Shadows

Truth or Scare

The cool metal of the gun rested hauntingly against my lower back as i solemnly sat softly beating my head against the door leading to Keely's room. It was sometime around midnight. A few hours has passed since our last fight. Fights are interesting specimens. I've come to find that the most destructive and agonizing ones occur not with flesh terrorizing flesh, but the violent thrashing of one's words against your deepest and intimate thoughts, hopes, and desires. I myself can attest to being much happier with a broken nose or a gouged eye than a weeping heart. Disgusted I hit my head a bit harder against the wooden door, in attempt to halt the repulsive inner thoughts portraying me not as the mass killer that I am, but a pansy. Grow up Diffy I sighed. You're a man! I remind myself. Men don't cry, or wear their feelings on their sleeves… Men have no feelings but lust, Hunger, and Hatred! My subconscious clearly disagreed with these patronizing words because I felt a small wet drop slide down the curve of my cheek, but I wasn't going to have that! Infuriated I jumped to my feet snatching the gun from it's resting spot at the back of me jeans!

"I'll Kill her!" I exclaimed "I'll kill her now!"

Mustering my courage I quietly opened the door and crept to the side of her bed. Her chest moved slowly up and down with each easy respiration. Glad to see someone is having no trouble sleeping over this! My mind spat. I held the gun at arms length pointing it at the sleeping princess obviously unaware of my murderous tirade. I pulled back the hammer and extended my finger for the trigger. By this time my hands were shaking violently. (an ordeal that had only occurred minutely at the beginning of my career some time ago.)

"I'm sorry Keely"

I whispered begrudgingly through clenched teeth. She stirred and I fought my instincts to make a break for the door, but decided against it this had to be done. I froze. The statue of David had nothing on my current composure. No movement, not even a twitch for more than a minute. Satisfied with her lack of arousal and aware of the expiration of oxygen in my lungs, I stepped closer taking a deep breath and aiming the gun more precisely. More tears flowing from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry" I whispered once more.

I couldn't do it. I lowered the gun removing the bullets as walked briskly back to the bathroom. I took tissue paper from the roll wrapping the gun several times before placing it at the bottom of the trash can. I shoved the bullets in my pocket and filled the remainder of the trash bin with toilet paper before removing it the bag and walking it quietly downstairs out the front door and placing it in the large dumpster at the end of the drive way.i turned back to the front door, but felt no desire to reenter the house just yet. I walked down the street in silence, alone but at some peace. I looked up at the sky. It's darkness seeming to match myself in every aspect but one. Eerie as the full moon and dark hovering clouds were, they were beautiful. A card I'd never seemed to hold these days. I continued down to the end of the street and turned around once I reached the stop sign. Something about walks in the cool night air always brought to light my frustrations. As if the light of the moon saw through things no one else (including me) could. I was in love with her. Which was ridiculous I'd known her a few days, but I was through talking myself around it I Phil Diffy fell in love with the one person in the world I prayed I wouldn't. Which came now looking back at it seemed blatantly obvious. Long nights of staring at her file, the picture of an all to happy girl plastered to the front of it. Nights I thought were preparation for the case now seemed to be full of lust and desire for the one girl I could never have, but now that I'm here up close and personal, it felt like maybe… , just maybe she liked me too. Until I, as I usually do screwed that up as well. Not that it would of mattered to long anyway. In the end I would either kill her, or leave her erasing any memory of me.

Silently I crept through the front door locking it behind me. I tiptoed toward the kitchen in search of a midnight snack, but stumbled into much more than anticipated. There on the couch, in the living room, laid Keely fast asleep. I looked at the clock on the DVR 1:40am. My walk had lasted a lot longer than I'd expected.

I wondered to myself why she had moved downstairs and whether she had heard my tirade after all. I gulped and was tempted to make a dart for my room to grab my belongings and get back home. In the back of my mind however I felt leaving her on the sofa was wrong. So if I were to escape into the mist never to be seen again the least I could do was keep her from a stiff neck in the morning, or so I rationalized. I knelt by the couch and pushed a strand of blond from her face. I slid my hand beneath her back and legs and lifted her from the couch, carrying her toward the stairs. She hadn't awoken and murdered me yet which I found to be a promising sign. Her head fell against my chest as we reached the top the stairs. Luckily she left the door to her room open saving me much maneuvering, and herself a possible concussion from my failure to properly maneuver

I laid her gently on her bed pulling the comforter up to just below her chin. Sitting down next to her, I pushed another strand back brushing her cheek with the back of my fingers. She grunted moving slightly. I gulped praying that she was just readjusting and not waking to find me so close. Regardless of my worry I stayed.

"I'm sorry" again. A sane person might of stopped there but once I started it just kept coming. "I didn't plan this… And I promise I'm not always a jerk… well I don't think I am."

I sighed glancing over at the clock on her wall. I must have reached the point of hysteria. I was apologizing to the sleeping enemy.

I stood and paced back and forth across the room. " I understand you being mad… even… hating me…" the words were hard to force out, but the relief I gained from saying them whether she was conscious to hear it or not was indescribable." what I don't get though " I said in a bit louder tone. "Is how you think I had anything to do with your dumb ex boy friend." Disgust was not hidden from my voice. "The guys a loser… I never would have lent him my pencil if I knew he were the one who hurt you…. Which sounds really stupid? I guess I don't know I'm jealous, he had a chance, and I wont." The words were bitter and I knew they were true.

I exhaled in exhaustion "What am I doing here." For the first time in my seventeen years of life I questioned my field of expertise. I kill innocent people I looked down at keely, beautiful people, and for what the good of boss's company? A company I cared nothing about, and never have cared about. Or the good of the future? A century where I don't belong.

"I'm an idiot" I whispered walking back over to Keely. I kissed the corner of her lips, and turned to leave.

"Edward" she whispered grabbing my wrist before I had time to walk away.

She sat up a deep crease showed her confusion. She dropped my hand and I began to walk away

"Wait!" she hissed "You can't just say stuff like that kiss me and leave!"

I turned a deep shade of crimson. "You were awake for that?"

"You can't just pick someone up and carry them up the stairs without them waking up unless they're insanely intoxicated or dead"

"Why didn't you tell me you were awake?"

"Are you Bipolar?"

"I don't think so…" I answered caught off guard by this question.

"Why do you keep kissing me and leaving, or being nice then being a complete…. A complete… ASSHOLE for lack of better term."

She didn't appear to be mad just tired and intrigued.

I didn't answer

"is this just an Israeli thing ?" her face displayed a look of pain. Making me uneasy and guilting me into confession… well partial confession

I walked over toward the bed and laid across the foot of it staring at the ceiling.

"I think It's just a me thing." I admitted after a minute of silence

She sighed obviously unsatisfied with my answer. So I continued

"I leave in what Less than 10 months? Which may sound like a long time to you , but the fact of the matter is… it's not. we'll have just enough time to…Fall in love." I turned my head to look at her but her eyes were down at her hands as she picked nervously at her nails. "Or I don't know hate each other for all eternity? Either way can either of us really take that right now? Can anyone take that. We live… Centuries away" i exaggerated the word centuries proud of my word choice. The ironic honesty of my last sentence. If only she knew

"Then why did you kiss me in the first place. "

I wasn't sure. I didn't know how to answer her question, at least without me sounding creepy, cheesy, shallow or all of the above.

"You ask a lot of questions." I sat up and grabbed the picture off her night stand.

"You avoid a lot of answers." She smiled snatching the picture back and returning it to its place.

"You're right" I admitted

"I'm always right" She shrugged still smiling

"And modest too" I chuckled standing up and walking to my bedroom

"Where do you think you're going I'm not done with my interrogation?"

'I have to get something I'll be right back." I said over my shoulder before escaping to my bedroom.

K-----K

I waited as patiently on my bed as I could in a daze. Thinking of all the things that were said while I was 'sleeping' but mostly focusing on what Edward had asked me. Why didn't I tell him I was awake especially when he lifted me up and carried me to the stairs? Creating a perfect opportunity for me to vent the rest of my feelings, and why had I worried when I awoke to find him storming out of my bedroom… after all I had hated him right? My head fell into my hands this boy would be the end of me. I hated it when he was nice and I hated it when he ignored me, but most of all I hated being away from him physically or relationship wise. There was no escaping the hate. A voice in the back of my head informed that hate was only mistranslated love… I told it to go to hell, but not sure if I meant it. The door to the bathroom opened and Edward came bounding in.

"What are you up to?" I questioned raising my eye brow

"A peace treaty" he smirked

I uncrossed my legs and swung them over the side rising to meet him.

"Down" he commanded and I plummeted back to the matress

He extended his palm up towards me.

"Hand" he beckoned

I hesitantly agreed, entirely beyond confusion at this point. He opened his other hand and exposed a small silver plastic ring.

"Will you be my friend?"

I rolled my eyes letting out a small laugh.

"Friend?"

"Just friends" he promised

"Ok" I whispered

"No takesies backsies" he warned with a stern look.

"How old are you five?" I laughed

"Four and a half" he corrected sliding the ring onto my finger.

I cocked my head to the side admiring the ring, wiping fake tears away in attempts to humor him

"it's so beautiful"

"I thought you'd like" he smiled obviously pleased with himself.

"Wherever did you find it?!?" I continued

"A 50 cent machine at the airport. "

"Smashing! Simply smashing!"

"You don't hate me anymore?" he asked suddenly serious

"no" I promised looking down at the cheapy ring on my finger.

"good"

It was one of those awkward silences that always seemed to fall at the most inappropriate moments in my life. We both looked down at our hands still together. He said or did nothing which I found more frustrating me more than anything. I don't know what I expected… Just friends right? Maybe it was my imagination but I felt the space between us closing in so I took it upon myself to keep our pact. Grabbing the nearest pillow from beside me I smacked him playfully on the side. "Now go to bed I'm tired!" I ordered.

"Yes ma'am" he stood and saluted, before heading once again toward the bathroom door door. He turned around one hand on the knob. "Hey Keel?"

"mm" I looked up from my ring at the messy haired exchange student.

"Good night" he whispered smiling

"Good night"