Nessie

It was there, standing at the water's edge, alone, that I was finally able to really cry. I thought about what I had just done and the consequences that would follow, making it difficult to catch my breath. Not only is Jacob my best friend, he's also the one person in this world that I trust and rely on to keep me safe. Or at least he was. Thinking back to those harsh words I threw in his face, it was possible that I hurt him beyond amends. But I had known what I was getting myself into. I was fully aware that I was about to cause Jake serious pain and even though it killed us both, it was necessary.

While sitting on the log, listening to Jake declare his love for me, it became clear immediately how I felt. My heart had swelled, my throat became dry, and whirlwind of emotions had hit all at once, making me feel better than I've ever felt before. The truth is I was in love with him too. I always have been, I've just never realized until now. And it's more than just a best friend kind of love; much deeper than I ever thought I could feel about another person. Jacob has always been there for me whenever I needed him and although it never occurred to me that the reason behind our amazing bond lies with some strange werewolf magic, it crossed my mind that maybe he and I were meant to be more than just friends. I began remembering all the times I had felt so close to him, so safe and happy; moments where I would lay in his arms and never want to leave. I remembered how my heartbeat sped up every time he held my hand or touched my cheek. I believed it to be all in my head and would have never guessed in a million years that Jacob felt the same way, but there he was saying those three beautiful words to me. What I wouldn't give to be able to tell him the truth, to take back the pain I've just inflicted on him.

But it's too late, he was gone. My plan had worked out exactly how I thought it would, leaving me to stand here in shame, almost regretting the choice I made. Knowing that I was in love with Jake took me by surprise and honestly I had no idea how to deal with it. I sat there, contemplating whether or not I should tell him the truth, thinking about my family and how they had been in on it the entire time. Things began to clear up such as why I wasn't allowed to speak to boys at school and why they told me I couldn't date Corey. It was reason behind Jake's eyes filling with sorrow when he found out I liked another guy, whose affections meant very little when compared to his. All these lies and secrets that were kept just made me feel like a child again. Always protected and never able to live my life the way I want to. It was then that it became obvious what I had to do. If I wanted to prove to everyone that I can take care of myself and make my own choices, I couldn't tell Jacob how I really felt, not yet. I had to lie too.

It wasn't an easy choice. I knew how badly this would kill him because I had seen the affection Sam, Jared, and the rest of the imprinters shared with their partners. The devotion and love between them was truly magical and I wanted it too, very badly. Imagining life with Jake was very easy, it just felt right, but I needed to do this for me, even if it meant hurting the one I loved. So as he tried his hardest to explain to me how much I meant to him, I saw an opportunity to stop him in his tracks, and took it.

Practically nothing I told him was true. Sure it hurt that he kept such a huge secret like this from me for so long and yes I was angry with my mother, but they weren't enough to stop me from loving Jacob. I could see how terrible I was making him feel as I watched the pain and regret reach his eyes. It wasn't his fault and I knew that, but I couldn't let him know. I was never that great of an actress but I put every ounce of energy into trying to prove that I wanted nothing more than friendship with him.

Then out of the corner of his eye, a tear began to fall, and I couldn't believe it. Jake was never one to cry so I knew he was buying every word I was saying. My eyes began to get blurry and I could barely contain myself any longer, this was too heartbreaking to watch. And that's exactly what I was doing, breaking his heart. I wanted so badly to apologize and take back whatever terrible things I had just said to him, but a voice inside kept telling me not to. However, as painful as it was seeing him cry and watching him believe every lie, it was nothing compared to suddenly realizing that he had left me. I was alone on the beach; left by the one person who I thought would never abandon me. Jake was really gone, and I knew he wasn't coming back.

So here I am now, watching the wave's crash against the rocks, yearning for Jacob, wanting to hold his hand, imagining how things would have turned out if I had said that I loved him too. The sun had nearly set but I didn't want to move. So many thoughts ran through my head, there was no way I'd be able to find my way home now, I would just get lost. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I tried to relax and remind myself how important it was that I kept this lie going.

"Nessie?"

I jumped and spun around to see my mother standing a few feet behind me, looking worried. She moved closer, extending her arm towards me but I immediately took a step back. The last person I wanted to see right now was her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked coldly. She understood right away that I was angry but continued to move closer.

"Leah called saying that Jacob left you on the La Push beach so I came to get you. He didn't want you to go home alone." My eyes widened and I stared at her in disbelief. Jacob didn't want me to go home alone? After everything that's just happened, he still cared about me? Maybe I underestimated the power of imprinting. And Leah made the call? What was that about? Then again this could be some cruel joke she was playing on me for hurting Jake; that is certainly something she would do. It was no secret that Leah hated me and the rest of my family, so why was she calling them? She's not the type of girl who would play secretary for anyone, even Jacob. Still, how would she know I was on the beach?

"Is that all she said?"

"Yeah that's all she said. She didn't sound happy but then again she hates me." She smiled slightly, trying to make me laugh but I was not in the mood.

"Nessie what happened? Did Jake tell you…?"

"Yes he told me. How could you?"

"How could I what?"

"Have him keep this from me for so long? Don't you think I have the right to know when someone's in love with me? When someone's imprinted on me? You think you know everything and have the right to get into other people's business but you don't! I get that Jacob's your best friend but he's mine too!"

"I know that! I just wanted you to be able to experience high school without being tied down, to live as close to normal as possible. That's what your always asking for."

"You're right I do want that. And that's what I'm doing, living a normal life."

"Having a werewolf boyfriend is not exactly normal."

"That's why I don't have a werewolf boyfriend." Her eyebrows pushed together as she tried to figure out what I meant by that.

"What?"

"Jacob isn't my boyfriend, I'm not dating him. Like you said I want a normal life and in order to have that Jake can't be a part of it, at least not in a romantic way." Her eyes widened, obviously not expecting me to have denied him.

"Oh Nessie you didn't! Where is he? What did you say?"

"I told him exactly how I felt. I don't love him mom and I think it's better that he left. He didn't say where he was going but I'm sure he's fine. I can't be tied down to only one person, I won't. Corey is who I want to date right now and if Jacob can't handle that than too bad, he doesn't have to come back." I turned my back towards her, trying to prevent the tears from spilling over. I couldn't look at her; she would be able to tell if I was lying right away, she's good with catching liars even though she was terrible at it herself.

"I can't believe you! How can you treat him that way? After everything he's done for you, he's your best friend!"

"Right my best friend, nothing more."

"Oh God I have to find him, I feel terrible." I spun back around, truly resenting her right at the moment.

"You should! This is your fault not mine so don't blame me!"

"I'm not blaming you but I just wish you would have been a little less blunt about your feelings, he deserves better!"

I couldn't argue with that even if I tried. She knew just as well as I did what a great person Jacob is and he really does deserve better, someone better than me. My mother stared at her feet, thinking hard about something. Then she looked up at me, a desperate edge to her.

"You have to come with me."

"Where?"

"To find Jacob, we both owe him an apology."

There was no way I'd be able to look him in the eyes and ask for forgiveness when I knew I didn't deserve it. I couldn't do that, at least not just yet.

"No. You can go look for him and apologize, but I'm staying here."

"Nessie you don't have a choice, you're coming with me. He couldn't have gotten too far, I bet he's still somewhere in La Push. If we hurry we can…"

"No. I'm staying here."

"You are not staying on the beach alone at night; it's too dangerous even for you!"

"Fine then I'll go home."

"No! You are coming with me to find Jake! We have to…"

Before she could finish her sentence I darted off towards the woods, hoping I was heading in the right direction. She was faster than me but I was weaving in and out of trees, trying to confuse her a bit. I heard footsteps following close by, but I couldn't see her, she was still somewhere behind me. My name was being shouted several times but I simply ignored her, wanting to just get back to the cottage and be by myself. She was getting closer; I needed to throw her off somehow, but how in the world could I do that? And then I saw it, a few yards away was a cliff that overlooked the beach we were just on, it would be the perfect way to escape. Surely she wouldn't think I'd be desperate enough to throw myself off of there. Little did she know I was that desperate and I needed to get away quickly. Abruptly I changed directions, turning left towards the cliff, already anxious for the rush of cool air that would hit my face as I soared down into the water.

However, my stomach felt uneasy as I got closer, realizing what a huge plunge it was to the ocean. If I was going to do this, it needed to happen now, so with all the speed I could muster I flung myself off the cliff, trying my hardest not to scream. It was challenging, but as my body soared through the air, I actually found that it wasn't so bad. As a matter of fact I've never felt freer in my entire life, it was great.

I hit the water in a matter of seconds, sinking into its depths, all my worries vanishing instantly. It wasn't nearly as cold as I had thought it would be, especially since my body temperature isn't the same as an average human. My lungs were also able to go longer without air so I didn't rush swimming to the surface. It was so peaceful down here; I almost never wanted to go back up. With my eyes shut I thought about Jacob, his smile, his chuckle, the way his eyes would light up every time I walked through the door. Now that I think about it, Jake wasn't exactly discrete when it came to his feelings for me, it was actually pretty obvious. If only I had noticed it earlier, none of this would have happened. I could blame my mother all I wanted, but real reason Jake's gone is because of me, it was just so easy to be mad at her. I knew her intentions were good, but it bothered me how she never trusts me enough to make my own decisions. Still, I probably should apologize.

What worried me most was trying to keep this charade up around my family and if Jake returns, I don't think I'll be able to continue hurting him. If he saw me with Corey it would just kill him; he needed to stay away, just until my point was proven. Most of the family would be angry at me or at least surprised that I could be so cruel, but I couldn't worry about what they thought. I needed their trust and if this worked than it'd be completely worth it. Jake would forgive me, he has to; I couldn't live without him even if I tried. The more I thought about it the more I began to question whether he would still love me once he knew the truth. I had broken him; hurt him perhaps to the point of healing. I knew little about imprinting, only having observed some of Jake's brothers but if any of their partners had denied their love I couldn't imagine how they would react. Maybe this wasn't the greatest idea…

My lungs started to become tight and then I realized I had been underwater for nearly four minutes. I opened my eyes, about to swim to the surface, when suddenly my entire body froze. There in front of me were two piercing black eyes; surrounded by a sheet of black hair, the same vampire I had seen earlier, I was certain. I gasped, swallowing a ton of water, trying to kick myself away from the figure in front of me. Her eyes continued to pierce mine, a malicious grin spreading wide across her face. There was something familiar about the expression but I was having trouble concentrating on anything, I wasn't even sure it was a female. My lungs were filled with water and I was slowly losing consciousness. My arms reached up, trying to break the surface, but I could barely move. Every time I swam an inch, she followed, still looking intently at me.

Finally I was able to get my head out of the water. However, as soon as I attempted to breath, my lungs gave out and all I could do was cough. Water began pouring out of my mouth and I couldn't catch my breath. Then I felt a hand wrap around my ankle, tugging me below the water once again. I struggled against the pull, trying to grab whoever it was and force them off me, but my strength was nothing compared to hers. My eyes searched the black water, attempting to find the head so maybe I could yank out some hair. A searing pain was piercing my chest, I was going to die, I could feel it. A surge of panic hit me, realizing that I would never get to tell Jake how I really feel or be able to apologize to my mother. Flashing images of my family flew through my head as darkness began to close in. Whoever said that drowning was the most peaceful way to die should try it out themselves; this was anything but peaceful.

If only I was a vampire too, then this would have done absolutely nothing. But no, I was only half and could die just like everyone else; maybe not as easily, but I still could, and that's exactly what I was doing. I stopped struggling and allowed unconsciousness to take me, feeling hands tearing my face, my back, my throat. I had no idea what this vampire was doing; only that she wanted me dead.

My head was throbbing, my lungs aching terribly; I was nearly gone when all of a sudden I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and yank me upwards. The cool air hit my face but I still couldn't breathe. I wanted to know who my savior was but couldn't lift my head. Everything turned hazy and the next thing I knew I was laying down, hearing a panicked voice call my name over and over. But my eyes couldn't stay open and finally after all those terrible minutes of agony, the darkness came.