Alfred felt sick. He and Matthew were walking towards the school. They'd had a couple of days off for study leave and were on their way to their first exam. French. Alfred was dreading it. He didn't like the subject anyway and the thought of having to actually sit and do an exam in it made his chest feel like it was contracting from fear and worry. He glanced at his brother who seemed to be perfectly okay with having to do the exam. Then again... Alfred thought bitterly Mattie's actually good at French. He was only doing the subject because Francis had pretty much given him no option. He hadn't been pleased about it then and he was loathing it now. He rubbed his arm thoughtfully, glad that the school uniform called for long sleeves even in summer, they hid the bandages and scars on his arms.

"You okay?" Matthew's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he looked up, meeting his brother's eye.

He sighed, "Yeah, Matt. I'm fine. Just... not looking forward to it..."

Matthew smiled, "You'll be fine, Al. Then we can go back home and play video games. I might even let you win."

Alfred managed a small laugh, "Oh come on, you know I'm better than you at pretty much all of them."

"Ah but what about the ones where I'm better at you?" Matthew grinned at his brother, putting an arm around his shoulders, "It'll be okay, Al. It's one stupid little exam."

Alfred sighed, "But then there will be more exams in the stupid subject. And I can't do it. I try and Papa wants me to do it and do well but... I can't."

Matthew swallowed, "Well... how about we try to get you through this one... and then we talk to Papa? I'm sure he'd help you if he knew you were struggling..."

Alfred sighed again but forced a small smile, "Yeah... maybe. Come on, we don't want to be late..." he started to move faster, wanting to get it all over and done with so he could go home.

Alfred allowed himself to get lost in his own thoughts, thinking about what he was going to do after the exam rather than the fact the exam was happening. All too soon however, he and Matthew had to queue up to go into the exam hall which meant the pair of them being separated – the hall being set up in alphabetical order and they both still kept the different surnames they had been given many years ago due to them and their parents never quite managing to get round to changing them or deciding what names sounded better. Francis and Arthur had been having the same argument for years and so the family of four all had different last names.

Alfred took a deep breath as Matthew put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him again before going down to join the other W's while Alfred hovered slightly awkwardly with the J's. They were taken into the exam room and to their tables. Alfred stared down at the question paper that was already placed there, panic once again starting to rise in his chest.

Things didn't get any better when the exam was started. While everyone else seemed to know what they were doing, Alfred just sat and stared at the first question. He couldn't take it in. He couldn't think or breathe properly. The room was hot which wasn't helping his feeling of being completely trapped and closed in, nor his urge to throw up. After ten minutes of sitting doing nothing with his hands laced through his short blond hair he got to his feet suddenly. He needed to get out of there. He could hear one of the invigilators talking to him but couldn't make out the words over the sound of his blood roaring in his ears. He turned and bolted for the nearest door, shoving it open and escaping into the cool corridor beyond. He kept running, tears in his eyes as he looked for somewhere he could hide.

He spotted the boys toilets nearby and ran for the door, shoving it open with his shoulder as he pushed his way inside. He slumped to the floor by the sinks and put his head in his hands, tears running down his face and his shoulders shaking with sobs. The cold tiles were a harsh change from the heat of the exam room, the sweat on his back now quickly cooling him down, helping him to feel a little less sick.

"Alfred?"

He looked up at the sound of someone lightly knocking on the door and then pushing it open slightly. For a brief moment he considered going into the cubicle to hide but realised he would be seen before he could. In the end he just sniffed and mumbled, "Wh-What do you want?"

"Are you okay, Alfred?" Kiku looked around the door before moving over to sit beside his friend.

"What do you think?" Alfred muttered, not looking at him. "I'm supposed to be in an exam right now but I can't do it and I hate it all and I'm just useless and pathetic and... and just..." he stopped, not sure where his sentence was going.

"You are not useless." Kiku replied softly, "You are merely troubled and so think that way. I am sure that if you just explained what is going on to your parents and teachers then they will be happy to accept it and help you."

"But I'm not supposed to need help...!" Alfred sniffed, looking up at him, his blue eyes swimming with tears, "I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be the one who looks after Mattie, not the other way around!"

"What is so bad about you looking after each other. I am sure he would not want to see you distressed in this way." Kiku said reasonably, "After all, he cares about you very much."

"Yeah but... I still promised him that I'd look after him no matter what. And that means not asking him for help. It means being strong and getting through things on my own like I've always done."

"I am sure it would make him very sad to hear you say that. The thing about having siblings is being able to talk to each other when you do not feel like you can talk to anyone else. I noticed your sadness when I first met you and hoped that you spoke to Matthew about what is troubling you."

"Yeah well I don't. Because he'll want to tell Dad and Papa. And Papa won't listen to me when I tell him anything."

"I am sure he does listen to you..." Kiku started slowly.

"He doesn't." Alfred cut across him, "Papa thinks that Mattie is his perfect little angel and I'm just the spare. The one that he had to take if he wanted Matt. Dad tries to treat us equally but I know he prefers Mattie as well. No one would want to pick me if they could have my brother."

"That is not true, Alfred." Kiku put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I very much enjoying spending time with you. Your brother is a nice person but I choose to talk to you instead of him."

"R-Really?" Alfred pulled off his glasses and wiped his eyes on his sleeves.

"Of course." The Japanese boy replied simply, "You are my friend, Alfred Jones. And I enjoy the time I spend in your company."

"Thanks..." Alfred managed a small smile, "But Dad and Papa still like Matt more than they like me."

"Have you spoken to them about this? Told them how you feel?"

Alfred shook his head, "No."

"Then how do you know that they like Matthew more than they do you? You are presuming because of how bad you feel but that is only going to make you feel worse. Try talking to them."

A small nod, "I will. Thanks, Kiku."

"You are welcome, Alfred. Why don't you clean yourself up and then we can go find someone to talk to about what happened during your exam?"

Alfred nodded and got to his feet, wiping his eyes again. He felt better for having spoken to Kiku, like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders just by the simple act of talking to someone openly. He still knew he couldn't tell his Dad, Papa and brother though. He still didn't think they'd listen to him.


Author's Note: Sorry for the slow update, things have kind of been getting on top of me. But I now have a backlog of chapters written so hopefully I'll be able to update more regularly from now on!