Long time no see people ! I am so sorry for the long wait but I had a great deal of exams and stress I had to work on and a few mental breakdowns I had to deal with because school is literally killing me, but now that I am done with that bullshit and had a few weeks to chill I am back with a new chapter for you guys. Thank you all for the lovely reviews I read them all a few times because they really inspire and motivate me so without further ado I present you the new chapter!

The moment Emma entered the library a very familiar but yet a new feeling overcame her. All eyes were on her, worried, concerned and full of questions which were to be left for another time, all people present looked at her just the way they had a few weeks back after she had woken up from her long slumber after taking twenty lashes to her back which left it disfigured and scarred for life.

The only difference now was that Livvy didn't throw herself in her arms and didn't praise her for her bravery and stupidity. Nobody really knew what was going on with her right now, but they could clearly see and feel that something was off about her.

Cristina particularly didn't seem to know if she should approach Emma. She looked at her they way her mother had looked at her when she was concerned about her daughter's health after Emma had spiked a fever and was pinned to the bed for a few days.

''Now that we're all here we can begin I guess.'' Diana interrupted the awkaward silence and stepped forward and leaned in front of the big desk after checking Emma herself. All eyes turned to Diana now and after she was sure their attention was with her as well she began: ''We have detected a problem. There seems to be something off about the ocean.''

''There's always been something off with the ocean.'' Emma added sarcastically. ''We don't know what exactly lives there, but I for sure want to know that one particular person is dead and lying at the bottom of it.''

''That is the problem.'' Diana continued. ''We can't detect Malcolm's body, to be more exact Tessa and Jem can't, but they've felt some disturbance in it. As if something has awoken, not fully awoken, but dangerous enough.''

''I don't get it.'' Dru said with a small voice from the corner of the room.

Dina took a deep breath, closed her eyes and when she opened them again, everybody knew it was not good news. ''There is a chance that Malcoml's spell has worked.''

For a brief moment there was silence and shock written on everybody's faces and then there was the immediate reaction: denial.

''No Blackthorn died that night!'' Livvy protested.

''Nobody was hurt bad enough to have his blood used for the spell.'' Julian said. ''Tavvy was saved on time, no blood was shed.''

Diana raised her hands in an attempt to silence them. ''Emma.'' She turned to her and as she did so, everybody else turned to look at her and fell silent. ''You fought Malcom. You were there with him. Do you remember something he told you? Some vital information? Anything?''

The only thing Emma remembered was his words about her doomed love she felt towards her parabatai and the brutal ending they were to experience if they were to acknowlege this love. This was somethig she would never forget, it had struck her so hard she could still hear those words loud and clear as if Malcom was standing beside her and reciting them in her ear.

''Emma?'' Diana aksed again after the short pause which was way too long for Emma.

She shook her head no and crossed her arms in front of her, something trivial for the others, but Julian was able to read her every movement and to know that something was off.

''Nothing.'' Emma said. ''I know I shoud've cut him into tiny pieces, but one of my hands was busy protecting the very thing he was able to use to finish his spell, so I used my feet instead to kick him into the water.''

''He must have told you something.'' Cristina said carefully.

''Nothing to help us with. He was just talking nonsense to distract me.''

''There must have been something. You've changed since you fought him.'' Livvy told her.

''People change after hearing things they don't want to believe to be true.'' Emma answered and turned to go.

''We are not done here yet.'' Diana told her.

''I am.''

''Emma!'' Julian shouted behind her and she stopped. She turned slowly towards him and his anticipating eyes.

''What he told me was personal and has nothing to do with the spell or whatever. It's just that now I doubt the Clave a lot more then I used to, that's all. It is painful to learn the secrets and methods of your own kind from the enemy.''

''What about the Clave?'' Dru asked concerned.

Emma already had her back on them, ready to leave to room. ''Don't trust them, don't believe them or anyone who works for them. They won't protect us, they won't keep us safe.'' Emma turned around and looked at Diana. '' I refuse to trust you or Diego. I don't know what your deal is, but I refuse to trust you in any way, until you both prove you're on our side.''

Silence fell after Emma closed the door behind her and the others lost interest to hear more from Diana. Mark left after Emma and the kids followed him, leaving Julian, Cristina, Diego and Diana behind.

''Whatver he told her and happened on that night'' Julian began and turned to Diana and Diego ''I chose to believe Emma and trust her. Sorry Diana.'' With that he followed the others out. Cristina said nothing, but left shortly after to look for Emma.

~~~~~~~~~~

Emma had her feet ankle deep in the unusually calm water, arms crossed in front of her, hair in a messy bun and thoughts somewhere unknown. She was staring in front of her, eyes unable to focus on the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky. There was a slight breeze which set her summer dress into motion and a few free strands of hair played across her face, blurring her vision.

If someone was looking at her they'd think a girl was enjoying the wonderful weather, that's how she looked on the outside. If you knew Emma, if you were closer to her in order to see the look on her fce, you'd know she'd be boiling with anger and fury. She was mad and angry and sad all at the same time and she felt like she wanted to fight the ocean, which made her feel like Caligula.

She felt like she needed to feel the cold water all over her body, probably make sure herself that there was no Malcom or Annabel in there, so unconciously she stepped further into the water and before going deeper a hand pulled her a step back and turned her around.

''Didn't you hear me?'' Julian was centimeters away from her face, concern and worry written all over his own face. Emma snapped back to reality as if she was hit and freed her arm from Julian's grip.

''Obviously not.'' She said and stepped away from him.

''What were you thinking? Did you seriously thought about going in there searching for someone? Dressed like this? You hate the water Emma!'' There was despair in his voice as he couldn't fatom the idea of what was happening. And still the fact that he knew what Emma was about to do fascinated her and she knew that their parabaai bond was still strong no matter what happened. He knew when she was in danger, he probably knew how she felt.

''I am not that crazy, don't worry. Why? I can't even let my feet touch the water because I am scared of it now?'' Emma proceeded toward the Institute when Julian stopped her.

''What did he tell you?'' He asked facing her back. ''What did he tell you that you are acting so weird now?''

''It's nothing to concern yourself with.''

''Yes it is!'' He raised his voice. ''Look at you! You are ignoring me, you don't even talk to Cristina, you act strange and over emotional. Emma you have to tell me!''

''It's about my parents.'' She lied and turned around to face him. Her eyes were slightly damp, but Julian thought it could have been the sun that was irritating her. His Emma never cried, not like that. ''That's all. My parents and the way the Clave ignored their deaths and blamed Sebastian Morgenstern. This ignorance they gifted their own kind with, this secrecy and everything is making me hate them more.''

Though she was not lying about how she felt about the Clave, she felt bad lookig into Julian's eyes and telling him only the half of the things that were on her mind and her heart.

''That's a lie.'' He said in a soft voice. ''We both know there is more to it than this.''

Emma's eyes widened only for a moment before she put her pocker face back on.

''I wish it was a lie.'' She told him equally soft. ''You know how the topic about my parents gets me every time. I don't need to tell you details of what exacly Malcom told me about them while we fought, but I wish I've never heard a word from it all.''

There was a short silence between them and before Jualin got the chance to say something that would make Emma come undone she once again turned around and walked back to the Institute. He had this look on his face which always made her want to throw herself into his arms where she would feel safe. But not this time. Different were the hands of comfort for her now. Not Julian's, but Mark's.

Once she reached the steps she saw Cristina, obviously waiting for her to finish her talk with Julian and begin a new one with her. Emma sighed and rolled her eyes.

''I am sorry about today and yes I am fine now and no I can't tell you what's going on, but please'' Emma looked into Cristina's eyes and they both knew that there was something more, that Emma was hurting, but at the same time it was not the right moment to share her secrets with anyone. ''Please stop asking me questions Cristina. I am sorry that I can't tell you, but you of all people should understand that what I am doing is to protect the people I love. I will tell you soon, but for now please stay the silent support you've always been.''

Emma went past her and was ready to go inside when Cristina stopped her.

''Since when is breaking the hearts of the people you love most protectiong them?''

''I'd never thought I'd ever say this, but I'd rather cause enormous pain to the people I love most then watch them getting punished and killed because of me and my actions.''

''Is that why you are with Mark? So that you can break Julian's heart and watch him suffer? How is that saving someone Emma?!''

Emma knew that Cristina's eyes caught more then she ever tried to show, but this was hitting on the nail hard. Now she felt like the four walls she surrounded herself in were suffocating her and there was no place left to run to. Cristina always knew, she always had her eyes on her and she had always worried about every reckless thing that Emma has ever done. But now she sounded mad and insulted. Emma didn't balme her for it. She turned around to face Cristina and looked her with empty eyes drained out of emotion, something that shocked Cristina.

''I am sorry that your heart also got caught into all of this.'' Emma said with emotionless voice, as empty as her eyes were right now. ''I am sorry.''

''Emma!'' Cristina's voice broke and she reached her hands out and hugged Emma tightly. Emma on the other side didn't respond at all and didn't even move a muscle. She just stood there like the statue she felt she was, cold, hard and unresponsive.

''I want you to be happy Emma! I just want you to be happy!'' Cristina burried her face in Emma's shoulder and tightened the grip around her. A small, even cruel smile played around Emma's lips.

''There is no happy for me.'' Not in a world where I am the cause of my parabatai's pain.

After Cristina let her go, Emma went back inside, leaving the people she loved the most, hurt and confused. There was only one place left for her where she could let out all of her pain.

She knocked softly on Mark's room and when he opened the door for her, she stayed there for a while, before bursting into tears and burying her face into his shirt.

This is the only haven I have left...