain and the wind come down less ferociously. She feels Zuko's eyes observing her with a new intensity and she regrets losing herself as she had. Though she isn't about to argue with the new lack of hostility she feels from Katara. "Thank you." She brings herself to mutter, the words are foreign and strange on her tongue. She hasn't uttered them to anyone in quite some time.
Katara looks back at her, with a soft "hmm" at first not comprehending the statement. It finally registers and she replies, "oh, you're welcome." Azula doesn't think that she is going to continue. "I'm glad he's okay, for a second I thought…"
"Me too." Azula answers quietly.
They are quiet again. For once it has nothing to do with a heated argument. No, this time it is a solemn tension regarding what could have been. In this quiet Zuko finally musters up the courage to ask, "He's your son?" He knows the answer but he wants to hear it from her.
Azula nods.
"And the tribesman is your…"
"Husband, yes." Azula replies, once again holding Kho-Nhm to her. "They are my family." She brushes a hand over his sopping wet hair.
"I can tell." Zuko responds. "He is a lucky kid. Like you were"
"Maybe so." She considers. "I wouldn't call it luck. Luck implies that no work was put in, it just happened. He isn't lucky to be alive, he held out and we, rather Katara, made his efforts worthwhile." Azula pauses. "Just like Kiyi isn't going to get lucky. She is going to get help, that you worked for."
Zuko mulls the perspective over.
Azula feels her son wriggle out of her grasp, "I found one!" He points at a tree.
Despite it all, she is glad she let him come with, he has an eye for these things. A lot of the knickknacks in her home were dug up or noticed first by him. Azula takes out the spare jar, a jagged crack runs over its glass, but it should hold. Approaching the insect, the same way she had the first, she quickly brings the jar atop it. In a scooping motion, it falls to the bottom and she quickly caps the container.
.oOo.
The trip back up the mountain was as taxing and tedious as expected. Azula was thankful for the exhilaration brought about by the satisfaction of catching the crabspider. They reach the house at last. Azula's mood is damped again at the sight of the mess the storm has made of her yard. She and her family would have some serious cleaning to do. She is however pleased to see that the house itself was left undamaged—mostly due in part to the protection of the mountain. She is also gracious that Ursa had the sense to find and close every window within it.
They step inside and Azula gets directly to work. She leaves answering Ursa's motherly inquires to Zuko and Katara and allows her son to dramatically—and in an inaptly boastful manner—share the story of his near-death experience.
"Katara, start mixing these, if you will." She hands Katara the substances they had just collected and motions to a mortar and pestle. "Pick the petals off of the shadow lily and only use them. From the cave flower, only use the stem. The moss must be dried and then can go in whole." She instructs.
Katara nods and accepts the task.
Azula busies herself blending liquids from the plants Katara had collected from her garden. She mixes it with that of the spring water, "this needs to sit out for ten minutes before you can add the botanical powder."
"I'll keep time." Katara says.
Azula approaches Kiyi.
"Is it gonna hurt." The child asks weakly. She can't even find the strength to open her eyes passed a squint.
"Not terribly. But it is a risky procedure that involves a spider." Azula answers truthfully. Kiyi strikes her as the kind who would apricate the cold, hard facts.
"I ain't afraid of spiders."
"That's good to know." Azula replies. She takes the mortar from Katara and dumps what's within it, into the liquid mixture. She forcefully swirls it around. As she waits for it to settle she shakes the spider's jar, effectively pissing it off. She dumps it on to Kiyi who shifts uncomfortably. Zuko is biting his bottom lips so hard she is almost certain that it'll bleed. The spider makes its bite directly on one of the parasitic lumps and Kiyi yelps at its potent sting.
That parasite is at least certainly dead, Azula entertains herself with the thought. She lets some time pass before administering the cure.
But Kiyi looks weak and pale, her face somehow even more hollow looking. Azula's stomach knots and she hopes that she has made the right decision.
.oOo.
Azula wanders aimlessly through a meadow of unidentifiable, ghostly plants. The wisp around as if part of the mist themselves. She swears she can hear music, light and breathy and in a language she has never heard. It seems to come from one source, but in all directions. The night sky is open with an endless expanse, Azula is dizzied by the sheer number of stars splashed on it like diamond powder. Cutting right through the middle of the sky is a smoky cloud of space dust in striking blues and brilliant purples. The blue reminds her much of her fire, her reason for being here is almost forgotten. She looks away from the sky and heads for the forest, it is dark and oddly inviting. The mist curls its fingers and beckons her forward. She sees something slender with a white glow dash between the trees, she can just make out a pair of antlers. It is warm but a light snow begins to trickle to the ground, the chilly drops twinkle as they descend. It as if the sky is shaking down its stars for her. She wouldn't mind staying awhile. Amid the music she hears the tinkling of bells and wanders in that direction where she comes upon a stone structure. Statues of badger frog, lion turtle, flying boar, bull antelope, and rabaroo circle an area of the forest floor made of tile. At the center where a full silvery moon perfectly aligns its glittering ray is a tile much larger than any other with a lotus etched in. Surrounding the lotus is a depiction of the four main elements and the fifth—spirit.
Azula draws nearer and notices two figures—a boy and a baby koala sheep. The boy is cheerful, laughing and conversing with the animal. He asks if the koala sheep will play tag with him and before his eyes the animal stands on two legs and transforms into a little girl. The boy thinks nothing of it and darts out of the girl's reach, she gleefully takes up his challenge with a determined look on her face.
Azula steps even closer and observes the spirit children play. The little girl's long black hair flows free as she whips around a tree. Her golden eyes meet Azula's and her face is alight. She watches those lips grow into a smile that Azula has never seen before, but recognizes all the same. It is similar to her own. It leaves a raw, biting emotion. She feels the sorrow flutter in her belly and a fresh round of silent tears dampen her cheeks. The child is only tall enough to wrap her arms around Azula's legs. She bends down and takes the child in her arms. When the little girl looks up her eyes have the same spark that Azula's have. The princess smiles and kisses the top of the girl's head, savoring what she never thought she'd feel again, cherishing the sight that she thought she would never have the chance to see. "I love you." Azula whispers as the child nuzzles her head against her chest.
She recognizes the other child too.
"What are you doing here Uliuli?" Kho-Nhm asks, addressing her with the name he has taken to calling her after seeing the hue of her fire. The boy even had the other town's people using it.
"I came here to save you, Kho." Azula replies.
"Save me?" He asks.
"You are sick…were sick." Azula answers. Even in the spirit world she can see it on him. Where the other spirts in this place have a pure white or sky-blue radiance, his is weaker and tainted with dark red patches. He is not fully dead yet so the patches aren't clearing.
Another spirit appears behind her. It has no tangible form and switches constantly from an ever shifting mass of energy to that of some kind of animal or another. As it speaks to her it holds the form of a sleek, long koi fish. Set in its head is a jewel of the same make as Azula's warding charm. It contains the same mineral bits too. The fish circles her in the air, whispering in that same unknown language. The same mantra over and over again. It shifts into the form of a human for a moment and takes Azula by the hand, "say it," it whispers and repeats its mantra. It is a fish again—a catfish, she observes—and in place of a hand is a long barbel that coils around her wrist. This time as it repeats the phrase, Azula speaks with it. She feels a sense of power in whatever she had just muttered.
Holding the little girl with one hand, she places the other on Kho-Nhm's chest and, with the encouragement of the spirit fish, says it again. This time the power held within those words flows into Kho-Nhm's aura brightening it and buffing out the red blemishes. She says it again, the barbel around her wrist glows a blinding white as spirit energy ebbs from it to Azula and then to Kho-Nhm.
She is feeling dizzy now and grows more disoriented with every repetition, so she sets the little girl on the ground just in case she is to fall. She wonders if she is sacrificing her own life-force for the boy. But she keeps it up until she sees no more festering red in Kho-Nhm's aura. She is ready to collapse but it is a pleasant feeling—a cross between bliss and serenity. Somehow, she feels healed. Even so, her body crumples to the ground and she can't seem to open her eyes nor move. She feels a hand grab her right hand and a different, smaller hand grab her left.
She is tired.
She is okay with it.
It is better this way; Kurluk can reunite with his child and she with hers.
Azula smiles.
She is so tired.
She lets herself succumb to it.
And when she wakes up she is back in the world of the living, in Kurlok's arms. She can still feel the smaller body hugging her close and briefly recalls saying goodbye. She stares up at Kurlok, trying to regain focus. He gently strokes her hairline with his thumb. She thinks that she sees Kho-Nhm standing up, alive and well. So she pulls herself up. But Azula's body isn't quite ready for that yet and her head bobs and her body pitches to the side, still dazed and half-drunk on spirit energy.
But she can see him.
Kho-Nhm is well.
He is happy.
She had done it. She tries to smile but she is sure that it came out wrong and lopsided due to the dense fog in her brain. Kurlok holds her closer and she falls asleep again.
The next morning as she sits in his lap, Kurlok tells Azula that she was quite the spectacle and that the village people would probably be talking about her for some time. That what they witnessed bore a new hope in them. He tells her—and she doesn't know if she believes everything he is sharing with her—that after going into some kind of trance her body emitted a sort of radiance. That she had begun to mummer something and that it was in a vocal registry that he hadn't thought her capable of. As she had chanted her mantra her skin grew translucent for a moment and her bones looked blue as her fire. He shares that as her skin returned to its natural shade, that there remained a web of intricate horizontal lines and dots all over her body and on her face.
She looks at her hands and over the length of her body, seeing no hint of these markings. "You exaggerate." She accuses.
"Ask anyone. Even old Rukooni saw them, and her vision went blurry decades ago." Kurlok insists. He rubs Azula's biceps.
"If you say so." She rolls her eyes. They watch Kho-Nhm prod at the sand with a large piece of drift wood. She leans back and into Kurlok, taking in the balmy breeze as it kisses her exposed skin. She knows that she is in for a draining few days of intense healing. But the payoff will be incredible if successful.
It was a success in many ways. The people urged her to stay, offering to help her build a home in the mountains where she can overlook the sea and look over the villagers. Where, also, she would be close to all the jungle remedies she needed. She had helped them build it and during its construction she slept either in Kurlok's bed or with him in the foundations of her new home, gazing at the sky. After the house sat fully erect, each of the townsfolk presented Azula with a trinket or two to liven the space up. Kurlok had a gift of his own and placed it on her finger after the thank you/house warming party wound down.
She is home.
.oOo.
Kiyi has been sleeping for days and Azula feels the tension rising again, particularly from Zuko. She fidgets with the handmade bracelet that Minrohc had given her forever ago. "I really thought that this would work." Azula mumbles more to herself than anyone else. Her mood has been ever sinking since the spider bit into Kiyi. Not only does the child still sleep, but Kurlok still hasn't returned. Kho-Nhm grows restless and constantly asks where his father is.
For once Azula welcomes her mother's touch. "Kiyi will wake up and Kurlok will come home." Ursa reassures. Naturally, she has been acting as the voice of optimism this whole time, even when Katara's spirits seem to have fallen.
Kho-Nhm tucks worms in between their embrace and snuggles his head against Azula, "I want my dad back."
"Me too." Azula says quietly to him.
Zuko takes this as a good time to cradle Kiyi in his arms, and with a final comforting gesture, Ursa goes to join him. Katara stands halfway between both pairs, unsure of who to interact with. For a while the only sounds come from outside—the distant crash of waves, exotic bird calls, and the brush of palm fronds on the house. The sun pours brightly and unbefittingly into the dwelling.
One of the rays beams right over Kiyi's face. Her face crinkles and she moves her hand over her eyes with an annoyed hum. She shifts in Zuko's arms. His face brightens up to a degree Azula has never seen on him. He is grinning from ear to ear.
At last Kiyi's eyes flutter completely open and with renewed energy she bounces out of his hold and rushes to the window. "I've been waiting a long time to go outside! I want to explore the jungle." She declares and Azula realizes what torture it must have been for Kiyi to constantly stare at such a lush view without being able to experience it. "You'll let me do it right?" She looks at Ursa.
"You need to rest, Kiyi!" Ursa replies.
"She has had plenty of that." Azula points out. "She'll be fine, trust me."
"But exploring a jungle?" Ursa argues. "I don't think so. Not yet."
"I can do it." Kiyi crosses her arms.
As the two go back and forth, Zuko looks at his sister. "You saved her. You really saved her."
"Well of course." Azula says with all the haughtiness that he is used to. Her tone grows more serious. "Did you really think I was just going to let her die? So far no one who has come to me for help has. Of course I wasn't going to let another family member die."
Without so much as a warning, Zuko squeezes her in an embrace. "Alright Zu-Zu, enough of this sappy crap." She pulls herself away, leaving Zuko to awkwardly rub the back of his head.
"We can all go to the beach." Azula hears Katara suggest. Thus the argument comes to a close, both Ursa and Kiyi can settle for that.
"Are you up for some more water?" Azula asks Kho-Nhm.
He shrugs. "I'm not scared of water."
.oOo.
Azula watches the others joyfully wander the beach. Kiyi and Kho-Nhm chatter endlessly about similar interests they share and swap tales of the few adventures they have already been on in their short lives. She hears Kho-Nhm snicker at the edgy mental image of Azula dressed in all black and kidnapping children with a band of women with odd hair styles and colors. "Did you shave your head too mom?" She hears him call from across the beach. She pretends like she didn't hear the remark and Zuko's chuckles. She watches Katara string a few shells into a bracelet and offer it to her mother. But Azula can't bring herself to join the festivities. This close to the water makes Kurlok's absence that much more potent. She can't fathom how Kho-Nhm isn't affected by it. She considers him blessed.
Silently, Azula slips away—walking the beach until her family appears as simple specks on the horizon. The stretch of beach she walks along is barren and lonely, but she wants it no other way. The waves rise up to claim her footprints as she lays them down. She finds it difficult to remember such gentle waves crashing so hostilely. These calms waters can't possibly be the same waters that dragged she and her son under and stole her husband away. She wraps her arms around herself and frowns at the sea.
She doesn't hear the footsteps as they approach. "Rough day?"
"Sort of." Azula answers, her somber gaze still fixed on the open ocean. The voice doesn't quite connect with her yet.
"I had a rough week, myself." Laughs the man. "Hoto's boat was ripped to shreds and I had to walk all the way back here. Hoto got his fish and made his way home pretty easily."
At last it registers. Azula turns around and throws herself into his arms. The sea has given him back. "I saved her, Kurlok."
"I thought you were having a rough week."
"I saved her after I almost lost Kho." Azula adds. "And I thought you were dead. But you're back."
"All is well then." Kurlok replies. He lifts her off of the ground and carries her back to the beach. The reach the others as the sun begins to set. By now other beach goers line the shore and they have to scope out their family.
Azula smells some kind of meat cooking in a newly crafted firepit. The beach is full of life; people are abuzz with discussions of how much cleaning have left to do and how they choose to blow it off. Someone brought a drum and is showing it off to a small crowd. In the midst of everything, Azula has forgotten that, that night marked the end of summer and with it comes a celebration. She now welcomes the festivity, as it befits Kurlok's return.
Someone lights a firework and her eyes follow it up the sky, observing it pop and splash sparks in the air. The display is premature and she hopes that they won't use all of them up before dark. Kurlok finally spots Kho-Nhm; he and Kiyi are well into an intense kuai ball match. While Zuko and Katara cheer, Ursa wears a look of motherly horror.
"You should have just let her explore the jungle." Azula takes a seat next to her.
Ursa sighs, "I suppose it doesn't matter, she seems to be doing fine."
Kiyi scores her team a point. "More than fine, I'd say." Azula shrugs.
"When did he get back?" Zuko asks.
"A few minutes ago." Azula replies.
"Want a drink?" Zuko offers. "Mango and coconut, I made it myself and it's surprisingly tasty."
Taking it as a sort of peace offering, Azula accepts the drink even though she doesn't particularly like mango. She notices Kurlok lay himself out on the sand and curls up next to him. He drapes his arm over her hip and with his free hand tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. With the sky now effectively dark, the fireworks flare up. But Kurlok's gaze doesn't leave Azula's eyes, apparently the reflect the fireworks well enough.
"So, are you going to come home with us?" Zuko asks.
"Zu-Zu, I am home." Her expression is soft and genuine. "They want me here. They built a house for me."
"Believe it or not, we want you too." Zuko motions to Kiyi and Ursa. "I think even Katara has a soft spot for you."
"I might." Katara utters under her breath.
"Then come visit us, Zuko." Azula offers. "You can go home and play Fire Lord for a while. When you get tired of that you can stop by and enjoy the simple pleasures. Nice as the palace is, I like it here. The capital is very…routine, same thing every day. This village always has surprises."
"I see." Zuko replies. "Well, I'm glad you like it, really I am." He is pleased to realize that he is happy for her. Whatever residue of bitter was in him days before, seems to be gone now. He wants Azula to feel the same content that he has felt since the comet had blazed through. "We both found where we're supposed to be, I guess."
"Yes." Azula agrees.
"Do they know?" Zuko asks.
"Hmm?"
"That you're the princess?"
"I haven't told anyone, if that's what you mean. I'm sure some people have figured it out though."
"I guess that makes things…simpler." Zuko replies. In his head, he is already working out when he can possibly come back. He knows that Iroh would love Azula's new house.
"It does." Azula confirms. "I find that to be more suitable for me." She places her hands behind her head.
It finally sets in, she is satisfied. Completely so. With where she is and the woman she has become. With Kiyi healthy and full of energy, she has finally resolved the last thing in her life that needed resolving. In Kurlok's embrace and in the company of people who have seen the best in her—people who don't fear her she is well. She watches Kho-Nhm finally score a point. Just as they had some years ago in the frameworks of their home, she and Kurlok peer up at a vast sky full dazzling stars. Azula swears that she can make out the body of a koi painted into the sky by a cluster of stars.
She quietly thanks it for all it has done.
