19, Mid War
Confession
Remus sat at the head of the table, the entire Order staring him down with inquisitive eyes. He gnawed on his lower lip, gripping his report until his knuckles turned white. He was going to tell them all what he was. Reputation be damned the truth was about to come out. Perhaps admitting he was a werewolf would be a help to his kind. Perhaps this would make the more closed minded of the Order see that not all dark creatures were…well…dark.
Remus felt a soft kick in his shin from under the table. His eyes darted to the right to see James staring at him with raised brows.
'Oh, right. This is when I talk,' Remus thought, scolding himself.
Slowly, Remus stood, his chair scraping the floor awkwardly as it slid out from under him. Remus inhaled and looked to the Marauders for support. Sirius smiled at him warmly, James following suit with an encouraging glint in his eyes. Peter looked more nervous than anyone else.
'Probably worried being friends with a werewolf will lose him his newfound popularity…'
Though Lily's brows were furrowed, he could see a protective expression cross her face momentarily. As though she were ready to pounce at whoever gave Remus a dirty look. Then he looked to Dorcas who sat with her arms folded, staring at him with confused eyes. Finally, he met Dumbledore's gaze who gestured with his hand for Remus to begin.
"So, erm…some inquiries have been made as to my-erm-my job with the Order. As you know, my specialty is dueling and I have a proficiency for coaching some of you in the art of…erm…the art of defense and assisting in the production of Patronuses. A few of you have made some rather…astute observations regarding my absences."
Remus' heart began to pound in his ears. He was about to break his rule. He was about to tell them the truth. The only individual Remus ever personally confessed to had been Dorcas, and he was currently unaware of that fact. Remus removed a few pieces of parchment from his report-file and began to read from the speech he had been working on since ten in the evening last night.
"For many years I have kept silent about a certain affliction that I've had since I was only five. An affliction that all authorities, including those at Hogwarts are aware of. That being said…" Remus trailed off, his amber eyes scanning his sloppy scrawl.
With a sigh, Remus crumpled the paper in his hand and dropped it limply on the table. There was a sudden surge of courage that ran over him. With a roll of his eyes he placed his hands on his hips. He felt somewhat aggravated and unsettled. There was a spontaneous thought that hit his brain saying: Who gives a shite? Seizing that bit of courage, Remus blurted it out before he could think too much.
"Here's the thing, I'm a werewolf. I have been for over a decade," Remus shrugged. "It's never affected my studies or work ethic or compromised my morals."
Sirius' grin broadened, as did James'. Lily nodded at him with hopeful eyes while Dorcas' expression didn't change. Caradoc looked slightly shocked while Dumbledore and McGonagall seemed faintly amused.
"Yes, my duties are to train you all to fight and produce difficult spells, but I am also undercover in the Werewolf Colony gaining intel on Fenrir Greyback's plans to work with Voldemort," Remus stated, waving the file.
"What's your point, Lupin?" asked Marlene with a perplexed expression.
"Excellent question. I will answer," Remus replied.
Remus gestured to Dumbledore, who nodded in response.
"After consulting with Dumbledore, he has agreed that it is important you all be in the loop as to my knowledge of the Colony. That being said, you all deserve to be informed of how this information is being obtained and who is doing it. Not to mention, if the intel I gathered was dispersed anonymously, I have no doubt that there would be a disturbing amount of suspicion gathering amongst us. That cannot be tolerated at this time. We need to trust each other and speculation of treachery will tear us apart. We need to be unified.
"So by telling you the truth, I want you to know that I have nothing to hide. I am purely playing a part in order to gain Greyback's trust. I am working underground-quite literally as a matter of fact- to get us as much information as possible."
Remus paused taking in the reactions of the Order. Most of them wore blank expressions. He was quite surprised by this. They seemed almost complacent. Peter, however, was nervously surveying his peers. Much to his relief, no one was angry.
Remus swallowed, inhaling deeply through his nose. He momentarily refused to meet the gaze of those around him, but quickly fought to make eye contact with everyone.
"So, erm…I'm afraid I do have a rather large request to ask of you," he began quietly. "I request that you don't treat me any differently. That you-and I realize that this is a lot to ask-trust me. I know that at this time a werewolf isn't necessarily the most conventional ally but…most of you went to school with me. You've known me a great deal of your life. We grew up together. Just…in moments of doubt…"
Remus broke off trying to not to choke on his words. He wasn't on the verge of tears, but he wasn't exactly smiling from ear to ear. Finally he resolved to finish his statement.
"In moments of doubt I implore you to remember who I am. Or at least who I was to you before I confessed this secret. I assure you that I will not turn my back on this cause, or you. I will fight for the Order to the end. You needn't worry about me swaying to Greyback's side."
Silence lingered between all those occupying the space. Remus' eyes looked around the room, searching for someone other than the Marauders and Lily for a look of acceptance. He couldn't look at Dorcas. Not yet at least. After all, they'd been dating for years and he'd never confessed.
Inwardly, Dorcas was snickering. She could tell he was uneasy as to her reaction. It took everything in her not to burst out laughing at the expression on his face when she admitted that she had known for years.
McGonagall was squeezing Dumbledore's hand. A look of concern was on her normally terse face. With a sigh Remus shrugged.
"So, I'm a werewolf. Yes. I'm also your colleague and your schoolmate and your ally and ultimately, a friend. Please don't let the sins of my kind sully your vision of me. I believe you all to be smarter than that. Prove me right and the rest wrong."
Caradoc stroked his chin thoughtfully then looked over to Edgar Bones who was blinking in bewilderment. Remus looked at Dumbledore who gave him another nod.
"Alright, so now I will share with you some information I have gained on the Werewolf Colony."
Remus cleared his throat and selected a piece of parchment from his folder summarizing his intel on the Werewolf Colony thus far. Lily looked around the table, anticipating a negative reaction and ready to attack. Sirius grinned at Remus, nodding in approval while James beamed with pride for his friend. Remus half expected the lot of them to up and leave before he could get out a word of information. Though some remained a tad uncomfortable, no one left. Dorcas and Marlene leaned forward on the table, awaiting his information.
"Right, erm… So Fenrir Greyback, for those of you who don't know, is perhaps the most savage werewolf to date. He's-"
"How did it happen?"
Remus stopped mid-sentence to see Alice gazing at him with watery eyes. Remus looked about the table awkwardly. Everyone seemed utterly enraptured with him suddenly.
"How did-how did what happen, Alice?"
"How did…how did you become a werewolf?"
"Oh," Remus said, stunned.
He hadn't expected that inquiry. Not so publicly at least. Part of him wanted to wave Alice off and tell her that he would explain later, but then he remembered his speech.
'You said you had nothing to hide. Explain. Perhaps those who doubt you will see you more human if they know the real story…' he assured himself.
Remus took a deep breath and studied the lines on the table beneath him. He felt like he could collapse into his chair, but remained standing.
"Well, my father, working in the Ministry in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures saw Greyback on trial for the murder of two girls. At the time, no one knew he was a werewolf and my dad identified him as one but the erm…the Ministry waved it off…and…"
Everyone seemed on the edge of their seats, waiting for Remus to continue.
"Their dismissal of his opinion rather…angered my dad and he made an unsavory remark about werewolves. That made Greyback particularly irritated. So…a few days later…on my fifth birthday Greyback broke into my room at the full moon's zenith, transformed beside my bed and erm-there you have it," Remus shrugged, attempting to appear nonchalant.
Though the memory was old, the pain was still fresh.
After a brief silence where Alice seemed to crumple into Frank's arms, Remus continued reading his report.
"So, back to the report. Fenrir Greyback specializes in the contamination of children. His plan is to bite them between the ages of five to ten. That age range may not sound threatening, but the size of a werewolf between the ages of five to seven can increase by thirty five percent making them the size of an actual wolf in less than two years. That is about when we have estimated Voldemort's attack. That being said, you can only imagine the enormity of the ten year olds he has contaminated-"
"Have you bitten anyone, Remus?" asked Edgar Bones.
Remus' eyes widened at the very thought. Had he bitten anyone? Was Edgar serious?
"Pardon me?" was all Remus could manage to say.
"What kind of a question is that, Edgar?" snapped Sirius.
"I'm just asking. We have a right to know," Edgar responded calmly.
James was next to chime in.
"You honestly think that Dumbledore would admit him into the Order if he'd contaminated someone?"
"It's not a ridiculous question," Caradoc verified.
"Boys," inserted McGonagall concisely.
"Let's just…let's just let Remus answer."
Remus looked to Dorcas who had piped in. She raised her brows at him, a small grin on her lips.
"No, Edgar. I haven't contaminated anyone. I've taken special precautions so as to make sure that won't be a possibility," Remus said in a professional tone.
Edgar nodded and sat back in his chair. Remus wouldn't show it, but was becoming quite aggravated at how much he was being interrupted during this report. Then again, the last time he had given a report that wasn't interrupted they hadn't known he was a werewolf. He shouldn't be surprised the questions were arising now.
"Now, though I haven't contaminated anyone, I've heard through the grapevine that Greyback recruits people he calls 'Brothers' and 'Sisters' to help him do his bidding. They go out on full moons to residential areas and station themselves around children. When the time is right, they strike. Greyback sends his human recruits to collect the child and take them to his headquarters."
"He has human recruits? Recruits that aren't werewolves? Why would they work for him?" Hestia questioned.
'Finally. A question regarding my report,' Remus thought exhaustedly.
"Greyback has promised to contaminate them. He tells them that being a werewolf promises unlimited power and resources. That though they are discriminated against at the present time when Voldemort rises to power, they will be rich and considered above regular wizards."
"Does he truly intend to contaminate these humans or is it an empty promise?" queried Frank.
Remus shrugged at Frank hopelessly.
"I'm pursuing that lead currently. As I said, I'm still gaining Greyback's trust. His HQ is located in the abandoned sewer system beneath Uxbridge. He has two sections. There's a sort of lodging quarters for those he calls pledges and recruits. Recruits are newly turned children and pledges are adults who've been contaminated for quite some time. Recruits and pledges remain in the first room. Those who display promise for assisting him in his army are moved to what they call 'Area Two.'"
"What's in Area Two?"
"So far I only know that it has Brothers and Sisters, Frank. That's the extent of my knowledge. I haven't shown enough talent to be considered being let in."
"What do you have to do to prove to Greyback that you are talented?" Caradoc asked with a speculative glare.
Remus swallowed. He knew what he had to do. He already had a plan.
"Here's how you work your way up. Greyback keeps the young captive at the HQ but those of us who are adults are to report three times a month. During those three times he makes us duel seeing who the best is. Then he holds an interview process with the victor. If he likes you, he'll assign you a person to contaminate. You prove yourself by contaminating the victim and are allowed into Area Two."
"So, wait. You're going to have to contaminate someone?"
Before Remus could respond to Edgars rather crudely toned response, James stepped in.
"Actually, Sirius and I have devised a plan to get Remus out of it. Greyback will take Remus to his location where the target will be. Greyback will most likely remain till the last minute just to make sure Remus commits. The second Greyback transforms he'll apparate to his own target. Remus has been practicing for months to apparate just before the moon. He's gotten very good at it," James explained.
"So as soon as Greyback disappears, Remus will apparate to the Shrieking Shack leaving the target free and clear."
"Sirius, won't Greyback know that Remus hasn't completed the task?" Alice asked quietly.
Remus finally found the courage to answer himself.
"Actually, though Greyback doesn't consider me talented enough to rise into the higher ranks he has grown rather fond of me. I'm betting that if I tell him I completed the job he'll believe me. Greyback contaminates about fifty children a month, out of all of them very few survive the first transformation. It's a very messy plan Greyback's concocted and is quite easily corrupted. I'll just tell him my target passed in the first transformation."
"So, how can you be sure you won't actually bite the target?" Edgar questioned.
Remus' amber eyes locked with Edgar's. He'd almost reached his wit's end with Edgar's blunt questions. As validated as they were, Remus' inner wolf was becoming agitated.
"I'm sure I won't, Edgar. I've come this far," Remus said coolly.
Edgar shrunk back in his chair slightly, making Dorcas smirk. Peter was clenching and unclenching his fists in anxiety.
"So, that brings me to topic two. He's gaining recruits fast. Many are dying and I hope when I make it higher in the ranks to eliminate some Brothers and Sisters. Cut down their army a bit. That all depends on how much Greyback trusts me, of course. This is going to be a lengthy process, but…it's doable," Remus admitted.
He placed the pieces of parchment back into the folder, removed his wand from his sweater pocket, flourished it and sent the documents floating over to Dumbledore gently. Careful not to reveal his exhaustion, Remus sat in his chair once more. All of eyes were either on Remus or looking awkwardly at their hands. He expected to feel mortified and scared but instead Remus felt exhilarated. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Thank you, Mr. Lupin. That was very informative," Dumbledore said kindly.
McGonagall smiled at Remus, obviously proud. He let a fraction of his mouth twitch up for just a moment before returning to his contemplative façade.
Dumbledore, Dorcas and Marlene also revealed some information they had acquired and the Order meeting was dispersed for the traditional lunch that Aberforth would provide. Remus expected half a dozen questions from each of the members or everyone to speak in hushed whispers. Instead, everyone was rather normal. It was as though his confession was the menial drunk ramblings of seventh year girl, dismissed the next morning. For that he was grateful.
It seemed then that everything was going to be okay for Remus. That everyone would accept him. Sadly, unbeknownst to him, this was the most accepted he would be for quite some time. Though those nearest to him would always hold him dear and true, the world was not quite so kind.
