When they arrived at Lee's apartment, he began unloading his luggage from their trip and was surprised to find Amanda reaching for one of her own suitcases. "What are you doing?" he inquired.
"Well, if I'm going to spend the night here, I should have some clothes to put on in the morning."
"Oh, right," Lee said. "I don't know though. I'd be perfectly happy if you had nothing to wear." He smiled at her alluringly earning her a sound smack on the arm from her.
"I just bet you would," she said with a grin. She was teasing him, but the truth was she felt the same way about him. As they entered his apartment together, Amanda was surprised to find how clean it was compared to the way that she'd seen it in the last time she'd been there. She looked at him quizzically as they set their luggage down.
"Don't give me that look," Lee said. "I always like to clean the place up before I go out of town for any great length of time because I don't like to come home to it being messy."
"I don't seem to remember you doing that that one time when you begged me to come over here and feed your fish while you were away," she countered.
"Ok, not always, but most of the time. I'm not always the slob you seem to think I am," he argued.
"Just looking at the evidence," Amanda said mirthfully. "Isn't that what a good agent is supposed to do?"
"Very cute. What, are you disappointed that you don't get to lecture me yet again on my lack of housekeeping skills and get that nagging wife thing started already?" he teased.
"Nagging? I will have you know that when I was married the first time, I was never a nagging wife," Amanda fired back.
"How could you be? The way I understand it, he was never around enough to be nagged, not that I really have much to base it on other than your background check since you refuse to talk about it."
"Weren't you the one who said that since this was our first real date that tonight should be just about you and me?"
"You know I hate it when you throw my own words back in my face," he said with a chuckle, but he had to admit that she was right. Now was not the time to talk about their past. Now was the time to focus on their future and if they were going to have one together. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No," she answered as she turned to face him, lightly caressed his face and added, "What I want right now is you." She stepped closer to him and brushed a soft kiss against his lips.
Lee pulled back from her slightly, clasped her hands in his and said, "There's plenty of time for that. It's still early. I think we should talk first."
"You don't think we talked enough at dinner?"
"We did talk a lot, but not about the things that were important. We have a lot of serious stuff to talk about, the stuff that's happened. This is life-altering."
Here it comes, Amanda thought with a deep sigh, the speech about how we're not involved. Amanda felt her frustration growing. After his lovely talk earlier about how they were a couple, it seemed he'd changed his mind again now that they were alone together. "I realize that, but you said the honeymoon's not over yet, so why don't we table the deep discussion for another time."
"No, Amanda, there is no other time. You're going back home to your children tomorrow and I'll be here alone again and I think we need to discuss it now."
Amanda sighed again and said, "You know, I think I will take that drink now."
"What? What did I say that was so wrong that's got you looking at me like I'm the biggest heel in the world?" Lee released her hands and ran them through his hair in frustration. "You know, I have dated a lot of damn women, women who've made me absolutely crazy, but you, Amanda King, are the most maddening!"
"Amanda King?"She questioned. "What happened to Mrs. Stetson?"
"Good question. After the talk we had this morning before we went into to Billy's office, I thought that maybe, just maybe, you thought like I do, that we might have a shot at actually making this work, making it stick, but then you had to go and ask Billy to get divorce papers drawn up anyway! Why the hell would you do that?"
"Because I thought that was what you wanted. You were the one who initially said you wanted out of this, that you didn't want to be married to anyone, especially me!"
"First of all, I never said especially you and second, that was before we made love and maybe even made a baby! Don't you get that this changes things between us forever?"
"Of course, I do! God, why do you think I'm so terrified? I've already been divorced once and it breaks my heart at the thought of going through that all over again!"
"Well, it breaks my heart at the thought of my kid growing up without me! If anyone knows how important it is for a kid to have two loving parents around, it's me!"
"So, then I was right all along. You do only want to stay married because I might be pregnant?"
"No, and I really wish you would stop saying that."
"Well, then why didn't you say anything when I asked Billy about getting divorce papers ready?"
"Because I figured if you were asking for them, that that's what you wanted." Lee once again ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath then said, "Listen, this kind of stuff is exactly why I think we need to talk, but why don't we get unpacked first? That'll give us both some time to cool down, think about things and then was can have that talk."
"Talking wasn't exactly at the top of my to-do list when we came here," Amanda teased him in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"I know," he said in a much softer tone. "But I think we really need to. If we have that talk and can still stand the sight of each other when it's done, then maybe we'll get to the rest." He leaned in and kissed her softly.
"Yeah, ok," she said with a smile still amazed at how just a simple kiss from him could send her reeling. She slid her arms up his chest to his shoulders and kissed him lightly before sliding her arms up further and liking her hands behind his neck.
Lee knew exactly what she was trying to do and gently removed her hands from his neck, clasping his hands with hers. "Hey, not right now. It's not that I don't want to. I love kissing you, but..."
Amanda sighed. "I know. We need to talk," she said dreading where the conversation might go. She pulled her hands from his and picked up her discarded suitcase, and made her way to his bedroom, Lee following right behind her.
"The second drawer should be empty," Lee said with a gesture toward the chest of drawers against the wall as he dropped his luggage on the bed. "You can use it to put your stuff in."
"Thanks," Amanda said with a smile as she pulled open the drawer he'd indicated and found it was indeed empty. She began unpacking, but then paused in her task to look at him with a glowing smile on her face for his thoughtfulness in giving her a place, at least temporarily to put her things in.
"What?" he said off the look she was giving him.
"Nothing, I was just thinking that it was nice of you to let me use your dresser for my clothes," she said still smiling broadly.
"Well, it's yours for as long as you want it," he said smiling back. "I mean, after all, you're my wife. If I'm going to get used to this husband thing then that means sharing space, right?"
"It does, but traditionally that's done by a newly-married couple moving in together," Amanda said.
"Are you saying you want to move in?" He asked in a teasing tone, but with an underlying seriousness behind it.
"I can't exactly do that, Lee," Amanda said. "I have children at home, but you know, that's just one of the things that we should talk about. I mean, if it turns out that I am pregnant and we do end up staying together...p-p-permanently, then that means living together full-time. The best solution would be for you to move in with me, not the other way around."
"Are you asking me to move in with you?" he asked all teasing aside.
Amanda hesitated and blushed slightly now that she realized how that statement sounded. "I...I...I...um...just think that's the more logical solution if I am pregnant, I mean. How else would we raise our child together like you suggested if we're living across town from each other?"
"I've got a better idea," Lee said. "How about instead of one of us moving in with the other, we look for a new place, one that's not yours or mine, but that would be ours from the start? I don't know about you, but I'm not too keen on the idea of living with you in a house that you and your ex bought together. I think if we're going to do this right, it should be in a place that's free of baggage from both of our pasts. "
"Wow, I hadn't thought of that," Amanda said lost in thought for a moment. Was he really taking their marriage seriously now? He certainly seemed to be, but if that were the case, why wouldn't he own up to the feelings that she knew he had for her? She could see it in his eyes every time that he looked at her, but he wouldn't actually spit out the words. She had so many questions she wanted to ask him about it, but instead she said, "Speaking of baggage, we should..." she nodded at the half-unpacked suitcases.
"Yeah, you're right," Lee said as he quickly turned back to the task of unpacking in an attempt to hide his disappointment that she'd dodged his suggestion of them finding a place of their own.
Amanda quickly finished unpacking her suitcase then turned to her overnight case and opened it. "Do you have room for this stuff too?"She asked gesturing at the toiletries inside it.
"Yeah, there should be plenty of room in the bathroom," Lee said grateful for the temporary distraction from his brooding. He finished unpacking his own suitcases while he listened to the sounds of Amanda rattling around in the bathroom, leaving only the garment bag to unpack. He was just unzipping it and was gazing at Amanda's frilly wedding dress as Amanda emerged from the bathroom, unnoticed by him. He lifted it gently from the bag, smiled as he gazed at it and recalled how beautiful she'd looked in it and the soft kisses they'd shared after reciting their vows.
Amanda stood as watched him for a moment wondering what he was thinking with the way he was staring at the over-priced confection of satin and lace. The smile on his face had her puzzled. It was the look of someone mentally reliving a happy memory, but she still couldn't fathom why he couldn't put into words what he was really feeling. "Penny for your thoughts," she said and couldn't help but chuckle as he started at the sound of her voice.
"A penny doesn't get you much these days," he quipped. When she gave him her patented don't-change-the-subject glare, he said, "I was just thinking about how beautiful you looked wearing this."
"Yeah?" Amanda said with slight flush rising in her cheeks.
"Yeah," he said with a warm smile.
"Well, you looked pretty good yourself yesterday in this," she said as she lifted out his tuxedo from the bag.
"You think so," He asked.
"Yeah," she said as she moved to hang it in the closet and was startled to feel him right behind her. He reached around her to hang her dress beside his tux, the slight contact making her shiver. She turned to face him and found herself once again locking eyes with him.
Lee swallowed hard as seeing the intense look at Amanda's eyes, feeling her so close to him again. He wanted so badly to close the very small gap between them, take her in his arms and..., however, if he did, then they wouldn't have the talk that he desperately wanted them to have. Instead, he settled for a chaste kiss, and then said, "How about that drink now?" He then quickly made his way out of the room before all his willpower left him.
Amanda sighed, and lifted her fingers to her lips where's Lee's kiss had been all-too fleeting. She had no choice but to follow him. She slowly made her way out of the bedroom, trying to mentally steel herself for the tense conversation she knew was to come. By the time she got there, she found that Lee had already uncorked a bottle of wine and was in the process of pouring two glasses. He handed her one of them. "Thanks," she said as she took a sip and sat on the couch.
Lee quickly took a seat next to her and said, "I know this isn't exactly why you wanted to come home with me tonight, but I think it's necessary. While we may have told Billy the truth, we still have a lot to talk about."
"For instance?" Amanda said as she nervously sipped her wine.
"For instance, I have to take you home some time tomorrow, so what do we say to your mom and the kids?"
Amanda looked at him in confusion and said, "I thought we already agreed that we'd just tell them we're dating until we know for sure if we've got a baby on the way or not."
"That was one suggestion, but I didn't think we'd actually decided for sure that that was what we were going to do. I think we need to stop focusing so much on the baby thing and just focus on our marriage. I know how much you hate lying to your mom and I think we should just tell her the truth or at least as much of the truth as we can without giving the agency away."
"I don't know, Lee," Amanda said warily as she took another sip of her wine. "I told Mother I was going on assignment for IFF, I didn't tell her I'd be bringing her back a son-in-law."
Lee chuckled softly as Amanda's words struck a chord with him. Dotty West was now his mother-in-law. "Well, your mother thinks you make documentary films, right? We could use that to our advantage, tell her that we were doing an expose on these "love boat" cruises and to get our story, we had to play the part."
"You mean, like undercover reporters or something?"Amanda said. Lee nodded. "I suppose that could work and we could tell her that in order to not blow our cover, we had to get married, which is pretty close to the truth."
"I think that's the best plan," Lee said.
"Except for one thing," she said. "What if it turns out that I'm not pregnant?"
"Would just forget about that for now?" Lee snapped in irritation. "I don't care if you're pregnant or not."
"You don't?" Amanda said hopefully.
"What I mean is that we should just take it one day at a time and not make plans to end things. We're married now and we have to deal with it. It's going to be awhile before we can find out anyway, so I say we just enjoy the time we have together and stop all this talk of divorce. You said yourself that the idea of another divorce is heart-breaking to you, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did. And it is, but that doesn't mean that we should...Oh, I don't know what all this means. I mean, I believe in you. I always have and if you think that we might have a shot at making it real, making it last, I want to believe in you again, but I..."
"You what, Amanda," Lee prodded.
"I'm scared," she admitted. "What if we try and we fail miserably? Then things can never go back to the way they were and I'll have lost my best friend."
"As it is, things can never go back to the way they were. Don't you get that? I don't want to lose you as my friend either, but I also don't want to lose you as..." my wife, he thought, but couldn't quite bring himself to say the words to her. "Aw, hell, Amanda, I just don't want to lose you, period."
Amanda's heart leapt at his words and she said softly, "You don't?"
"Well, you've become an important part of my life, even before the impromptu wedding and I want to give us a chance. What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out and we go right back to the idea of a divorce, but I think we'd be stupid not to at least try."
Once again, Amanda sighed. She looked at the longing gaze on his face and said, "You're right. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"
"That's my girl," he said with an affectionate smile.
"I'm your girl?" she questioned.
"Absolutely; You are my wife, after all," he said as he took the wine glass from her hand, setting it and his own on the coffee table, before pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly.
