A/N Thank you for the reviews. Anyways Here's the next installment for ya and as usual see ch 1 for disclaimer.
Ch 9 Sorting out Feelings
While Miwa and Donatello were having their talk Splinter and Raphael were having a talk of their own. Or at least Splinter was trying to have a talk with his second oldest son. "Raphael," the brown coated rat began. "This behavior cannot go on any longer."
"Sensei I'm sorry" Raphael began.
"I am afraid that saying you are sorry is not enough this time," Splinter said sternly. "You have always been quick tempered but it has gotten out of hand as of late. You have been very disrespectful. Not only to your siblings but to me as well."
"I would never disrespect you Sensei," Raphael said, shocked at Splinter's words.
"You know how I feel about using foul language," Splinter reminded his second oldest son. "And yet you continue to use it around me. That is very disrespectful."
"Look I'm sorry ok?" Raphael said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Can we just forget it?"
"No we cannot, as you put it: just forget it," Splinter said, giving his son a look. "As I said before saying you are sorry is not enough this time. We need to discuss why you are behaving this way."
"Look I know I did a bad thing," Raphael said. "And I'll try to get along better with everyone. Alright? Now can I go?"
"I am afraid this will require much more," Splinter said. "And I know that you are not one to speak about your emotions. But if you do not let them out they will be your undoing my son. Please let me help you."
"I don't need help," Raphael insisted, crossing his arms and looking away from Splinter.
"Oh my son how very wrong you are," Splinter said softly, standing in front of Raphael and putting his hand under the red masked turtle's chin, forcing him to look at him. "You have so much burden inside of you Raphael. I can see it in you eyes. I can see the pain and guilt in there as well."
"Sensei I..." Raphael began. But he trailed off unsure how to continue without sounding like a pathetic loser.
"Emotions are not weakness Raphael," Splinter said gently. "But not letting those emotions out can be very harmful. I know you are still feeling guilty about what happened to Donatello."
"Yeah well ok maybe I do feel guilty," Raphael admitted, pulling his head away. "And I know I shouldn't and I know you're gonna say it wasn't my fault. And I get that. But that don't make me feel any better. And I feel so stupid for feelin' like this and I lash out. At everyone. Then I feel guilty that I do that and it starts all over again. And I hate it. I hate this whole damn thing." By now Raphael could feel the tears form in his eyes and he looked at the ground in shame.
"Raphael you should talk to your siblings and friends about these feelings," Splinter urged as he embraced the green eyed turtle. "They are your family and they will help you through all of this. You do not have to carry this burden alone."
"Yeah I know," Raphael said with a sigh. "And I will talk to 'im. But can it wait 'til tomorrow? I'm pretty beat."
"Yes it would be best to have this conversation when Miwa gets home from school," Splinter said with a nod. "Get some rest my son."
"Night Sensei," Raphael said with a smile. "And thanks."
"You are most welcome," Splinter said with a smile. With that the father and son headed to their beds to get some sleep.
TMNTTMNTTMNT
The next day the group was all gathered in the living room. This included Slash and his team, who had returned from their mission without success. The team had arrived just as Dog-Pound, Fishface and the Foot Bots were leaving. "Guys I got somethin' to say," Raphael said, once Leonardo and Michelangelo had gotten Donatello settled on the couch. "This ain't easy for me to say," the red masked turtle continued. "But after talkin' with Sensei last night I realized that I really ain't go no choice here." Raphael stopped and took a shaky breath as the emotions threatened to come out to soon.
"Raph," Leonardo began, knowing his directly younger brother was uncomfortable. "You don't have to be embarrassed around us."
"Yeah," Shinigami chimed in. "We're all family here."
"Yeah I know," Raphael said, taking in another shaky breath.
"Just say what ya gotta say," Slash said, his voice not having a rough edge to it for once.
"Alright here goes," Raphael said, letting out his breath. "I..uh..well I owe everyone an apology. I..I've been actin' like a world class jerk lately and you guys don't deserve that."
"Raph when are you not a world class jerk?" Miwa said, rolling her eyes.
"I'm tryin' to apologize Miwa!" Raphael snarled, glaring at his sister. "So shut the..." But he stopped when Splinter cleared his throat loudly. Taking in a calming breath Raphael said, "I'm tryin' to tell you guys how I've been feelin' and you know emotions ain't my thing." Miwa scoffed and rolled her eyes at her red masked brother, who glared at her.
"C'mon Miwa let Raph talk," April said, putting a calming hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Yeah don't be such a jerk," Shinigami chimed in.
"I'm letting him talk," Miwa said. "So lay off will ya?!"
"Alright just calm down everyone," Donatello said, not wanting a full fledged fight to break out. "Lets just let Raph speak ok?" Donatello looked at his sister when he said this part.
"Fine," Miwa grumbled. "Go on Raph."
"Thanks," Raphael forced himself to say. "Anyways what I was tryin' to say was there's a reason I've been actin' the way I've been."
"Which is?" Casey asked, trying not to sound condescending.
"I..well I," Raphael stammered. "I feel..well stupid is the best way to put it. I've been feelin' so damn dumb lately. 'Cause I still feel guilty 'bout what happened to Donnie five month ago. I..I still blame myself for that."
"Raph what happened to me wasn't your fault," Donatello said, trying to stand. But Michelangelo, who was sitting right beside him, quickly pulled him down.
"D you can't walk remember?" the orange masked turtle whispered. Donatello shot his younger brother a look but said nothing.
"Look I know no one blames me," Raphael said. "But that still don't make these feelings go away ya know? And then I feel so damn dumb for feelin' like that I lash out at you guys while bein' overbearing to Donnie. I'm sorry guys."
"Raph why didn't you tell us this before?" April asked.
"I ain't an emotional guy April,'' Raphael said, rolling his green eyes. "And well I thought that you guys would think I was bein' weak."
"Raph we don't think that at all," Leonardo said, putting a hand on his directly younger brother's shoulder.
"Yeah bro," Michelangelo chimed in, getting up and hugging Raphael, who allowed it for once. "You like the strongest of all of us."
"We just wish you'd of told us sooner," Shinigami chimed in.
"It took guts to say what ya did," Slash chimed in. "More guts than I would have had." Slash patted Raphael on his back when he said this part.
"Thanks guys," Raphael said, relieved that no one thought less of him. Then he noticed Miwa hadn't said a word and wasn't even looking at him. "Miwa?" Raphael said, walking in front of his sister. "You ain't still mad at me are ya?"
"Just because you apologized doesn't mean all the hurtful things you said and did just go away," Miwa pointed out. "So yeah I'm still mad at you. But at least you have the sense to admit you have a problem."
"And that ain't all," Raphael said, going over to Donatello. "Donnie there's somethin' we haven't told ya. Somethin' big."
"That the Foot's back?" Donatello said, surprising his family and friends. "I'm a genius guys," the gap toothed turtle said with a smile. "Did you really think I wouldn't figure it out? I knew right away you were hiding something from me. I wasn't that hard to figure out what that was" Just then Shinigami let out a gasp and her eyes went wide.
"Shini what's wrong?" Miwa asked with concern.
"This is really bad," Shinigami said, putting her hand to her face.
"What's really bad?" April asked.
"They're close," Shinigami whispered. "Tiger Claw is close to bringing Shredder back from the dead. I can feel movement in the Spirit world."
"This is not good," Leonardo said. Before anyone could respond suddenly Donatello let out an ear piercing scream, causing the group to look at him with concern.
"Donnie what's wrong?" Raphael asked, the concern clear in his voice.
"Its to late," came Donatello's whispered voice. "He's already back." Then Donatello's eyes went up in his head and his head slumped forward as he passed out.
A/N I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and as always review please.
