Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, sorry.
A/N: This one is longer than any of the other chapters over 2,500 words in this one. This is a more serious chapter since this is when Sam explains himself as to why he's confused. There is a lot of different emotions in this one. Sad moments, adorable moments, a couple of funny lines here and there. And a little gift for you guys in the end. ;)
Point of View: Kurt Hummel
Kurt finally finished a slice of pizza and while his father suggested him to stay with him, Carole, and Finn to eat more he went into his room, closing the door behind him. Slowly he made his way to his bed, sitting on the foot of it, just thinking. His stomach still ached with hunger, but at the same time he didn't want to eat. He was just so confused about Sam at the moment, thinking of so many things. He glanced at his phone which was on the bed, he already promised he'd come, but should he? Sam seemed like a complete wreck and he didn't know if it was best to go over there while he was drunk, especially if he was talking the way he did. However, the boy seemed so confused. He knew he wished someone was there when he was always confused growing up. Though at the same time, he kind of knew who he was always.
It was already an hour since Sam called. However, after that Kurt contemplated going over to Sam's house even more. Staring at the door for different periods of time, getting up standing by the door, staring at the doorknob wondering if he should turn it. Looking back at the phone time to time. Making up excuses for not to go. His heart was telling him he should go, but he was scared. He was so confused, maybe just as confused as Sam.
Finally, he brought up the courage to grab his coat, open the door, and began to walk down the stairs. He tried to be quiet as he approached the door, but Carole said, "Kurt?" In the distance. He should have known better to not try to be quiet, he was hoping once he was out to call them and tell them to not worry and he'd be home soon.
"Yeah, I'm going out." Kurt shouted back as he began to turn the doorknob.
"Where you going?" He heard his father call out back to Kurt.
"I am... Going to Mercedes." He didn't believe the words that came out of his mouth and then his father told him to be careful. Kurt opened the door completely and then closed the door behind him once he left the house.
Kurt walked quickly to his car, getting inside and began to turn the ignition on and started to back out. His mind was racing as he began to turn and then drive onto the road. What am I doing? He thought to himself. He didn't know what he thought he was doing. The boy was clearly drunk, not thinking correctly. Just like Blaine was that night.
The more minutes passed his heart was racing and his heart felt as if it was going to leap out of his chest. He tried to breath normally. Why am I feeling this way? Why am I making such a big deal out of this? He thought as he would continue driving to Sam's house, finally getting to the drive way. Kurt remembered one time how he had to drive Finn to Sam's house to get some notes. He was surprised he was able to remember where he lived.
He opened the door and then slammed it, walking over to the house. Standing there for a moment he hesitated, but then knocked on the door. He heard a, "Coming!" And Kurt felt as if he was holding his breath, but he released it once Sam opened the door.
"Hey." Kurt said and immediately walked through the door into the house quickly not looking back at Sam.
He heard the door close and then Sam said, "Uh- want something to drink?"
He gave Sam a disapproving look, but Sam quickly responded, "I meant coke, or something-." Sam then added putting his hands into his pockets, "I stopped drinking after the phone call, I feel a little- okay now." He said as he walked past Kurt. "Mainly sober. I just feel kind of... down?" Sam seemed to struggle to find the right words.
"Well alcohol is technically a depressant, which is why you probably feel like that. A lot of people react to alcohol differently, but from what I've heard you can feel a rise from it, but then you feel horrible afterward. Whether it's your feelings, or getting sick." Kurt said he then realized he was being too factual, "Um- water is fine." He mumbled as he slipped off his coat and then Sam disappeared and appeared a minute later with a glass of water with a few ice cubes, setting it on the table.
Kurt sat down and Sam immediately started with, "I'm sorry Kurt." Kurt then looked down for a moment, but back up at Sam as he said, "For everything I said. It was very inappropriate." Kurt simply nodded in response. It was quiet for a moment then Sam said, "Are you going to even say anything?"
Kurt sighed, looking over at Sam who seemed to look worried. It seemed as if Sam leaned in forward, or was it just his imagination. To cut the silence Kurt suddenly said, "Sam..." He licked his lips unknowing what to really say, part of it being him concentrating. "What's going on?" Kurt looked down for a moment, but then looked back at Sam. "I mean- that's the best way I can think of asking you- you know." He didn't know what to really say.
"I'm just confused Kurt." Sam simply said.
"I know that." Kurt said desperately, but then closed his eyes and then sighed. "Sorry, I just mean- why?" He opened his eyes and then looked in front of him instead of Sam. "What's going through your head? I'm not a mind reader. Just... talk." He suggested as he began to play with his own fingertips as he waited for Sam to answer.
"I- Uh... It's just hard to know what I'm feeling..." Sam started, but was quiet for a moment, it seemed so long.
Kurt didn't turn to look at Sam, but he whispered, "I'm listening."
"You've been told you know..." Kurt noticed in the corner of his eye that Sam was messing with his own hands. "That you're supposed to have feelings for girls." Sam started with and sighed. "I mean- you've been there. We're both dudes." Kurt then nodded slowly in response, in the corner of his eye he noticed a little smile peeked out of Sam's lips.
"And... you've been told that. And you think girls have cooties." Sam said smiling a little more, Kurt couldn't help, but smirk a little as well. "You grow out of it- eventually right?" Sam asked aloud, but Kurt knew he wasn't supposed to answer. "But you know- girls seem okay- I guess eventually." Sam said as he was playing with twiddling his thumbs.
"But you don't feel anything." Sam said bluntly while he looked over at Kurt, he noticed that Sam was looking at him, but didn't look back at him. "And y-you're friends are around. And you feel nice around them." Sam said awkwardly as he looked away from Kurt, while this happened Kurt looked over at Sam's direction, looking confused. "You have this nice feeling... You don't know w-what it is..." Sam said as he gestured his hand against his chest when he said the word feeling. "You're supposed to like girls, but yet you have this feeling that you have with guys. You know? So what is it?" Sam asked Kurt, all he did was bit his lip.
"You know- I can't believe I'm going to admit this..." Sam said, immediately Kurt looked at his direction.
"Well you've said so many things already." Kurt said smirking, not helping to be smart with him.
Sam raised a brow. "Well I'm practically sober, but I guess you don't want to hear it." He explained with a smirk and then Kurt rolled his eyes, grinning.
"Fine, Ken. What is your deep dark secret?" Kurt closed his eyes and sighed, but smirked and then opened them looking at Sam. What could be worse than what he already said?
"You're like- the first boy to ever make me question myself." Sam said quietly, seen color rising to Sam's cheeks, while Kurt felt his own cheeks burning. Making him look away from Sam for a moment.
"It was weird- like I saw you on the courtyard." Sam continued while Kurt watched him in the corner of his eye, since he wasn't looking at Sam's direction. "And you just caught my eye," Sam said licking his lips for a moment. "But then when I saw you- when I introduced myself to the Glee club. I was just- don't know. It was the first time I thought anyone was beautiful." It was quiet for what it felt like minutes, but it was only a few seconds.
"Thank you." Kurt whispered, but refused to look at Sam. Secretly in his mind he was smiling, but he tried to keep a poker face. However, Sam was different and was grinning from ear to ear looking at Kurt. "Stop looking at me." Kurt said all of a sudden after a few seconds of Sam staring at him. He looked back at Sam laughing after his statement.
"You're welcome." Sam said as he looked away from Kurt. "So as much as I confused you, I was even more confused." He continued while Kurt nodded and looked over at Sam. Slowly Sam began to lean in towards Kurt, but this time it wasn't leaning in to listen, or anything. He was coming forward and he wouldn't stop. Kurt then turned his face so that Sam's face made contact with his cheek instead. A few seconds had passed and then, "Sorry," Sam whispered. His lips were so close to his cheek he felt the radiating heat of his breath on his cheek and it made him blush again.
"I like Blaine." Kurt whispered as he stood up from the sofa. While he glanced over at Sam, he looked up at Kurt with what it seemed to be doe-like eyes at him. Kurt bit his lip for a moment, feeling sorry for what he done.
Sam then stood up next to Kurt, "You really like him do you?" Sam said sounding monotone. Kurt then felt himself nod his head slowly. Of course, he felt something for Sam too. He didn't want to bring Sam's hopes up however. He knew how it felt from Blaine, he didn't want the same to happen to Sam. Of course, Blaine didn't return his feelings, but his thoughts seemed to be always about him, until now.
Meeting Sam again felt like fate to him. Though Kurt was never particularly religious, he always believed in fate existing. However, Kurt never had strong feelings towards Sam before at McKinley, but he admitted he would take a few more looks than he should at his direction from time to time. In particular Kurt felt very grateful for Sam also standing up to Karofsky just before he left. It then made Kurt wonder if Blaine would ever do something like that for him.
"Maybe I should go." Kurt says quietly, looking down a little bit and then looking back up at Sam. Slowly he made his way towards the direction of the door.
Suddenly he heard Sam ask, "Have you ever kissed?"
"That's none of your business." Kurt said turning to Sam, his arms crossed.
"I'll take that as a no." Sam said grinning, but Kurt kept his stance while Sam slowly began to walk towards Kurt.
"What do you think you are doing?" Kurt said trying to sound intimidating as Sam was approaching him, finally he was standing right in front of Kurt. He looked away from Sam's eyes, but still had his strong look of attitude. In the corner of his eye, he saw Sam grinning at him. "What's so amusing?" He questioned.
"I know this is bold to say, but you're kind of sexy when you're mad." Sam said laughing a little bit, while Kurt's eyes widen, but then he stopped and tried to act calm.
"You think I'm sexy?" He asked and then Sam looked down shrugging.
"Oh now you're shy." Kurt teased and smirked, while Sam grinned at his words.
"Kiss me." Sam randomly told Kurt.
Biting the corner of his lip, he held his hands together in front of him looking down at the ground and then looked back up at Sam with a raised brow. "I don't think so- you're drunk." Kurt said matter-of-factually.
"I haven't had a sip of alcohol for over a couple of hours." Sam said immediately shooting down his excuse.
"I shouldn't Sam." Kurt sighed and then leaned on the door.
"What is your heart telling you?" Sam asked as he inched in closer, his hands were in his pocket. Kurt held his breath for a moment as he felt Sam get closer.
"One kiss. That's it." Kurt said firmly, "That way you know for sure... About your feelings." Kurt said trying to sound as if was his duty as a friend to be doing this. The minute after he was done speaking, he felt as if his heart was going to die due to the immediate heart rate that spiked up. Occasionally it felt as if his heart would actually skip a beat.
Sam then eased in slowly and Kurt felt himself doing as well without even thinking as he saw Sam closed his eyes, he had done so as well. Soon he felt Sam's lips gently press against his and felt himself kiss him back in response, his lips parting. Their lips broke apart, but they were barely an inch away. While Sam's eyes stayed closed, Kurt opened his eyes again- though half open. It seemed as if Sam took what he said too literal, he didn't want him to stop. Kurt felt his breathing become more uneven than before and Sam whispered, "So hewne."
Kurt didn't understand what Sam said, but he whispered, "More." He caught sight of Sam's hands being removed from his pockets. Quickly afterward he felt Sam putting both of his gentle hands on his jaws on both sides of his face. They were surprisingly soft for a football player. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt Sam kissed him again still soft, but with a little more of passion. Slowly he felt his lips part sighing before he kissed Sam back and then Sam kissed Kurt's lower lip. He felt Sam's hand ran to the nape of his neck as they continued to kiss. Parting his lips again, he felt Sam nip at his lower lip a couple of times and then kissed him once again.
Finally Sam broke the kiss, trying to catch his breath while Kurt licked his lips trying to do the same, his lips were probably more now red than ever. Is kissing supposed to be that amazing? Kurt thought to himself as he looked over at Sam. Was it his lips that did the trick? They seemed absolutely perfect. He really didn't get the joke with how people always teased him that his lips were way too big, they were perfect. So plump and soft, they were perfect for this sort of occasion.
"So..." Kurt sighed and then said, "Didn't you say you wanted to sleep with me?" Kurt asked as he began to walk past Sam, trying to forget what had happened and began to walk into another room in the house.
"I don't know, I was never allowed to have sleepovers growing up." Sam called back out to Kurt and followed him into the room.
