There Is Peace In Strife
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No profit made.
An: I feel so bad for leaving you guys with the cliffhanger, especially after Lexa. Can you believe this, fuck that show and fuck Jason. Alycia deserved better. Lexa deserved better.
There's a small time jump, just enough for Abby to arrive in Polis.
She saw it all. She stood there and watched Clarke fall, and she didn't do anything to help. Lexa had gotten there too late, and now she's left with the knowledge that she could have done more to protect Clarke, to protect Lenox, and once again, Lexa had failed in doing so. She paces outside the healer's tent as Nyko and Abby do what they can, all that they can, to fix Clarke. Lexa is left with feeling utterly useless, again.
The people of Polis are holding their breath. They come in shifts, standing vigil alongside their Heda as Lexa awaits word of Clarke's progress. They bring food and light candles. Children place flower crowns next to the candle shrines, an offering to their ancestors so that they may take the flowers instead of their Wanheda. Lexa doesn't even know where Lenox is. Octavia and Lincoln had taken him away from the crowd. Lincoln was probably doing his best to patch the two up.
"Heda! Heda!" A small voice calls out to her from the crowd, and the people part to allow the small body through. Lexa drops to her knees, clouds of dirt billowing up from her harsh landing, but her arms are open to accept the small body hurdling into her protective reach. In this moment, she does not care that she shows such open emotion amongst her people. Lexa doesn't care if they know that she loves Wanheda just as much as they do. She doesn't care that they know she loves Clarke even more.
All Lexa cares about is Lenox's small body folding into her own. She presses her hand to the back of his head, allowing him to nuzzle into her neck as her other arm comes to wrap around his back, gently tucking him into her. Lexa allows herself to draw a comfort far greater than the small body should provide, as Lenox draws comfort from her.
"Shh ai yongon. Lenox, yu Nomon na kik thru. Em ste yuj." Shh my child. Lenox, your mother will survive. She is strong.
Lexa tries to console the crying boy. Softly, she pulls him from him, though he is reluctant to let go. She places her hands upon his shoulders and smiles when his teary gaze locks onto her.
"Oso souda ste yuj." We must be strong.
Lexa watches as Lenox's small chin quivers as he tries to stand tall, but his throat bobs and Lexa's heart burns at the sight of the small cuts beneath his chin.
"Ai na ste yuj. Gon ai nomon. Gon yu. Gon ai seingeda." I will be strong. For my mother. For you. For my family.
Lexa takes his face into her hands and brings him close to lay her forehead to his. "Gon oso seingeda." For our family. She whispers to him and presses her lips to his forehead. Lexa stands, her hands under Lenox's armpits as she lifts him with her and holds him. His little arms wrap around her neck, his legs around her waist, and she holds him to her like the fragile warrior he is. In this moment, he's simply a boy.
Lexa casts her eyes over the people of Polis and she can see love and understanding reflected back at her. She is not weak for showing such emotion. They know Heda will do anything for her people; they are her family. They know devotion and selflessness are never weakness, as she has proven to them time and time again, safeguarding them all. They do not see weakness in her love for Clarke and her son. She sees their strength and she takes it as her own.
"Heda." Octavia's soft voice breaks her reprieve. Octavia's arm is outstretched as though she'll take Lenox from her. Lexa takes a step back.
Lexa shakes her head as she hears a small whimper escape Lenox. "No." Lexa tells Octavia in a firm but quiet voice. "He stays with me." Her right hand pushes against Lenox's back to tuck him more firmly into her chest, her left arm wrapped beneath his bottom to keep him up. He weighs next to nothing, but his weight against her is the only thing keeping her grounded in this moment.
Octavia frowns, her brows scrunching over a blackened eye. She has bruises around her neck and a busted lip, and Lexa notices how she favors one leg, the other barely able to support any pressure. Lexa wonders how she made it here alone. Though, Octavia has always been a stubborn girl. "Ok." The girl relents with a heavy sigh as Lincoln appears at her side. He nods to Lexa, but doesn't speak as he wraps an arm around Octavia and pulls her in closer, taking most of her weight against him.
Jealousy flares within Lexa's heart. Why does this man get to hold is love when Lexa's lays in this tent, dying? She shakes her head. It won't do her any good to dwell on such things. She knows her part in all this, her guilt is familiar and loud within her mind, but Lenox needs her now and Clarke does too. She will stay strong.
"Heda!"
Lexa grits her teeth, but turns toward the warrior.
"Chit?" What? She growls. She knows this warrior, Linus. Clarke's friend. "What is it, Linus?" She relents.
"There is no sign of Nia in Polis. We sent out patrols outside the gates to catch her trail. Heda...we found Roan, the banished Azgeda prince. He says that he pledges his loyalty to you and Wanheda. He has information of the Azgeda army," Linus delivers with a hushed voice.
Lexa eyes him harshly.
"Do you trust him?" Lexa demands.
Clarke trusts this man. Clarke puts her life and the life of her child in this warrior's hands. Trusting him is the least Lexa can do.
Linus nods firmly. "He was banished for revolting against his mother, Heda. Roan holds no love for Nia."
"Indra!" Lexa yells, her hand cupping Lenox's ears to shield him from the sudden noise. The general scrambles to stand before her, dipping her head in respect awaiting orders. "Get any information you can from the Azgeda Prince...be sure he's an ally. Take Linus with you. Go!" Indra hesitates. "Chit?" What?
Indra eyes Octavia. "Ai seken?" She requests. Lexa looks to Octavia and sees that the girl is torn between wanting to go with her mentor and wanting to stay at Clarke's side.
Lexa takes the small steps that separate her and Octavia. "It is up to you Octevia kom Trikru. I will not fault you for staying by Clarke's side, nor will I for going with Indra." Uncertainty shines clear in Octavia's eyes. "Lenox will not leave my sight, and I will not leave Clarke until I absolutely must. I swear it." Lexa speaks softly, aware that her words can be used against her if traitors are near, but she has faith in her people and their loyalty to her, their loyalty to Clarke.
Octavia nods and pulls away from Lincoln, limping on her injured leg but standing tall. Lexa is proud, and so is Indra. "I'll join Indra...if there's any changes…" She drifts off with an unsaid request.
Lexa nods. "I will send word. I will retrieve you myself if need be," Lexa promises.
Relief washes over the young warrior and Lexa watches on as they take their leave. Lincoln stays steady by his Heda's side. A light snore gathers Lexa's attention and she pulls back enough to see that Lenox has fallen asleep.
"I can take him to his room," Lincoln offers.
Lexa shakes her head and adjusts her hold on the boy. "No, we will stay until we know Clarke is ok. I will not take him away from his nomon."
Lincoln nods and pulls a small bench like seat over to Lexa. She nods gratefully and sits, leaning back ever so slightly to allow Lenox to rest more snugly against her. She will wait for Clarke.
It takes as long as it takes.
"Hold her down!" Abby hisses as she lays atop her daughters convulsing legs. The wound itself had been easy to fix, it was a clean through and through, it didn't nick any organs or bones. They had stopped the bleeding and stitched her up, but then the seizures came, and with every jolt the stitches tore and damage was done.
Together, Nyko and Abby roll Clarke over to her side, holding tight until the convulsions lessen and leave. When Clarke is done they roll her back into place on her back. "Azgeda poison." Nyko spits with gritted teeth. "Emo bushhada." Cowards. Now that Clarke is seemingly calm, Nyko goes back to his mortar to grind up the herbs that will make the antidote; they're on borrowed time.
"How much longer does she have, Nyko?" Abby asks, her face slipping and showing her emotion.
Nyko looks up to her as he adds a green colored oil into the mortar. "Clarke is strong." He grunts, but Abby notices that he does not answer her question. "Others have fallen to this poison much quicker than she. She fights it with the strength of Wanheda. It would be too late for others, but not for her. Ai seken ste yuj. Ai Wanheda ste yuj. Em na teik daun dison." My second is strong. My Wanheda is strong. She will overcome this.
Abby only collects the gist of his words, but the warm coming from the normally stoic healer breathes hope into her heart. "She is strong." Abby whispers, wiping the sweat from her daughter's brow with a cold cloth.
Nyko comes to stand at Abby's side. "It is ready." He says, and Abby lifts Clarke's head and opens her mouth. Nyko pours the medicine down her throat, his hand covering Clarke's mouth when the girl starts to cough so she doesn't spit it out. He sighs when Clarke settles down and puts his mortar to the side. Abby watches him tiredly. "It is up to her now. We should update, Heda."
Abby stops him with a gentle hand on his broad chest. "I'll go talk to Lexa...keep an eye on her?"
Nyko nods and plops down on a sturdy stool by Clarke's head. He takes up the cloth and cold water bowl, wiping at Clarke's brow and cleaning the blood from her face. He whispers to her in a low tremble, too low for Abby to understand, but she thinks it must be comforting words as Clarke's body relaxes before him. She sighs and heads to the exit.
The cool night air bites at her skin, cooling the clamminess that settled upon her in the healer's tent. The scene before her tears at her heart and confounds her mind. People are scattered in the streets, torches lit, and groups formed. There are candles gathered in shrines around the tent with flowers and small dolls surrounding them. What strikes her most, though, is Lexa. The young leader is reclined on a small bench. Her grandson is wrapped around Lexa like she's his lifeline and Lexa's red sash, the symbol of the Heda's power, is wrapped around Lenox's body to shield him from the cold.
The people stand as they notice her, murmurs growing as they stand and pull in close. The sudden noise, though hushed it is, wakes Lexa. Abby approaches her, kneeling down so Lexa doesn't have to stand and disturb Lenox.
"The sword was poisoned," Abby says, and before she can continue Lexa's eyes are wide and she's panicking.
"Lenox! He was cut!" Lexa startles trying to stand, and she growls, literally growls, when Abby prevents her from getting up.
"Lexa no, wait. Lenox was cut with the man's dagger. He wasn't poisoned. Lincoln checked him over, ok? He's fine and Clarke's fine. Nyko gave her the antidote...now it's up to her," Abby explains softly. Her hand rubbing Lenox's back softly, careful not to jostle Lexa's hand as it rests firmly on the back on his neck. "You should go home, Lexa, get some rest and some food."
Abby doesn't flinch under the Heda's glare.
"I will not leave her. Never again will I leave her," she says solemnly. It's a promise.
Abby sighs, though she can't deny the small smile that tries to tug at her lips. "There's nothing any of us can do now. She's sleeping, and you should be, too."
Lexa sighs, her lips resting upon Lenox's hair as her fingers rub at his neck. "I promised Octavia that I would send news, that I would not leave," she explains. Abby takes the time to realize just how connected this woman is to her daughter.
"I'm staying here, so is Nyko and Lincoln." Abby looks to the man to confirm, he nods. "If anything happens you'll know. Clarke wouldn't want you both sitting out here in the cold. Go, take care of yourself and Lenox...for Clarke." Abby pushes gently. For a moment Abby doesn't believe that Lexa will listen to her, the girl sits quietly, her mouth steady against Lenox's head. Then Lexa sighs, and Abby takes a breath of relief.
"I will be in Clarke's room. Any change and you come to me immediately. Is that understood, Lincoln?" Lexa fixes a firm glare onto the man. Lincoln stands tall under her glare.
"You have my word, Heda."
Abby watches as Lexa hesitates still, her gaze solely on the tent, her eyes searching for the girl behind the canvas. Then Lexa starts toward her home. Abby watches as the crowd parts before her, hands coming to rest against her shoulder as she passes them. Their devotion touches Abby, and when Lexa is out of sight, the people turn back to her, eager for news.
Abby clears her throat. "She is stable! Clarke was poisoned, but Nyko gave her the antidote. She'll survive," she announces, and is surprised by the roar she gets in return. As the men and women who understand her relate the message to those who don't the cheers grow and the people rejoice with the knowledge that their Wanheda has not been lost, not yet. They rejoice with hope in their hearts.
She's never been in Clarke's room, not in all the times she's past it in the hall, the seconds she's spent standing outside it wishing she had the courage to knock. Now, she steps into the unfamiliar territory, Clarke's territory, and she's surprised when it feels as though she belongs here. With word being sent to Octavia, Lexa no longer has obligations to uphold. She's just here, with this boy, in Clarke's room, worried and worn.
"Lenox…" She sings, bouncing slightly as to rouse the boy from his sleep. "Ai yongon…" My child...She calls to him, a soft smile gracing her lips as his tiny fist rubs the sleep from his eyes. Finally his green eyes look up at her, and she takes a small moment to recognize just how easily Clarke had fallen for this boy. "Are you hungry?" She asks softly.
"Nomon?" Mother? He asks, ignoring Lexa's question.
Lexa's stomach drops slightly. "She is sleeping...Grandma is taking care of her, so is Naikou." She tries to reassure him, she tries to reassure herself in the same breath, and though it's irrelevant, she hopes she remembered the correct term for Abby's relation to Lenox...she's almost sure that's the word she's heard from Clarke.
"We eat now?" He gives a sleepy grin and Lexa exhales a breath, her reassurance must have been enough. Maybe she could do this, maybe she can be good at this family thing. She blushes at the thought. She's getting ahead of herself.
"Yes, we can eat now and then we'll sleep." Lenox gives a firm nod that is too cute for Lexa to ignore, so she smiles and carries him to the table where her guard has placed two plates of meat, cheese and fruits. She's even managed to gather the carrots Lenox loves, or at least that's what the cooks have told her. She hopes they are not wrong.
She goes to set him down on a seat, but he clings to her. Lexa frowns. "Chit?" What?
Lenox looks down and pulls himself from her, taking the seat he had refused only moments ago. She takes a seat as well, but pulls his close to her, close enough for their knees to knock together softly.
"What's wrong, Lenox?"
He sighs, his shoulders shaking as he looks to his feet as they sway beneath him. "You are my Heda. I am 'posed to be a strong warrior, but I am scared." His voice is small, shaky, and it breaks Lexa's heart completely.
Lexa reaches out to him and tips his chin up so that green eyes meet green eyes.
"You're right, I am your Heda...but you want to know a secret?" He nods eagerly, leaning in close to here her secret. "Your Heda gets scared, too." She almost laughs when his eyes grow comically large, but she knows this is a serious moment, this is the moment she teaches him something that his mother has taught her.
"I was scared that your nomon would never forgive me. I was afraid when I thought I could not be a part of your lives. I was afraid when the warrior came to me today and told me that you and your nomon were being harmed." With a breath of pause, remembering the feeling of dread she experienced what seems like forever ago, but really merely hours, she steadies herself to continue.
"Lenox, I was so scared when I realized that I could do nothing to prevent you and your nomon from getting hurt. I'm afraid even now, that she will not forgive me when she wakes, because I promised her that I would never harm her again, that I would never bring harm to you, and yet you've both been harmed under my watch. Lenox, you must understand that even the bravest of warriors become scared when their loved ones are being put in harm's way. We all get scared, and it's ok because it means that we care, that we love. Do you understand?"
She watches him take in all that she's said and she's aware that maybe she's said too much. Lenox looks at her, his eyes shifting over her face, green on green, and it makes her feel like a piece of glass. Stripped, transparent, bare.
"Nomon says that love is not weakness, that it is strength. Hodnes laik uf. Hodnes laik nou kwelnes." Love is strength. Love is not weakness.
Lexa smiles ruefully at Clarke's son. "Your Nomon is a very smart woman."
Lenox gives her a blinding grin. "Yu hod in ai nomon, Heda." You love my mother, Heda. He wiggles his small eyebrows and Lexa laughs, feeling so light in this moment of darkness.
She leans in close, gently knocking their foreheads together. "Sha, ai hod in yu nomon." Yes, I love your mother. "But...I haven't told her yet...so can you keep your Heda's secret?" She asks in mock seriousness.
Lenox giggles at her and puffs out his little chest. "Sha, Heda." Yes, Heda. He yawns and Lexa brings her hand to cups the side of his head, her thumb stroking his temple.
"Let's eat, my little warrior."
His grin takes on a sleepy tone and he turns to his plate. Lexa grins when he reaches for the carrots first. She will not have to tie the cook to a tree for giving her false information. She watches as he eats happily, and though she feels as though she cannot stomach a thing, she eats when Lenox offers her a bite of his precious carrots and tucks into her own meal to do away with his worried gaze. Lexa thinks that his soul must be very old to hold such knowledge and understanding at such a young age.
When they've finished, Lexa wipes his face clean with her sleeve, not knowing where a cloth might be. His hands bat her away playfully and he laughs when she tickles his neck, so careful not to touch or irritate his cuts. His hands are dirty and she suspects that the rest of his body is as well. Lexa frowns, not knowing if it would be appropriate.
Lenox remedies the problem for her. "Bath time!" He squeals, running over to the curtain that separates the bath from the rest of the room. He frowns when he looks into the old world tub and turns to Lexa with his hands on his hips. "Where's the water, Heda?"
"Um…" Lexa panics and tries to reel it in, she must not show fear. She starts toward the door, finding her guard, Dax, just outside it. "Water! I need bath water!" The guard looks startled for only a moment as he looks at her as though she's lost her mind. "Hos op!" Hurry up! It takes only minutes for the servants to come in with the warm water, but to Lexa, it feels like an eternity. When the bath is finally filled, and at the right temperature, Lexa freezes as she's left alone with the boy.
Lenox grins at her. "You have to put the oils in now, Heda. That's what my nomon does." He picks up a bottle and thrusts it into her hands.
Lexa nods. She can do this. It's a bath. She takes baths all the time.
"Right, ok," she mumbles to herself as she tips the bottle over the water, side eyeing Lenox so that she knows when enough of the oil is in the bath. "That should be enough...don't you think?" She asks him.
He hums and nods, his hands swirling through the water. "You have to mix it," he says. Once he's satisfied, he sits down and lifts a foot in Lexa's direction. "You have to take them off." He shrugs. "I don't know how to tie."
Lexa nods, she knew that...she should have known that. With careful hands she unties his boots, one at a time, and places them off to the side, far enough away so that they will not get wet if there's a splash. Then Lenox is taking off his shirt and Lexa's eyes shoot to the ceiling. Lenox finds this exceedingly funny and he laughs at her embarrassment. "I can't take a bath with my clothes on, Heda. That's just silly!" His face screws up in thought and his grin turns into a devilish thing that scares Lexa. "Well I did try to do it once, when nomon first found me. She didn't know what she was doing either," Lenox laughs gleefully.
Lexa's pride flares up. She is not a branwoda. A fool. Still, she's never seen a naked child and she's a little embarrassed, not that she'll ever admit it. "Ok." She gulps. "Clothes off and in the tub." Lenox strips quickly and shoves away her hands when Lexa tries to help, telling her that he can do it by himself. Lexa grins at his determination and before she knows it he's in the bath.
"Can I have bubbles? Nomon let's me have bubbles." He gives her a pointed look, waiting.
Lexa looks at the many bottles on the shelf next to the bath. Which one is bubbles? Finally she finds the right bottle, and it smells like lavender, just like the oil she had put in the water. She pours it in and swishes the water like Lenox had done with the oil. Lenox is delighted when the first bubbles appear and claps, sending water Lexa's way. She flinches. "Ooops!" He laughs.
"Ooops?" Lexa mocks, and flicks the water back at him. Lenox squeals as his hands fly up to block the attack and he giggles. It makes Lexa feel like everything is going to be ok. Clarke will be ok. She'll come back to them and maybe...maybe this can happen again with Clarke.
Her confidence rises as Lenox seems to stay unharmed, so she takes it upon herself to search out the hair soap. Lenox turns his back to her and stays still as she gently rubs the soap into his hair, the blonde turning slightly darker. She takes the cup from the shelf and is careful when she rinses the soap from his hair.
"I can wash my body," Lenox announces as he reaches for a cloth and holds it out to Lexa so she can put body soap onto it. When she does, he's quick to wash, but stops when he gets to his feet. Lenox plops back down into the water and swings his foot up startling Lexa. "Nomon always washes my feet. She says I always forget my toes." He explains, wiggling said toes in Lexa's direction. She takes the cloth from him and starts scrubbing his feet when his leg jerks away. "Tickles," he says with a grin.
Lexa smiles back and starts again, the process quickly turning into a mini battle as Lexa fights to clean the little toes and Lenox doing all he can to escape the ticklish cloth. Their battle ends with a soaked Lexa and a very happy, and giggly Lenox.
"Alright, come on," Lexa smiles as she holds out a large cloth. He gets out without protest and let's Lexa wrap him up. He doesn't give her trouble when she dries his body, and Lexa is grateful for it. "Ok, where are your sleep clothes?"
"Over here!" He runs toward a long chest that sits at the end of Clarke's bed. Lexa follows after him and opens the trunk.
"What do you where?" She asks as she takes in the variety of clothes. They look organized, but Lexa can't figure out just what each pile is for.
Lenox giggles. "Sleep clothes, Heda." She studies him as he grins up at her. He's teasing her, she'll get her revenge...eventually, if she survives tonight. Lenox reaches into the trunk and pulls out a pair of under shorts and a long shirt that look like it belonged to Clarke. Lenox blushes and holds it close to his body. "It's nomon's shirt, but...I want to wear it, Heda."
Lexa gives him a reassuring smile, at least she hopes it's reassuring because her vision is blurry and her throat is tight. "I'm sure your nomon won't mind." He smiles at her and drops his towel making Lexa fight the urge to look away, instead she helps him dress. When he's done, he reaches back into the trunk and pulls out sleep shorts and a shirt that is much too big for him. Lexa frowns at the clothes when Lenox hands them to her. "What's this?"
Lenox shrugs. "Nomon won't mind." He smiles, and Lexa returns it, even if it's a small shy smile. "You can change behind the curtain if you want. Nomon does."
Lexa nods and goes behind the curtain, but she hesitates. These are Clarke's clothes. They smell like Clarke. Clarke has been in these clothes. Lexa takes a deep breath. She's going to wear Clarke's clothes and she's going to sleep in Clarke's bed, with Clarke's son. The only thing that's missing is Clarke. She dresses quickly, folding her clothes and setting them atop the trunk when she's finished. Lenox smiles at her and jumps into bed, patting the space next to him. "This is nomon's side." He says pointing to the right side of the bed. "I sleep here." He points to his spot in the middle. "This can be your spot now." He pats the left side of the bed.
Lexa gulps. She has a side of the bed. She has her side of the bed, in Clarke's bed. Has he been planning this, she wonders? Slowly, she crawls into bed, lifting the covers and settles in next to Lenox. "Does your nomon do anything else at bedtime?" She asks, licking her lips nervously.
Lenox snuggles closer to her in response. He tucks himself under her chin and slips his little arm and leg around her body. "Nomon rubs my hair and back so I can fall asleep," he says. Of course, Lexa thinks, her mother had done the same for her when she was a child. Lexa does as he wants, cradling his precious form in her arms. "Smuch op, Heda?" Kiss, Heda? He asks with a sleepy voice. Her heart squeezes in her chest and she kisses his forehead reverently. She holds onto this piece of Clarke, and she pours every bit of love and peace she feels into Lenox, hoping he can feel it. It takes no time at all for the boy to fall asleep, and with a prayer sent to her ancestors and to every Heda who ruled before her, she prays for Clarke's spirit.
She needs Clarke's spirit to stay where it is. She needs Clarke. Lenox needs his nomon. She needs her almost family to be complete once and for all.
