Getting Older
He had never seen his boss concentrate on a contract before. Or on any document before. Now before Kito was Trunks Briefs, head in his hands and his eyes staring at the paper that laid on his desk with pure concentration. He was so happy that his boss was finally taking everything serious. For the past few months he had been brushing everything off and doing it half-ass. Kito sat proudly in the chair and continued to what he was doing.
'Bad boys, bad boys,' Trunks sang in his head, 'what chya gonna do? What chya gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys, bad boys. Da na na na…I don't know the words…'
Then to Kito's pure horror, Goten walked in.
Said person walked in wearing dirty overalls and smelling of country soil and sweat. "Hey Trunks, mind if we…"
"No!" Kito yelled as he stepped in front of Goten. Both Saiyans stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "Mr. Briefs is very busy with deciding on what regions we are to challenge our exports. He's concentrating very hard and it's very important!"
Trunks lifted up the document and actually looked at it. "Is that what this is?"
Kito looked like he was three seconds to having a heart attack. His right eye was twitching. "M-Mr. Briefs! What were you doing that entire time?"
Trunks blinked at him, trying to remember what he was doing. "Oh! Trying to figure out the rest of the 'Bad boys' song." Kito's jaw dropped and his pupils grew tiny.
"The 'Bad boys' song?" Goten questioned.
"Yeah, you know," Trunks said as he stood up and stretched his legs, "Bad boys bad boys, what chya gonna do?"
"Oh, that one!"
"Yeah, that one. Do you know the words?"
"Not a clue." Goten shrugged his shoulders.
"Damn." Trunks grabbed his coat from the hat stand. "So where do you want to go today?"
"No, Mr. Briefs!" Kito jumped between the two as if he were a daring referee about to break out a brawl between wrestle rivals back stage, "You must stay and reread the document! You have to pick a region for the export challenge or it's going to be a disaster like last year!"
"What happened last year?"
"Do you not remember?"
"Not really."
For a minute, Kito's heart stopped beating and his chest hurt. Finally he was able to speak. "Sir! Pods Incorporate over took most of the east bay! They've nearly gotten the entire East bay! The East bay!"
Trunks blinked. "You mean the East bay that I bought real estate on four months ago?"
"Yes, the same one!" Trunks smirked and raised an eyebrow at his frantic assistant. Kito's cheeks filled with color and astonishment bloomed on his expression. "Oh…"
Trunks pulled on his coat, all while smirking with pride. "Believe it or not, Koji, I am more than capable to run this company. I have all the employees' interest at heart."
"Oh…" Kito said as he stared at the floor embarrassed. Then he blinked and turned to his boss. "Uh sir, my name is…" Trunks and Goten left and closed the door behind them. "…Kito. Hrm."
XXXXXXXXXXX
Trunks and Goten went to one of their favorite bars known as Syoi's. It was quite crowded since the tournament had begun. None of the Z team members were in it this term. None felt the need to. They needed a new champion to humiliate.
The two managed to get a seat in the non-smoking section—it was practically empty—and sipped on beers.
"So did you really want to talk or did you use ESP to know I was desperate to get out of the office," Trunks said as he lifted his eyebrows.
Goten chuckled and sat his drink down. "Well, I always know you can't stand Mondays, but I did want to talk to you. I saw Pan yesterday."
Trunks put his hands together. "Really? How is she?"
"Not to good," he said, keeping his eyes on his drink and moving slightly back and forth as something to do, "She came to see me at the house." He paused. Trunks took this time to take another sip and study the cars passing by on the street. "I was kind of mean to her, though."
Trunks shrugged, "What she did was wrong." In his mind he imagined himself as a stubborn child, but he brushed it off.
"She was very sorry, too." Goten said lowly. "She was crying, too." Trunks didn't say anything. He knew Goten had a very soft heart and could not hold a grudge long, but in a case like this, it couldn't be helped. "I called her Dad."
Trunks pouted his lip out in thought. "Well, in some ways she is like him."
Goten put his hand over his mouth and propped his elbow at the table. It was in these moments that Trunks was reminded that his best friend was older and more mature. He saw the stress that this man went through. Laugh lines were developing around his mouth and eyes, but it had been a long time since he had seen Goten laugh as easily as he used to.
"I just feel so guilty," the Son said, "I mean, she's still my niece. She said that she was scared."
Trunks looked at his friend. "What was she afraid of?"
Goten leaned back and shrugged, letting out a big sigh. "She never said. I have a feeling it has something to do with Mom's death."
Trunks turned his head back to the window. He was never good about discussing topics of the deceased. He always felt uncomfortable, especially about Chi-chi.
"I'm gonna call her today. See if we can get everything straightened out. Mom wouldn't want us to fight."
Trunks sighed. "I can't forgive her yet. She also left me."
Goten looked at his buddy with a pitiful look. "She didn't know, Trunks."
Trunks closed his eyes, slightly shaking his head. "Still. I thought we were friends."
"Maybe that's another thing she was afraid of?"
"Friends?"
"No, you admitting you love her."
The lavender haired boy gave a confused look to his friend. "What are you talking about? All girls want to be loved."
"True, but this is Pan. Also she just suffered loss." Goten shifted, a little uncomfortable, "Perhaps she's afraid of losing another loved one."
Trunks licked his lips and took a swig from his drink, draining it. "I think you're spending too much time with chicks."
Still, all he said made sense. Pan wasn't like other girls Trunks knew, and that made him attracted to her. While other girls were sugar and spice, she was cinnamon and hot sauce. So much different and lively. Not anymore. None of them were the same. They were all getting older.
"Just…" Goten tapped his finger on the table, "Don't be so hard on her. I'm not saying forgive and forget, but…"
"I won't hate her," Trunks finished for him. 'I can't hate her.'
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Click.
Pan lowered the camera and stared at the gate she had just taken a picture of. The white paint was peeling off and grass was curling around the legs. She lifted the camera once more and took another snap shot. This was the first of many cameras she had purchased. She was not going to go back to New York without some sort of novelty of home. She was not going to leave without taking some with her.
She began walking backwards, keeping the view of her house in sight. She nearly walked out into the road as she tried to get it all into view. When she lifted the camera, she heard a car and had to quickly side step as not to become road kill.
"Watch where you're going, asshole!" she yelled as she shook her fist in the air.
"Wow, you have spent too much time in America," she whipped around and saw her uncle land carrying a box, "You were the one in the middle of the road."
Pan swallowed and forced on her best smile, but it looked plastic. "Yeah, I guess. So, uh, what are you doing here?"
Goten showed her the box. "These are some of the things Mom left you. Mind if I take them inside?"
"Oh!" Pan jumped, "Of course!" She opened the gate and led him inside, holding the door opened for him. He sat it on the living room floor, then sat down on the couch. She chewed on her lip and then wiped her palms on her jeans which seemed to have soaked themselves in sweat in those two minutes. Then she made a move to sit next to him on the couch. When he did not move or give off a signal that told her he was still angry, she allowed herself to get comfortable.
"Thanks Goten," she said.
"Do you want to see what you got?"
"Oh yes!" Pan sat down in front of the box and tore off the duct tape that held the flaps together and moved the flaps aside. The first item she pulled out was a book, a recipe book. She had never seen it before.
"Mom made that just after you left for college," Goten said as if he knew her unvoiced question, "She said that you would need to learn some recipes if all you were going to eat was fast-food."
Pan smiled as she sat it down. "I haven't been eating many home-cooked meals."
"Well then those should come in handy."
The next item she pulled out was a wooden box. Inside were tissue paper and glass dolls.
"Aww," she said as she lifted up one of the figurines of a Japanese woman, "Grandma and I used to play with these all the time when I came over."
"I remember she hit me with a wooden spoon when I sat on one of them and broke it," Goten said with a slight chuckle. Pan looked up at him. Then she smiled. Whether or not he was going to stay being nice to her or not didn't matter. She would cherish this one memory.
After digging, she found a picture book, a jewelry box, and each time they would talk about their memories of her. But when Pan pulled out the last item, a home-made quilt, she broke down. It was a different match of clothing. Pieces of her father's shirts, her mother's dresses, her grandmother's aprons, and her grandfather's gi all sewn up tight and thick. Her heart broke. It ached for it. It wanted to jump out of her chest and snuggle against the cherished cloths of her family.
The thick cloud of all the feelings she held in suddenly poured rain on her. She brought the cloth to her nose, hoping she could whiff her grandmother's scent but only smelled dust. Her vision blurred with tears as she held tightly onto the fabric.
"Pan?"
And then she lost it. It all came out. She hunched over, not letting go of the cloth as the tears spilled down her cheeks, dripping onto the quilt. Hearing her uncle's voice talk to her with concern and not anger stabbed her in the heart, her already broken heart. Her shoulders shook as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. She laid her head on his chest and bawled the tears she held in for four years. He soothed her and rubbed her back and that made her feel more guilty, more selfish and Goku-like. More heart broken.
"I'm sorry!" she cried, desperate for him to respond, any respond, "I'm so sorry, Goten. I'm sorry."
"I know, Pan," he said, "I know." He had to chew his own lip and blink a few times to control the moisture that began to creep. "It's okay."
Pan took in a large breath of air as her chest repulsed. "I miss her, Goten. I miss her so much."
"I know, Panny." He tried not to sound choked up. "We all miss her."
Guilt. So much guilt she felt. "I'm sorry. I love you guys so much. Please," she pleaded, "Don't hate me. Please don't hate me. I'm so sorry."
Goten couldn't hold it in. He held onto his niece tightly and cried into her hair. "I know, Pan. Nobody hates you. I love you. You're my niece. It's okay. Everything's okay. I promise."
For that moment, he understood her. He knew how it felt to have to bottle all your emotions so as not to appear weak. And when you bottled it all up and then everything comes crashing in your way, it makes fear. If he were her, would he have run to escape it?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Even though he felt uncomfortable talking about late old woman, he did have respect. He just wanted to stop thinking. He tried his hardest not to think that his mother was actually much older than Chi-chi. He didn't want to think about losing her, but he knew one day it would come. It always came.
But he was not going to think of it.
He walked through the graves, being careful not to step on any of them as he searched for the familiar one. When he came to his destination, he stopped when he saw Pan crouching down in front of Chi-chi's grave. Beside her was a bouquet of purple lilacs wrapped in white. Trunks also had lilacs, but wrapped in green; they both remembered her favorite flower.
After a few minutes of watching her, he cleared his throat and croaked out a "Hey".
She looked back at him and smiled. Her eyes were glimmering with tears and her cheeks were slightly puffy and red.
"Hey," she said. Then she stood up dusted off her knees. "I was just saying goodbye."
He nodded, "Just paying respect."
She smiled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, blinking a few times. Then she turned back to him and seemed to be putting her thoughts together. He decided to wait.
"I know you don't care," she said, hardly keeping eye-contact, "But I just want you to know that I am very sorry for bailing out on everyone. I'm not going to do that again." She swallowed. "I'm not going to runaway anymore."
He nodded. "Just don't forget us in America, kay?"
She smiled, "I could never forget you, Trunks."
A moment passed between them, neither moving.
Finally Pan spoke. "I'll go ahead and head out. Got a lot to pack tonight."
Trunks nodded as she passed by him. "Pan, before you go, there's something I need to know."
He looked back to her. In the evening sun, he saw a brand new woman. Instead of seeing the selfish little girl he imagined, he saw a grieving granddaughter with a tortured heart and locked emotions. He did not need to hurt her; she was hurting herself without his help.
"Yes?" she asked, bringing him out of his realization.
Trunks chewed on his lip. His heart twisted against his sternum and seemed to have attempted at choking him inside out. "I…I was wondering if you…" he swallowed, "If you knew who sung the 'Bad Boys' song."
She smiled at him, the sunlight brightening her features before it crept over the horizon. "Look up 'Inner Circle'."
He nodded and she walked away. Trunks stood there next a grave holding wilting lilies as he watched the woman he loved walk away. And he could not bring himself to stop her.
(A/N): Oh man! this took me forever, and I'm not even that proud of it. Either way, I had to update. Hope you guys like. Also, would anyone like to be my beta-reader? I've never had one so I'm not sure how it goes, but if you like to, email me at (yeah, lame and old, but I refuse to change it). Please review.
