Chapter 009
"About time you guys got home!" Gerald nearly scolded, "You didn't... just go to Wal-Mart, did you?"
"Well, not exactly, but-" Kyle started.
"All right, where did you detour to, Kyle?" Sheila came in the living room.
"Just the mall, to get some presents, that's all!" was Kyle's answer.
"Okay, then... Sorry for misunderstanding. Just... I was afraid that... you know, that the giant bird laguz got you or something."
"Well, you can count on us to stop them in their tracks!" Stan stepped in, trying to show off his boyish muscles.
"Eh-heh..." Kyle laughed sarcastically, "Nice one, Stan. Oh, yeah! About that..."
"About what?" Kyle's father wanted to know.
"Mom, Dad, can Stan and I go on a trip to New York after Hanukkah?"
"I don't see why not," replied Kyle's mom, "But you have to get Mr. and Mrs. Marsh's permission, first."
"H-How do you expect us to do that without exposing our forbidden love affair?" the Wolf Prince stuttered.
"Simple! Did you two ever do anything suspicious in Stan's house, or exhibit even the slightest bit of homosexual behavior in front of his parents?"
"Well, no," Kyle said.
"Good, then. As long as you two act like two normal, straight teenage boys going on an ordinary vacation, you'll be safe. If anything bad happens, your dad and I will cover for you. Right, Gerald?"
"Um... Yeah..."
"Come on!!" Sheila seized her husband's shoulders, nearly shaking him to a state of unconsciousness, "Kyle's your son! Gay or not, you should accept him for who he is. If you don't, I'll shake you dead. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?"
"Y-Yes, Darling..." Gerald rushed, afraid of his wife's wrath.
"Good," Sheila stopped the shaking as Gerald ambled aimlessly out of the living room, "Well, feel free to stay here tonight if you wish, Stan. You're as good as my son, anyway."
"M-Mom!" Kyle blushed, "Don't talk like that! You're embarrassing him!!"
"Not as much as I'm embarrassing you, my dear," The middle-aged woman nearly cackled, turning on the television and sitting down with some knitting tools.
"Um... Yeah," Kyle quickly searched for a way to dodge the subject, "I'm getting tired. I'll go sleep now."
"Good night..." Sheila crooned.
"None of that! Stan's gonna think that I'm a baby..."
"He'd have good reason to," Kyle's adoptive mother laughed.
"Oh... Gosh, I can't stand it!!" The Jewish boy flew (literally) to his room, unable to take his doting mother's actions any longer.
"He's acting like he did nine years ago..." Sheila put a hand to her mouth, then continued knitting with the news on.
"Mrs. Broflovski?" Stan asked.
"Yes, Stan?"
"May I use your phone?"
"Go right ahead," Sheila pointed in the kitchen, "It's in the kitchen, by the compute over there."
"Thank you," The apostle titled his head in thanks, walking over to where Mrs. Broflovski had pointed. Upon arriving there, he quickly dialed his home phone.
"Hello, Marsh residence," came Sharon's voice.
"Hey, Mom?"
"What is it, sweetie?"
"Yuck... don't call me that. Now I know how Kyle feels to be babied by his mother..."
"What?"
"Nothing... It doesn't matter. Anyway, three things. First off, may I stay over at Kyle's house tonight?"
"Sure... But I must say, you stay over there a lot. You're not... not... um, how should I say this... sleeping with him, are you?"
"No, of course not!" Stan utilized his highly improving ability to make a lie sound plausible, "Not like that, anyway!! Moving on! After Hanukkah, can I go with a trip to New York with him?"
"Yes. But I need you to be extra careful. And pay for things yourself, rather than relying on the Broflovskis to do all of the spending."
"I will, Mom. Lastly, can I attend the Broflovski Hanukkah party?"
"What? Why? You're not Jewish."
"But... I know so little about the religion. It's only right that I find out about my boo-hhhh-est friend's faith. Besides, I'll be good. You can count on it."
"Fine, fine, as long as it's okay with the Broflovskis."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Anyway, is that all?"
"Yup. Good night," Stan pressed the "off" button on the telephone, hanging it up.
"Everything okay?" Sheila, who was nearly done with her "creation", asked.
"Yup. Say, Mrs. Broflovski? Do you think I can come to your Hanukkah party?"
"Why? Isn't your family's Christmas party on the same date?"
"No, it's the day before."
"Oh. In that case, you may. Have your parents allowed you to?"
"Yes."
"Good, good. It will be a perfect opportunity for you to learn about our religion."
"You're far too kind, Mrs. Broflovski."
"As are you. Have you eaten dinner yet?"
"Yes. Kyle and I ate at the food court in the South Park Mall. I'll be going to bed in Kyle's room..."
"Okay," Sheila dismissed the young Branded boy by nodding. But when Stan was half-way up the stairs, she stopped him again by saying, "Oh, Stan. One more thing."
"Yes?"
"Try not to... um... be so loud when you're up there. The last time you two slept together, I could hear your constant cries. Especially when you... Oh, crap! Look at the late hour! Gotta go to bed!!"
At that, Sheila stowed her knitting materials, turned the t.v. off, and bolted to her bedroom, where her husband was.
"I think I'm going to be ill..." Stan could feel his stomach lurch, barely managing to suppress the vomit that was threatening to come out. Feeling better in about five seconds, he entered Kyle's room. In it, Kyle was already undressed and reading a yaoi manga in his bed.
"Oh, Stan!" Kyle tossed the yaoi book in his closet, fully covering himself with his large blanket, "Nice to see you! So, are you going to sleep here again?"
"I am, but... Kyle, were you about to... um... start beating your meat right before I got in this room?"
"N-No! Of course not!"
"Kyle, it seems that while I get better at making my lies sound believable, you get worse at it. As the apostle, I can read right through you."
"All right, fine," Kyle ducked under the sheets, "But I didn't do it!"
"Good," Stan began to disrobe himself, "At least I can tell that you're telling the truth from that."
"Stanley-chan... You don't look so good. Is something wrong?"
"N-Not really..." Stan, completely nude, crawled into Kyle's bed.
"I know something is wrong! Your mother... you nearly told her about our relationship. My mother commented on how loud you cry when we're doing it, especially at that particular moment."
"B-But how... Kyle!"
"I told you. Just as you can see into the future, I have the ability to know about the past. Lying to me is futile."
"Kyle, I'm so sorry. I should have-"
"Don't be. Like Mom said, they'll intervene if push comes to shove."
"Okay," Stan snuggled with his boyfriend, "I place my faith in your hands, my Wolf Prince Kyle."
"Thanks, Stan. Sweet dreams."
~The next morning...~
"I'm hungry!!" Stan wailed.
"Oh?" Sheila wondered, "What would you like for breakfast?"
"A bacon omelet."
"But we don't have any bacon..." Gerald answered from the refrigerator, "And it's a little too snowy to go outside, even for you and Kyle. Even if you were to transform, you'd have to land at Wal-Mart in your animal forms, and that would cause a panic. They'd think that you'll try to kill them."
"Not to worry," Kyle spoke up, "I'll go hunt for some wild pigs."
"But they hide in forests during the winter," Stan pointed out.
"Well, I'm a wolf! My acute sense of smell will track them down. You can count on it!"
Without another word, Kyle had already opened the front door, closed it, morphed into winged wolf form, and flew outside.
"Gosh... I hope he'll be okay," Stan worried.
~Meanwhile, 10 minutes later, in a wild South Park forest...~
All right, you little devils... Kyle thought, sniffing for a pig's scent, Where the hell are you, so you can become an ingredient for Stanley-chan's bacon omelet...
Yet after five minutes of searching, Kyle could was still unable to track down a good, fat pig.
"Crap... I bet my Stanley-chan's practically dying of hunger... Not to mention, I feel like I'm going to transform back... If I do that, I'll be dead within the hour. *sniff* *sniff* Wait a sec... That smells like... a really good pig!"
Just then, the Wolf Prince heard a whizzing noise quickly pass his ears.
"What was that?"
Kyle barely managed to focus, eventually catching sight of the most corpulent pig he had ever seen.
"Aha! Gotcha!!" he glared at the hog, growling, and licking his fangs.
~Ten minutes after that...
"I'm afraid Kyle's taking too long," Gerald finally declared.
"No!" Stan cried, "What if... what if the snowstorm took him?"
"Could be."
"Then..." The apostle's hair flew up, and a light blue aura surrounded him, "I'll have to-"
"Sorry I'm late, guys!" Kyle barged in the house with the pig he killed from the forest, "This was quite a feisty one. Why, if it wasn't for the Olivi Grass I borrowed from Rafiel, I would probably be dead by now."
"Wow..." Stan scanned Kyle from head to toe, "That's one hell of a hog you got there."
"I know!" Kyle smiled, taking the dead pig out back to cut it as his lover followed him.
"So... how do you plan to cut the poor bastard into strips of bacon?" Stan asked.
"I've done this when I was a kid," Kyle explained as he put on an apron. He then stabbed a knife into the back of the pig's neck, where the winged wolf had killed it.
"Really? I never knew."
"I used to help Dad do it all the time for Hanukkah parties. Since I've killed a forest pig, rather than having some relatives ship it over, I get to save them the trouble. Hey, you okay, Stan?"
"N...not really..." Stan turned his head around, looking away from all the blood.
"Oh, I forgot you really can't stand the sight of such a large amount of blood. I'm sorry."
"I... I think I'm gonna be sick..." The apostle bent over twenty minutes later, ready to blow chunks, but abstained from doing so when he saw Kyle cut the pig into raw bacon strips.
"You're... good," Stan congratulated.
"Thanks," Kyle's face bore a smile, "Hey, I thought you hated blood."
"I do, but... You look awesome when you do that."
"Well, I'm just about done, so do you want to help me take the parts to be cooked inside?"
"Sure!" Stan's nausea quickly wore off, "You're just simply the coolest, Kyle. I'd love to get married to you. In fact... I'm extremely certain... that you'd make a great husband."
