Chapter Nine
"So, how did it go?" I look up and see Stacey standing by my desk. It's five o'clock, and I nearly forget that I gave Stacey a ride to work. She probably figures she'll play nice so she still gets a ride.
"Fine." I say tightly. I'm not in the mood to make small talk with her. "Ready?"
Stacey looks hurt at my lack of response, but only nods.
We walk to my car in silence. At the exact moment I turn out of the parking lot, Stacey turns to me and says, "Look I'm sorry for overreacting earlier. I should know you well enough to know you weren't being deceitful. I was just being jealous, and I don't even know why. It's not like Lorenzo is my boyfriend so I have no reason to act that way."
I'm still annoyed, but see no real reason to be a brat about it. At least she came to her senses and apologized. I feel a slight tug in my chest and realize it's guilt. The lunch was supposed to be a business lunch but I felt like there was more. Then again maybe I'd imagined the whole thing. He'd probably be better off with Stacey anyway. She seemed to be more his type, and she didn't come with any strings attached.
"It's fine," I reply, trying to sound cool and pleasant at the same time. "It just hurt that you weren't willing to listen, like you don't even trust me. I thought we were better friends than that." The feelings of anger begin to rise again.
"We are! I know, I was stupid. I don't want to fight Mary Anne," Stacey pleads.
"Don't worry about it, Stacey. We're not fighting. I forgive you." I throw in the last part just in case it's what she wants to hear. Vocal confirmation that I'm not holding a grudge. Sometimes people say things are okay when they aren't. They say "I'm not mad" when they are, so as not to create further conflict. Even though I was still hurt, I didn't want to make things miserable between us. Stacey gave me the upper hand to better the situtation. She apologized, and I could choose to either be stubborn and give her the cold shoulder, or accept her apology and be the bigger person. Work would be terrible if we were fighting anyway, and since we hung out so much it would be apparent that we were fighting by the end of the first day.
"Oh I'm so glad you understand!" Stacey squeals. She gives my arm a squeeze.
She's putting words in my mouth but I let it go. I don't want to fight.
I don't say anything for the rest of the drive, but Stacey doesn't seem to notice. She seems content enough in the fact that I've forgiven her. She doesn't bring up my lunch with Lorenzo and I'm glad. I don't want to have to talk about what could or could not have happened had I not rushed out of the car after he drove us back. Not like I would mention any of that to Stacey anyway.
I pull into Stacey's driveway and she hops out. "See you tomorrow!" she calls out.
I give a short wave and start home. On the way there my cell phone rings. Figuring it's Stacey telling me she forgot something in my car I snatch it up. "Hello?" I ask, putting the phone against my ear and trying to cradle it with my shoulder.
"Mary Anne, it's Logan."
I nearly swerve off the street. I regain my composure and take a deep breath. "Hi Logan," I reply, trying to keep my voice light.
"Listen, can you talk?" He sounds so quiet, as if he's very far away. It hasn't even been two full days since I broke things off. If he thinks he's thought things through properly I highly doubt it.
"Not really. I'm on my way home and I don't want to talk while I'm driving. But Logan, we just spoke on Saturday and I thought I made things pretty clear. What did you want to talk about?"
"Well…us, of course. Our relationship."
I clench my jaw. "Logan, did you even take what I said to heart?"
"Of course I did. I miss you Mary Anne. I've been miserable since you left. I need to see you so we can talk."
"Logan, I miss you too. But I think we both need to think things through. It hasn't even been two days. We have a lot of problems we need to sort out and that's not going to happen in two days."
I hear Logan sigh on the other end. "I know. I just want to see you," he says quietly.
Hearing him makes my heart break, but I can't give in. We'll be right back to square one. He really didn't seem to take anything from our conversation which makes me angry. I pour my heart out to him and he thinks he can patch things up in one phone conversation simply because he misses me? "Logan, how will seeing me make things better? You know, I'm pretty disappointed that you aren't taking this as seriously as I am. I didn't want to do what I did, but I did it because I felt our relationship would be stronger if we took some time apart to figure out what we wanted from each other. You are just taking the easy way out right now, which tells me you don't really care." As I speak, I get angrier with every word.
"Mary Anne – "
"No, Logan. I have nothing to say to you. And if you really cared about making this relationship work, you would take more time to think about what I said and not call me two days later because you're horny and trying to mask it by saying you miss me. Call me when you've actually taken time to look at our relationship and are willing to make some sacrafices. Until then there's no reason for me to talk to you." With that, I snap my phone shut and pull into my driveway. So much for not talking on the road. I realize that I'm breathing heavily and try to calm down. By the time I've gone inside and up to my room, I've convinced myself I did the right thing.
I step into the shower, letting the warm spray hit my back. I realize how much my muscles ache. All the tension I've stored there these past couple days has built up. I stand under the water for what seems like forever, until I finally feel my muscles relax. I take some raspberry scented shampoo and massage it into my scalp. I rinse my hair clean and then wash it again. As silly as it sounds, I've felt that my hair looks better when I "lather, rinse, repeat." I pick up the matching raspberry scented conditioner and work it into my hair.
I let it work for a few minutes while I shave my legs. I decide in the shower I want to wear a skirt tomorrow and look extra special. Despite what I had told Stacey earlier about going to lunch with Lorenzo tomorrow I realize I have a small hope he'll ask me again. I want to look nice if he does.
I take my time in the shower. I feel like I want to cleanse myself of all the feelings I've gone through. Guilt, hurt, humiliation, anger, and jealousy. Not the best feelings. I scrub my skin with some exfoliating cream until it feels smooth and smells like lavender.
I finally finish nearly forty minutes later and wrap a towel around myself. The bathroom is completely steamed up. I wipe away some of the steam from the mirror and attempt to begin detangling my hair with a wide toothed comb. I'm halfway through when I hear the phone ring. It better not be Logan.
"Coming!" I call to no one in particular as I nearly slip and crack my skull on the wet floor in my haste to answer the phone. I make it to my room in one piece and pick up the extension. "Hello?" I say breathlessly.
There's a long pause on the other end. Finally a familiar voice says, "Mary Anne?"
"Kristy?" I say uncertainly. It's been so long I almost am not sure if it's her. Why would be be calling? Suddenly, I panic. What if something has happened to Watson or Elizabeth…or worse, one of the kids? "Kristy, is everything okay? Did something happen to one of your family members?" I realize I sound frantic.
"No, Mary Anne, nothing like that. I'm know I'm calling out of the blue, but really, get a grip." Same old Kristy. Blunt, and to the point even if its hurtful.
I'm immediately offended. "Sorry for caring," I hiss. "It's just we haven't spoken in a few years and I'm wondering what the nature of this call could be. In case you'd forgotten, you told me you didn't care to speak to me again and claimed I chose Stacey over you. So why don't you just get to the point."
Kristy doesn't say anything for a moment. "Geez, fine." Kristy doesn't realize it's been a few years and I'm not the same Mary Anne that lets people walk all over her. "Sam told me he saw you the other day at the shop that's all. I've actually been debating on whether or not to call you the past couple of days. I finally decided I should."
"So I've noticed. Is that all you wanted to tell me?"
"No, that's not all. This isn't the easiest for me to say so I'd appreciate a little understanding okay?" she asks defensively.
I realized a long time ago that I depended to heavily on my friendship with Kristy. I had somehow managed to convince myself that I needed Kristy's approval on anything. She had a lot of influence on my thoughts and actions. I'm still a little dependant on those people I'm close to, but I've learned to rely on my own opinions and thoughts more. If Kristy is calling because she thinks I'll jump at the chance to be her friend again, she has another thing coming. "Fine," I tell her, trying to sound pleasant. "What did you want to say to me?"
Kristy takes a deep breath. "I've thought about you over the years, obviously. I've thought about our friendship and what we used to have. I've come to the realization that I miss having you around. I know we'll never be the friends we once were and I accept that. I know now that I was being stubborn and unfair for forcing you to choose between me and Stacey and…I'm sorry." I could tell the last part killed her to say.
For a moment I don't quite know how to respond. This is certainly not the Kristy I remember. The Kristy I remember could hold a grudge even if she was proven wrong. She was the most stubborn person I had ever met. She didn't care what other people thought of her and certainly wouldn't go out of her way to admit fault. So why was she doing it now? I couldn't help but be suspicious. "I'm glad you realized the difficult position you put me in," I say slowly. "But I can't help but wonder what the sudden turnaround is. Why are you doing this now?"
"So you think I have some kind of ulterior motive?"
"Well, not necessarily, but we haven't talked in nearly three years. So forgive me for being a little caught off guard."
"Look, Mary Anne, there's no catch here. I just wanted to call and tell you how I felt. It was a pretty difficult thing for me to do, so I'm sorry if you think it's suspicious. I just hoped we could get together for lunch sometime, maybe catch up. I'm home for the summer, so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity. I really do miss our friendship." She sounds like she wants to say more, but doesn't. Kristy was never really one to pour out her feelings, so this must be all new for her.
I soften. "I would like that," I say. "And I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I miss our friendship too, but just realize that I was really hurt and I'd moved on. But it would be nice to catch up and see what you've been up to."
I hear Kristy breathe a small sigh of relief. "Good. Wanna go tomorrow?"
Wow. That was fast. "Um…sure." I say uncertainly. I don't have plans, and it might be good to stay clear of Stacey for a day, just until things are really okay between us.
"Okay, great! Do you want me to pick you up? Are you working now?"
"Uh, no. Why don't I meet you somewhere." I'd forgotten that Kristy had no clue where I worked, or that I was even working with Stacey. I didn't want her to know any of that. At least not right now.
"Oh, okay. Well, why don't we go to the Rosebud Café? For old times sake."
The Rosebud is nearly on the other side of town, but I guess I can manage a quick lunch, if I hurry. "That sounds fine. We can meet there at noon."
"Cool. See you tomorrow, Mary Anne!" Kristy sounds happy when she hangs up.
I replace the phone in its receiver. I head back to the bathroom and blow dry my hair, which is now slightly frizzy. Tomorrow should be an interesting day. I don't know anything about what Kristy has done while at school. Or how she even looks. A small part of me is excited about our lunch, while the other is worried sick. Should I tell her about Logan and how we're no longer together? Should I talk about Lorenzo and Stacey? I don't want to just divulge all this personal information to someone I don't quite fully trust yet. I should probably just play it safe tomorrow.
When I'm finished with my hair, I go to my room and toss my towel on the bed, then change into black shorts and a blue tank top. I head to my closet and pick out clothes to wear tomorrow. I still want to dress up, even if I'm not going to lunch with Lorenzo. Not like I ever really was. I choose a white flowy skirt with lilac flowers stitched on it and a lilac top with lacy cap sleeves. It's another new shirt that I bought the day I went to the mall with Stacey. The thought of Stacey makes me cringe. I didn't realize what I would tell Stacey. Hopefully she wouldn't be too upset that I'm going to lunch with Kristy. As long as she sticks to her plan of asking Lorenzo out, I doubt she'll even care.
I hear the door open and close downstairs. Dad's home. "Mary Anne!" he calls up a moment later. "I brought home some Chinese food if you'd like some." I head downstairs and find him serving himself fried rice and chicken wings.
"Thanks, Dad." I say gratefully, grabbing a plate from the cupboard and spooning some food onto it.
He only nods, then grabs two sodas from the fridge and sets them down on the table. He takes one for himself. "If you need me I'll be in my office. I've go so much work to do." With that he turns and moves down the hall to his office. I watch him go, with his robotic movements and face void of emotion.
I wish things could be easier like when I was younger, back when your biggest worry was whether or not you'd finish your term paper on time. I wished my father cared about me the way he once did, even when he was being super strict and forcing me to wear my hair in pigtails and talk on the phone for no more than ten minutes on a school night. I missed how Kristy and I would use our flashlights to signal messages to each other from our windows before we both moved away. It's weird to be here in this house sometimes, when the reason we moved here was because of a marriage that no longer exists. I stand there for awhile before I finally sigh, grab the soda can from the table, and take my food upstairs for another lonely dinner.
