Chapter 9: Scars of Her Past
'I can see it in his eyes the concern that has now been raised about my home life. Do I leave him in the dark about it or should I treat it as little wonders?'
~(Northwests Security, Ryan's P.O.V.)~
Ah, the security room of the Northwest mansion. I couldn't have asked for a better place or a better punishment if heard from Mrs. Northwest's perspective. Since I obviously didn't do the perfect job of instructing the butler, maid, and gardener to do their jobs when she needed them done, then she has planted me here as punishment while saying I'm not competent enough to be the family assistant and has demoted me to the security office while she holds interviews to replace me with someone else who can obviously act more competent than I. I don't know why I even chose to intern for this family just to earn a shining recommendation to the college of my choice knowing the kind of temperaments they have and how they carry themselves, but honestly I can't say it's been a total disaster as I've come to love one part of my job and that's looking after the beautiful daughter of this family, Pacifica.
I remember everything very clearly as if it happened yesterday the day I was hired in as a paid intern to this family, Pacifica was only eleven at the time, but her age by no means defined the beauty that she held. Although she and I were young at the time, I was restricted to the contact I had with the young one, but now that she's much older, the restriction still stands considering I'm now eighteen years of age while she is a glorious fourteen year old. So what's five years of age between us? If anything, that makes the pursuit that much more enticing! After all, the guidance I gave young Johnathon to win her over was butchered by his need for influence and power, thus tearing apart the plan that I gave him to win her heart! While helping him win her over, I can't say that I wasn't the least bit envious of him, having a beauty like Pacifica. I would have traded my job in an instant to be in Johnathon's place and be next to Pacifica. But even if I couldn't get too close to her, I have had the pleasure in watching her grow up into a very beautiful young woman with each passing day and that is something that I'm sure Johnathon can't say, especially when he decided to turn his back on her when his family gained status! He had no right to do something like that to someone like her!
Since being condemned to this dungeon in the lower level of the mansion, I have been amusing myself by playing back the security footage that is stationed around the mansion, my attention particularly drawn to the footage in Pacifica's bedroom. Every time I play back the footage of what she is enduring from her mother and when she self-mutilates herself just to be able to endure the constant hurt they put her through, I can feel my temper flaring out of control! While Pacifica wasn't exactly the nicest person to me since I got my internship, I have come to learn the origins of her temperament as well as her spiteful words that stab like a knife in my heart. Her parents are mainly behind it all and while her mother refuses to believe that Johnathon is the bad guy, that only makes it worse for her thus further pushing the poor girl past her limits. Upon learning of Johnathon's hateful actions of forcing himself on her once she returned home a bloody mess from the Honors event, I became sick to my stomach! No man should ever put his hands on a woman like that, no matter how much he claims to love her, but I know for a fact Johnathon doesn't love Pacifica the way I've come to love her. My heart bleeds for her, aches for her, yearns for her. Her parents would have a conipture if they found out my longing to be with their daughter.
But there are just a few things standing in my way of winning her heart now and that is my continued restriction to her and that Pines boy! Having played back the footage of earlier when he arrived in her room, I noticed how she looked at him. The longing admiration in her eyes, the yearning and desire to be by his side, everything I feel for her! If could read her mind, those would be her exact wishes without even opening her mouth. That's why I have to plan this just right. Having been an intern to the family for about three years, I've come to have access to just about every resource this family has, including their financial resources! For every paycheck I earned, I siphoned money from their private federal reserve in the process so I can have enough money to finally free my love from her prison, us living a life of our own away from here! I can't take what they do to her here, but even more what they make her do to herself so she can continue enduring this horrid existence they gave her! Because I still have restricted access to Pacifica, I couldn't say a word about any of it or that would be my job and the loss of my recommendation to the college I want to so badly attend. It isn't fair, but yet I have a plan!
Looking down at the framed picture on my station that I carry with me everywhere of the one I've come to fall madly for, I release a sigh of contentment. I may not be able to get too close to her, but at least I have something that doesn't put me too out of reach of her. She is so beautiful, I would do anything for her.
"My dear, you are a beautiful butterfly that is entrapped inside a deadly prison." I speak to the picture. "Your wings have been clipped, your freedom has been taken away, and your life span cut short! It's not fair, but yet, I have a plan to free you from here. You deserve better than this and I plan to give you everything you deserve, even if it means doing what I may regret just to give you the life I know you deserve! You will fly again and regain your freedom that I promise you!"
I am determined to do what I have to for the love of my life! Reaching down to my utility belt, I grab the hand gun that I purchased when I was demoted from intern to security for the mansion and bring it into my view. Opening the chamber, I notice that there are three bullets in the gun which is enough for the part of the plan that I have in mind, but I have back up ammunition on my belt as well in case it is needed. Closing the chamber of the gun, I turn back to my picture of Pacifica.
"Everything I'm going to do, I'm doing it for you." I speak as if talking to her in person. I would love that if it weren't for my restriction on my contact with her.
Placing the gun down on the desk next to her picture and a syringe needle filled to the top with a tranquilizer, I begin contemplating on how I'm going to follow through on the first phase of my plan. It all begins and ends here!
~(Wendy's P.O.V.)~
Ugh! I hate mornings! Why do they exist? They are the absolutely worst, but what's worse than the actual mornings are having to work in the morning and being sent out on errands first thing in the morning! Is it me or is Stan like the worst boss I ever had? Well I can't complain too much as working for him does have its perks such as slacking off and not getting fired. So I can at least be grateful for that and this job is way better than working at my cousin's logging camp upstate! With that job, there is no such thing as rest or a break, I'd die there! And I also wouldn't have met Robbie if I didn't have my job at the shack or live in the town. So I guess working at the shack can't be all that bad.
At least riding my bike is waking me up considering I had to rise at six am just to get to the shack and mark up prices so Stan can having his usual sucker's sale. Sometimes I laugh to myself at the stupidity of the town's people who actually buy the things he sells without the slightest bit of suspicion of the prices. Well at least my family, Mabel and Dipper, and even Robbie have more sense to not buy what Stan sells. I wish I could give everyone else that credit, but I can't. They didn't earn it and continue to give me a reason not to pass it on to them.
Now rounding the corner, I now see that I'm on the same block Pacifica's house is on. I am on the lookout for this small store Stan is sending me to to buy an expensive and special kind of coffee to serve along with his aged refreshments and he said it'd be around here where the "richest" of gravity falls residents live so here I am and am not seeing this store he mentioned anywhere in sight.
As I'm riding along, I now notice that I'm in front of Pacifica's house with the conversation Robbie and I had last night about why he couldn't come by and hang out coming back to me. He helped Pacifica because Johnathon decided to resurface and attack her, but at least Robbie helped her out. Despite what her parents think, Johnathon is the kind of guy that should get a life sentence for what he did to Pacifica and no matter the things she's done to Mabel and Dipper in the past, she didn't deserve to be raped, let alone beaten into submission. And speaking of Johnathon….
I now notice someone rolling around on the ground on the left side of Pacifica's house. Keeping my vision on the guy, he now sits up with me getting a full vision of the guy's face, my recognizing that to be Johnathon immediately! While it wasn't much I could do to help Dipper when he beat the guy's lights out after hurting Pacifica the first time, I think now is a good of time as any to add my two sense.
Pulling my bike into the large driveway of Pacifica's house, I climb off and pull the kick stand out so to keep the bike leveled. Taking off my helmet, I make my way towards the confused teen and lean down over him, a devilish smirk making its way onto my face. If only he knew what I was thinking right now, he'd be paralyzed with fear. While I'm normally calm and take everything in stride, my inherited temper from my dad surfaces when people like him do things to invoke my temper and in this case, him hurting Pacifica! Johnathon now stares up and notices me staring down at him.
"Hey, you're not Pacifica." Johnathon tiredly speaks to me. "Where is she?"
"No, I'm not Pacifica." I calmly answer, my smirk widening. "But I think it's time you and I had a little chat Johnathon."
Grabbing the boy by the collar of his black hoodie, I can see the confusion and fear surfacing in his black eyes. Good, that's exactly the response I was hoping for.
~(Pacifica's P.O.V.)~
Having sprung my beloved from jail, I instructed Robbie to take Dipper and I to my family's summer cabin in the woods on the outskirts of the town. While hearing objections from both Dipper and Robbie about going there, I told them about the last time my family and I were there so I know the last place they would look for me would be there. If anything, that is more of a safe haven than my own house and at least at the cabin, I won't have to worry about being slapped, humiliated or even criticized by my oh so lovely care takers, but mostly, my mother!
Currently, I'm sitting on the bed of the master bedroom while Dipper is fast asleep next to me. The poor thing looked so tired when we left the town's jail that he deserves this rest more than anything. Turning from him, I now turn my vision to my bandaged wrist, the wrist that I like to call my escape. Each time I cut myself, each and every piece of anger, disgust, and hatred I held in was instantaneously released the moment my flesh was ripped open with my razor blade. I felt better knowing that with each drop of blood that escaped from my scar, all of the festered anger and hatred escaped with it. I may be damaging myself, but it's the only relief that I have. I was born into a wealthy, yet abusive family that only cares about what outsiders think about them and will do anything to make them happy instead of thinking about my needs, wants, but most of all, my happiness! I'm their daughter, but that doesn't matter to them as I'm only to be seen and not heard so to keep sponsors around for my family's business! That's all I'm good for and as long as I have ties to them, that's all I'll ever be good for!
Seeing a loose piece of bandage, I now begin picking at it, seeing it covering the scars of my past and present, but mostly my present. Too bad I had to resort to such measures just so I could stand being in the same house with them, let alone keep living throughout each day with them! If I didn't have one thing standing in between me and my original intention to end it all, I would never have to look at them ever again, but the last I want to do is make him unhappy just to make myself happy. That wouldn't be fair to him, not in the least.
Turning to Dipper, he is fast asleep with his hat sitting on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. I can't help but smile every time I see his hat, but even more when I see his hat on his head. Before realizing what Dipper truly meant to me, I never understood why I kept getting images of the pine tree on his hat and the first letter of his name in my mind, but now I know. He's one of the few people who hasn't deserted me or kicked me down, no matter how bad I treated him and his sister in the past. I can't say enough how sorry I am for doing that.
Turning away from Dipper, I climb off the bed and make my way towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. The first thing I see when entering the room is the bathroom mirror, the one thing that can show anyone their perfection and their flaws and looking at myself in the mirror, all I see are flaws. The flaws of who I am, who I use to be, but most of all, the flaws of my creation. While I always thought of myself as perfect or even better than everyone, the only thing I can say I am perfect at are being made up of flaws and no one displays them better than me. The mask that my parents gave me and my mother forces me to wear is has been badly stained by my tears and the large cut on my left cheek that Johnathon created when trying to stab me. I still wonder who Robbie called to take care of Johnathon while I was helping Dipper...
But I can truly say for the first time in my life that I can't stand the person staring back at me! Since being sired by my parents, the few things I've been used for is a money front for sponsors and a physical punching bag for my mother and once for a close friend/business associate of my dad's who thought that getting close to the family meant forcing himself on me when wanting to "spend time with me" since he was going to be spending a lot of time with my dad! When I refused, he slapped me several times and lied to my parents saying I came onto him! When I think about all the torture that I have endured, I want so badly to just disappear, but then, there's Dipper who wouldn't let me take my life, but instead, try to talk me out of it. Everything I do now is for Dipper, but only for him! If it weren't for Dipper, I would be subjected to the one thing I've become accustomed to, being alone, being a punching bag, and being seen, but not heard. No one should ever live in such a dark and bleak existence and until Dipper came along, that's all my life was, bleak and dark.
Turning from the mirror, I turn to my bandaged wrist and notice a blot of blood has stained the bandages. Continuing to stare at the bandages and my curiosity getting the better of me, I begin undoing the bandages to see what has become of my escape. Getting the last of the bandages off, I now catch sight of what has become of my wrist. Each of the cuts that I made on my wrist are intersecting like highways and are sloppily clotted as my blood dried on the overlapping cuts. I didn't want to have to do this to myself, I didn't want to have to endanger my life each day, but they forced me to do this to myself. They forced me to do this just so I can live and breathe each day around them! It's despicable, but necessary.
With my wrist exposed to the open air, I feel a slight tingling on the cuts as the air gently gives life back into the area that has been covered by my mother. The one time she actually does care what happens to me is when I'm doing all I can to get away from her and the rest of my family at whatever the cost, but because she took away what gives me the little pleasure I have in this life, I'm forced to come to the realization of my existence, no matter how dark it maybe. I'm damaged, I'm beyond damaged and thanks to those who sired me, this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life, damaged.
With my vision still on my wrist, I notice the sight of my wrist is becoming blurry with the feel of a tear sliding down my left cheek. This is what it has come to. It has come to me running away and going into hiding and while doing so, every single bad thing that ever happened to me flood back to me to remind me of the cards of life I was dealt and have no choice but to live with. Just thinking about it all is making my tears fall heavier.
The little happiness I maintained while I was with Dipper has vanished, turning me back into the emotional mess I'm used to being, but at least I have the privacy to cry without being judged or criticized while doing so! I don't want anyone to see me like this, not even Dipper! He's the last person I want to see me in this condition. Falling to my knees, I lean against the vanity's cabinet, and hug my knees to my chest as I continue crying with my face hidden behind my arms as I slightly rock back and forth. This can't be what life has in store for me, it just can't!
"Pacifica, are you in there? I woke up and didn't see you."
Hearing Dipper's voice, I choke back an oncoming hitch and look towards the door with a slight knock accompanying Dipper's voice that is calling out to me again. I don't want him to see me like this because he'll ask once again about what happened while I was at home, but most of all, see my wrist and know that I didn't fall after Johnathon raped me. I really backed myself into a corner this time, more so than before. Way to go Pacifica!
Not exactly having a next move and continuing to stare at the door, I now see it open with Dipper stepping in, his expression changing the moment his gaze is caught with mine. I know my mascara is a mess and that my mask is badly stained, but none of that matters as I now have something bigger to face.
~(Dipper's P.O.V.)~
Having woken up from a deep sleep on what I describe as the most comfortable bed in the world, I didn't see Pacifica the moment I opened my eyes, but instead I heard someone crying and was lead to the bathroom where I find her, sitting on the floor, and crying. I have a hunch that the reason she is crying is due to what happened to her back at home, the one thing she refused to talk about on the way up here. Every time I asked her, she avoided the subject by asking about Mabel and Waddles, something she never does as Pacifica enjoyed the suffering she made my sister endure each day. I was able to tell that whatever happened to her, she was scared to talk about it probably out of fear of future retributions. I did notice her bandaged wrist, but didn't want to bring up a sore subject considering what she already experiences. She has a cruel mother, a puppet of a father, and her life is in disarray, especially since her mother refuses to see that the guy who raped her isn't the god send she makes him out to be. In a way, I can understand why she was so mean to everyone with her money having nothing to do with it. If anything, her wealth was a cover so no one would know what she really goes through behind closed doors, her seemingly perfect full of demons no one knows about.
As I'm gazing into Pacifica's eyes, I feel as if she is trying to tell me something or apologize, I'm not sure, but stepping fully into the bathroom, I squat down next to her. I need answers out of her and fast!
"Hey, are you ok?" My tone soft and gentle so she won't pick up on my growing concern for her. "I woke up and heard you crying."
"I'm fine." Pacifica chokes out as I reach over and wipe away her black tears. She sure does wear a lot of mascara. "I just have something in my eyes."
In both eyes?
"No, you're not." I continue gently. "Pacifica, I really need you to tell me what happens at your house. This isn't you and I know you, the real Pacifica Northwest. Every time I ask you about your situation, you avoid the subject, but now I really need you to open up and talk to me. I'm not going to judge you or criticize you, I'm here to help you. You say you trust me right? So you can trust me with this."
With our gazes caught, Pacifica begins crying harder as she turns her vision towards the floor. Gently, I pull her towards me so she can cry on my chest. I begin consoling her by soothingly massaging her back.
"Dipper, it's….it's…bad." She speaks through her crying, my feeling her tugging at my vest. "I….I..don't want to…to go back home! I….can't!"
"Why?" I ask in a whisper. "Why don't you want to go back?"
"I get hurt, isolated, and they hate me!" Pacifica continues. "My mother hates me the most! She hits me every day, tells me I shouldn't have been born, and lets Johnathon rape me whenever he visits! It hurts Dipper, It hurts so badly! I don't want to be raped or slapped again!"
I hit the nail on the head about her mother. I don't know what parent would treat their child so coldly and can live with themselves after what they've done!
"You don't have to worry about her right now." I whisper to her. "Just don't think about her. You're here with me right now."
With Pacifica leaning against me, I feel her relax with her crying subsiding. Mabel was right about one thing, my words do have a way of calming another down considering how much it has worked for her and is now working for Pacifica. I guess I do have a way with words.
Shifting a tiny bit so to make Pacifica a bit more comfortable on my form, I now notice her right wrist and the many deep cuts that has been made in the flesh. This must have been another reason why she avoided answering me when I asked her about what happens behind the closed doors of her house. Slightly turning to her, I notice that she is looking down, but is calmed considerably with a few sniffles escaping. Now that she has finally told me what her home life is like, I can't let her return there knowing what awaits her on the other side of those doors. I couldn't live with myself if I did. I'm not sure of what my next move will be, but I'll think of something, but she will not be returning back home.
I'm going to take responsibility for her now and no matter what scars she has from her past, I'm going to help her overcome them.
And that's why Dipper is everyone's favorite, but will he be able to protect Pacifica from the impending danger? Keep reading to find out! Also, please check my profile for the latest Gravity Falls news as it holds important information regarding season 2. :) And my story 'Always By Your Side' will be updated the first week of September with a new story that gives grand insight for the upcoming sequel to The Wrath of Catherine, Nightmare in Gravity Falls: The Nightmare Begins! :)
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