Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Things are gonna get freaky up in this grill.

WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! This chapter is guaranteed to get really, really, REALLY gross. If you are squeamish or just ate, I implore that you ignore this chapter and go read the ones you haven't reviewed yet. You ever see that South Park episode with the "brown noise"?

PEOPLE I AM NOT KIDDING.


TRY-OUT #8: BOWEL BUSTER

NAME: JOSEPH LUIGI CTHATHOSIS

HOMEWORLD: RANXX THE SENTIENT CITY

ABILITIES: CAUSE INVOLUNTARY RELEASE OF A PERSON'S BOWELS BY WHISTLING A PARTICULAR NOTE.

"GET. OUT."

"But I-"

*ZZZZTTT*!

*KRA-KOOM!*

"COME BACK HERE YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF-"

"Princess, come back!"

Too late, Projectra had already gone off against the next applicant. It didn't take long before the brown-clad applicant had been kicked out of the room, leaving the rest of the Legionnaires to wallow in their misery.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God-" Light Lass cried.

"Why? Why, for the love of God, did we allow someone named 'Bowel Buster' into our zorking headquarters?!" Brainiac 5 screamed to their fearless leader.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God-" Light Lass continued to cry, squirming in her seat.

"Don't blame me! His handwriting is barely legible." Lightning Lad held up his handheld with applicant list. "I thought it said 'Blood Bruiser' or something."

"I thought it said 'Baloney Boy'." Phantom Girl said.

"Where did this freak learn to write?" Star Boy asked.

"Where did this freak get that kind of power?!" Ultra Boy screamed.

"Do we really want to know?" Gazelle asked.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh-"

"Ayla shut up!" Lightning Lad screamed.

"I can't help it!" Ayla said. "It feels like-"

"We ALL know what it feels like, girl." Shadow Lass said.

"Can anyone get up?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Do we really want to?" Invisible Kid.

Fine, then we can all just sit in it. Saturn Girl said.

"Well someone's gotta get the Princess back." Dream Girl said, taking out her earplugs.

"You had earplugs?!" Gazelle screamed. "You knew this was gonna happen and you didn't tell us?!"

"I thought Lightning Lad would've been smart enough to know beforehand what he could do." Dream Girl said.

"Can I kill her?" Timber Wolf asked.

"Not before me!" Gazelle said.

"I want her head on a platter!" Light Lass hissed.

"Fine, I died once." Dream Girl said.

"You can come back yourself this time, Nura." Brainiac 5 threatened his wife.

"Fine, then I'll take you with me!" Nura threatened back.

"First things first." Lightning Lad said.

Reluctantly, the Legionnaires were beginning to leave, moaning and feeling very, very, VERY dirty.

Even though the room was empty, the next applicant came in. A snake-girl.

"Hi, I'm Ssssssalamandra. I can... what'sssssss that ssssssmell?"

Try-out IX: KID CTHULHU