Ally Dawson is a punctual person. She's never late and she never has a problem with getting up on time, or getting up at all.
But today, she's just not feeling it.
She doesn't want to drag herself out of bed. She doesn't want to try, and quite frankly, she doesn't feel like she should have to. She just lost her dad, work is out of control, and to top of all the mess, she's in love. Fantastic.
Her only motivation to roll sloppily off her bed is Austin. She wants to see him again, with his shining brown eyes and his golden blonde hair. She wants to hear his tenor voice and put her arms around his strong body. That's all she's getting up for.
She throws on some jeans and a t-shirt. She doesn't curl her hair, she just puts it up in a ponytail. She grabs her keys and drives to the store, running a few minutes behind.
Austin's there. He's sitting on the bench right near the doors of Sonic Boom. His face is expressionless, like he's waiting to see how she feels first, then he'll decide how to act.
She gives him a sad, forced smile, and he returns with an incredulous frown. Her façade falls and she wraps her arms around him. He returns the favor, rubbing her back softly.
"Trust me, forcing yourself to get out of the house is the hardest part. Once you've done that, you're half way there," he assures her.
She sighs. "Thanks, but...how you do you that?" she asks quietly.
"Come here." He opens the door to Sonic Boom and invites her inside. They sit down on one of the couches together. He clears his throat, then starts to speak. "I was in my third year of college. I was talking to some of my music buddies, and we got onto the subject of families. I told them that I was an only child and my parents co-owned a mattress store, and one of the guys said, 'Wow, you have the most typical American family ever!' I guess he meant it as a compliment, or maybe a joke, or I don't know. But it struck me because it was so completely and entirely untrue. Sure, my parents are entrepreneurs and look pretty okay from a superficial perspective, but there's a lot of shit that goes on that people don't know about. First of all, my mom has had a really tough time with depression. She tried to kill herself three times. It's something that our whole family just has to live with. She has to go to therapists, she's on tons of different medications, she was on suicide watch, and she has to put these lights up all over the house because the darkness is bad for her. Plus, my extended family has issues. My cousin has always been sort of distant, and when he finished high school he just decided he wanted to be a hobo. He didn't want to do anything with his life. My whole family was trying to get him to see the meaning in everything, but he wouldn't accept it. He fought with everyone and insisted that he knew what was best for him. He basically fucked up the whole family, then eventually just left. Basically, what I want you to take from this is that families aren't perfect. They're not. You don't have to pretend like it's okay, because honestly, that makes it a lot worse. Everyone has problems. Trust me."
She stares at him for a moment. Her eyes sting with tears. How did she never find out about his mother? Or his cousin? Or anything?
"Austin, I don't even have a family anymore..." she chokes, holding back tears.
Austin shakes his head and grabs both of her hands. "Don't say that, Ally, you do have a family," he assures her, but she's still not believing it.
"I'm serious! I'm not really close with my extended family or my cousins or anything. I don't even have much of an extended family, just a few people. My dad was the only person I had left, and he's gone. I feel like I'm completely alone now," she admits.
His face drops. His fingers curl around hers. His brown eyes are pure and sincere. "You'll never be alone if you have me."
It's strange. When someone dies, normal things like brushing your teeth or making dinner feel so grotesquely abnormal. It feels like daily life shouldn't be allowed to go on, at least not yet. Because what feels normal is hospital talk and funeral homes. And that's scary. That's a scary place to be mentally. Everything is backwards and hazy.
Maybe that's why it feels normal when she leans into him, her eyes closed and her lips gently pursed. It feels fine when she senses the warm softness of his mouth on hers. Maybe it's just a side effect of her life being completely turned upside down, but kissing Austin feels insanely and maybe unduly right.
She pulls away first. Her eyes lock with his, and she smiles for just a moment. He returns the gesture and places a sweet kiss on the tip of her nose.
"We should, um, get ready to open," she says quietly, smoothing her skirt and standing up. She's walking away when he speaks.
"I love you, Ally Dawson."
She stops, and turns around.
"I love you back, Austin Moon."
She's trying not to smile as customers enter and exit the store, as kids come in for lessons, and instruments get tested out and sold. She's trying to keep calm and even, but she can't. Because Austin loves her, and she loves him back.
Someone has to address it.
Austin and Ally are closing up for the day. After their little moment in the store before it opened, their conversations had been normal and strictly business. Ally doesn't want that though. She wants to talk about what happened between them and figure it out.
She just doesn't want to bring it up first.
She's locking up the display cases when her prayers are answered. "So Ally," Austin starts, "I think we need to talk."
She spins around, maybe a little too fast. "About what?" she asks, maybe a little too fakely.
"About our...relationship," he replies.
Maybe a little too soon.
She takes a deep breath. "Relationship as in..." Her words fail her and she's left talking with her hands, awkwardly grasping at things that aren't there.
He shakes his head. "Don't look so scared! I just want to know what exactly happened between us this morning, from your perspective," he says gently.
She smiles and nods. "Well, I think, we, uh, just...just two friends having a moment together?" she says, but it comes out as more of a question.
"Come on, Ally. I'm not buying that. I think it's time we talk about what's going on between us," he demands softly.
She sighs. "It's pretty obvious that I like you," she states.
He nods. "And I'm crazy about you, so I think we should probably make some move towards a relationship. This morning was a good start," he says carefully.
Her eyes lower nervously. "Relationship?" she squeaks.
He looks at her, his eyes full of deep brown concern. "I don't want to scare you. I want to love you."
Her eyes close and she giggles, then her face falls back into being serious. "Look, I know we like each other, but to be honest, I don't know where we're going with this. I don't think I should be allowed to be in love with you, considering all the tragedy that's happened in my life lately. I want to though. When I'm with you, I feel like we're fifteen years old again, and that scares the hell out of me but I love it. I love that I can escape with you, that I can be totally different, that I can be totally myself. It's crazy, and you're crazy, and I'm crazy, and I think we could probably be perfect together."
They're silent. All she can focus on is her heart pumping out of her chest. She states at his face, but she can't read it.
"I want that. I want to make you feel like it's okay to forget everything for a while. You need someone who will let you let go," he says.
She nods. "I love you, Austin," she whispers timidly.
He takes a step towards her, not timid at all. His grabs both her hands in his. "I love you too, Ally," he assures her. He kisses her forehead and wraps his arms around her.
She closes her eyes, her face buried in his neck. She's tired and she just wants go home and sleep for a while. He senses this.
"I'll walk you to your car," he offers. She nods and they leave the store, walking towards the parking lot. They're quiet, but it's better than being alone. When they reach her car, she faces him.
"Thank you, Austin," she says quietly.
He shakes his head. "No problem. I'll see you tomorrow, Ally." He gives me a brief hug and brushes his lips against my cheek. She tries her best to smile as she gets in the car.
Her thoughts come in bursts as she drives. Her mind is too tired to race, but too full to stop thinking. Thoughts of Austin, her dad, work, and the future all flash by lazily. That's how she feels lately, like everything is just happening, just passing, and she doesn't even have time to really think about any of it. It's less painful, but it's disappointing too. Everyone has a basic right to stop and think and feel.
She absently pulls her car into her respective parking space and moves upstairs to her apartment. She's thinking about Austin. She's thinking about how he's probably the kindest person she's ever met. She's thinking about how his lips felt on hers, and she pressed her thin lips together as if to keep the physical memories from escaping. She's thinking, and soon she's dreaming, and her focus is still on a certain blonde.
She should. She really should. She actually has to.
But she can't.
Ally wakes up with no desire to go clear out her father's house. She really needs to though; the house is being taken by the bank in a week, regardless of whether or not she's faced her emotional demons.
She lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling and reviewing her options. She could take the day off work and go clean out the house. She could go after work. Or she could lay there all day and never move again.
The third option sounds tempting.
She decides she'll close up early and go to the house around six once all her lessons are done. As she gets out of bed and starts her shower, it feels good to start the day with a rational plan.
The morning is strikingly average, and that's good. She needs average to balance out all the highs and lows in her life. Average gives her time to think, and even time to not think. Average is good.
Austin shows up around ten. "Hey there," he greets with an amiable smile.
She forces the corners of her lips to curl up. "Hi," she says quickly.
"How are you?"
"Alright," she replies shakily. She bites her lip and rolls it through her teeth, a nervous habit of hers.
He takes a step towards you and grabs her hand. "You sure? Because I'm here if you want to talk about anything. I mean it."
Yeah. About that. I'm too scared to face the aftermath of my dad's death, my mental sanity is rapidly depleting and I think I'm in love with you, she mentally responds to herself.
"I'll be fine. But I do need your help with something. I need to clear all my dad's stuff out of his old house," she explains.
He nods genuinely. "Of course. After work?"
"Yeah, I was hoping we could close up early, around six or so, then head over there," she explains, sorting some violin mutes into a bin. He jumps in and helps her.
"That's fine with me," he says, his tone more tender than it has to be. There it goes again. The cloying sympathy that's almost hard to take. She never thought she'd feel it from Austin, but in this moment, she does. Just a little.
"Yeah," she offers quickly before shuffling over to sort through bills and sheet music. Nelson skips into the store.
"Ally, I'm here for my piano lesson!" he announces proudly. Ally laughs at the curly-haired child.
"Hey Nelson. All ready for your lesson?" she asks, sitting on the stool next to the piano.
The young boy takes a seat on the black piano bench. "I sure am! I've been practicing all week," he says confidently.
She smiles with forced sincerity. "Great," she says. He starts playing, and he pounds the song out in a cutely imperfect way that she's come to expect from Nelson.
He finishes and looks at her with wide child eyes. She submits to a smile. "That was awesome, Nelson! You're really getting te hang of it," she lies cloyingly, but it seems to please Nelson.
"Thanks, Ally," he beams. He stops and changes his tone to a more serious one. "Oh also, I heard about your daddy. My mom told me he died. I'm really sad for you. Can I do anything to make you happy again?"
His tone is so innocent and his question is so simple. It's striking, really; through the eyes of a child, it's not about funeral services and house repossessions and obituaries. It's about finding a way to be happy again.
"You make me happy by just being with me, Nelson," Ally declares. She's making sure not to show emotion, because it'd frighten him. The tears and meanings would frighten him, and she doesn't want to bring him up to her level of emotional insanity, she just wants to go down to his.
"Thanks, Ally," he replies with a grin. He picks out another song from his little Leila Fletcher piano book, and she helps him with it. Her mind isn't wandering and her heart isn't sinking anymore. Maybe she just needs to find a way to be happy again.
