Disclaimer:- I do not own Dark Angel or any of the characters, but what would I do if I own Alec!!!???
AN:- Ok, chapter 9! Please, please, please R&R guys!
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Not So Ordinaries
Chapter Nine
When Donna walked back into her apartment, this time with Alec behind her, her mood was ten times different and ten times better. No more tears and no feelings of upset and betrayal. Being back with Alec felt right. So why was she so nervous?
She heard the click of the door close behind them as she made her way into the kitchen of her apartment. It wasn't something she was doing consciously, but she was keeping her and Alec at least a room apart.
"Coffee?" she asked as she reached in the cupboard for cups and coffee granules.
"You have a real coffee addiction, don't you?" Alec asked, making light of the situation.
"You just figured that out?" Donna said with a wan smile as Alec took a seat on the couch. She continued to make the coffee in silence, neither of them even looking up or glancing at each other. There were things that were running through Donna's mind, had been pretty much since she had forgiven Alec. Things she still wanted to ask and know about him, and even some things she thought he should know about her. She just wasn't sure if now was really the time to bring them up.
Finishing up with the coffee, she took the two cups and stood in front of Alec, holding one cup out to him. He took it, but still she didn't move, and it was his turn to motion to the seat beside him. Smiling, she took the seat, but still didn't seem all that comfortable.
"Everything ok?" Alec asked, turning his body to face her.
"Everything's fine," Donna reply.
"Why don't I believe you?" Donna paused for a minute before also turning her body to face Alec.
"I just think there are still things we need to talk about," Donna said, figuring now was a better time than any to start up the conversation she wanted.
"Things like what?" Alec said, beginning to get a little nervous about just where this was going.
"It's just… I still think there are so many things that we don't know about each other. Things about our pasts."
"You're not gonna give up on this whole deal about my past, are you?" Alec said with a smile. "Why do you wanna know so much about my past, or for me to know about yours?"
"I really believe a person's past is what makes them who they are. What makes them the person you see in front of you. Things they've seen, things they've done, and things they lived through. It's what makes them weak, or what makes them strong. Just like you."
"Me? Strong?" Alec said, now a little stunned at the direction this conversation seemed to be going.
"Yeah you, Alec, and yeah, strong. I know some things about your past remember, and I am truly amazed that after everything you've turned out the way you have. A pretty stable guy." Alec smiled at her answer, but it faded as he realised what she was asking from him. The fact that she wanted to know about some things he'd much rather forget.
"The thing's I've told you are just the tip of the iceberg, Donna. There is so much more they made me do back them. Things I'm truly ashamed of. A lot of things I don't want you to know about me, Donna." Alec reached out and gently touched her cheek, watching as she smiled slightly.
"You've told me quite a bit Alec, including things that involve my father and brother. I don't see how anything you tell me can be any different or worse than that. I've seen and done a lot of things in my life that I don't wanna remember either, Alec. Trust me on that."
"Yeah, well, have you ever killed anyone?" Alec asked, knowing he had the upper on this matter.
"Yes," Donna said softly, truly shocking Alec more than anything else she could have said.
"What?" Alec said, the shock that he felt clearly evident in his voice.
"I've killed someone," Donna continued even softer, staring deep into Alec's eyes and seeing just how shocked he really was. But there was something else there. Something you could only see if you looked deep enough. The real reason she had told Alec something she had told herself she would never tell anyone. She saw understanding. An understanding that only someone like Alec could ever give her. Someone who had killed and felt true remorse.
"Donna, I…." Alec began, his shock stopping his flow of words. "You're gonna have to explain this to me in a bit more detail, sweetie. How did you kill someone? What did you do?"
"It was after my father died," Donna began to tell her story, keeping her eyes anywhere but on Alec. "It really did a number on my mom, losing both my father and my brother like we did." Even with her eyes down, Donna could see, or more like sense, the look in Alec's eyes.
"Don't worry," she said, throwing a small smile his way. "I forgave you for that before you even walked back through that door. You don't need to apologise anymore." At the new and calmer look that flashed in Alec's eyes, Donna decided it was best to continue her story before she chickened out completely.
"Once my father died, my mom close to lost her mind. Just like me, she never believed the police when they told us what had killed my dad was an accident. She knew he was murdered, but unlike me, she thought she knew who had done it. She kept going on about genetic supersoldiers. Everyone she told, including me, never believed her. But now, I guess she was right." Donna glanced over at Alec again, the proof of the whole supersoldier program sat right beside her.
"I was 18, so I was still living at home, full time first year uni student. I was at a party one night, and I came back late, still pretty sober. The front door was open, pretty much broken from its hinges actually. I remembered everything my father told me, so I walked cautiously into the house, quiet as I could. That was when I heard my mother screaming." At this point of the story, tears had started to form behind Donna's eyes, fighting their way to the front against Donna's wishes.
"Forgetting everything my dad had told me, I just ran to her voice. I found her in the wreck that was our living room, cowering in the corner with a guy stood over her who couldn't have been any older than me, a gun pointed right between her eyes. After that, I just worked on pure instinct. Seeing someone with a gun pointed at my mother, the only family I had left, I just leap at him, tackling him before he even realised I was there, in the room. Even with all the training my dad had given me, that guy seemed to know ten times more. And he was so strong. I mean…." Donna's voice trailed off, eyes staring and mouth open as if something new had just occurred to her.
"X5," she whispered softly. "I never realised until now, but I guess he had to have been an X5. They must have seen my mom as a threat too, what with he spouting out about supersoldiers."
"Like I said," Alec said softly. "If they thought someone could jeopardise what they were doing up at Manticore, they got rid of them, as horrible as that is to say."
"So that was it," she said as the tears slowly made trials down her cheeks. "They saw my mom as a threat. I guess she was lucky I was there. I saved her life, even if it was the last thing I ever did for her. Me and this guy, the X5, we fought, struggled for the gun. I don't know how, but I managed to get it off him. For what seemed like an eternity, we stood there, eye to eye. Then I did it. Without a second thought I pulled the trigger, hit him right between the eyes. He was dead within seconds." Donna felt Alec's warm hand clasp round hers, but for once it didn't offer comfort.
"I lost my mother that night too, in theory," Donna continued. "She'd begun to break after the death of my dad, but that night just threw her over the edge, seeing her sweet little girl killing someone in cold blood. I tried to go to her, comfort her and see if she was alright, but she couldn't even stand to look at me. I can remember so vividly the way she screamed, literally ran from my touch. She just carried on screaming and screaming, so I rung her doctor. He took her away, locked her away in a mental institute. That was three years ago. The last time I ever saw my mom because she can't stand to be around me anymore." She turned to Alec then, again looking deep into his eyes.
"So there it is," she said with a small forced smile. "The night I killed someone, lost what I had left of my family, and the reason I can accept anything you throw at me now. Because guess what Alec. You and I are more alike than I first thought. Back at Manticore, you were told you were killing for all the right reasons. Well, that's what I did. Killed for the right reasons."
"Reasons like what?" Alec asked, keeping his voice pretty neutral.
"Love. Plain and simple. Someone came at my family, the only person I had left to love, and that was it. I guess that doesn't make it right though, does it."
There was no answer he could give for that. He knew, from personal experience, that there was no way inside your own mind that you could justify killing another person. You always had to live with it, no matter what anyone else tried to tell you. No matter how many words of comfort you heard. So instead, where words of comfort failed, actions were better. He wrapped his arms round her, drawing her into his body as those tears she had wanted so badly to fight fell in a steady flow.
He was a little cautious at first when he reached out to her, remembering the last time he had tried to hold her, comfort her. Just like he remembered the powerful slap across the face his words had gotten him. But as he felt her reach out, hold tight to him, he relaxed. She was gratefully taken the comfort he was offering, leaning into him and clutching tightly to his body.
"You know, you were right about the body temperature thing," Donna said, hugging against Alec and trying to steer their conversation to anything other than the sordid details of her past. Anything to stop the tears that had already began to slow. "You do feel warmer."
"Not much," Alec said, knowing just what she was doing and giving into her. For now at least. "Just three degrees." Alec continued, being round Donna making him realise all the more just how normal he wasn't.
"It's nice," Donna said, sensing what he really meant as always. "Kind of comforting in a way." She hugged closer against Alec, her head resting against his chest and her eyes closed.
"Last time we spoke, you kept repeatedly telling me not to touch you," Alec said jokily as he felt Donna cling to him, her arms round him tightening. "Now, you won't seem to let me go." At least Donna laughed at that, even if it was slightly forced for his sake.
"Well, right now, I kind of need you to keep touching me," Donna said while she let her head rest against Alec's chest. In response, Alec held her a little tighter.
"Fine by me," he said. "Although, after everything, I'll never understand why." He tried to keep his voice low on the last bit, but Donna heard.
"It's because of everything that's made me see this Alec," she said softly. "I need this. I need you. When we're like this, when you hold me or when you kiss me, it feels kinda perfect. I feel kinda perfect. And I need that more than anything."
Alec felt the continued sob roll through her body and into his, and lifted her face to see the single tear rolling down her already tear-stained cheek. Smiling, Alec leaned down and kissed her, tenderly but full of passion. He pulled away to find Donna smiling now, her eyes still closed.
"Just like that," she whispered. Alec laughed softly, his hand resting against her soft cheek.
"Donna, I let you change the subject for a minute or two," Alec said softly. "But I really think you told me that for a reason." Donna sighed, trying her best to put on a smile.
"Now who's the one who's so concerned about the past?"
"Donna, there was nothing wrong about what you did. You were defending you mom, your family, the only way you could."
"No Alec, that wasn't the only way. There were other things I could have done to save my mother. Ways that didn't involve pulling that trigger."
"He was an X5. I know quite a bit about them, and I know what they're capable of. Once they have a mission, they do anything they have to do to complete it. Which would have meant killing you if you got in they way."
"It doesn't matter what you say, Alec. It doesn't matter what anyone says. As far as I'm concerned, it was murder."
"Well, In that case, for all the times that has happened in my life, I must be a mass murdered then."
"That it a totally different matter, Alec," Donna said, gazing up into his eyes again. "You were part of the military, a soldier. Brainwashed, even. That was all you knew back then. You didn't know any better."
"Like I told you Donna, there is quite a bit about my past you don't know," Alec said. "I could have said no. Max and her unit realised that when they were only nine years old. They fought back and escaped. But not me. I was a good little soldier. I did exactly what they told me, even if it meant killing people I cared about."
"Rachel," Donna said. It wasn't a question, she wasn't asking if she was right. She knew what he was talking about. She knew exactly how he felt about what had happened back then.
"Just like you said, there was so much I could have done back then so she wouldn't have died. I could have fought them, tried harder."
"You did, Alec. You told Rachel, you tried to save her. It wasn't even you who killed her, who pushed the button."
"I might as well have. I planted the bomb that killed her. I didn't try hard enough or do anything I could have." Donna shifted her position, pulling her body away from Alec and sitting almost in front of him so she could make him look directly in her eyes.
"And what do you think they would have done to you, Alec. They would have killed you for disobeying them and you know it."
"Maybe they should have. Far better a Manticore soldier, a killer, die instead of an innocent girl."
"Alec, that is not true. If they would have killed you back then, you wouldn't be where you are now. That Manticore soldier, who you were, X5-494. He died along time ago. You're Alec now, plain and simple. And Alec would never kill an innocent girl or an innocent anyone. I've already told you this once Alec. You're a different person now." Donna smiled then and moved again, leaning against Alec and hugging close to her body.
"The kind of person a girl would want to be around."
Alec smiled as he wrapped his own arms round her, hugging her tight. Donna always seemed to be able to make sense, make him feel a hundred times better.
They stayed in that position for what felt like hours until Alec felt Donna relax a little more in his arms. Her light, even breathing told him Donna had fallen asleep in his arms. Her head resting against his chest, Donna had let herself cuddle closely into Alec's body, needing the comfort she felt with his touch. And that comfort had eased her, allowing her to sleep properly for the first time in a while, just like she had the night she had spent lying by his side.
Alec held her to him now, stroking a hand through her hair while he listened to her steady breathing. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, just holding her in his arms and knowing everything was perfect in his world right now. Donna was back, he hadn't lost her for good. And he wasn't gonna mess it up again.
Lifting her gently into his arms and trying his best not to wake her, Alec carried Donna into the bedroom. Laying her on the bed, Alec pulled the blankets over her and smiled as he watched her ease her body into the softness of the mattress.
"Goodnight, Donna," he whispered, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. Then, his voice so low he barely heard it himself, Alec uttered three simple words he thought he would never be able to feel or say again.
"I love you."
With one last glance back at Donna, Alec closed the door and left her to sleep. And as the door clicked closed, Donna smiled softly, opening one eye and looking up at the spot where Alec had just stood. Her smile growing even wider, Donna let her eyes drift closed again, falling back into a totally peaceful slumber.
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AN:- Ok, what do you guys think? Have I done good? Please, all reviews welcome!
