Sink Or Swim

Chapter 9

*please review, please please please please!

Mac walked on the beach early in the morning, holding Sayid's hand. "You heading down to the hatch?" she questioned.

Sayid nodded. "Yes."

"I'm not going to lie and say that I'm comfortable with the idea of what is going on down there, Sayid," Mac informed him, laying her head on his shoulder.

Sayid brushed his lips against her hair. "I would be worried if you were comfortable with it. I'm not comfortable with it," Sayid told her. "I won't tell you what occurs down there, it isn't necessary."

"Do you honestly believe Gale is going to tell you the truth? He has stuck with this story since yesterday, and you spent an incredible amount of time with him in the hatch yesterday," Mac reminded him, squeezing his hand.

"It just means that he is a skilled liar," Sayid informed her. "Do not waste your time or energy being concerned about him."

Mac looked up at him. "It's not him I'm concerned about Sayid, it's you."

Sayid met her gaze. "Why?"

"Do you really have to ask me that? I'm concerned because of what you're doing to him, is going to do to you," Mac stated. "I believe you when you say that he's one of them but I don't want to see this destroy you."

Sayid stopped walking and kissed her. "As long as I keep you safe, I will be fine," he whispered, kissing her again. "I must go," Sayid informed her leaving.

Mac sat back in the chair, crossing her arms, looking at Sgt Austen. "Dismissed," she told him as Inman walked in. Mac took several deep breaths as the Sergeant walked out, looking at Inman. "You and I need to have a talk," she informed him.

"When I have the time, I'll make sure to put that top of my list," Inman told her.

Mac stood up, and walked over to him. "I think you misunderstood that as a request, it wasn't. Sit down. Now," Mac growled at him.

Inman laughed at her, looking down at her. "Yeah I'm really scared of you little girl," he informed her turning around.

Mac pulled out her gun pointing it at his back, taking off the safety. "Give me a reason to do it, Inman," Mac told him.

Inman turned around. "You're not going to use that, you aren't man enough. Oh wait, you aren't a man, are you? That's what's wrong with the United States Military these days, they send little girls in to do a man's job," he informed her, grabbing her wrist.

Mac dropped the gun, bringing up her knee to his crotch, him doubling over in pain. "You aren't much of a man either, now," she said, taking him over to the chair. "Now, you are going to sit there and you are going to listen. You took one of MY prisoners, and you used MY men, to get information out of another prisoner. And you taught this prisoner how to torture a man to get that information!" she screamed at him.

"You wanted the body of our pilot back didn't you?" Inman asked.

"Not this way!" she screamed at him. "This wasn't your choice to make. This isn't your command Inman. You're CIA, I have to tolerate you but I don't have to put up with your illegal ways," Mac informed him. "One of my men is over at your tent packing up your things as we speak. You're going to be on the next helicopter out of here."

"You can't do that," he stated, looking up at her.

"Yes I can and I am," Mac told him. "I've already made my report. I'm not going to take the blame for your actions."

Inman stood up. "This is war, we do what has to be done."

"Not this way," Mac informed him. "If I ever meet the prisoner you forced to torture his commanding officer, I'm going to beg his forgiveness. Now get out of my sight before I use the gun on you," she warned him.

Mac filled up the water bottles, looking up as Eko stopped behind her. "Eko, how's your church coming?" she questioned.

"It's coming, Mackenzie. May we talk?" he asked.

"Of course," she answered. "What's up?"

"The man in the hatch, is he one of them?" Eko questioned.

Mac looked at him. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, Eko. I haven't been in the hatch in days."

"Please do not lie to me, Mackenzie," he implored her.

Mac took a sip of water. "There are people who think he is."

"But you don't?" Eko questioned.

"I'm not sure what I think," she answered honestly. "Why are you asking Eko?"

"I want to apologize to him," he answered.

Mac stared at him. "Apologize? Eko, have you forgotten what they did to us? That they came into our camp, stole people for us, and infiltrated our group with one of there own."

"I have not forgotten," he assured her.

"Then why in the world would you want to apologize?" she questioned.

"To relieve my guilt," he responded.

"Your guilt? Did you walk into there camp, kidnap them, attack them?" she demanded. "No you didn't. And over here, they kidnapped a pregnant woman and did God only knows what to her and the baby, and you feel guilt?" she asked, in amazement.

"I killed two of them," he gently reminded her.

"I killed one of them when they tried to kidnap me. Then I killed Goodwin, and if we hadn't we would have been taken," she told him, putting her hand on his arm.

Eko placed his hand over hers. "You were trained as a soldier, you were trained to kill."

Mac shook her head in disbelief. "Do you think that makes it any easier? It doesn't," she assured him. "Eko, we did what we did to survive. And, for that, I'm not going to feel guilty, and neither should you."

"Will you see if I can talk with him?" he questioned.

Mac tilted her head. "Why do you think I'd be able to get you in there?" she questioned. "I haven't been in the hatch for several days."

"You can talk with Sayid," he simply answered.

Mac laughed. "So you want me to use my relationship with Sayid so you can clear your conscious?" she questioned. "Sorry, Eko. You're going to have to ask Jack and Locke if you want access to the prisoner. And, before you go down there, let me set you straight on one thing. Don't ever come and try to use my relationship with anyone to get me to do something," she informed him, storming off.

Mac sat in her tent pouring herself a drink, taking a breath, drinking it, laying in her cot.

"You aren't one to break rules," Sgt Austen commented coming in.

"There seems to be a lot of breaking rules and protocols today, thought I'd join in," she stated passing him the bottle.

He took a swig, sitting down on the other cot. "You can't let this eat you up, it needed to be done, and it did get results."

Mac shot him a look taking the bottle. "I'm tired of people telling me it needed to be done. No one should be made do what he was made to do. He'll have to live with it forever Sgt Austen. We invaded there country, we're fighting them, we're trying to take over throw there dictator, and now we're turning them against each other. If you don't have an issue with that, then you aren't the person I thought you were."

"Mac, you're young, and idealistic, I was once too. You have to do things in war that you would never think was possible," he explained. "And, that means sometimes you have to close your heart to it."

"You mean not feel anything?" Mac asked dismayed.

He nodded. "I know it's easier said then done, but sometimes it's better not to think about the enemy."

Mac sat up in from the cot. "Maybe you were wrong about me, Austen. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in charge, because I can't just pretend these aren't people."

"If the two of you met in the battle field, he wouldn't see you as a person, he'd see you as the enemy, he'd shoot first and then, if you survived, you'd become his prisoner. Do you think he wouldn't do anything to get the information he needed," he told her. "I don't believe I was wrong."

Mac handed him the bottle. "Is it that easy for you?"

Sgt. Austen took it, taking a swig. "It's easier then to look at them and have a hint of sympathy for them."

"You mean like I did when I insisted that you feed the prisoners in accordance with the Geneva Convention," Mac stated.

"First command, you're bound and determined to follow rules to the tee, and sometimes in war, you have to bend them," he explained, standing up. "The important thing is know you are doing what is necessary to keep you and your troops safe."

Mac sighed leaning against a tree, turning hearing Jack. "I take it you're here to ask me if I told Eko there was someone in the hatch. Before you waist your breath, I didn't tell him, he knew."

Jack nodded. "You know I had to ask."

Mac shrugged. "You want to keep Gale's presence a secret, but how long do you think that's going to be possible Jack?"

Jack nodded. "We just need to keep it quiet until we get some information."

"How is that going?" Mac questioned.

"Not well," he admitted. "Sayid's been at him for awhile this morning," Jack updated her, glancing at her.

"You expect me to be able to talk him out of it Jack?" Mac asked shaking her head. "I think you know him well enough to know he's going to do what he wants. And you've known him longer," Mac informed him. "Sorry Jack, but he's going to have to do what he needs to do and live with it," she told him, storming off.