AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, I certainly got inspired a LOT the past two days. Had been stuck for a while, but then yesterday bam this thing just started cranking itself out of my head. Not as long as the previous monster of a chapter, but I think you'll like it. Thanks for all the reviews and subscriptions everyone! Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: No I do not own the characters of Michael, Alex, or anything to do with Nikita. This is just me expressing my love for the show.

The Truth

~Previously in The Truth~

Steeling herself for the backlash, she calmly told him, "The reason I'm called Nikita 2.0, the reason I know about Division, and the reason I'm still alive... The person behind all of it, Michael... That person is Nikita."

Chapter 9 - Where Do We Go From Here?

Tick... How could she do this? Everything she's said before now has been a lie.

Tock... She had good reason to do it! Division killed her family, moron.

Tick... Alex is working with Nikita... She lied to me to protect Nikita. Was she ever going to be honest with me? Would I have ever known if I hadn't confronted her?

Tock... You know she would've told you eventually! It's Alex! You know who she is no matter what her name is!

Tock... I thought that I knew her. How much of what happened has been a lie? When has she been sincere and when was she lying? Where do I fit into the plan? Was I just another pawn in Nikita's game?

"Were you using me?" Michael blurted it out before he could stop himself. He had to know the answer. Even if he didn't want to hear it.

Alex had been tugging on her hair, nervously watching Michael for a reaction. It'd been so quiet in the room since she mentioned Nikita. She could feel the tension coming off him and it was making her jittery. He hadn't moved for about ten minutes. Jumping at his abrupt question, she narrowed her eyes at him confused. "Excuse me?"

Squaring his jaw, Michael angrily walked right up to her and hissed, "Were. You. Using. Me?"

Her mouth falling open in shock and hurt, Alex stared at him wide-eyed. He really thinks I'd use him? As if none of this mattered to me? Outraged, sheexclaimed, "Of course not! My god, Michael, I'm not Percy! I don't use every person I come in contact with. You know I'm not like that!"

Bitterly smirking at her, he shook his head. "See that's the thing, Alex. I don't know that. Not anymore. I thought I knew who you were. Thought I knew almost everything about you. Then I find out you've been lying to me the whole time you've been in Division. That you've really been working with Nikita this whole time. So I really don't know what to think anymore. Did any of this mean anything to you?" Michael knew he was being cruel. Knew that Alex might be sincere right now, but his anger at the whole damned thing wouldn't let go. Anger at himself for being so foolish, and at her for not trusting him. For keeping this a secret from him for so long. For working with the one woman who'd screwed things up for him so many times in the past. Why did it have to be her?

She'd been prepared for the anger. Been expecting it really, but it still hurt. Coming from him, it hurt a hell of a lot. Biting her lip, she looked towards the windows. "You said you wouldn't judge," was all she could think to say and even then it came out as a whisper.

Freezing up, Michael laughed cruelly and said, "Why would I need to judge, Alex? You've been doing plenty of that for the both of us." He saw her flinch, but kept going. "Were you ever going to tell me about this? If I'd never confronted you about it? Were you going to tell me?"

Closing her eyes, Alex bowed her head and whispered, "I don't know."

He leaned forward, acting as if he hadn't heard her. "I'm sorry, what was that? Can you speak a little louder?"

Snapping her head up, Alex glared at him. "I said I don't know, alright? I don't know what I would've done. I don't know what I would've told you, Michael. I just don't know!" she yelled, walking past him. He may as well have physically hit her if he wanted to hurt her as bad as he did in the next instant.

Turning to follow her with his eyes, Michael crossed his arms and sharply said, "You don't know? Really? You don't know? If I'd never confronted you, but you found out that I knew your secret what would you have done, Alex? Would you have shot me? Was that why you shot Thom? Did you shoot him because he found out your secret and became a liability? Did he mean anything to-"

Whipping around, Alex slapped him across the face. "Don't you ever, EVER, say anything to me about Thom! You didn't know him, Michael! He was your recruit, but you didn't know him like I did! No one knew him like I did!"

It had slipped out without thinking. He wanted to shoot himself for saying it, but it wouldn't do any good now. Guilt and regret filled him as he saw the pain filled expression on her face and the tears in her eyes. Reaching out to her, he tried to rest his hand on her shoulder. "Alex... I'm sorry I-"

Stepping back out of his reach, she shook her head. Feeling the tears sliding down her face, Alex looked at him. "Thom meant everything to me, Michael. He was one of the only friends I had in that hell hole. Maybe he was my only friend," she muttered, looking pointedly at him. Running her hand through her hair, Alex squeezed her eyes shut and bowed her head. "It doesn't matter...," she whispered. "That night... He found out what was going on and tried to stop me. I knocked the gun away, but... We fought each other and both grabbed for the gun. We were wrestling over it and I... I accidentally pulled the trigger. It killed him... Thom died because of me. He died because I shot him. I shot my friend and he thought I never cared about him. He thought he meant nothing to me, Michael. Thom always looked out for me since the beginning and he died thinking he didn't matter!" she yelled at him, hating him for reminding her of that night, but hating herself more for what she did.

Starting to feel claustrophobic, Alex quickly walked towards the front door. "I have to get out of here," she wheezed feeling frantic. Reaching up she grabbed her things off the coat rack. Jerking her coat on, she ignored the pain it caused her arm and grabbed her purse. Pulling on her hat, she shoved the gloves in her purse. Jumping, she shrugged off Michael's hand when he touched her and grabbed for the door only for him to block her going through it.

"Alex... Wait," he whispered. Michael knew he couldn't let her leave like this. Thinking of him the way she did now. Thinking that he was heartless. He had crossed the line and wasn't sure how to undo it. She wouldn't look at him anymore and it felt like a stab to the chest. "Alex, please just wait. I'm sorry about what I said. It was out of line and uncalled for," he apologized, almost pleading for her to stay. When she finally looked at him, she looked blank. No emotion, no reaction, just... Nothing. Dead. He had done that to her.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Michael. Look, do what you want with what I told you. Tell Percy, don't tell Percy. Have me cancelled, don't have me cancelled. I give up, I don't care anymore. All that place has brought me is more pain and suffering. I have to live with what I did to Thom and what I did to you. Killing him and hurting you... I never wanted to do that. It just doesn't matter anymore," she shakily whispered and ducked under his arm to get out the door. Hesitating, she made a split second decision and turned around to face him. Biting her lip, she took a deep breath. "Just... If you turn me in just do one last thing for me... Tell Nikita I'm sorry that I let her down. That I'm sorry I let everyone down," she pleaded, before quickly turning and running for the stairwell.

"Alex wait!" Michael called after her, but it was too late... She was already gone. He could try to catch her, but in the state she was in, he knew that if she didn't want to be caught then she wouldn't. One of the qualities she had in common with Nikita, and if he was being honest, it was one thing he respected about her. She knew how to stay alive. Sighing, he hung his head and shut the door. Turning, he slammed his fist against the wall before leaning his head on both fists. "Stupid, stupid idiot," he ground out between his teeth. "This is how you get her to trust you? Reminding her of the things she wants to forget? Damn it!" he yelled angrily. Banging his head against his hands, he took two deep breaths to calm down and try to figure out a way to fix this. If there was a way to fix this.

She knew she could've taken the elevator, but Michael could easily catch her that way, and she knew if she stopped moving for one minute that she would collapse. It was just too much. All of it was too much to handle. Running outside, Alex looked around to get her bearings and dashed towards the direction that would take her home. "Just keep moving, Alex," she panted to herself. "You can't fall apart now. Just keep moving. Just get back home." What home?, passed through her mind, but she shoved the thought away and kept going.

Walking through his apartment, Michael put the mugs in the sink and straightened up the couch. Remembering a favor he'd called in, he searched for his phone, and once he spotted it, grabbed it to call Birkhoff. Rubbing his hand across his forehead, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he waited for the tech wizard to pick up. He could already feel a migraine coming.

"Yello," came the response from the other end of the call. Tech wizard was perky today apparently. Wasn't it early?... Who the hell says "yello"?

Looking at the time on his phone, Michael was surprised to see it was around 7A.M already. Had it really been four hours? Was Alex really here that long? She would've been here longer if you hadn't screwed up, moron.

"Helloooo... Michael? You there?" Birkhoff inquired, jolting Michael back to the present and irritating him more.

"What the hell has you so chipper today?" he grunted in response. "New comic book come out or something?"

"Geez, Mikey, what got you all ruffled up? Alex do something you didn't like?" he asked suggestively. Michael growled and Birkhoff cleared his throat. "Sorry, not appropriate or funny. To answer your question, yes, a new comic did come out. No need to be rude about it." He grunted again in response and Birkhoff sobered up. "Seriously, man, what's up? Things not go as you planned?"

Running his hand through his hair, Michael dug his fingers into his neck to ease tension. Did the world hate him today? Oh wait, the world took away his wife and kid, and he just found out Alex was working with Nikita. The world hated him every day. "Things are none of your business or concern, Birkhoff. I was just calling to let you know you can undo what I asked you to do earlier. Will probably be like that for quite some time."

Whistling to himself, Birkhoff wondered what the hell had happened. Michael never got this agitated unless Nikita did something. Shaking his head, he banished the thought. He knew it wasn't his place to ask. Michael did things his way and didn't like when others interfered. Especially others that were in Division. Couldn't blame him for it really. Just because Division kept them alive, and gave them just about everything, it didn't mean either of them particularly liked the place. That or the thought of getting killed for not being a perfectly obedient pet. Rolling the office chair over to his laptop, he quickly pulled up the program and reconnected the network, removing any trace of the down time from the data log. "Done and done, buddy," he chirped into the phone and smirked when he heard Michael grumbling at his tone. "Yeah, yeah, Mikey, keep complaining. Just did you and I both a favor with that and you damn well know it."

Clenching his jaw, Michael inhaled through his nose to keep his cool and nodded even though Birkhoff couldn't see it. "I know, I know. You're the 'Tech God.' Blah, blah, blah, I get it," he muttered. The other thing he'd been meaning to ask came to mind and he grew serious again. "Percy didn't suspect anything, did he?" The rest of what Birkhoff had said finally processed and growling again Michael hissed, "We. Are not. Buddies."

Snickering, Birkhoff made a note to thank Alex for whatever she did to make it so easy to get under Michael's skin today. It was way too easy. The man was giving him openings left and right. Knowing now wasn't the time to push him though, Birkhoff merely replied, "Whatever you say, dude." Getting serious himself, he double checked the data trail and finding nothing, sighed pleased with himself. "Don't worry about Percy either. If he wanted to find anything, he wouldn't be able to. The information has been totally wiped from the data log and anything that would look suspicious has been adjusted. Everything looks normal and that's all he'll see no matter what he does to it. We're golden. That all you needed?"

Groaning at Birkhoff's names for him, he wondered if he should've just done it all himself. Michael had to admit though, that if he wanted a network to be spotless and impenetrable, Seymour Birkhoff would be the one person he'd want on his side. Momentarily feeling relief that at least one thing went right, he let out the breath he'd been holding. "Yeah, man, that's all I needed. See you later." He went to hang up, but grudgingly stopped himself. "Oh and Birkhoff?"

"Yesss, Michael?" Birkhoff responded, dragging out the "s" cause he knew it would irritate Mr. Broody, named Michael.

"Thank you," Michael mumbled into the phone. He could practically hear Birkhoff preening at his own genius through the phone.

"Anytime... Buddy," Birkhoff laughed out in return. At that, Michael ended the call and stared at the phone with a bizarre look.

"Seymour Birkhoff... Computer genius... Utterly weird human being." Setting the phone on the counter, his gaze caught on the light glinting off something out of the corner of his eye, and turning his head, he saw his knife sitting on the counter where Alex had placed it earlier. Stretching out his hand, Michael carefully lifted the knife and looking at it, all he could think of was Alex.

It may have been a short drive here from her place, but it was quite a bit longer on foot. Especially when she felt like she was running from everything she knew. Her lungs were burning and her legs were practically screaming in pain, but Alex wouldn't stop... She couldn't. A few painstakingly long minutes later, she spotted the doors to her apartment complex and would've sighed in relief if she wasn't so focused on keeping it together. Get inside. Get home. Repeating these words over and over, she used all the energy she had left and sprinted into the building and up the stairs, thanking everything she could that no one was in the lobby or in the hallway on her floor. Fumbling with the keys in her purse, she yanked them out, and jammed them into the lock forcing the door open. Quickly moving inside, she slammed it shut and put the locks in place, before falling back against the cool wood and sliding to the floor, gasping for air. "Made it," she wheezed exhausted.

Resting her head against the wood, her chest was heaving from the erratic pace of her breathing and Alex briefly wondered if she was about to get sick. She didn't know how long she sat there, but her phone buzzed, startling her. Pulling it out she saw that she had a text message from Nikita. Opening the message, she cringed when reading it.

'Everything okay? Couldn't reach you earlier. - N'

Scrolling through the list on her phone she realized Nikita had tried calling her a few times. Still breathing heavily she carefully typed a reply, having to correct herself a few times due to her hands shaking.

'Sorry about that. Phone was in my purse on vibrate. Had a rough night, not much sleep. Going to take a nap now. Talk later? - A'

She knew it didn't sound very assuring. Nikita probably wouldn't buy it at all. Alex just hoped that she'd let it go for now. Her phone buzzed again and she nervously opened the message.

'Agreed. Will talk later... You know you can talk to me if something's bothering you, right? Whatever it is we can fix it. - N'

"Oh Nikita, if you only knew," she rasped out quietly. Steadying her hands, Alex typed a response.

'I know. Thank you. Going to sleep now. Later. - A'

Not wanting anymore contact with the outside world right now, Alex turned off her phone. Still wheezing slightly, she shoved the phone back in her purse, her arms tiredly flopping down by her sides. Just breathe, Alex... Just. Breathe.

He couldn't help himself. Michael had to try to talk to her. Setting the knife down in front of him, he tapped his fingers on the counter before deciding. Grabbing his phone, he took a chance, speed-dialed her number, and waited. "Pick up. Come on, Alex, pick up." It was no good though. It just sent him straight through to voicemail. Ending the call, he sat on the barstool and stared at his knife. "How do I fix this?" he muttered. Gripping his head in his hands and yanking on his hair, he sighed in frustration. Where do we go from here?

Lifting a trembling hand, Alex undid her coat and threw it on the small table next to the door. Yanking her hat off, she threw it on top of her coat, before shakily supporting herself on her arms and standing up. Walking on wobbly legs, she made it to her bedroom, threw the purse on the chair by her bed and just looked around at everything there. Most of it had been given to her from Division. Barely any of it was really hers. Her pulse stopped pounding in her ears, but she didn't want it to. If she couldn't focus on that, then the thoughts would come. Thoughts of what she'd done to Thom, to Michael, and now most recently, how she'd just completely betrayed Nikita by revealing their secret. When that hit her, she felt her legs give out and slid to the floor in shock. "It's over," she whispered. "It's really over. Michael knows about everything now. He knows about me and about Nikita... Everything." He knows, but at what cost? What else have you lost from it?

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to fight off the images brought to mind. Images of Thom and her hanging out together. Of them having fun as much as they could in Division. Images of the night Thom died. Then came the images from earlier. Of what Michael's face looked like when she told him everything. So cold, so mad and so completely betrayed. The consequences slammed down on her and she forced down the panic as thoughts of what could happen to Nikita cause of it entered her mind. What would Nikita think of her now?

Weakly crawling onto the bed, Alex was overcome with the memories. Her vision was blurring and she was finding it hard to swallow. Eventually, it became too much and choking, she collapsed on her side, wrapping her arms around her knees sobbing. "Thom... Nikita... Michael... I'm sorry," she gasped out between sobs. Whimpering, she gripped her legs tighter and curled up as small as she could. "I'm so sorry."