"It's nothing," The man murmured quickly as he turned from the frosty windowpane, reaching for his shirt. His hands nervously flustered over the fabric as it glided through his grip and tumbled to the floor. Frantically, the Severus stooped and picked up the shirt, not moving to put in on but rather holding it tight in his hands, gripping the material in distress.
"What happened to your arm, Sev?" The woman repeated, her voice still as death, dreading the answer. It can't be, she thought to herself, reaching out to the man's arm, he swore. Severus pulled his arm from the woman's grip and turned to face her, desperation evident in his glistening black eyes, like two tadpoles swimming with fear.
"Lily," He whispered urgently, his hands quivering as he clutched onto her, his eyes flicking over her heart shaped face as he inwardly searched for an explanation. Her pale face lifted up towards him, moonbeams pouring over her freckled flesh, the stagnant color of a bolt of lightning. Snape quickly began stringing lies together in his mind, just one to keep her, one to satisfy her questions, one to assure her of his loyalty. Lily patiently waited for his response, her green eyes shimmering with a water sheen, the veil of sleep gradually fading from where it draped over her features. She wanted to believe him, she wanted desperately for him to give her a reason to believe in him, to stay with him; but her faith in the man was beginning to falter. Severus opened his mouth to speak but his words wasted away in his lungs and his lips fell into a thin line, his shoulders slumping forwards as his hands fell from the woman in unvoiced anguish. He could not lie to her again. The woman watched the man's ribs heave as his breath came in soundless, shallow waves, his brow drawing together as he fought for the strength to swallow his lie."You've got to understand," Lily stared up at him for a moment more, waiting for him to continue, but when he did not her hands strayed to his arm, her touch frighteningly gentle, "I'm begging you."
Severus did not resist as the woman found the end of the gauze wrapping and began to loosen its layers, instead he looked away, not able to look at Lily's face, into her eyes. The woman unraveled his bandage, the task moving so slowly she began to wonder if she still hovered in the lull of slumber; somehow caught between the wild terrain of dreams and the stark, bleakness of reality. But then, the cloth fell away entirely and fluttered to the ground like a windswept feather lapped up by a thirsty tongue of breeze. Snape grudgingly looked to Lily's face as her hands fell away from him, her lips parting in astonishment as began to see his truth. "I'm so sorry," He began, his face drawn tight with shame as the woman stared at his arm in revulsion, bumping into the bed frame as she hastily backed away.
"I defended you," Lily whispered breathlessly, her eyes skittering across Snape's form, her arched eyebrows slowly contracting, "I defended you… And you…" Her hand flew over her mouth as she uttered a strangled sob, her ring finger rubbing against her lip, painfully naked, "You lied to me!" Severus staggered towards the dismayed woman, the dark mark glaringly visible on his outstretched arms as he tried to calm her.
"Please, Lily," Snape begged, his voice cracking slightly as he reached for her hand, "Hear me out." Lily tore her wand from the pocket of her dress with dangerously swift precision, lifting the wand to Snape's quivering Adam's apple as she pieced him with her stare,
"Don't touch me," She hissed, choking on tears as her ferocity gradually melted away into sorrow like winter thawing into an early spring. Snape looked down at her with a wounded expression, his stomach lurching as his whole existence seemed to pitch forward into an off kilter dance.
"I really don't think I can dance to Muggle music, Lil," Snape grumbled sulkily, his hands jammed into his pockets as he watched the girl stooping over her portable radio. Cicadas hummed in bows of leafy, green trees while birds murmured their praises to the hot summer sun, the symphony swallowing Lily and Sev as they stood in the field behind the Evans' home. Snape had been there many times before, he had laid in the tall grasses with Lily, naming the constellations and making wishes on the stars, he had chased after her in endless games of tag as a child, zipping through the waving blades, barely standing a head above them in his youth. He knew the path out to the pasture by heart, his feet traversing the route beaten into the ground with frequent footfalls, he knew the spot, but never had he felt so uncomfortable there. Lily stood, the setting sun setting her hair ablaze, the red glistening copper and gold, framing her face like a princess from the books Sev had found in his mother's study, the fairytales he had read to himself before sleep as a child.
"C'mon, Sev," She chastised, lightheartedly pushing him as she walked by, her fingers closing around handfuls of the grass as she looked across the rolling stalks, harnessing the dried blades, "Don't be such a poor sport." Snape sighed, his hands creeping further into his pockets as Lily came towards him, "I'll teach you," the young woman dipped her hands into his pockets and drew his arms upward, grinning as she began to dance in place, "Just have fun, Sev!" Reluctantly, Snape began to move, awkwardly, jerkily, but the girl paid no notice, she laughed in delight as he dared to give her a twirl. Severus watched as his friend of many years danced barefoot before him, her head blocking out the sun, its rays leaking through the spaces in her hair like a halo. She had changed in their years together, grown into a young woman, ready to go off into the world come next fall. Without him. Snape's face fell slightly as he considered this, their last year at Hogwarts was here, the last year with her. Their time together was running out. Lily's eyes glinted jovially as she raised their arms into the sky, her ever-present smile set like steel upon her lips, the slanted curve like cupid's bow. The girl titled her face up towards the sky, her eyes shutting lazily in delight, feet blindly treading upon the white flowers that peeked between creases of grass.
"I love you," Snape blurted out as the song broke into a lively chorus, his cheeks flaming the moment the words escaped his lips, his heart hammering violently in shock. The young woman lowered her gaze to him, her smile melting into a dreamy null,
"Sorry, what?" Lily asked, drifting over to the radio and sitting down heavily, turning down the volume as she began tying her hair into a thick braid. A part of Snape wanted to repeat himself, to admit what he had felt for so long, so fervently. But his tongue would not move, his throat would only swallow as the girl looked up at him, beautiful as always. Severus blinked thickly and then quickly amended his words,
"Oh, it's nothing. Never mind."
"I love you, Lily," Severus sputtered, the woman's wand tip shaking against his stubble coated neck, his hands still searching for her at his sides, furling and unfurling like two cowering albino spiders.
"You swore," Lily said plainly, her lips pulling into a strained grimace as she could not longer restrain her tears, "You swore you weren't one of them, Sev!" The woman's wand shuddered for a moment against Snape's sallow skin, her lips drawn tight, revealing her teeth as she wept. "And I believed you," She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks as her voice thinned and cracked under its burden of sorrow. The faint lines of Severus' brow deepened as he watched the woman dissolving under the pain of understanding. Because of his choice. Because he had chosen them. "You don't know what you've done," Lily whispered, desperately trying to control her quivering chin as the thought of Severus' betrayal fermented into a bitter stew in her mind. Snape's heart battered against his prominent ribs, begging for mercy. Before long, Lily's wand fell limply to her side and the woman dashed from the room and down the stairs, her curtain of hair whipping along behind.
"Wait," Snape muttered, tearing after her, catching her as she yanked on her jacket, her face fierce in its distress, her eyes cutting into Sev as he approached her.
"Please," The man begged, his hands frantically clawing his oily hair as she continued to dress, the gaunt skull painted on his pallid flesh inciting more sullenness in woman, "Forgive me." Lily stared at him for a moment, tears brimming in her luminescent eyes, her jaw gritting in stubbornness as she tried to withhold them.
"I loved you," Her stomach began to sour as she scoffed cynically at the man, the words seeming a tainted prayer, an exploited wish, "And I thought that you loved me too." Lily's eyes met Snape's distressed stare,
"I do love you, Lily!" He shouted hysterically, a strand of greasy hair dripping across his brow like a molten line of tar, "I never lied about that," Severus' hands danced with energy before him, if he could just touch her, show her how he felt, then maybe she could understand. A sob escaped from the woman, the firelight flickering over her devastated features,
"Then why?"
"Who else did I have, Lily?"Snape asked earnestly, his face sagging under the weight of his remorse, "You ran away with Potter and who did I have?" The man wiped at his watering eyes with the back of his forearm, quickly dropping the branded limb, "I needed to belong. I needed someone," He breathed, new tears pooling in his raven colored eyes, "And I couldn't have you." Snape paced to the bookshelf, his hand slithering over his face as he fiercely squeezed his eyes shut, his tattooed arm hanging limply at his side.
A/N: Soooo this chapter is basically just a prologue to the really good stuff, sorry not that much happened! But as always, thank you to my reviewers! Espescially to the ever faithful ujemaima, shinywhiteboards and Always. I've already got the next chapter written but I'm waiting on a few reviews before I post it. Hope you liked this chapter ~Elaine~
