Beta- StacyO72- Special thanks for putting up with my international data access issues this weekend.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is
intended.
A/N Sorry, sorry, sorry this is late! I was traveling and it was non-stop family time as soon as we arrived. I was also very limited on my internet access since we were not in the U.S.
And watching lovers part, I feel you smiling
What glass splinters lie so deep in your mind
To tear out from your eyes, with a thought to stiffen brooding lies
And I'll only watch you leave me further behind- The Chauffeur, Duran Duran
Ch. 8 pt. 2 Beaches, Bluffs, and Mazes
"You know, you're not the only one to have an awkward first time."
Ted stood before me, his voice low and his head slightly bowed as he tried to get me to make eye contact with him. If I hadn't already been struck dumb by my mortification, the sight of Ted on the beach would have done it. Wearing only a pair of plain navy swim trunks, he was breathtakingly beautiful. My eyes traced the hard planes of his abs and chest up to the square set of his shoulders. He was utterly perfect: lean yet muscled, exactly my type. I lowered my head, focusing on the way his body seemed to grow organically from the elements surrounding him. His skin was slightly lighter than the pale soft sand while his hair matched the deep colored veins of oxidized iron running through the boulders scattered along the shore. The bright sunlight accentuated the slight smattering of hair on his chest. My eyes finally settled on the treasure trail below his navel that disappeared beneath his trunks.
"I mean I know it's not the same for a guy but it was still … well, I made a fool out of myself. I, uh, I was sixteen and I had just started working at my parents' country club. You know, caddying and odd jobs. Sometimes I worked as a busboy when they had parties."
"It sounds very High School Musical 2." I somehow found myself replying. I immediately cringed, what a stupid thing to say.
Ted just laughed. "Yeah, you're right; but without the spontaneous singing and dancing."
I chance looking up. Ted's eyes are soft and kind. "Do you want to keep walking?" He asks.
I nod and we begin slowly picking our way among the small boulders lying between the ocean and the base of the seventy foot bluff.
Ted clears his throat and continues his story. "There was this girl. She was at a function one night when I was working. Towards the end of the party, she starts a conversation with me. I didn't even recognize she was flirting at first. She asked me if I was in school and what year was I starting. I told her I was going to be a junior. It wasn't until after that I realized she thought I was in college, not high school. One thing led to another and we ended up on the tennis court." Ted pauses to clear his throat again. "Like I said, I didn't have um, the same sort of issues you did, but I never considered that she thought I was older than I was. I was also too naïve to think it was just a one-time thing. I figured she'd be my girlfriend and we'd go to homecoming and prom together. I had the whole year planned out in five minutes. I saw her again at the club a few days later and my age somehow came up in the conversation. It turns out she was twenty two and she was completely horrified that she had sex with a sixteen year old."
Ted pauses again and shakes his head. "She accused me of lying to her on purpose to get her to have sex. She twisted everything around. It was so humiliating. It turns out her father was on the board at the club. She threatened to have me fired and get my parents thrown out of the club if I told anyone. I never did, until now."
"What a bitch." I respond, as his words sink in.
Ted emits a humorless laugh. "Yeah. That's the girl I lost my virginity to. Every time I saw her at the club after that, she'd completely ignore me."
We continue past the bluff towards the tidal pools at Pots and Kettles. The ocean breeze picks up once we are passed the shelter of the bluff. I push my hair away from my eyes as I look up at him.
"In a way, that's worse than my story. I mean, Garrett was my boyfriend. He cared about me. We were just so inexperienced and he had these awful, cheap un-lubricated condoms he got as a souvenir from a bachelor party." I stop, not wanting to go into any more detail.
Ted nods, understanding without me needing to explain. "He's not still your boyfriend?"
His question catches me off guard. "Oh, no. We broke up last year."
I swear I see the edge of Ted's mouth lift for just a moment as he asks.
"So, are you seeing anyone now?"
There is no casual way to ask that question. My heart skips a beat as I answer. "No, no one. " I feel my face flush as I ask in kind. "What about you? Any other country club debutantes waiting back home." I inwardly wince at my lame attempt to lighten the conversation.
Ted's eyes pierce through me as his words echo my own. "No, no one."
We skirt around the tidal pools in silence, neither of us taking the conversation further. The quiet makes me nervous. It's not the peaceful calm of those comfortable in each other's presence, but rather the awkward reserve of two strangers just getting to know one another. I'm unsure of what to say next so I begin commenting on the sea life in the pools, the tide patterns, and the geography of this part of the island. All the trivial facts I've accumulated in two decades of island life bubble to the surface. I hoped I wasn't babbling too much. For his part, Ted seems interested, asking me questions as we continue our impromptu hike. As we walk further the bluff recedes in the distance and the topography flattens. The beach widens as we approach the island's north side. Houses become scarce. Finally, we reach Sachem pond, which marks the beginning of the Conservancy land.
"No squirrels?" He asks, repeating what I had just told him about the island's wildlife.
"No, no squirrels." I confirm.
"Chipmunks?" He smiles playfully and my stomach flips.
"No."
"Raccoons? Possums? Skunks?"
I laugh. "No, no, and definitely no. There are plenty of songbirds." I offer, pointing across the pond to a flock of small birds in the sky. "People come from all over to bird watch in the fall."
Ted nods. We are standing on a small spit of land between the pond and the ocean.
"This is my favorite spot on the island." I offer. Sachem ponds sits in a neat circle to the left, its calm waters reflecting the sky above. Green pastures and meadows neatly bordered by low stone walls lie beyond the far edge of the pond. Straight ahead lies the solitary North Lighthouse, rising from the dune grasses before the island's sandy pointed end. To the right, a large boulder known as Settlers' Rock sits on the periphery of a beach strewn with round stones of various sizes. A bronze plaque, its patina aged to a soft moss green, covers most of the front of the rock. The names of the original sixteen families who arrived on the island in 1661 are inscribed on its surface. Behind it, the Atlantic glitters its color reflecting the bright blue clear skies above.
Ted turns in a semi-circle, taking in the spectacular view.
"I can see why. I had no idea it would be like this. I almost expect a couple of hobbits to run by."
I laugh. "You're not the first person to compare it to Middle Earth."
I tilt my head, half hoping it will give me a view of what's going inside his.
"Are you a Lord of the Rings fan?"
He shrugs. "I read a few of the book and watched the movies but it's not like I can speak Elvish or anything."
I press on, realizing how little I know about him.
"No Elvish, so you weren't a geek in high school. I bet you were a jock."
He laughs. We begin walking towards Settlers' Rock. His hand quickly passes through his hair and comes to rest on the back of his neck.
"I played baseball, and a little golf. I tried soccer for a few years too but I wouldn't say I was a jock."
"Then what were you?" I try to keep my tone light, wanting him to open up more.
"I was a music geek. I played in the school orchestra and the jazz band. It's my major."
This surprises me. "You're a musician?"
"Yeah, I'm double majoring: Music Composition and Music Education. The education part was to keep my dad happy. He's a numbers guy so he wanted me to come out of school with a degree that will get me a job."
This is the first time I've heard Ted mention family. I don't think he's realizes he's opening up.
"What do you want to do?" I ask as nonchalantly as possible.
"My dream was to compose and conduct. I wanted to write scores- you know, for movies."
I nod, mulling over his use of the past tense. Is that no longer his dream? We sit down by the rock. I pull two water bottles out of my backpack, offering one to him. Ted thanks me and takes the bottle. The sun is directly overhead and even with the ocean breeze, it's still hot. If I were wearing anything more than a bikini top and board shorts, I'd be sweating profusely. I glance down at his long straight fingers -piano fingers my mom would call them- and my spine stiffens. He couldn't be that reckless, could he?
"What instrument do you play?"
He takes a long drink before answering. "To be Music Ed, you have to be able to play everything at least well enough to teach beginners. I can play guitar, violin, saxophone, and flute pretty well but I consider myself to be a pianist first."
"What the hell are doing on a fishing boat? I don't mean to sound harsh but have you taken a look at Jasper's hand? You could be risking your whole future!" The words tumble out in a rush.
Ted's entire demeanor changes. His jaw sets and his eyes harden. "The future? No one knows what might happen in their lives. It's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change. I can't worry about that now. My only concern is making it through the next trip."
His attitude does nothing but aggravate me more. "You should be concerned!" I insist. "You lose a finger or worse, then your future will most certainly change." I pause, considering his words. "So what is this? Some Generation Y life crisis? What makes a Midwestern college student majoring in music drop everything to join the crew of a longliner?"
Ted scoffs. "Yeah, that's exactly right. I had a crisis and called Carlisle so I could fulfill my dream of living on the edge."
"Carlisle." I repeat, his words clicking. "You knew Doc before you joined his crew. That's why you always call him by his real name. How?"
Ted stands and takes a few steps towards the rock. "You are observant. I didn't actually know him. I had a connection to him through someone I know. I contacted Carlisle through them. I wanted to try fishing and convinced him to give me a chance."
Ted places his hand on the top of the monuments and leans forward, ostensibly focusing on the names inscribed below.
I narrow my eyes, this just doesn't sound right and I can't keep the mocking tone from my voice.
"Doc Cullen agreed to take a complete greenhorn on his boat because you wanted to give the most dangerous job in the United States 'a try'."
Ted shrugs. He continues to study the names on the rock rather than look at me.
"Are you blackmailing him? Are you his long lost son or something?"
Ted's head snaps up and he stares at me like I have six heads. "That's absurd. Carlisle isn't my father . I told you. I know someone who knows Carlisle and they did me a favor."
I'm still not convinced there isn't something else going on. "Doc likes having an experienced crew. I saw every episode of Wild Boys. He doesn't tolerate mistakes."
Ted bristles. "I might be new but I'm a fast learner. Doc knows that."
His fingers trace over the raised letters of a name on the rock. I know the placement well enough that I don't have to look closer to see which it is.
"Is this you?" He asks, his tone leaving no doubt that the subject of him fishing is closed. I feel like I know less now than I did before.
"Jebediah Swan. Yep. He's my ancestor." I point to a few other names: Ephraim Black, Josiah Hale. "Almost everyone on the island can trace their roots back to the names here."
Ted absently shakes his head in confirmation. The tension between us is palpable. I want to go back to a few minutes ago when we were getting along so well. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just trying to figure you out." I offer.
Ted straightens up and turns away from me. His shoulders are tense. "There's nothing to figure out. I just wanted to try something different."
"How long are you going to stay onboard?" I can't help but ask.
Ted shrugs. "As long as I want; this will be my third trip. I do well and I'll be full share next time." He shields his eyes from the sun and looks into the distance. "Can we go there?" He asks, pointing to the lighthouse.
"Sure, if you're up for it." I joke. There's nothing but flat open land between us and the granite structure. I get up and we start hiking out to the island's end.
I try another angle to get him to keep talking about himself. "Will you keep fishing this fall or go back to school?"
Ted shakes his head. "I'll keep fishing. I have enough credits that one semester won't really put me too far behind."
"What school?"
Ted furrows his brow. "What?"
"What school do you go to?"
"Oh, Concordia."
"In Montreal?" I never thought he'd go to school in Canada.
"No, not that one. This is a Lutheran college in Milwaukee."
"I haven't heard of it." I'm slightly surprised to find out he goes to school so close to his home.
"It's a really small school."
"Do you live at home or do you stay on campus?"
"I lived in the fraternity house last year. What about you? Are you going back this fall?"
I sigh. "Probably not." I briefly explain my scholarship problem.
Ted asks all the questions I've come to expect: why did they run out of funds, didn't they know that what happen?
"They knew the funds were getting too low. They aren't completely depleted yet. What's left is being allocated according to how close the recipients are to obtaining a degree." I explain. "My friend Rachel is starting her senior year so they gave her money but I'll be a junior so there just wasn't enough left for me. They tried to be as fair as they could. Besides, I'm glad Rachel will graduate. She'll move back here and then Jake, her brother, can enter the Coast Guard, like he's always wanted."
"He's the bartender, right? Big kid? I met him this morning when he did a dive to clear out some rope stuck in the prop."
"Yeah, we grew up together. He's like a little brother to me."
We reach the lighthouse which is mostly a tourist attraction now. The light still works but the building is operated by the town rather than the federal government. There are a few other hikers visiting but they leave soon after we arrive. We spend a few minutes enjoying the view. I point out Montauk on Long Island to the left and the Rhode Island shore straight ahead. We are surrounded by nothing but sand, dune grass, and ocean on three sides. Despite the serenity of the landscape, Ted is still tense, his body taut. I feel his hand, cold from holding the water bottle, against my sun warmed shoulder. I can't help but shiver from his touch. Ted moves his hand slightly, skimming my arm. The rest of the world falls away as our eyes meet. My fingers tingle with anticipation as I contemplate what it would feel like to touch his smooth jaw. Before I can raise my hand, he takes a deep breath and moves a hand to stroke my cheek.
"Thank you for this, for bringing me here. You've done so much for me the past few days. No one has been this nice to me in a long time." I tried to tell him it wasn't any trouble but he won't let me. "Bella, I wish…." He pauses, his voice thick with feeling. He sighs, closing his eyes. "My life is not what I expected right now and if things were different…" He stops again. When his eyes open, there's a sadness I wish I could make disappear. "I'm leaving tomorrow and I'll be gone for a month. When we get back, it will be the same thing: here for a few days then gone for another month. It's not fair to you." He drops his hand and steps back. "You deserve so much better than someone like me." He glances up at the sky. "I know we need to get back. I just wanted you to know, if I could I would pursue this, but it's just not possible now."
With that he turns and begins walking back the way we came. I'm stunned and more than a little disappointed. I follow behind him in silence, trying to figure out the best way to handle his revelation as well as his changing moods. I was even more sure now that Ted was hiding something. There was a reason he had suddenly decided to risk his career aspirations and put his life on hold to try longlining. I just couldn't imagine what it could be.
We reach Sachem Pond and we choose a shorter path through the Mazes instead of the meandering shoreline. It takes about half the time to get back to the beach area. Neither of us says much. His strange speech has left me reeling. I had forgotten the reasons why I began my trek until I saw Emmett sitting alone on our blanket. He's wearing shorts and a Dr. Seuss shirt that reads "One fish, Two fish, Fuck fish, You fish." The others are all in the water. I stop, suddenly embarrassed again as it all came rushing back.
Ted comes up behind me and speaks quietly in my ear. It's the first time he's said anything since we hit the trail. "You know, I'm sure Emmett thinks he was complementing you before."
I arch an eyebrow, causing Ted to smile. "No, really." He insists. "Emmett can be crude but he's actually not a bad guy. He's very salt of the earth. He always says exactly what he means. I think he meant that what happened wasn't your fault."
"A lot of fishermen are like that." I respond.
"Why aren't you out there?" Ted asks Emmett as we plop down next to him.
"Not my thing." Emmett looks up, he smiles sweetly when he sees me. "Bella, sugar, I want to apologize for before."
"It's o.k., as long as we never talk about it again." I reply.
"Deal. Except, would you mind making sure Rose knows I apologized?" His eyes dart over to where Rose is riding her board.
I accept. I grab my cell and look at the time. I need to go. "Will you be at the Wolf again tonight?" I ask Ted. I don't know why I ask, given what he's told me at the lighthouse. I hate being so pathetic.
Ted shakes his head. "I can't." I wait but he doesn't elaborate. He has shut down again. I nod before I say goodbye and head to Rose's truck so I can grab my bike.
All night at work, I keep one eye on the door, hoping Ted shows after all but he never does. Alice is giddy about Jasper, who is there again with Emmett. She flirts openly, secure in the knowledge that Rose is at the Mallory having dinner with their parents. The night can't end soon enough. I set my alarm so I won't miss Rose then collapse on the bed
I awake to a morning that is overcast and humid, the air thick with fog. It's a stark contrast to the past few days but it fits my mood. I throw on jeans and a sweatshirt and arrive at the dock just in time to witness Emmett's jaw hitting the deck as Rose makes her way on board. The fog does nothing to muffle his voice as it carries across the bulkhead.
"You're the observer?"
"Yeah, jackass. I'm the federally appointed observer for this trip. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that NMFS requires vessels to periodically take observers on trips and that harassment of observers for any reason is a punishable offense. So, no smart remarks, no trying to see me naked and no touching. Got it?" Rose tosses her sea bag over her shoulder as she steps onto the ladder that leads to the quarters. She turns back "And no singing to me either. The top bunk is mine, so if you've got shit up there move it or I'm tossing it in the garbage."
"Fuck me." Emmett scurries after her as Jasper disappears into the wheelhouse, laughing hysterically.
The engine chugs loudly as the crew prepares to cast off. I can smell the diesel mixing with the salt air.
"Ted, check the stern cleats." I heard Doc call from the wheelhouse. Before I can react, Ted appears, his hair messy and a touch of stubble on his face. He removes the rope from the cleat, freeing the boat from its tether to the dock. He looks up and sees me. I try to smile and wave but it feels fake. I look down at my sneakers. Suddenly, I hear a thud and look up to see Ted striding toward me on the dock. His face is determined. I'm frozen in place, as though I'm bound to the dock. When he reaches me he cradles my face in my hands.
"I'm no good for you, I know that. But life is unpredictable and there's no guarantee I'll make it back so I can't leave without doing this."
He leans down and I feel his lips touch mine. They are soft and warm but not gentle. There is an urgency to his kiss and I find myself giving over to it completely. His tongue seeks mine and I'm lost and found all at once. My hands wrap around his strong shoulders as our bodies press together. Just like yesterday, the world falls away. He consumes all my senses and I never want to stop.
Ted breaks the kiss and I'm aware that Doc is shouting his name, asking for the all clear.
"Ted..." I gasp, more confused than ever.
"Edward. My name is Edward." He whispers before he backs away and jumps back on board. I stand there, surrounded by the silent fog long after the Vampress disappears in the mist.
A/N If you're confused about Edward then I did my job. You are supposed to be confused right now. However, I hope Ted's willingness to share his own virginity story with Bella makes up for her embarrassment last chapter. The next chapter will be EPOV and you will finally get a look into the boy's mind so many there will be a few answers and revelations. The angst is starting. Happy Memorial Day to everyone in the U.S. Due to my travel plans, I couldn't have an update for Fictionators and A Different Forest on Monday but I should have one for Ficcentral on Wednesday
Find me on Twitter: shelly_duran (two underscores)
