Thanks to: Skankdragon Blackheart, ggfuatuiwwgiac, timelady1210, crazyfortorchwood, soulless-tears, SgtGroganSG, Dru, Kateg123, and doctor-who-mad-gal.

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

OH, and a skillet is a type of frying pan (for those who don't know) and… A heavy metal rock band. I have never listened to them… I shall later.


"So here I was, right, stuck in this icy frozen desert, and about one hundred women all trying to get at me, right…" I laughed.

This is my only saviour.

It was a silent one.

"Not very chatty today are you?" I asked her.

I named her Olad.

"Moving on, and then what happened right- WAAAAAA!!"

"Having fun?" Jack said, leaning against the wall.

"YOU. DO. NOT. MAKE. ME. JUMP!!" I yelled.

He'll make my skin wrinkle.

Jack rolled his eyes.

His, pretty, shining-like-pools-of-glistening-mud-make-me-want-to-kiss-you eyes…

"Meet Olad"

He looked at her.

"You realise that, Olad is a paper cup, right?"

What else would she be?!

"Duh!" I snapped at him.

"Oh god, he's gone senile"

"I CAN HEAR YOU KNOW!" I yelled.

"Are you okay?" Someone said through the comms.

"Fine!" I said back "I'm talking to Jack"

"Um…" Jack's voice came on "I'm hear"

OH MY GOD, I'M SENILE!!

"LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!! LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT!!"

"Tea time!" Eye candy said, from the other side of the cell.

"Are you really there?" I asked.

Either way, he looks hot.

"Yes" He said cautiously.

"Rip of your shirt and have sex with me"

"WHAT? NO!!" He shrieked.

"Thought it was you" I sighed, "Waiter! I want service!"

God, he'd never make it in a restaurant.

"Um… Okay"

He practically tiptoed towards the cell, and then slowly opened it. He then almost threw the food at me, and dove out.

Too slowly though.

I grabbed his foot.

"GERROFF!" He screamed, kicking out.

"No!"

Seriously, did he really think saying something like that would work?

He wriggled about, and got away.

"HA!!" I yelled "I HAVE YOUR SHOE!!"

He straightened up on the other side "Don't expect dessert again!"

"FINE!!"

The shoe reeks.

And here I was thinking he was all cleanliness and hygene.

This is killing me.

I'm dying.

The shoe is poisoning me.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!" I yelled.

"What now?" Jack sighed "Normally our prisoners are silent!"

I looked around the place a bit.

"Yeah, because you've knocked most of them out!" I snapped back.

"Are you hinting at something?"

JOHN! Shut it!

I need some sort of escape.

Any bloody sort of escape.

This is where Gray should come in.

Why hasn't he come in?

I reckon…

Okay, so my shoes are rather smelly (I think I killed someone once with them) and so is my (I wish) lover boy's.

COMBINED TOGETHER.

Methane?

Something like that. Enough to set off one of those you're-going-to-die-of-poisoning-because-of-your-builer's-are-trying-to-rip-you-off alarms off.

I held them together.

BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEP.

"What the fuck is going on?" I heard Jack yelling.

"I don't know!" Another person said.

"Get everyone out of here!!"

Jack burst in.

Looking oh-so attractive.

"Ooh… My hero!" I smiled.

"I don't know what's going on!" He snapped at me "But if I find you're to blame…"

Touchy.

He grabbed me and yanked me out.

"WAIT!!" I yelled "SAVE OLAD!!"

"WHAT?!" Jack screamed, he sighed and reached into my cell.

That's when I kicked him into it.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jack yelled.

I grabbed his gun and shot him.

Yeah, yeah, I know he can't die.

But he makes a bloody good target.

And anger management tool.

Taking his watch, and card swipe thing, I walked off.

With Olad, of course.

Walking out, I had created havoc.

"Where's Jack!" Gwen screamed, throwing herself at me.

Kinky.

Oh, no wait, she wanted to attack me.

"Oh, he's safe" I smiled "Safe"

"I swear-" She started.

"Now that's exactly what he said!" I laughed.

"What's with the paper cup?" Eye candy poked his head around "And where is my shoe?!"

Second thoughts.

"Um… Okay, so maybe Jack isn't safe"

"WHAT?!" They all screamed in perfect harmony.

Maybe they should be a choir.

"I have to go!" I said quickly, ducking down in case the mad one attacked me.

"JUST YOU WAIT!" She yelled.

The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open.

Not sure why I thought that, but… I find it useful.

"Now" I stood up "Guns don't kill people…"

They all blinked at me.

"But they sure help!" I held up my baby- Gun, I mean.

"I WILL shoot, if you come near me, and I WILL kill"

Good rhyming John.

A man once sat me down and told me that a society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in….

…. I shot him the next day.


Hurm… Not my best chapter, but I wanted him out of that cell.

Please R&R, NO FLAMES!!