Life Taking Place Elsewhere

By NickyM96

CHAPTER 8

Beckett tries to sneak another glance at her watch. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe she should stop sneaking peeks at the time and do it out in the open. Maybe then Sorenson will get the hint and realize they've gone way beyond end of the day.

"You keep checking the time," Sorenson says with some amusement.

Beckett blushes when she realizes she wasn't being as sneaky as she thought.

"Got a hot date or something?"

"Shut up, Sorenson," she chuckles, not wanting to let on how true his words are. She doesn't have a traditional date, but she has plans to talk to Castle and Tyler. Those nightly conversations are the highlight of her life these days. "It's getting late and I'm getting tired. That's why I keep checking the time."

"It's not even dark yet," he laughs. "You're becoming an old woman. You're not having any fun. How about we go out this weekend. I'll show you the city. I don't think you've seen the sights here in DC since you moved."

"I've been here before," she defends herself.

"Yeah, but what have you done since you been here? This is your home now. You should get out more. Every weekend, you disappear back to New York. How about you give DC a chance? Stop trying to live your life back there."

"I have friends and family there," she continues to defend. "My dad's there. And just this past weekend, I went to a baby shower for a dear friend."

Seeing Jenny was good, Beckett thinks to herself with a smile. Pregnancy suits her. She has a feeling this will just be the first of many kids for Ryan. He's as proud and as happy as he can be. It makes Beckett feel good knowing her friends are happy. Almost as happy as she is with Castle and Tyler.

"Kate, you can't keep a foot in both worlds. Maybe it's time to let go New York and the people you left back there. Close connections in our line of work can be dangerous, anyway. What do you think will happen if some of the guys we're chasing find out about dad or someone else you love dearly? They could use him to coerce you to do anything. It'll be all your fault when he gets hurt."

"Coercion?" she asks with plenty of disbelief. "Plenty of cops back home have families and they don't seem concerned about that."

"It's different with us," Sorenson explains. "It's kind of an unwritten rule that we don't make attachments. None of the team are married or involved. No one has kids. That's just how it is for us. Not that it's a concern for you. If I remember correctly, even when we were together, the job came first. Kids and family were never on your radar."

"You're right," she says, faking a smile. But while she's agreeing out loud with him, she's thinking to herself how she's changed - more than even she realized. For one, she has a kid now, for all intents and purposes. Two, if she includes Alexis - even though she's a grown woman. Tyler is her heart now. She's even started to think of the near future and giving him a sibling or two, not wanting him to grow up lonely like she did. She's committed fully to Castle and his family. Plus, she has her dad. And even though she no longer works with them, Espo, Ryan, and Lanie are her family too. She can't just cut ties with them. How could she think to give all that up?

Sorenson is right about the way she used to be. All that mattered was the job because doing the job was her way of finding out what happened to her mother. But now, she's put her mother's murder to rest. She's been able to find some peace and has moved on with her life. She's changed. Why is it she's just now realizing that maybe the job isn't the most important thing. Years ago, when she was dating Will, a job opportunity like this really was her ultimate goal. But thinking of all she left behind, can she still say this is what she wants?

That night, long after she's finally gotten free from Sorenson, she has a nightmare. It starts with Alexis' kidnapping and all she hears is Castle saying how he'll never forgive her if they don't find his daughter. She sees Alexis disappear into a fog or shadow before the crazy dream switches to images of Tyler. He also disappears and this time, Castle is blaming her for the boy being gone. She wakes in a cold sweat, her heart racing. Her mind tries to make sense of being back in reality, but she can't seem to get it together. With a shaky hand, she reaches for her phone and presses a speed dial number.

"Castle?" she says when he picks up.

"Beckett?" His voice is sleepy and it's only then she realizes how late it is. "It's like 3 in the morning. Are you okay?"

The sleepiness in his voice starts to fall away, making room for the panic.

"I …" she starts, not sure how to explain it. "I just needed to hear your voice."

"What happened?" he asks, knowing something is wrong.

"Bad dream," is all she says.

The sound of his voice is comforting and her heart starts to steady.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but …"

"But what? You know you can ask me anything," he promises her.

"Can you check on Tyler? I just need to make sure he's okay."

"Beckett, are you sure nothing happened? You're starting to scare me?"

But while he's speaking, he's getting out of the bed and going to check on Tyler just as she asked. He snaps a picture of the soundly sleeping child and sends it to her.

"Check your messages. I just sent you "proof of life," so to speak."

He means it as a joke, but considering her dream, his comment shakes her up again.

"Don't joke like that," she practically whispers.

When the picture of Tyler comes through, she lets out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. He's safe and her heart beats easier.

"How about Alexis? She good still?"

"Okay, you're really freaking me out," Castle tells her. "What's going on?"

"I told you. I had a horrible dream," she finally admits. "The nightmare started with memories of when Alexis was taken and ended with Tyler being the one taken. It shook me up and I just needed to know they were okay."

"Well, they're both fine," he assures her. "I spoke with Alexis earlier today. She'll be coming home soon."

"That's good," Beckett sighs. The relief she feels is palpable and she thinks that maybe she can actually get back to sleep again. Her babies are safe and sound. For now.

But she can't help but wonder how long will they stay that way if she stays with this job. That question follows her into a restless, but thankfully dreamless, sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

She's almost ashamed, but mostly relieved, the next day to find Castle and Tyler waiting in her living room when she gets home from work.

"Hey," he says, smiling at her from the kitchen where he's making Tyler a snack. The boy leaves his toy trucks on the floor and runs to her when he sees her.

"Hi Baby," Beckett says, pulling Tyler close and holding him tight. After her horrible dreams the night before, having him in her arms just about makes everything better again.

She walks over to Castle to give him a kiss of his own. He puts his arms around her and she just rests her head on his shoulder, relishing this feeling of being complete again.

"Thank you for coming," she says, not even pretending to act like he shouldn't have come. She's so glad he's there and that he brought Tyler. It makes the decision she made seem that more valid.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispers.

She feels the jolt of shock go through his body at her words. She knows he's afraid to ask, but he does anyway.

"You can't do what anymore?"

"This, Castle. This arrangement just isn't working for me. I thought I could do it, but I can't," she sniffs, a few tears starting to track down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."