I'm really sorry because I wasn't able to send the preview to those who have reviewed. I wasn't able to use the PC yesterday because I was finishing a project that is to be submitted today(my teacher do not accept late works). I hope you can all understand. Thanks for the reviews, btw.

So here's chap 9, enjoy!

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight.


Dreams Don't Turn to Dust

Chapter 9 – Jar of Hearts

(BPOV)

I haven't really had a good night's sleep since the night that I left the Cullen household. It was already a month. Esme and I had an agreement that she would bring Nessie here every day and she would just fetch her after dinner. I was glad that they had agreed to my condition even though Edward and I are not together anymore. I haven't asked Esme and Carlisle yet about the thing that they asked Edward to do. I just didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Edward and I hadn't talked yet since the night that I knew that he was just playing me. I don't think that I could bear to look at his face after everything that had happened. I was really hurt. Even more than hurt if that was possible. There was just something weird about my feelings right now, it was really familiar, it was as if I had already felt like this before. The pain on my chest was so familiar that I could walk around in the house even though I could feel it.

Alice had told something about Edward. She said that it was seldom that he comes home, and when he does, he was always not himself. She said that he was acting all weird and he spends more time in studying than time with Nessie, Alice told me that that was not normal for him. Even though he was always busy, he will make it up to a point where he could spend time with his daughter. She asked me if I had something to do about it, but I told her that I had none. They were all wondering why Edward and I were not together anymore. All I answer them was that I don't feel something for him anymore, that it was normal to people to fell out of love.

I really, really wanted to tell them that Edward had a son, but I couldn't. It was Edward's right to tell them, it would really be better if those words would come out of his mouth. I wonder when he would have the courage to introduce them to his family. He was really wrong for keeping them like that. He should be proud that he had a son. I'm hurt for the fact that he already had a girl and a son, but I should understand too their situation. It might sound crazy, but I do care.

Today, Nessie was with Emmett and Rosalie so that she could be with her cousins. Em and Rose have two year old twins, a boy and a girl. I haven't really seen them, but I know that they were beautiful too like their parents. I actually envy what they had. They had the life that I wanted the most. They had a happy family, the thing that I never had even when I was small, and the life that my mother didn't allow me to have. They were also like us. They were also together since high school. Just like us, they made promises to each other that they would be together no matter what. It's just that nothing went wrong in their relationship and Edward and mine's were really messed up.

I had really intended to tire myself out so that I'll be able to sleep easily; yeah I was desperate like that. I didn't wanna take pills since I know that I'll be dependent on it when I had already tried it. So that was a no no. So I cleaned up the whole house. Leaving Charlie alone here was really a bad idea. The house was like it had never been cleaned for four years already. Everything was so messy and dusty. Speaking of Charlie, we had already talked. He told me that he was sorry for what he had done to me when he disowned me. He told me that he was not thinking logically that time, that he shouldn't had disowned me, and that he should be there instead because that was the time that I really needed support. Of course, I forgave him, how could I resist my father? He was the only one who was really there my whole life.

After I had cleaned the whole house, I cooked and ate dinner. Charlie was not here since he shift was for the whole night. He insisted on staying since he thought that I was not going to be safe here, but I told him that I would be okay and that he should priority his job. At the end, I won and he left. I was left alone in the house and I was glad for it. I could really rest now. I was pretty worn out.

So I had a quick shower and I changed in my pajamas. While I was getting ready to sleep, I noticed that it was starting to rain. It was going to be pretty cold tonight. So I took thicker sheets from my closet and I placed them on my bed. My bed really looks comfy and warm now, I smiled to myself. And then the pain lurched on my chest when I realized that the sheets that I placed on my bed were also the ones that were there when Edward and I first made love.

It was crazy, but I didn't even bother to change it again. It hurts to reminisce that night, but it was the former best night of my life. Edward did make me feel so loved and it was like I was the only woman in the world with the way he appreciates me. He had used every wonderful word that he knows on me, and I believed him which I couldn't even deny to myself. Because he was the person who had made me come out of my shell. He was the person who made me believe that I could love and that love was real. What he taught me was all right, but he never taught me that when I love, I could get hurt. But he was also the person who made me believe that love does not last.

I sank down on my bed and I felt more fatigue. I was finally having a good night's sleep.

That was what I thought.

When I had closed my eyes, I heard a noise outside. It was like something fell. I ignored it, but just after ten minutes, I heard it again. Maybe that was just a cat, I thought. So I closed my eyes again. Again, there was the noise.

I got curious so I peeked on my window. I looked down and I saw someone trying to climb the tree in front of the side of my room which when you climb, you can get inside my room using the window. Edward used to do that when we were still in high school.

That person could be a burglar who was trying to break in our house. Before doing any action, I observed again the person who was trying to climb the tree. It was pretty dark so I could barely see what he looked like. I noticed that he was having a hard time climbing up since it was raining and the branches were pretty slippery. So after half an hour of watching him, I got so intrigue, it even came to the point on waiting of he would ever succeed on climbing up the tree or he would just leave.

After all the times that he fell down, he didn't give up. He climbed until he was just a few feet away from my room. I realized that I was such an idiot to not bring any weapon with me or not even call Charlie because there was a stranger who was trying to break in our house. I also forgot that the lock of my window was broken so that person could easily come inside my room. Before I could even think of what weapon I could get downstairs, I could already hear my window being lifted up.

I was really feeling scared right now. He was slowly entering my room. He was walking slowly and wobbly. He was really scary. What if had just taken illegal drugs that's why he was like that? It feels like I was in a horror movie, thanks to the rain that even made the setting like a horror movie. What would he want from me? I have nothing to offer him but…myself. No! That would not happen. I would fight will all that I have and could. Suddenly there was something that was triggering my brain. Again it was like I had already felt something like this before. It was like I had been this scared before. The feeling of you were about to be caught and killed. It was so familiar.

I thought of a quick move. I pressed the switch for the light. When the lights opened, it revealed a very wet and drunk…Edward. How did I know that he was drunk? Well, the smell on alcohol that he had just taken was very strong and his movements were wobbly. He really looked miserable. His body was shaking because of the cold. His eyes were bloodshot, there were also very dark circles around them, and his hair was even messier than it already was. He was also bruised because of the times that he fell down the tree, which was thirteen to be exact. He looked so tired, and well…broken. Why was he like that? What happened to him that made him like that? It couldn't be me, it was very impossible.

"Bella," he croaked.

I flinched at the sound of his voice.

"I…what…why are you here?" I stuttered as I asked.

"I missed you," he answered and he chucked a bit.

"You know, you're crazy. It's raining outside and you still climbed your way up here," I chided him.

"You know I'll do anything just to see you. I haven't seen you since you left, I was going to crazy if I won't be able to see you just for a minute," he said, his voice was a bit slurry.

His words made my chest tighter than it already was. "What the hell are you saying?" I wanted to spat at him. I wanted so much to believe him, but I just couldn't trust him anymore. What he had done to me was so much. He lied to me and his family.

I was really distracted by his shivering. I hate that I still care for him even though I hate him. I hate that I was thinking that he was going to be sick if ever he does not immediately those clothes off of him.

"I'll just get clothes from Charlie's room; I'll get ones that I think is small already for him. I know he has some... I'll be back in a few," I mumbled.

Before I could even reach the doorknob, I felt wet and cold arms around my shoulders.

"No, please, don't leave again. I would die if you do again. In the four years that you were gone, I never found someone who could replace your place in my heart. I realized that moving on was really not an option, because I could never really stop loving you. You are the only love of my life nothing could ever change that, even death

"Please…just give me another chance. I'll prove it to you that I could be better. Just believe me that nothing happened between me and that girl. Hell, I do not even remember her name. I was just missing you so much at that time, that when I got drunk, I actually thought that, that girl was you. When I realized that it was really not you and you saw everything, I tried my best to get rid of the girl and I followed you.

"When I followed you, you were not there anymore. I really wanted to go back home but I had so many things to finish at school and if I would not be able to submit, there was a possibility that I would fail the subject. When I had finished everything, I went back home. But when I came back, you were not there anymore. I found out that you ran away and they had no clue where you went.

"I had regretted everything that I did that time. I just thought maturely, I shouldn't have lost you. I should have followed you home and explained you everything. But what did I do? I just made everything worse and I destroyed us. I'm really the worst person in this world!"

When he was done speaking, he was crying and I was too. I had no clue why, but I wanted to believe in everything that he had said.

I removed his arms from me, I turned and then I was the one who hugged him this time. I didn't care if I was going to be wet. I just followed my instincts without even thinking. I nuzzled my face on his chest and I inhaled his scent. I could still smell him even through the alcohol. He wrapped his arms around me and we just stayed like that. I had been craving this for so long. I had dreams of his arms wrapped around me, they were warm and comforting. I felt him starting to trail kisses on my neck. He was mumbling that he loves me

My brain finally analyzed all the things that he had said and what we were doing right now. I was starting to compare it with the things that Kate had told me.

If Edward has a girlfriend then why was he here?

Wouldn't he be spending time with his son?

Why was he drunk?

What really happened?

Why did he say that I left?

What does he mean by all he said, could it be that Kate was lying to me? Ugh! I'm so confused!

Who will answer these questions?

The more I was comparing her story with Edward, the more my head was hurting. It was like my brain wanted me to think of something, but it was just wouldn't come out. My head was pounding on the same beat of my heart.

Edward removed his arms around me and he stared at me concernedly. He was saying something to me, but I couldn't process it. All I could just focus on was the throbbing pain in my head. It was becoming so much that I wanted to scream, and I did scream, I couldn't help it, the pain was just becoming more and more unbearable by each second.

After what felt like a lifetime, there were people around me and I felt being carried. And then I could feel myself slowly drifting to nothingness.


Hmm...what will happen when Bella wakes up?

Review if you want E and B back together :)

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Thanks for reading!

-ishi :)